by Alexa Land
“Is that what you really want, or are you just doing it to try to take some of the wind out of the paparazzi’s sails?”
“I really want to do this. I miss performing and this would be an easy way to transition back to that. Plus, like I said before, I really want to give back to my fans and I think they’d enjoy this. Don’t you?”
“I think they’d love it,” I said, “but it might not help with the paparazzi.”
“Yeah, maybe not. Still though, I think this could be worthwhile. I’ll call Eddie tomorrow and see if he wants to be involved.”
“I’m sure he will.”
“We do need to figure out a way to live with the paparazzi though, no matter what ends up happening with this,” he said. “They’re far too aggressive to simply ignore them and go about our business.”
I swept his hair back and rested my head on his shoulder as I said, “We talked about getting a couple bodyguards. Maybe we need to go ahead and do that. Dante could find us some reliable people.”
“I guess we’re going to have to. I don’t like having a lot of people hanging about, but that would mean we could leave the house occasionally.”
“It’s been fun staying in,” I said with a grin. We’d basically spent the last month in bed together at the house in Marin.
Zan grinned, too. “I loved every minute of that, but we’re doing just as I feared. You’re turning into a hermit with me, and you deserve more of a life than that.”
“I know you don’t want to get stuck again, so we’ll figure this out. You don’t have to worry about me, though. I’m perfectly happy wherever you are.”
He kissed me, then smiled and said, “Did you notice we’re the only people on the rooftop? Maybe we should go in and see if my son needs a hand cleaning up.” I hadn’t noticed anything but the gorgeous man in my arms.
We found an impromptu cocktail party going on in the ground floor living room of the three story house. The couple had been furnishing their stylish space with modern, clean-lined furniture, which was a great contrast to the bold artwork. Christian had been painting a vibrant mural on the living room wall, and one of Skye’s metal sculptures reached up to the high ceiling. The sculpture was of two men in a loving embrace, a wedding present to the couple that he’d brought over in sections and assembled right in the living room over the past few weeks.
Most of the wedding guests had gone home, and the remaining group was raising a toast to the caterer and photographer when we came into the room. Skye’s brother River, along with River’s boyfriend Cole, had provided a delicious buffet for the reception as their wedding gift to the couple. Chance’s gift had been the photographs he’d been taking all night. He was still at it, snapping pictures of the toast, and I put my arm around him and said, “I didn’t see you sit down once all evening. Come and relax.”
He finally relented, dropping down onto the loveseat beside Zan and me. Christian and Shea sat across from us, curled up in an oversized club chair. They both looked incredibly content. To my right, the trio of groomsmen, Leo, Cas and Ridley, were lined up on the couch, leaning on each other and snoring. They’d been doing shots earlier, and apparently the alcohol had caught up with them. Finn, the other groomsman, had left a couple hours ago to cover a late shift at the department. River and Cole sat to my left with their feet up, Cole’s head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, and Skye and Dare manned the bar. “We invented a new cocktail called the Nollane, in honor of Shea Nolan and Christian Tillane,” Skye said, and then he grinned broadly. “I guess that’s obvious. Anyway, it’s pretty damn tasty. I’ll make some for you and your sweetie, Gi.” He was pretty tipsy. Apparently perfecting the recipe had required a lot of taste testing.
“Thanks, but shouldn’t we be taking off?” I asked. “The newlyweds probably want to get some rest. Or, you know, find ways to keep each other up all night.”
“We can sleep on the plane,” Christian said. Zan’s wedding present to them had been a month-long honeymoon at an exclusive private resort. They were departing in the morning. “After that, I plan to let Shea get very little rest in Tahiti.” He smiled at his husband, who kissed him and pulled him onto his lap. I noticed that Christian was looking really well. His last round of chemo had been completed weeks ago. Since then he’d gained a couple pounds, and the color had returned to his complexion. His hair was growing back, too, and was almost an inch long.
As Skye and Dare passed around some cocktails, Chance told Zan and me, “I’ve been meaning to say thanks again for hiring me as your assistant while you were in Tahoe. I bought a used car with the way too generous salary you paid me. I’m going to use it in the fall for a road trip and visit my brother and mom in southern Wyoming. After that, I’m going to drive to the opposite end of the state and see if I can track down the man who fathered me. It’s a total long-shot, but I figure it won’t hurt to go and ask a few questions.”
“Wow Chance, that’s huge,” I said. “Is anyone going with you?”
“I asked my friend Zachary, but he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t see why I’d want to do any of this, both because he knows my mom and I have a lot of issues and because he doesn’t think that man would be worth finding, even if I somehow managed it.” Chance took a sip of the drink Dare had given him and added, “Actually, I’m glad my friend turned me down. This really is something I should do on my own.”
