Wings and Beyond

by Joy Redmond

  By ten o’clock, Mandy checked her watch, often. She couldn’t be late, or she’d never be allowed to come back. At 10:30, she announced that it was time for her to head for home.

  As they were saying their goodbyes, Pearl hugged, Mandy. “You come back as often as you can. It’s so nice meeting you. I’ve never seen Jack as happy as he is when he looks at you. You’re all he’s talked about since the first night he met you. He said he’d found a jewel, and I have to agree. I hope you always keep him happy.”

  Lester, also hugged Mandy, then said, “Jack, this one is a keeper. Don’t let her get away.”

  Jack replied, “I have no intention of letting her go anywhere without me. She’s mine forever more. She’ll be back tomorrow night. And we’ll beat your butts in Rook or Monopoly.”

  Wow. I’ve been accepted into the fold. It feels good to be wanted by a family. Mandy felt her eyes sting, but she kept her tears under control.

  When Mandy came home, Iris was waiting up as usual and just as Mandy stepped into the living room, Iris turned on the lamp. “Where did you go tonight?”

  Mandy smiled. “I went to Jack’s house, met his parents, and his sister and two brothers. They’re very nice people. His mother baked me a birthday cake and she cooked a delicious meal. I really enjoyed the night.”

  “That’s a bit strange. You went to meet his family and his mother cooked a meal?” Iris blew a breath as if she were disgusted. “Why would he take you to meet his parents after only two weeks of dating you? It’s not like you’re engaged! I’ve never heard of such a silly thing.”

  “I thought you’d be happy, knowing I was with his parents and properly chaperoned,” Mandy said, followed with an eye roll.

  “Don’t you sass me, Amanda! You’ll be grounded again.”

  Mandy felt her temper rising and Nikko was pounding in her head to let her out, let her take over and so Mandy faded into the background.

  “I’ll be going back to visit with his family tomorrow night, Sunday afternoon, and maybe every weekend from now on. I’m eighteen, and since I’m considered an adult by law, you won’t be getting my adoption annulled either.”

  Iris broke down into loud sobs and wails.

  Otis came into the living room, holding a belt. “You might be eighteen, but you’re not too old or too big for me to whip your smart butt,” he said as he slapped the leather belt against his palm.

  Mandy ran upstairs, shut and locked her door. She stood with her back against it for a few minutes. She listened for Otis’s footsteps on the stairs and Nikko said, Grab the desk lamp. If he comes through the door, smash it over his head!

  She heard nothing.

  Mandy was crushed by Otis’s behavior. He had been so good since she came back and he even went against Iris a few times in her favor. She was just beginning to trust him, to think of him as a real father who would defend a daughter no matter what, who would protect her, and now he was back to his old self.

  She walked over to the vanity. “We’re never going to please them, Nikko. It’s hopeless!”

  Since we know that we’ll never please them, then let’s just do all we can to aggravate the shit out of them. If they decide to throw us out again, we’ve got a place to go, Nikko whispered.

  Mandy smiled. “I think you’re right. I think Jack and his parents would take me in and be happy to do so. Goodnight, Nikko. We might have the upper hand now.”

  Yeah, but we still have to be a workhorse and put up with their shit all week.

  Mandy blew Nikko a kiss. “At least if push comes to shove, we’ve got an out.”

  The next morning, Mandy got out of bed, fluffed the pillows, pulled the sheet and blanket to the top of the pillows, making sure they were smooth, then she smoothed and tucked the bedspread under the pillows just so. As she headed around the bed, her foot touched something. She looked down. Her purple diary and her three journals that she kept in the bottom drawer of her nightstand were lined up across the floor at the foot of her bed.

  She picked them up. Who are you? What are you trying to tell me this time? She held them to her chest for a long moment. Nikko whispered to her, Hide them. You’ve written a lot that you wouldn’t want Iris to read. She’ll destroy them. And if she should find them, they might send you to a mental institution.

  Mandy looked around. She couldn’t hide them in her chest of drawers because Iris inspected them every week, making sure her items were in perfect order. She couldn’t hide them in the closet, because Iris pulled an inspection, making sure the clothes hangers were hooked across the rod in the right direction, and her shoes were perfectly lined up.

