by Autumn Avery
It’s Derek. I know before I even turn around.
But when I do, and my eyes meet his, my legs almost give out from under me.
It’s him. Derek O’Toole. The man of my dreams and my nightmares. The most gorgeous, charming man I’ve ever met – and also the biggest lying, scumbag piece of shit to ever speak to me.
“Hey, Tammy,” he says with a smile.
I can’t. I just can’t. My feet move almost on their own and make a path straight for the kitchen. Before I even realize what’s happening, I’m grabbing my things and sprinting out the back door. I hear Brand’s voice behind me shouting.
“Hey, where are you going!?”
But I don’t care right now. I can’t. My brain can only focus on one thing right now: getting away from Derek.
I burst out into the parking lot and fumble through my purse, trying to find my keys. I hear the front door of the diner slam and footsteps coming around the corner.
“Tammy!” It’s Derek’s voice. Adrenaline shoots through me like I’m running away from a predator. But this is somehow worse. I’ve thought about this moment every day for the last two years. What would I do if I ever saw Derek again? What would I say?
And now that moment is here, and none of those thoughts, none of those imagined scenarios has prepared me for the reality of this situation. And I’m panicking.
“Tammy! Wait up!” Derek’s voice is closer. He’s in the parking lot behind me. I quicken my pace. I had to park across the street to leave room for the customer parking. I don’t even look before crossing the road, and I hear a horn blaring as someone stops to avoid hitting me.
My keys are in my hand. My car is in sight.
I can hear Derek’s footsteps chasing after me and somehow my heart rate goes even higher.
“Go away!” I manage to yell as I get closer to my car. I get my key ready so I can slide it in the door, hop in, start it and get out of here, but as I take a step to get up over the curb, my foot catches and I trip.
I fall flat and drop my key, and as if in slow motion, I watch as it sails through the air and drops straight through the grill of a storm drain.
“Shit, are you okay?” Derek says behind me. I feel his strong hands against my waist and his immense strength as he lifts me to my feet. He turns me around to face him, but as he lets me down, I know my legs aren’t going to hold me up. I almost fall, but Derek catches me.
“Whoa, whoa,” he says with concern. “You all right? You want to sit down?”
I nod, swallowing nervously. I take a seat on the curb and stare at my feet, completely frozen with shock. What do I do? What do I say? Just Derek being here is a total nightmare, let alone dropping my keys into the storm drain.
A thousand emotions are whirling around inside me. I’m panicked, hurt and furious with Derek – but at the same time, I’m completely captivated by him yet again. He’s just as handsome as ever – maybe more so. His voice still sends shivers up my spine and turns me on. I can’t control it. And yet again, back in the diner, he was my knight in shining armor, stepping in and protecting me like I am his.
But I’m not his. Not anymore. I never was. He threw all that away the minute he decided to leave and treat me like a prostitute.
“Tammy—”
“No!” I snap, speaking almost without meaning to. “No! Don’t – what the Hell? What are you doing here!?”
There are a thousand things trying to come out of my lips all at the same time and it’s like a traffic jam. When I turn to look at him, there’s a look on his face that I can’t read. It’s something in between confusion and affection, with a little bit of…anxiousness?
That can’t be. Derek O’Toole anxious? I doubt it.
After a long pause, he finally speaks. “I came to see you.”
I thought hearing him speak would somehow help. Like maybe whatever he said would somehow put all this to rest, or make up for his absence for the last two years. But that was just a pipe dream. Nothing he can say right now is going to change the facts.
He seduced me. He lied to me and he treated me like trash. Then he left me without an explanation, without so much as a word.
“Bullshit!” I shout in his face. “Two years! It’s been two years, Derek! And then you just ‘come to see me?’”
“It’s…complicated,” he tells me. “Look, I tried to—“
“I don’t want to hear it!” I snap, holding a hand up to his face. My anger finally wins out over all my other emotions and I rocket to my feet. My legs feel suddenly solid and I stand tall, looking down at him still sitting on the curb.
“You made me drop my keys, so you’re either going to get them, call me a cab or drive me home, now!”
“Sure,” he says quickly, standing up. “I’ll give you a ride. No problem.”
“And no talking,” I tell him firmly. He looks at me hard for a minute. A pained look comes over his face like he wants to say something, and I almost feel bad for a minute, but then I remind myself of just how badly this man hurt me, and I don’t.
“Fine,” he says, his voice almost a whisper. “I’m just over here.”
I follow him back across the road in silence. Of course he’s driving some absurdly expensive sports car. That’s just like him. Don’t worry about the important stuff, like a woman’s feelings, just think about the flashy ride that’s going to get you more pussy at your next house party.
I think about all the other waitresses, cashiers, baristas and all the other innocent girls this man must have gone through in the two years we’ve been apart and feel myself getting nauseous. Even though right now I hate him with every fiber of my being, I still somehow feel like he’s mine and the thought of him being with someone else is almost too much to bear.
Don’t think about that right now! I tell myself as Derek opens the door for me.
Oh, sure. Pretend to be chivalrous again.