“I hope that goes well for you. If you need anything while you’re on the road, be sure to call us,” I told him. My friend thanked me and squeezed my hand.
A little while later when I went into the kitchen for a glass of water, Christian followed me and said, “Can I talk to you a minute, Gianni?”
“Of course.”
He fidgeted a bit, leaning against the edge of the black granite countertop as he said, “I have to admit, I was pretty thrown off when you and my dad first got together. All I saw was your age difference, so I really didn’t get it. But I’ve watched you two together, and it’s so obvious that you really love each other. I’ve also seen such an amazing transformation in Zan and it’s wonderful to see him so happy. It means the world to me that he’s here, in my home, and that he was at my side when I married Shea. All of that’s because of you. That’s why I wanted to say thank you. I’m so glad my dad has you now.”
I gave him a hug as I said, “Thank you too, Christian. I never would have met Zan if it wasn’t for you, and your support means a lot.”
When we let go of each other, he grinned embarrassedly and changed the subject by saying, “I’m having more cake. Do you want another piece?”
“Why not?” I said, and took the plate he handed me.
*****
It was almost three a.m. by the time Zan and I got home. He draped his jacket over the back of the couch in the living room, then dropped down onto it and slid off his dress shoes with a sigh of relief. “I should have convinced Christian and Shea to get married on the beach, so I could go barefoot.”
I tossed my suit jacket beside his and rolled back my sleeves as I came around the couch. “You looked so sexy all dressed up,” I told him as I knelt down in front of him. “Now you just need me to fix you up again.”
I stripped off his socks, lifted his right foot into my lap and began massaging it. Zan groaned with pleasure, but then he said, “You don’t have to do that, love. You must be tired.”
“Please let me. I really want to make you feel good.” I carefully pushed my thumbs into the ball of his foot and drew them in a circle.
Zan let his head fall back against the couch and murmured, “That feels too amazing to stop you.”
I massaged his feet for several minutes, and when he seemed completely relaxed I slid my hands up his thighs. He raised a lid and grinned at me as I stroked his cock through his clothes. It responded instantly.
I unfastened his belt and his pants, then started sucking him. His low moan made me happy. I’d been wanting to do this all day and took my time, enjoying the velvety texture against my
lips and the slightly salty taste of his precum. I slid my hands around his waist as I deep-throated him and he ran his fingers into my hair and muttered, “Oh God.” He let me keep going for a couple more minutes before he whispered, “I need to be inside you, Gianni.”
He removed my tie, then fumbled with the buttons on my shirt. In just a minute I was stripped naked, and Zan pulled me onto his lap and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, “Please Alexzander, tie me up.”
“Sure, love,” he said, then stood up, taking me with him. I laughed in surprise as he dropped me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and headed for the stairs.
When we got to our bedroom he laid me on the mattress and climbed on top of me. Then he just paused for a moment and stared at me. I chuckled and said, “What?”
“You’re just so extraordinarily beautiful. It takes my breath away.” I grinned at him and he began kissing his way down my body. When he reached my cock, he sucked me until I was hard, then rolled over to my nightstand and pulled out a length of soft cotton cord. He used it to quickly bind my wrists together, then tied them to one of the posts at the foot of the bed. I sighed contentedly.
Zan lubed his cock before pushing it into me, and I relaxed and parted my legs for him. He fucked me slowly, watching my reactions, and murmured, “My sweet, amazing Gianni. Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
I grinned and said, “I’m going to go ahead and guess a lot?”
That made him smile. “Total understatement, love.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Three months later
“I’m nervous and excited at the same time,” Nana said. “I don’t know if I want to cheer or upchuck.”
“Go with cheering,” I said. “It’s less messy.”
Nana stood up straight as a big security guard walked past, holding up the V.I.P. badge that hung around her neck. She pointed it at him, then spun and mirrored his progress with it until he was out of range. We were backstage at the L.A. Coliseum, and she was dressed head to toe in white leather, including knee-high platform boots, pants, and a little jacket that she wore over a demure pink blouse. I had to grin at her ensemble.
Jessie rushed up to us with Nico and Chance right behind him and exclaimed, “I’m so excited that I could puke!”
“That seems to be popular right now,” I told him.
“How are you so calm, Gianni?”
“I’m faking it.”
He grabbed me in a hug and said, “This is amazing. Amazing! I can’t believe I’m here, and I can’t believe where I’m going tomorrow. I’ll never be able to thank you enough. Never!”
