“What’s your name?” asked the girl.
“Steven West” I replied.
“Hello Sa-teven. My name Phim.”
“Hello Phim. It’s Steven, actually.”
“I say Sa-teven.”
“OK.”
“How long you here?”
“Two weeks.”
“You first time here?”
“Yes.”
“You have lady?”
“No, not really. I thought I did, but it didn’t work out.”
“You like massage?”
“Yes, I think so.”
Phim had worked her way down to my buttocks and thighs and she kept accidentally catching my testicles and penis with her finger tips as she massaged my inner thighs. I don’t think that she noticed because she kept on doing it. She finished off my legs and asked me to turn over.
“I need the towel.”
“Why you need towel?”
I didn’t really know what to say, but the truth was that, when Phim had kept on accidentally rubbing my testicles, I had got accidentally aroused and my penis was no longer the size of a button mushroom. Well, sort of semi-aroused and I certainly didn’t want to embarrass the poor girl. There was an awkward silence.
“It’s OK, Sa-teven, I have seen everything before. Relax. No problem.”
I turned over and I saw for the first time that Phim had changed out of the long traditional Thai silk dress and was now wearing a white top with no bra. The top barely covered her breasts, which were bigger than most of the other Thai girls. She was also wearing a tiny pair of white hot pants. I saw Phim looking at my penis.
“Sorry” I said.
“No problem” she said, grabbing hold of my penis and shaking it as if she was greeting an old friend. “He just wake up and want to say hello.”
Phim leaned over and kissed it.
“Hello, little brother” she said and kissed it again, but slower and longer.
“Hello” I said, not really trying to sound like my penis, but not exactly sounding like myself either.
“I do special massage?”
I wasn’t sure if that was a question or a statement and I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or my ‘little brother’.
“Yes, you told me” I said, talking for me and my penis.
“OK.” Phim stood up and peeled her top and hot pants off and then, naked, she searched in her bag. She waved a condom at me and smiled before tearing it open and unrolling it onto me in one swift movement. She then sat squatted down on me and I was inside her. She held onto my shoulders and started thrusting. Well I must have still been jet lagged because it went off again in about 7 seconds. It’s not big and it’s not clever and I’m not very proud of it, but that’s the way it happened; quick as a flash. I didn’t know why it kept happening so quickly. I didn’t have much experience, but I remembered that the very first time I had sex in England I had lasted longer than this. Then again, the only woman who had let me have sex with her before I came to Thailand was a fat ugly girl, so that might have had something to do with it.
“Wow! You cum quick!”
“Sorry” I said. Somehow the words she spoke could never be a compliment, but she sort of turned them into one.
“No problem. I am just happy that I can make you this happy. You are a man who know what you like and you like me. Very good idea.”
Phim wiped me down with a tissue and then carried on giving me a massage, as if nothing had happened. She started asking me what trips and shows I was going to see while I was there in Phuket. She finished off the massage by making me sit up and making a clapping sound with her hands as she tapped them on my shoulders. Then she told me it was finished and she gathered up her clothes and left the cubicle. I dressed and stepped out through the curtain and Phim was waiting for me.
“You pay me now, please.”
“Oh, yes. Of course.” I pulled out my wallet and decided that she deserved a 100 baht tip, so I handed her 400 baht.
“What’s this?”
“400 baht. I know you said it’s only 300 baht, but I’ve given you a 100 baht tip. Thank you for everything.”
“Khun ting-tong.”
“Pardon?”
“I say you are crazy. This is not enough. You have special massage.”
“Yes, I know. You said that it was going to be special and it certainly was. Thank you.”
“You have to pay for special massage. 400 baht not enough.”
“Oh! How much is enough?”
“Another 1000 baht please, Sa-teven.”
“Another 1000. That’s 1,400 baht. That’s nearly £30. I thought it was going to be £6!”
Phim just held her hand out and sort of smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. I handed her another 1000 baht and her smile changed to a more sincere one. I didn’t know how this mix up had happened, but I guess it had been sorted out. Funny how I just had to keep giving my money away and everyone was happy. Well, everyone was happy except for me.
I stepped back outside into the blazing sunshine and, by the time I had put my trainers back on, I was sweating. I walked further along the road saying ‘Hello’ and ‘No Thank You’ to all the ladies in the bars and massage parlours who were saying hello to me and asking me to go inside their premises. I wai’d to everyone who spoke to me and they all smiled, so I must have been doing it correctly. The ‘wai’ is the prayer like greeting that Thai people do when they meet someone. They put their hands together in a prayer like fashion and raise their hands to their chest and slightly bow their heads, I always think it looks so elegant and friendly; I was thinking I might keep doing this back in England.