“I got it,” I tell him as I slide inside and slam the door shut. He pauses before he goes around to the other side and opens the driver’s side door.
What is he thinking?
I want to know, but I just can’t have a conversation with him right now. I just can’t.
The car roars to life like a race car as Derek pulls out of the parking lot. The car smells new and I open the window to let some of the evening air in.
“Which way—“
I interrupt him with a finger indicating a left turn. He takes it in silence. We go on like that for a while as I direct him across town to my neighborhood. I wonder for a minute whether I should have him just drop me off down the block from my apartment. I don’t know if I want him knowing where I live.
But as much as I want to hate him and label him a bad guy and never speak to him again, another part of me wants to leave a door open for him, and if he knows where I live, maybe, just maybe, there is a chance that somehow he can make this all up to me.
I know it’s probably a pipe dream and I’m just a dumb girl with romantic dreams, but I can’t help it.
“Number eighteen,” I tell him as we turn onto my street. Most of the lights are off. It’s a pretty quiet neighborhood. I wanted one for Max. It’s safe. There’s a bright moon casting shadows through the trees that line both sides of the street and as Derek slows the car I am gripped by an internal debate.
Do I let him speak? Let him explain – if there is any way to explain a two-year absence. Or do I just get out of the car and make him wait?
I want answers, but he made me wait, and now I’m going to return the favor.
“I want my keys,” I say as I open the door and step outside. “Let me know when you’ve got them.”
I slam the door shut behind me and walk quickly up the path to my apartment. My apartment keys were with my car keys, but thankfully I’ve got a sitter with Max tonight.
“Beth!” I shout, knocking on the door. “Beth, can you let me in please?”
I can hear Max’s giggle and Beth’s footsteps as she comes to the door.
She opens it and I instantly feel saved.
“Hey, Tammy!? You’re back early!”
“Nightmare evening,” I say with a sigh. “Lost my keys…you don’t want to know.”
“Momma!” Max squeals from the living room. My heart soars as he rushes over to me, arms raised above his head. If there’s anything that can make me forget about all my troubles and make my day all better, it’s my baby boy.
“Hey, Max! How are you!?”
Max is strong and must take after his father in that way. He was walking at nine months and now he’s all over the place. I can barely keep up with him half the time.
I grab him in a big hug and lift him to my chest. He’s warm and soft and irresistible. He’s my son. It’s only after I’ve kissed him a dozen times on the cheek that I remember Derek is sitting in his car behind me.
Shit!
With my back to the road, hopefully he hasn’t seen Max. I can’t imagine he would put two and two together and think he was his, but that’s a discussion I’m not ready to have. I’m not ready to have any discussion with him right now, but that one is at the bottom of the list.
“What are you up to?” I ask him, stepping inside.
“We’re playing with my trucks!” He says happily.
“Thanks, Beth,” I say over my shoulder. “You can go now. Did you get the envelope with the money?”
“Yup! Here, I’ll give you back this for the hours I was supposed to work—“
“Oh, no,” I tell her quickly. “Keep it all. It’s not your fault I came back early!”
Without being rude, I usher her out the door and slam it shut behind me. Hopefully Derek didn’t get a good view of Max. There’s no way a man like him could ever be a responsible father. Parties at his mansion, paying girls to come back to his place and dance for him, using them then abandoning them in the morning. How could a man like that ever be relied upon to be part of a family?
He couldn’t. And that’s why he can’t know about Max. I hope, more than I’ve ever hoped for anything, that he didn’t see him.
11
Derek O’Toole
Derek O’Toole
My heart’s racing as I turn off Tammy’s street.
Who was that kid?
I was just ready to pull away when she opened the door and I saw the little guy run over to her. My brain went all over the map.
Was she babysitting? Well, of course not – I just ran into her at work. Maybe it’s her roommate’s? Doesn’t look like that big of an apartment. But then I saw the babysitter.
Nope. Definitely hers.
And he’s just about the right age too…
Could he be mine?
No way! I mean – I did cum in her, but she told me, she swore she’d take the morning-after pill! And as much as we may have our issues now, Tammy doesn’t strike me as a liar. I doubt she’d intentionally get knocked up just to extort me. And if she did, I’m sure I would have heard something by now.
She would have gone to the media or gotten in touch with my publicist or something – called my lawyers. Being the mother of my secret child would make it pretty easy to get ahold of me if she wanted money.
So there’s no way it can be mine.
I’m letting my mind run away with itself. It’s these last two years of dealing with my father’s death. Between football and all the things that go along with something like that, I just haven’t felt like myself. As a matter of fact, I’m not back in town for fun – I’m here to handle more of my dad’s estate. It turns out he left a house to me on the outskirts of town.
He’d mentioned owning some property back in the day, but never brought me there or spoke about it.
“It’s an insurance policy,” he’d tell me. “Paid off. If you ever run out of money and need something, you can sell it. Understand?”
Little did dad know I’d end up making more than he’d made in his entire life in one year – and then some. But still, I understood at the time, and I understand now. My dad was a practical man and I learned a lot from him.
