Wings and Beyond

by Joy Redmond

  Screw you, you hotheaded sonofabitch! You’ve disowned us for your last time, Nikko cried.

  Mandy sat frozen as she waited for Kati and Tony to come back to the car. She silently prayed. If there is a God in heaven, please don’t let Iris come out here.

  Kati and Tony jumped into the car and Kati said, “They sure are mad this morning. What did you do?” Her little eyebrows shot up as she looked at her mother.

  “Yeah, I heard Granddaddy say ‘shit’,” Tony said. “He would have slapped me for saying that. And I thought Grandmother was going to faint dead on the floor.”

  How do I explain this one? Mandy wondered. She started the car and as she drove up the street, she said, “Billy and I came home real late last night. I was a little uneasy having to stay by myself, so he crashed on the couch. Grandmother used her house key, let herself in, and when she saw a man in my house and on my couch, she kinda lost her mind. Then, Granddaddy lost his.” Mandy kept driving and didn’t glance at them.

  “Well, that’s just plain stupid,” Kati said.

  “Yeah. Stupid,” Tony repeated. “Is Billy still there? He said he’d take me to the game room downtown and let me play the pinball machine. He said I couldn’t tilt, whatever that means.”

  “He said I could go too,” Kati said. “You’re not the favorite just because you’re a boy, like it is with Daddy.”

  Mandy didn’t bother to tell them to hush. She just drove home, wondering what she was going to do. She figured she could get extra work at the clinic, but it broke her heart to have to give up school.

  The story of our life. Close but no cigar, Nikko said.

  Billy took Kati and Tony to play games, and Mandy had the day to think. She called Nancy and told her that’s she’d work Christmas Day, double shift. “I need all the money I can get.”

  Christmas Eve, Jack came after the children instead of his parents, who always picked them up. He parked in front of the house and honked the horn. Kati cried. “It’s Daddy! He came to get us!”

  “We’ll get to spend Christmas with Daddy!” Tony said.

  Mandy felt as if an ice pick had been rammed into her heart. She remembered the many Christmases when she and her brothers would stand by the front window, their noses pressed to the glass as they waited and hoped to see Daddy’s car climbing the steep hill on Christmas Eve. She wiped a tear as she grabbed their coats and bundled them up.

  “Have a good time, kids. Be sure you’re home by nine o’clock. I have to get you up and get you over to Grandmother and Granddaddy’s so I can get to work on time.”

  The children kissed her, then ran out the door, down the hill, yelling, “Daddy!”

  “If it wasn’t Christmas, you wouldn’t be going to my parents’ house.” She walked over to the couch and sank as deeply as she could into the worn cushion. Suddenly, the Christmas tree lights began to come on and go off, over and over, as if somebody was plugging and unplugging them.

  “What’s that’s supposed to mean?” she mumbled. “It took you long enough to come back.”

  Chapter-Thirty

  Mandy watched Jack drive away with her children and she felt so empty and alone. The solitude in the house was disturbing so she went into the walk-in closet in her bedroom and dragged down presents from the top shelf. She took two armloads and placed them on the couch. “I hope they’re surprised. Knowing my two, they’ve already found them,” she said to Nikko.

  For the next hour, she wrapped presents, then carefully placed them under the tree. Just as she had the last one propped against a bottom branch, the doorbell rang. Oh, Billy. I really wanted to spend the evening by myself. I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to make it since my parents are on the warpath again.

  She opened the door and there stood Billy holding presents. “I brought Kati and Tony a couple things. I thought it would be a good time to put them under the tree.” He had a mischievous grin on his handsome face.

  “Come on in, Billy. I just put a few under the tree for them. When Jack brings them home, we’ll have our Christmas. I have to pull a double shift tomorrow.”

  “You’re working Christmas Day?”

  “Yes. I need the money and I don’t want to be around my parents. I was about to fix me a ham sandwich. Would you like to have one? It’s all I’ve got. Well, I have some chips.”

  “A ham sandwich and chips sounds good to me. Then maybe we can find a good Christmas movie on TV.” He settled down in one of the kitchen chairs.