  Under the mattress. You change the sheets every Saturday. You keep the bedspread perfect, not a wrinkle in it. Iris won’t lift up the mattress. Surely, Nikko whispered.

  She lifted the top mattress and spread the diary and journals in a row. They wouldn’t make lumps and nobody would ever know.

  Easy to pull out. Easy to put back. Thank you, whomever you are, Mandy thought with a smile.

  Wind chimes began to play.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mandy counted down the days, waiting for the weekends. She so loved being a part of a big family. Iris stayed in a huff because Mandy was happy spending time with people that Iris didn’t know. She still let Mandy keep her dates with Jack for the weekends, but she wouldn’t allow any phone calls during the week. Mandy’s heart felt as if it would leap out of her body when the phone rang, but she knew not to answer it. When Jack called, Iris would tell him that Mandy was busy.

  Mandy would seethe and talk to Nikko in her head. Just one more thing to make our life more miserable and embarrass us. Can we hang on until we graduate? I’m not sure if we can.

  That weekend, Jack picked her up at seven o’clock. As they drove to Bon Harbor, Mandy’s face turned red as she said, “I have to be home by eleven. Mother won’t change my curfew. I’m eighteen, but she still treats me like I’m a ten-year-old.”

  “I don’t understand your crazy parents at all. You need to have my parents. Maybe someday you will,” he said with a wink.

  Mandy didn’t answer. Anger was building and she was fighting it with all she had.

  Pearl had cooked a delicious meal and Mandy seethed because she had to leave so early, but she put on a happy face, determined to enjoy the time she had. After the meal, they all gathered in the living room. Pearl turned off the TV.

  “Mandy, I just want to tell you how much we all love you. We want you to be with us for the rest of our lives.”

  A warm glow flowed through Mandy’s body. I’m loved. I’m wanted by this big, close knit family. This is what I’ve longed for since the day I lost my real family. And I’ve only known them for a month.

  “Jack, don’t you have something to ask Mandy? We’re waiting,” Pearl said with a big smile.

  Mandy and Jack were sitting side by side on the couch. Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box. He flipped up the top, exposing a ring. The ring had a small diamond in the center and two smaller diamonds on each side. Jack pulled the ring out of the box.

  “Will you marry me?”

  Mandy’s breath caught in her throat. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

  Pearl laughed. “You’re supposed to say yes. I picked it out. I hope you like it.”

  Before Mandy could respond further, Jack picked up Mandy’s limp hand and slipped the ring on her finger. Pearl, Lester, Jack’s sister and two brothers clapped as if they were cheering after a Broadway performance.

  “At first we thought we should wait and give it to you for Christmas, but Jack didn’t want to wait that long. And I’m glad we didn’t,” Pearl said.

  Mandy could only stare. Pearl picked it out? That’s strange. And she’s glad they didn’t wait. Pearl is acting if she’s getting engaged to me, too. And Lester never says a word. It’s like he waits for Pearl to ask him a question before he dares to open his mouth. Maybe he’s just shy. I’m just used to living with
weirdos. I’m not used to normal people.

  Finally, Mandy managed to say, “Yes.” Her stomach churned as she continued, “But, I’ll have to ask my parents and I don’t think they’ll give me permission.” She nervously twisted the ring.

  Pearl said, “You’re eighteen. You don’t have to have parental consent. If necessary, I’ll have a talk with them.”

  Panic filled Mandy to the core. “No! Please. I’ll talk with them. I’ll get permission.” She twisted the ring faster and broke out in a cold sweat.

  “Great!” Pearl said. “Now I’ll turn on the radio. Let’s get some good music going and we’ll dance. Jack said you’re a good dancer. Lester and I love to dance too.” Pearl pushed furniture back against the walls, and pulled up the area rug. “This hardwood floor makes a good dance hall. Come on Jack, grab your girl and give her a whirl.”

  Mandy began to calm down as she danced to the music. She enjoyed watching Pearl and Lester dance, though they only slow danced together. Jack’s sister took turns dancing with him, and Al and Andy took turns dancing with Mandy. This family is so much fun. I finally belong with people who love me, want me, and they know how to enjoy life.

