by Jenna Brandt
“Don’t you want to stay for the dance?” Cade asked in a tone she would swear sounded like disappointment. Why on earth would he want to stay for the dance since it was the sort of activity you did with someone you loved?
“What about the children? What will they do if we’re busy dancing?” Miranda inquired, hoping to use them as a shield to avoid talking about the real reason why she was objecting to the dance.
“Some of the local elderly widows take the kids to their houses so that everyone else can enjoy the evening activities,” Cade explained, erasing her reason to deny his request.
“I suppose there isn’t a reason why we can’t stay then,” Miranda relented, still trying to fight the urge to keep her distance from her husband.
She bundled the boys up in their coats, kissed both their heads and handed them and Eleanor over to the widows. She waved goodbye to them as they marched across the town square to one of the houses.
“You’re really good with them,” Cade praised. “It’s obvious that mothering comes natural to you.”
She nodded. “I’m lucky that way. I used to watch children in the neighborhood back in Lake Hope when their parents wanted to spend the night in Philadelphia.”
“I can see why they trusted their children with you. I know how much you care for my own.”
“Ours,” she corrected. “They’re our children now, Cade. I love them just as much as you do. I didn’t know I could love anything as much as I love them, but it’s true. I can’t imagine my life without them in it.”
“And I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” He pulled her around to face him. “Now that you’re here, it’s like you’ve always been meant to be with us, which makes no sense considering how it all happened.”
“I know you miss your late wife, and it’s not fair you’re having to figure out how to live a life without her.”
“That’s just it; I love my new life, and because I love it, I feel guilty about that. It’s like I’m discounting the life I had with her.”
“It doesn’t have to be one or the other,” Miranda countered. “You simply have one because the other didn’t work out.”
“I never thought of it that way,” Cade admitted.
The band started to play a fast-tempo song, encouraging couples to take to the dance area in front of the stage. Cade reached out his hand to Miranda. “Ready to dance?”
She nodded, taking his hand. “I’d love to.”
Cade gathered her into his arms, and they quickly fell into a solid rhythm, following the steps of the dance. He masterfully spun her around the area, making sure to avoid the other couples, as they enjoyed themselves. By the time the song ended, Miranda’s head was spinning from the fast moves of the dance.
The evening set in around them, with the stars and moon shining bright in the night sky. The gas lanterns glimmered around the town square, setting the mood for romance, just as the next slower song started to softly play. Cade pulled her closer to his frame, his warmth cascading over her. Her eyes moved up to meet his, and she couldn’t help but hope he might kiss her again.
“Did I tell you how beautiful you look in that dress today?”
Miranda glanced down at her satin, lavender gown with black lace trim along the neckline and hem. It was her best dress from back East, and she’d saved it for a special occasion. “Thank you, I hoped you would like it.”
“I do, very much. It never ceases to amaze me, I never thought you could get prettier, but you always manage to prove me wrong. You are the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever seen.”
Miranda melted under his compliment, touched that he would say such sweet things about her. She could feel a blush flash across her body as she leaned towards him. Cade’s head drifted down until his lips gently touched hers. It was a kind and sincere kiss, telling Miranda everything she needed to know about how she felt about Cade.
“I love you,” she blurted out before she could stop herself.
His eyes grew wide with shock as he quickly pulled away from her.
She waited for him to say it back, but the words never came. How could this happen to her? How could she let herself fall in love with a man who clearly could never love her back? Miranda felt like she was going to die from embarrassment right on the spot. Never in a million years did she think she would tell a man she loved him, and he wasn’t going to say it in return. He must think her such a fool.
Miranda stumbled back, mumbling, “I’m not feeling so good. I think we should head home now.”
Cade didn’t argue, and Miranda wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse. As they walked over to pick up the children, Miranda debated what she should do. Would it be best to give up on anything more than friendship with Cade? Should she just accept what he could give her and be grateful for it? The longer she thought about it, the more trouble she knew she was in. There was no going back for her. She belonged to Cade Tanner, heart and soul now, and that was never going to change. Her only option was to fight for him and show him that he belonged to her, too.
10
Two weeks had passed since the Founder’s Day Celebration and the night Miranda told him that she loved him. Her words had hit him like a ton of bricks, and part of him almost said it on impulse, but Carol’s image came to mind and stopped him in his tracks. How could he love two women at the same time? It wasn’t fair to either of them, so he’d kept his mouth shut.
The problem was, he knew the moment he didn’t say it back, he’d hurt Miranda deeply. That was the last thing he had wanted to do. She was an amazing wife and a wonderful mother. He loved everything about her, from the way she giggled when he rubbed her feet at night by the fire, to the way she bit her lip when she was contemplating a question. He was lucky that God brought her into his and his sons’ lives, and he knew she deserved to hear him say he loved her, because he did. He tried many times after that night to tell her, but every time he did, he felt the same guilt again, stopping him from uttering the words aloud.