  Jack brought Kati and Tony home at nine o’clock and waited while they unloaded all of their presents. It took them three trips to the car before they had brought in their haul. For the next hour, Mandy sat spellbound as the children showed her their presents. “You two sure got a lot of things. I was going to let you open what I got you, but how about we wait until I get off work tomorrow. I’ll be off to pick you up by six-thirty.”

  “Is it okay if they open what I got them?” Billy asked.

  “Sure,” Mandy said. She really wanted him to just go so she could enjoy the rest of the Christmas Eve with her children.

  Kati unwrapped her first present. It was a white jewelry box that opened to a soft pink interior. She lifted the hinged lid and watched a miniature ballerina twirling to the song, It’s A Small World. “I love it!” Kati cried. Then she opened the second one. She squealed with glee as she lifted four cards that held necklaces, bracelets and rings. “I’ll look like a princess!” She twirled around and around and then ran to Billy and gave him a big hug.

  “Can I open mine, Princess?” Tony asked, as he ripped off the paper on one present and held up a baseball mitt. “Wow. Now I can catch a ball!” His face shone with pleasure over the gift. He placed the mitt on the floor, then opened his other present. He lifted the lid from a box and pulled out a baseball. “A new ball!” His eyes lit up as he looked at Billy, then Mandy.

  Billy smiled and said, “I’m glad you two like what I got you. Now, I have a present for your mama.” He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small box and handed it to Mandy.

  Mandy’s hands trembled as she unwrapped it. Then she flipped up the top of a black velvet box, exposing a diamond ring. Déjà vu. She froze and couldn’t touch it. Her breath seemed to leave her body as her mind stood still and waited.

  Billy bent down on one knee, took the ring from the box and said, “Will you marry me?”

  “I—I don’t—”

  “Say yes, Mama!” both children cried. Mandy looked over at her two children, their eyes big and round and happy.

  Déjà vu. Mandy thought again.

  Nikko said, You might as well say yes. You’re cut off from Iris and Otis. You don’t make enough money to support the children now that they’re older. And the children love him. They finally have a daddy. They deserve a daddy.

  “Yes,” Mandy managed to whisper, but she felt herself slipping away as Billy slipped the ring on her finger. Come back. Don’t fly away. This is a happy day for the children. Don’t ruin it.

  Though she didn’t completely lose touch with reality, she was only half way in her body. She wasn’t sure where the other half had flown off to. She glanced at the clock. “It’s ten-thirty. We need to get to bed. Tomorrow we have to be up early.”

  She vaguely remember kissing Billy bye, tucking the children into bed, then going to bed herself.

  She was startled awake when the alarm sounded the next morning. She sat up, rubbed her heavy eyes, and wondered if she had dreamed the previous night. She lifted her left hand and saw the ring. It was real. Here I go again, marrying a man that I’m not in love with. But he’s good to me. He adores the children. I guess that’s good enough.

  She readied herself for work and she made sure Kati and Tony were dressed in proper attire for Christmas Day. She dropped the children off at her parents, not bothering to go inside, then headed for work. By the end of the second shift, she was exhausted, mentally and physically.

  She pulled up in front of the Hodges’ house an
d sat for a long moment, wanting to honk the horn, but she knew the children would need help with their presents, and more than likely either Otis or Iris would come out and the verbal war would continue.

  She slowly made her way to the front door. Just as she went to turn the door knob, Tony threw the door open. “Mama, we got all kinds of stuff. And we told Grandmother and Granddaddy that we’re gonna get a new daddy.”

  Crapola! Just another thing for them to preach about, Mandy thought as she hugged Tony, then Kati ran to Mandy for a hug. “Are you ready to go, kids? I’ll help you carry things to the car.” She avoided eye contact with Otis and Iris.

  Otis sat quietly on the couch.

  Iris handed Mandy a white envelope. “Your Christmas card,” she said, and her eyes filled with tears.

  “Thank you,” Mandy said, and slipped the envelope into her purse.