  After they had danced for over an hour, Mandy looked at Jack and said. “We really need to head on home, Jack. I have to break the news to Mother and Dad as gently as I can.”

  “Gently?” Jack snorted. “You just tell them. Bluntly! This is our lives, not theirs!”

  Mandy’s head was spinning. It’s not that simple, Jack. All hell will break loose. But I’ll let Nikko’s personality come out. She’ll handle it.

  Jack gave Mandy a peck on the lips, then said, “My future bride!”

  Chills ran down Mandy’s body. What have I said yes to? She forced a smile and said, “I really need to get back home. Mother will be waiting up and she might be delighted when she sees this beautiful ring. She held up her hand and admired the diamonds under the bright ceiling light. “It sure does sparkle.”

  What a crock of shit, Nikko said. You sure know how to be a fake, don’t you?

  Shut up, Nikko. I’ve had to fake my way through life since I went to live with Iris and Otis.

  Mandy said her goodbyes to the family, hugged them, and said she was eager to come back the following night.

  On the way back to Cross Pointe, Jack pulled down a dirt road a mile from Mandy’s house. “You don’t have to be home until eleven. It’s only ten-thirty. We’ve got a few minutes.”

  Jack turned off the engine. He picked up Mandy’s hand, kissed the ring, then his mouth came crushing down on hers.

  Mandy had never been crazy about the way Jack kissed, but tonight he seemed to be trying to swab her tonsils with his tongue. She felt her stomach churn. Just as she went to push him away, he lifted her tiny body and tossed her into the back seat.

  “What—?” Before Mandy could get another word out, Jack jumped over into the back seat and was on top of her. He yanked up her skirt and started pulling off her panties.

  “Jack, no. I’m not ready for this—”

  “You’re wearing my ring. You’re going to be my wife. Don’t tell me to stop!”

  “No, Jack!”

  Then she heard the sound of a zipper. Jack unleased himself and fell upon her. She felt a searing pain and let out a scream, beating at him with her small, delicate fists, but that only made him move faster and seemed to incense his hunger. Finally, he stopped with a moan and for a second he laid on top of her, his breath ragged and deep.

  Mandy burst into tears. “Please take me home.”

  Jack opened the back door, stepped out, pulled up his jeans and zipped them.

  Mandy was in shock as she picked up her panties and pulled down her skirt. Then she got out of the car, slammed the back door, and felt something running down her legs. She took her panties, wiped herself and saw tiny droplets of blood smeared on them with something else. She threw the panties into the bushes, and climbed into the front seat.

  What the hell just happened? I wasn’t ready for that. And I hated it. He acted crazy. She felt her eyes sting. I’ll never understand men. That was as bad as being molested by all the dirty men when I was a child.

  Jack drove Mandy home in silence. When they pulled into the driveway, Mandy opened the car door and jumped out. “Don’t bother to walk me to the door.” She ran toward the house. I’ve had all the kissing and pawing I can stand for one night. She ran faster.

  “See you tomorrow night,” Jack yelled out of the window.

  Mandy didn’t answer. For the first time since she had been with the Hodges, she was glad to be home as she hurried inside. She was thankful that Iris wasn’t sitting in the living room waiting for her to give her the third degree about her night.

  She hurried to her bedroom and quietly shut the door and flipped on the ceiling light. She strolled over to the vanity, her body in pain and shock. Her fingers trembled as she touched her reflection. It happened again, Nikko. If you can contact Purple Angel, please do. I really need her.

  I’ll try. But you need to tell Jack to go to hell. Give him back that ring and tell him to stick it up his ass!”

  I agree, Nikko. He’s a jackass. He was just waiting to put a ring on my finger so he’d have an excuse to have his way with me. Like a ring gives him the right? No wonder he didn’t want to wait until Christmas. That’s a month away.

  Mandy undressed, slipped on her nightgown, took a pair of panties from the top chest drawer, then opened the bottom drawer and took out a pad. She stuck the pad between her legs, then turned out the light and slipped into bed. I need to brush my teeth and I’d like to take a bath, but I can’t take a chance on waking up my parents.