To make him feel even worse, Miranda was going out of her way to show him how much she cared. She made his favorite meals for supper, wore her hair in the braid and bun he liked best, baked him fresh pies every day, and even packed little notes in his mid-day meals for when he was out on the ranch. He knew she was making an effort to coax the same affirmation from him that she had uttered at the dance. He wanted to say it, really he did, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t sure what it was going to take to make it happen.
Cade returned to the house after a long day out on the ranch. He washed his hands out at the spigot before continuing inside to find Miranda cooking in the kitchen. Normally, she had a smile on her face, but tonight, her face looked pensive—not to mention, her complexion was pale and she had a thin bead of sweat above her brow.
“What’s wrong?” Cade inquired, coming up beside her. “You don’t look so good.”
“Wow, you really know how to point out when a lady isn’t feeling her best,” Miranda chastised with a small shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I think I’ve just pushed myself too hard over the past couple of days and it’s finally catching up with me.”
“Are you feeling sick? Do you have a fever?” Flashes of how his wife died from influenza came tumbling back into his mind, causing him to react out of fear.
“No, I don’t have a fever,” Miranda assured him. “Just tired and a bit queasy. I’m sure it will pass.”
Her words did little to alleviate his concern. He moved over towards her and gently placed his hand on top of her forehead.
She pushed it away, stating with irritation, “I already told you, I don’t have a fever.”
The boys came running into the kitchen, shouting in unison, “When’s supper, Mama?”
“In just a few minutes,” Miranda assured them.
“What we eatin’?” Ezra asked as he tried to peak into the pan.
“Pork roast and potatoes.”
“Again?” Isaiah whined.
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“It’s your father’s favorite,” Miranda explained, winking at Cade. “I have to keep him happy, after all.”
Cade could feel himself turning red, knowing it was her latest attempt to get him to say how he felt. He wished he could just blurt it out like she did, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to do it.
Miranda bent down to check the cake that was in the oven. As she stood back up, her legs started to wobble, and she reached out for something to steady herself; however, there was nothing close enough by to help. Cade rushed towards her just in time to catch her before she fell backwards.
“You’re not all right, Miranda. Something is terribly wrong. I’m going to take you into our room so you can lie down while I go fetch the doctor.”
“You’re making this into something more than it is,” Miranda protested, trying to pull away from him. “I just need a glass of water and a good night’s rest.”
The moment she tried to stand on her own again, she started to sway. Before she could pass out though, Cade scooped her up into his arms. She was barely coherent as he carried her towards the wagon. He knew time was of the essence as he gathered up the children and loaded them in beside her. He made quick work of banking the fire in the stove before they headed into town to see the doctor.
Fear seized his heart as he wondered if the same thing that happened to Carol was now going to happen to Miranda. He barely survived losing one wife; he didn’t think he could take it a second time, losing the woman he loved.
And there it was—he loved her. As sure as rain came in the spring, he loved Miranda more than life itself. He kept avoiding it, pretending it didn’t exist, to keep his heart safe, but it didn’t make it any less true. He loved her with every fiber of his being, and he was going to do whatever it took to keep her safe.
Cade snapped the reins, pushing the horse as fast as he could without hurting her, knowing that every second counted. As soon as they arrived at the doctor’s office, Cade jumped out of the driver’s seat and gathered Miranda up in his arms. Abigail and Levi were walking by and he begged them to watch the children while he took Miranda in to see the doctor.
“What’s wrong with your wife, Mr. Tanner?” Doc Ramsey, a gray-haired, elderly man asked as he came towards them.
“I’m not sure, Doc. I noticed she looked ill and asked her about it. She told me she hadn’t been feeling well for a few days, and today was worse than the rest. She got dizzy and nearly fell over while she was cooking supper. As I was carrying her to the wagon, she passed out.”
Doc Ramsey placed his hand on her forehead. “She doesn’t have a temperature, so that’s good.”
“I thought so, but something’s got to be wrong, doesn’t it? Doc, you got to save her. I need her,” Cade stated in a way that he hoped told the elderly man how much he loved his wife and couldn’t live without her.
“Bring her in here,” Dr. Ramsey ordered, as he gestured towards the back of the clinic. “I can do a more thorough examination once she’s on the table.”
Cade complied, placing Miranda gently on the examining table.
Her eyelids fluttered for a few moments as she tossed her head back and forth, mumbling under her breath, “Where am I?”
“You’re at Doc’s place,” Cade explained. “You passed out, so I brought you here.”
“Take me home, right now,” Miranda pleaded as she tried to sit up. “I told you I was fine.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” Dr. Ramsey stated firmly, gently pushing her back down against the table. “You’re in no condition to go anywhere right now, Mrs. Tanner.”
She didn’t seem to have the energy to fight them both. Reluctantly, she let herself slump against the table. “What a fuss over a little lack of water and sleep,” she grumbled, before pressing her lips together in frustration.