  Otis carried all the presents out to the car, but he didn’t have anything to say. He hugged the children, and wished them a Merry Christmas, then shut the car door. He stood there watching as she pulled away from the house, his face a mask of emotions.

  Before Mandy went to bed, she took the envelope out of her purse and opened it. Two, one-hundred dollar bills, stared back at her. She held her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming aloud. It’s enough to pay my tuition! I’ll be able to start back to school for the winter semester. Come fall, I’ll start my last year of nursing classes. I’m going to make it after all!

  It was her new beginning again, and with a joyful and thankful heart, she started her classes and she was determined to become a nurse.

  Mandy was out for spring break, and Billy insisted they get married.

  March 6th, 1970, they exchanged wedding vows in the rectory of First Baptist Church. Kati and Tony were the only ones in attendance. They had no honeymoon, but Mandy was happy just staying home with the children before she went back to school.

  For the next six months, life was good. Billy still kept the children laughing and Mandy laughed with them. I finally have a home filled with laughter and love, she thought.

  At times, Billy had too much to drink, and he became verbally abusive to Mandy and the children. At those times, Mandy would pitch a fit and threaten to kick him out of the house. Billy would promise to stop drinking and beg until Mandy gave in for the sake of the children. Kati and Tony loved Billy, and she didn’t have the heart to take two daddies away from them.

  In September, Mandy began her first semester of nursing classes. This semester and one more, she happily thought as she readied herself for class. A week after classes started, she was dragging and was barely able to get through the day. One morning she awoke, ran for the bathroom and threw up. She washed her face with cold water, then looked in the mirror. “Nikko, please tell me this is not what I think.”

  Check your calendar, Nikko said.

  Mandy hurried into the kitchen and flipped back the pages of the calendar. She looked at the date with the red X on it. Holy Mother of God! I’m three weeks late!

  For the next two weeks, she was sick at her stomach, all day, and several times she had to leave the classroom, and she barely made it to the restroom before she threw up. We’ve been having sex for over a year and we’ve never used any form of birth control. Maybe I’ve got food poisoning.

  A week later, Dr. Harold confirmed she was pregnant. She drove home wiping tears. The last thing I need or want is another baby. Why? she silently asked God, as she held her palms toward the sky.

  When the children were in bed for the night, and Billy drank his last beer, she sat down on the couch beside him. “Billy, are you sober enough to understand what I’m about to tell you?”

  “I’m not drunk! Will you get off your high horse? Shit fire, woman! A man can’t have a couple beers in his own home!” He turned and stared at her, his eyes glazed over and the smell of alcohol weaved its way to her. She flinched, then Nikko jumped out.

  “This is my home. You just live here. You promised that you’d stop drinking, but you drink more every day. Our baby doesn’t need a drunk for a daddy!”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Well, one of your sperm grew a tail or learned how to swim without one because I’m pregnant!”

  Billy jumped up from the couch, his face stovepipe red, and yelled. “You fuckin’ whore! Who’s the sonofabitch you slept with?” His eyes seemed to whirl in his head as he faced her.

  “How dare you accuse me of sleeping with another man! You’re the sonofabitch who impregnated me. Deal with it!” She stomped off toward the bedroom. She heard the front door open, then slam shut. “Good. Get out of my sight,” she said as she ran for the commode. She heaved until she felt a muscle pull loose from her side.

  When it was over, she wiped her face, then rubbed her stomach and whispered. “Poor little baby. Your mama don’t want you and your daddy won’t claim you. I’m so sorry. I know you’re a blessing, but I just can’t be happy about you. Please forgive your selfish mama.”

  Mandy managed to make it through the semester, but her clothes were cutting off her air. The bigger she grew with child, the more Billy drank, and more he accused her of having an affair. He called her every vile name in the English language, and hatred began to grow inside Mandy along with the baby.

  July 7th, 1971, Mandy gave birth to a little girl who weighed six pounds and six ounces. The nurse placed the infant into her mother’s arms. Mandy looked into the face of her precious daughter and she melted. Her heart sang love as she looked at her beautiful new daughter.