  Tears ran down her face. This wasn’t what I envisioned. There was nothing romantic about the proposal. It was more like Pearl proposed as the family cheered. And we’ve only been dating for a month. Why is his family so anxious for us to get married? Something is wrong here. Something is wrong with Jack. Or is he just being a man. I hate men!

  She tightly closed her eyes and silently chanted, Come to me, Purple Angel. Give Me Wings.

  Purple Angel didn’t come. Mandy cried herself to sleep.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Mandy shot up in bed the next morning, her mind in hell as she shook her head, trying to rid the dream. It had been a fitful sleep and in the dream, she could see Jack, his face puckered up and red, and she could hear him grunting like a hog.

  She looked at the ring and twisted it around and around on her finger, it wasn’t large, but it weighed heavy on her delicate finger. Just as she was about to put her feet on the floor, Iris called from the bottom of the stairs. “Amanda, don’t dilly-dally this morning. I’m cooking breakfast. Get dressed and get down here. We’ve got to help your father load the cattle and haul them to the pasture behind the barn. Winter is here and they have to have shelter and be close by so we can feed them corn.”

  “Yes, Mother,” Mandy called back. How she dreaded having to load the cattle, but it was all a part of being a farmhand. She was trying to gather her thoughts and clear her head, still not sure if last night had been real or just another nightmare. When she took a step, she felt the pain between her legs. It happened. I’m just trying to deny it because I’m not sure how to deal with it.

  She wanted to clasp her hands over her ears as Iris continued, “After we load and unload the cattle, you need to go over the music for the new hymn the choir is going to be learning. You didn’t get it perfected last Wednesday after prayer meeting. They want to sing it next Sunday.”

  Mandy looked at her ring again. Then she pulled it off and put it in her bedside table drawer. I’m going to give it back and tell him to stick it. What he did to me wasn’t right. A ring doesn’t mean yes when I’m saying no. He’s a jackass!

  “Amanda! Did you hear me?”

  Mandy bristled. Now I know why I said yes. If I don’t get away from Iris, I’m going to choke the yell right out of her. She should have been a drill sergeant. She
started to put the ring back on her finger and break the news of her engagement at the breakfast table. Then she thought better of it. “I’m not ready for the sermons and the boo-hooing, today,” she mumbled. She walked over to the vanity and peered into the mirror. “Who are you? What have you gotten yourself into?”

  Nikko didn’t answer.

  Mandy hurried downstairs and into the bathroom. She turned on the water and filled the claw foot tub with hot water. As the tub filled, she grabbed a wash cloth and towel from the bathroom closet. She turned off the water, slipped off her gown and climbed into the hot bath. She picked up the soap bar and began to scrub her body, rubbing and scrubbing as if she were trying to rid herself of the touch and feel of Jack. She wanted to soak for at least an hour, but she knew she had to hurry and get to the breakfast table.

  She stepped out of the tub, towel dried, not bothering to lotion her body. She slipped her gown back on and rushed back upstairs, relieved that Iris wasn’t yelling at her before she finished her bath.

  She pulled on a pair of jeans, a heavy sweater, two pair of socks and her boots. She headed downstairs just as Iris called out, “Don’t make me come up there and get you. Breakfast is on the table!”

  During breakfast, Mandy looked at her parents, her emotions on a rollercoaster. She couldn’t stand being around them. She hated their strict rules. But she had her doubts if Jack was the right means and way of getting away from them. She did resent them, but now she held great resentment toward Jack.

  After the cattle had been loaded and unloaded, Mandy headed back to the house. Iris had lunch on the table. She ate, then went into the living room and practiced the new hymn. When Iris thought it sounded right, Mandy took another bath, then headed upstairs and put on clean clothes. I’m not going out with Jack tonight. I’m not ready to face him yet. I may never be able to look at him again.

  When Iris was in the bathroom, Mandy called and told Jack that she was grounded for sassing and she would see him next weekend. Jack put up a fuss, but Mandy didn’t give in. She just said, “Sorry. I’ve got to get off the phone. Bye.” She dropped the receiver.