“Hello, handsome man! You want motorbike?” said the pretty woman sat on the first bike of a row of new motorbikes with ‘Forrent’ signs hanging over them. I realised the signs were supposed to say ‘For Rent’.
“I’ve never been on a motorbike before” I said, giving the lady one of my best wais.
“Why you never ride bike before?”
“I don’t know. I just haven’t.”
“Good for you if you try now.”
“Why?”
“I do good price for you.”
“How much?”
“How long you want bike for?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. I told you, I have never ridden one before.”
“No problem. I teach you. What’s your name?” she smiled.
“Sa-teven. I mean Steven.”
“Hello Sa-teven. My name Poo.”
“Oh!” I said, not really knowing what else I could say to someone called Poo.
“How long you stay Karon Beach?”
“I arrived yesterday. I’m here for two weeks.”
“Wait one minute please.”
Poo jumped off the bike and went inside the Seven Eleven shop and came back out a moment later with a calendar.
“You go home number 15?”
“Yes.”
“OK. You bring bike back number 14, I only charge you 4,800 baht.”
I converted the amount in my head to £96 for nearly two weeks. It seemed a good price to me.
“And you will give me driving lessons?”
“Yes. No problem, Sa-teven.”
“OK. That’s a deal.” I stuck my hand out to shake on it, but Poo gave me a wai, so I brought my hand up to my chin and gave her a sort of one handed wai in return.
“You have driving licence and passport?”
“I haven’t got a driving licence.”
“No problem. You not need driving licence. You have passport?”
“Yes. It’s in the safe in my hotel room.”
“You go and get passport and I
’ll get bike ready.”
I dashed back to the hotel, picked up my passport and then I dashed back to Poo. I was excited about learning to ride a motorbike. I had no idea how much lessons would cost in the UK, but it would have been a lot more expensive than Poo was charging and, on top of that, I had the bike for the rest of my holiday. I imagined that, by the second week of my holiday, I would be riding it by myself and really exploring the beautiful island of Phuket. This holiday was going to be the great adventure that I hoped it would be after all.
I handed my passport to Poo and she examined it.
“OK. I keep passport and you return bike on number 14 with no damage and I give back to you. OK?”
“You want to keep my passport? Is that legal?”
“Yes. No problem. This normal for rent bike. If not keep passport you have to pay big deposit.”
“How much is a big deposit?”
Poo thought for a moment.
“20,000 baht.”
“That’s £400. You want £400 deposit. That’s a lot.”
“Yes. Too much big deposit. That’s why better keep passport. Everyone do like this.”
“Does the rental include insurance?”
“Insurance no problem. Not need, no problem. You have 4,800 baht?”
“Yes.” I handed Poo the money and she scribbled out a receipt in a receipt book and handed me the yellow copy. She handed me a crash helmet.
“Better you wear this so police not stop you.”
“Are you going to give me my first driving lesson now?”
“Yes. We do now.”
Poo held the key up in front of my face,
“This key” she said. Really covering the basics, I thought. She put the key in a lock at the rear of the bike and turned it. The seat popped open and she pulled it up.
“Petrol go in here” she said, unscrewing the petrol cap. “I can put some petrol in now for you and then you go to garage to fill up. OK?”
“OK” I said, so far enjoying my first lesson in bike maintenance.
Poo took a whisky bottle from a small table of whisky bottles, opened it and went to pour it in the petrol tank. Now, I’m not much of a mechanic, but even I knew that you don’t put whisky in a petrol tank.
“Poo, you’re going to put whisky in the petrol tank?”
“No, you ting tong. This is petrol. Just use bottle to keep petrol for sale.”
“Oh! I see. Sorry.”
Poo poured in the petrol and charged me another 100 baht before shutting the seat again. She then patted the seat and I sat on it.
“OK. To start bike you take it off the stand.” Poo flicked up the stand. “You pull back this brake and then put key in ignition and turn. Then this orange light on this button come on and you press button.” She pressed the button and the bike purred into life. I liked the sound and the bike looked lovely. I couldn’t help but be excited.
“Then you twist that handle and the bike go forward” she continued. “You pull brakes here and here to stop. This button is horn and this switch is indicators, understand?”
“Yes, I think I’ve got it. Do you want to sit on the front or the back?”
“What you mean, Sa-teven?”
“Are we going now?”
“Yes. You can go now.”
“So, do you want to sit on the front of the bike or on the back for our first drive?”
“I not sit anywhere. You go yourself now, but drive slow and be careful. OK?”
“Is that it? I thought you were going to teach me how to ride a bike!”
“Yes. I teach you already. You go now. Twist that handle and you go.”