And that’s where I am on my way to now. To this mysterious property out past the train tracks and in the woods by the water tower. One Maple Lane. That’s the address. And I have no idea what I’m going to find there.
I’d hoped to talk to Tammy and explain things to her. I know if I can just get the words out, get her to listen, that she’ll understand – maybe even forgive me. But she wouldn’t let me.
That asshole at the diner almost got his face smashed in. That’s the second time I’ve stepped in on her behalf, and I can’t help but wonder how many more douchebags have harassed her like that while I’ve been away. Just the thought makes my blood boil.
But she didn’t want to talk to me. I can’t say I blame her, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Seeing her again was like seeing her for the first time. She took my breath away. It was like rediscovering something I’d lost but had given up on ever finding again. These last two years have been a nightmare. Between football, my father’s death, traveling to Alaska to deal with things there, coming back to town to deal with his estate – it’s not like I haven’t thought about Tammy, it’s just that I had given up hope of anything happening between us.
But now that I’ve seen her again…
I’m about to turn left out of town when I remember: Tammy’s keys!
I hit the brakes and whip the car in the other direction and head back across town to the diner. Luckily for the asshole, he’s not there when I pull into the lot or he would have gotten a firsthand look at just how pissed I am.
I park by the storm drain and hop out of the car. Thankfully, the storm drain grate is removable and I don’t have to go looking for a coat hanger or something to fish out Tammy’s keys. I set it aside, slide my hand in and fish around in whatever filth has collected at the bottom. I find the keys, grab them and pull them out, my hand and the keys both covered in filth.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, kicking the storm drain grate back into place and heading back to the diner. I shoulder the front door open and head straight for the bathroom to wash my hands. Some teenager recognizes me but has the good sense to see I’m not in the mood to sign autographs.
As I wash my hands and Tammy’s keys, my mind goes back to that little kid I saw at her apartment. I mean, he did kind of look like me. No, he really looked like me. But that doesn’t mean he’s mine…
I could just be completely paranoid. Every professional athlete gets worried about something like this, and I really should have been more careful and worn a condom or finished on her awesome tits or something, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had to make her mine, and I did. But now? Now I don’t know where we stand.
I watch the grimy water circle the drain as I scrub the filth off my hands. Holding her keys in my hand somehow, as silly as it seems, makes me feel connected to her. The last two years I haven’t seen her. I haven’t had anything of hers to remind me of her.
When she was in my car – I smelled her.
That was almost too much. It took me right back to that night at my house and all those feelings came rushing back to me. It felt…it felt like even though I hadn’t seen her in two years we were still connected. It was Derek and Tammy and that’s just how it was supposed to be.
Maybe I’m going crazy, but being next to Tammy, just for that brief period of time, felt like home. When I first saw her, it was lust at first sight, but almost instantly after that, I knew there was more, and seeing her again tonight simply confirmed that.
My hands and the keys are clean and smell like the worst attempt for a decent smelling soap anyone has ever come up with. I dry them on a paper towel and head back outside.
Now, where to go?
I have Tammy’s keys, and I should give them to her, but I also need to get to this mysterious property of my dad’s and see what’s going on. If I bring the keys to her now, will she even want to talk to me?
All these questions whirl throu
gh my mind as I hop in my car and drive across town for the second time. I almost wish there was heavy traffic to help make this decision easier, but there’s barely anyone on the road tonight and before I know it I’m at an intersection and have to make up my mind.
Left to Tammy’s, or right to my father’s house?
I scratch my head and think. That kid has me spinning. Could he really be mine? Did Tammy really lie to me? I can’t imagine she would. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she just somehow forgot to take the morning-after pill? That’s not too farfetched. But…of all the things to forget!
Being a father was nothing I’d ever thought about until now as anything other than a big “Hell no!” I knew other guys from the team who had kids with strippers and escorts, one-night stands, and it never worked out. They were always miserable, or worse, ended up paying half their salary to some broad they never even liked to begin with.
So how could I be so stupid!?
I could have sworn Tammy was different. But I can’t get ahead of myself here. She hasn’t told me he’s mine yet. He might not be! And even if he is, she hasn’t asked me for money and I doubt she will. So maybe this is all a big mistake. Maybe he’s not mine, or maybe he is and she doesn’t want me in his life because she thinks I’m a huge asshole.
Which I can understand, but it’s not the truth. If that boy is my son, I will be there for him in every way imaginable, and I’ll never run out on him, no matter how old he is. I want to be there for Tammy too, if she’ll let me, whether or not the boy is mine.
I just need to prove to her that I’m a good guy. I need to talk to her. When she hears the whole story she’ll understand.
I decide to take a left and go to Tammy’s house. But when I pull up, I can see the lights are already off, so I just leave the keys in the mailbox instead and get back in the car.
It’s not what I want to do though. There’s nothing I want more than to kick open that door, grab Tammy and take her into my arms and tell her how I feel about her, how every day I’ve been away has been torture and how badly I’ve missed her. But now is not the time.