The doctor asked her several questions that she quickly answered. Cade moved forward and took Miranda’s hand in his own as the doctor continued to examine her. “I should have never let it go so long; this is all my fault. I put you in the position where you felt compelled to push yourself to prove to me how much you loved me. I should have told you the night you said it. I love you, too, Miranda. I have from the moment I saw you, but I was too stupid and blind to admit it to myself, let alone you. I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you because of my ignorance.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to her, Mr. Tanner,” Dr. Ramsey assured him. “It only took me a few minutes to come up with a diagnosis.”
“What is it? What’s wrong with my wife?”
“Nothing’s wrong with her. She’s pregnant.”
“Pregnant?” they both gasped out in simultaneous surprise.
“That’s right. From the breast tenderness to the disappearance of her monthly visit, it’s clear that in about seven months, you’re going to have a baby.”
“We’re going to have a baby?” Miranda repeated with disbelief. “How did I miss the signs?”
“This is your first pregnancy, correct?” Dr. Ramsey inquired.
She nodded, glancing between the doctor and her husband before squeezing Cade’s hand in her own.
“It’s common with your first to miss the signs in the beginning. Often the symptoms get mistaken for other causes. You’ll be just fine after some time off your feet and a little rest,” the doctor assured her.
“You’re certain that’s what’s going on, doctor?” Cade inquired, still trying to adjust to the news.
“You’re not happy about the baby?” Miranda asked, with clear distress in her voice.
“I think I will give the two of you a few moments,” Dr. Ramsey offered as he quietly left the area.
“You haven’t answered my question, Cade. Are you upset that I’m carrying your child?”
“I never said that,” he quickly defended. “It’s just a lot to take in all at once.” He looked over at her, imagining her stomach growing large with the product of their love, and he knew he needed to tell her right then and there how he felt. “The truth is, I couldn’t be happier about it. I’m just worried about you. Are you going to be able to handle four children under the age of four?”
She let out a small laugh as she shrugged. “What’s one more child to love?”
“I couldn’t agree more.” Cade leaned forward and placed a kiss on his wife’s lips, grateful that not only was he going to be a father all over again, but this time, he got to share the experience with Miranda, the woman who made him realize he could love again. Truly, he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her.
Epilogue
Three months later.
Miranda glanced around her backyard, making sure everything was in place for the party. The tables were set up with the food and drinks, as well as a few designated for eating.
“Everything is great, Miranda, quit fretting,” Cade said as he came up beside her, wrapping his arm across her shoulders. “Besides, everyone is coming over to spend time with us, not because of the food.”
“You know how I like to feed everybody when they come over. It’s not a party if the food isn’t good.”
“Well, with you cooking, it’s definitely going to be a great party then, since you’re the best cook I know.”
“I know you’re just saying that because you love me, but I don’t mind,” she teased. “I’ll take your compliments as much as you want to dish them out.”
“They’re here, they’re here,” she heard the boys shout from inside the house.
“We should go greet our guests,” Miranda said, taking off her apron and hanging it up in the kitchen before heading towards the front door with Cade following behind.
Eleanor was crawling along the floor and as they passed her, she stopped, sat up, and reached out towards Cade saying, “Papa.”
Both of them stopped in their tracks, recognizing that it was the first time she had used the name for him.
Cade rushed over and grabbed her into his arms. “Say it
again, Elle. What’s my name, sweetie? What’s my name?”
“Papa,” she giggled out.
“That’s right, I’m your Papa,” he cooed as he nuzzled into the folds of her baby neck.
The three of them walked to the front door where the boys were already waiting, jumping up and down.
“Open the door, open the door,” Isaiah shouted.
“Our friends are here,” Ezra added with glee. They threw the door open to reveal the Boltons, the Emersons, and the Breechers standing on the other side, along with their other friends, the Moreleys.
“Come in,” Cade offered, stepping back to let everyone enter. “We have everything set up in the backyard.”
The group of friends made their way out back. The kids took off to play tag in the grass. The adults sat at the tables with glasses of iced tea so they could talk.
“We have an announcement to make. We didn’t want to make this a huge, formal event, but we want all of you to know and celebrate with us.” Cade reached out and took Miranda’s hand in his own. “We’re expecting a baby.”
Their friends cheered and clapped. Each of the men came over and patted Cade on the back.
Abigail reached out and squeezed Miranda’s free hand. “I’m so happy for you. This is amazing news.”
“Thank you, we’re really excited about it.”
“How did the boys take it?” Rebecca asked, looking over at the children.
“They whined that we didn’t need another baby,” Miranda said with a roll of her eyes. “They’ll get used to the new little one though. They did with Elle.”
“I’ve always wanted a big family,” Abigail said, placing her chin in her hand that was propped up on the table. “You’re very blessed.”
Miranda knew that Abigail couldn’t have children, and that her adopted daughter, Tabitha, might very well be the only child she would ever have. Her heart went out to her friend, but she was grateful she still found a way to be happy for others.