I must have been really crazy, but I twisted the handle and, just as Poo had said, it made me go. I wobbled a bit at first and, after about ten minutes of sheer terror, I slowed down to a safe speed and actually started to enjoy it. I started to relax a bit more and my heart started to beat again at a normal rate. I liked the look of the bike and I thought I looked good in the crash hat with my sunglasses and my white tee-shirt. I drove for miles along a road that seemed to hug the coastline and the views were simply breath-taking. I had a sense of freedom that I had never had before. I had never been so brave before, or experienced so much adventure. I just couldn’t stop smiling. I had butterflies in my stomach and dead flies stuck on my teeth. I think that this had probably been the best day of my life so far.
Chapter 6 - Exploring the Island
I rode the motorbike for hours and the longer that I was riding it the more confident I became, although I did slow down well in advance for any bends and corners in the road. All day long motorbikes with whole families on them and motorbikes being driven by school kids were overtaking me, but I didn’t care. I had to stop at a petrol station to fill up and to completely fill the tank only cost me 80 baht so the 100 baht that I had paid Poo for the whisky bottle full of petrol was not such a bargain after all. I had driven along coast roads and town roads and at times no roads at all, just dirt tracks. I stopped at a beautiful beach that had a shack restaurant that was selling beers and great smelling food. I had some chicken and rice and a bottle of Cola. I sat and ate it looking out over the most amazing blue sea that I had ever seen. The sand really was a golden colour and the palm trees made the whole scene look like a photo from a calendar. I was baking in the hot sunshine and it was lovely to feel the breeze on my face and body when I was back on the motorbike trying to find my way back to Karon Beach, at speeds up to 25 MPH. If I wasn’t so scared I would have gone even faster. I found my way back safe and sound. I had had a few people beeping their horns at me on the busier roads, when I tried to make a right turn and also quite a lot at traffic lights, which I discovered didn’t actually stop the traffic. Well, not all the time anyway.
I felt quite proud as I was riding down the small cul-de-sac to my hotel when all the girls in Lek’s bar started clapping and cheering me. I waved to them but went into a bit of a wobble and quickly put my hand back on the handlebar. I had loved the day riding the bike, or ‘The Beast’ as I called it, but I was happy to get back to my hotel. I decided to have a sleep on top of the bed in the cool of the air conditioning and then I would have a shower and go out later for food and beers.
I woke up at 8pm and stripped off for a shower. My skin was feeling sort of tight and a bit sore and I realised that I was sunburnt. I didn’t know just how sunburnt I was until I saw myself naked in the bathroom mirror. My legs, arms, neck and face were bright red, and I really mean bright red. The rest of my body was white where my shorts and tee shirt had covered my skin, but what made it worse were the big white rings around my eyes where my sunglasses had been. It made my black eye and swollen face look even worse. I looked ridiculous and even uglier than I usually did and my skin was so sore. I could hardly move. I tried to have a shower but I couldn’t. At first I burnt myself with the hot water, so I quickly turned it to cold, but the force of the shower water really hurt. It felt as if I was being stabbed by a thousand tiny knives, so I decided to run a cold bath instead and just sat in the cold water until I started shivering. I got out of the bath and I could hardly move. With every movement I had to say “Ooh,” or “Arghh.” I was in agony.
I managed to put on a loose fitting shirt and some baggy shorts that felt as if they were made from broken glass and sandpaper then ‘Ooh’d and Arghh’d my way to the Seven Eleven shop. I couldn’t walk properly. In fact I was walking as if I had had a messy accident in my pants. All the girls from the two bars at the top of the cul-de-sac shouted and waved to me. Some giggled and covered their mouths with their hands. Some just pointed at me and laughed.
“Sa-teven, you like sun too much” shouted one of the girls who I didn’t know. “You have to put yogurt on your skin to stop burn.”
“Really?”
“Yes, you need. You want m
e to take care of you?”
“No thanks. But thanks for the yogurt tip.” I tried to raise my arm high enough to wave to her, but it hurt.
I decided to give up on the idea of food and beers in one of the bars and I bought a couple of bottles of Chang beer and a Thai pot noodle that just needed hot water adding to it back in my room. I also bought the biggest tube that I could find of After Sun Cream and half a dozen pots of yogurt. I didn’t know which flavour would work best so I bought a selection of Strawberry, Raspberry, Black Cherry, Toffee and Banana and one pot of chocolate mousse. I waddled my way back to my hotel. I coated myself several times with the various yogurt pots and after sun cream, drank the beers, ate the noodle pot and watched an old Clint Eastwood film on the TV. It was a night for recovering. I have to say, I don’t know if the yogurt thing really works or not. But I can tell you that, as it warms up on your skin, it fucking stinks and having bits of Black Cherry and Strawberry all over your body doesn’t look good. I slept on the floor for two reasons. First, the tiles felt cool on my skin and second, I didn’t want to get the bed covered in fruit yogurt. I thought it would be easier to clean up by wiping the floor in the morning.
The Flower Girl Page 4