  “Hi, Abbie. I’m your mommy. I love you, my sweet little angel. You have a sister, Kati. She’s nine but she’ll be ten in two months. You also have a brother, Tony. He’s six, and he’ll be seven in three months. You’ve got a lot of people who love you, little darling.”

  As she held Abbie, tears ran down her face. Will Billy ever accept her? Mandy closed her eyes, wondering if she’d be able to make it through life with all the slaps in the face that life just kept dealing her.

  Suddenly, the scent of roses wafted around her head. She opened her eyes, smiled, and said, “Thank you, Mama. Are the roses for me or for your new granddaughter?”

  Chills ran the length of her spine as she looked back down at her baby and saw a gold halo encircling Abbie’s tiny head.

  Truly a gift from God, Nikko whispered. She’ll be the greatest blessing that you’ll ever have in your lifetime. She really is your angel. I know how to interpret a message from the spirit world.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Three days later, Mandy and Abbie were dismissed from the hospital and Mandy was thrilled she was taking her brand new daughter home. Mandy was holding Abbie and peering out the window when Billy came into the room. “Iris brought Kati and Tony home this morning. They’re waiting for us. Are you ready to go home, little mama?”

  “As soon as a nurse brings us a wheelchair. Go bring the car around to the front entrance and we’ll meet you there.”

  The drive home was done in silence. Billy pulled up the driveway and parked the car in the garage and shut off the engine. He came around the car and opened the door for Mandy. “Here, I’ll carry your baby in for you.”

  “My baby? Are you still going to deny that she belongs to you? If so, then you keep your damn hands off of her, get in your pickup truck and get the hell out of our lives!”

  Billy reached for the baby. “She’s mine. I love her. You and the three children are all that I live for. But do you know how insecure you keep me? Every time you get pissed off, you threaten to kick me out. You castrate me every chance you get. I’m doing the best I can to be a husband and daddy,” he whined, and sounded pathetic.

  “We’ll continue this conversation later. Now isn’t the time. Just help me in the house.”

  Billy carried Abbie into the house, cooing to her, and Mandy trailed behind him, fighting tears. She sat on the couch and Billy placed Abbie into her arms. Tony ran over and rubbed his hand over the tiny
head. “She’s so sweet,” he said, and kissed her cheek.

  Kati ran up the hallway and into the living room. She looked over at the baby, then ran out the front door, her double ponytails swinging back and forth.

  Goosebumps rose on Mandy’s arms. The vision is now a reality. I saw all this when Tony was just two weeks old. I had forgotten.

  Later that afternoon, Iris and Otis came to visit their new granddaughter. They seemed to light up as they held her and told her how much they loved her. “Amanda, this one looks just like Billy. Blonde hair, bright blue eyes and the same square jawbone,” Iris said.

  “She looks like Ceil, Billy’s mother. But Billy looks like his mother, so I guess she looks like both of them. I guess that’s fair. Kati looks just like me, with the exception of the almond-shaped brown eyes. Tony is the spitting image of my daddy, Ted Randall, with the exception of the brown eyes.”

  Mandy wondered how Ceil would act when she saw her granddaughter. Ceil was hardcore Catholic, and when Billy married Mandy, a divorced woman, he was excommunicated from the church. Ceil had never accepted the marriage and Abbie was a bastard, according to her religion, and Billy was hellbound because he was no longer a Catholic. Mandy was to blame for the damnation of Billy’s soul.

  There’s some crazy ass people in this world, and all because of religion. Nikko said. Screw religion. God knows the truth. He understands. That’s all that matters.

  You got that right, Nikko. And since Otis and Iris don’t pay the bills anymore, I haven’t been to church for two years. I have no plans of ever going back. I cut that string.

  Otis and Iris went home and Mandy put Abbie in the bassinet, planning on taking a nap herself when she saw Ceil and Marlin pull up the driveway. “Well, Abbie. Your other grandparents are here. They hate me, but I guess they’ll love you. And that’s all that matters.” She wanted nothing better than a good nap in her own bed, but it was not going to happen as she let the other set of grandparents in.