When he let go of me, Nana patted my cheek and said, “That’s my Johnnie. He’s a good boy, him and his sweetie both.” We’d bought Nana a first-class trip to Italy, as a way of thanking her for all she did for the family. She was departing the next day. We’d decided to send Jessie with her for company, along with my cousin Nico, who needed a vacation desperately before he began another grueling semester of law school. Jessie had never been out of the country before and had been bubbling with excitement for weeks, ever since we told him about the trip.
Vincent, Trevor and their son joined us, followed by Dante and Charlie, then Mikey and Marie and the kids. They’d been back in the green room and Josh was holding a half-eaten cupcake. He told me, “I just met the lead singer of Mayday. He was so cool! Wait until I tell the kids at school about this! Yoshi met him, too. I think they like each other. They were, like, all flirty and stuff.”
I glanced at Vincent, who said, “That’s a pretty accurate summation.”
Christian and Shea were right beside me, and Christian murmured, “Listen to that. It’s absolutely surreal.”
The crowd of ninety-two thousand people had begun chanting in unison. It started low and grew louder and louder. “Zan, Zan, Zan, Zan!”
My boyfriend was the last act of the night. When he released his first song-of the-week right after his son’s wedding, he was asked to headline a concert raising money for a national charity that helped LGBT runaways. Once he signed on, the response by his fans was so overwhelming that the concert had been moved to the largest venue available. It seemed fitting that his return to performing would be here, as if he was finally getting to finish what he started.
Zan had been doing a final check with the sound crew, and he came up to me and spun me around, then kissed me passionately. His eyes were alight, his smile wide and genuine. “You doing okay?” I asked him.
“Right as rain, love,” he told me. “This is as familiar to me as breathing.”
The radio DJ that had been MCing the event walked up to us and asked, “Are you ready, Mr. Tillane?”
“It’s just Zan,” my boyfriend told him. “And I am, absolutely.”
The DJ jogged out onto the wide stage and introduced him. The sound of thousands of people cheering was utterly overwhelming, but Zan just winked at me as a technician clicked on his earpiece, and then he walked out onto the stage. He was dressed the way he always did at home, in a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled back and old 501s, his feet bare. He’d thought about dressing up, but ultimately decided to just be himself.
Zan went to the microphone at center stage and said, “I want to thank all of you for coming out tonight and supporting a great cause. This first song is called Loved You Forever. Go ahead and sing along if you know the words.”
He then began to sing an a Capella version of one of his biggest hits. His beautiful voice filled the stadium, clear and resonant. “Oh my God,” Christian whispered, linking arms with me while his husband hugged him around the waist. “I can’t believe he started with that. Dad wrote that song for me.” Shea kissed his cheek and Christian murmured, “I never thought I’d get to see this.”
Nana picked up my free hand. “Sweet baby Jesus, what a voice,” she exclaimed.
Yosh jogged up to us just then. He stood behind me, draping an arm over my shoulder. When I glanced at him, he grinned happily before we both turned our attention back to the stage.
It was an amazing sight to look out over the massive, sold-out arena. We were just off-stage, behind a heavy, black curtain, and could see about half the crowd from our angle. The audience was on its feet, swaying like waves in the ocean, and they were singing. More and more joined in, a chorus of thousands filling the night. It was so beautiful and powerful that it gave me goosebumps.
When the song ended, the applause was absolutely deafening. Zan smiled at the crowd and said, “Cheers, thanks a lot. It’s nice to know you remember the words. It’s nice to know I do, too.” The crowd laughed appreciatively and broke into another round of deafening applause as Zan went to the black grand piano that was slightly stage right. He sat down facing me, in profile to the audience, and started to play. At first he just idly picked out a melody while he talked to the crowd. I was amazed by how perfectly at home he was. Zan invited the audience to sing along again and launched into another of his hits.
He performed for over two and a half hours, either singing a Capella or accompanying himself on the piano. He’d thought about bringing in a band and staging a full production, but had decided in the end to just make it about the music. It was the right call and the crowd clearly loved the intimacy of what he was doing. They remained on their feet, singing along and swaying to the music throughout the concert.
I watched him out on the stage and in close-up on the monitors beside me, which showed the three massive screens that backed him. He looked happy and relaxed, and was obviously enjoying himself. Zan was totally in his element.
Finally he addressed the audience and said, “I want to thank all of you again for being here tonight. I’m going to do one more song for you before I bid you farewell, and I’d like to ask my boyfriend Gianni to join me on stage for this one.” He looked at me in the wings and said into the mic, “What do you say, love? Will you come on out here?”
My heart pounded wildly as I walke
d onto the stage. It was thrilling, but pretty overwhelming, too. The crowd was cheering and the lights were incredibly bright. I couldn’t look at the audience, it was just too much. I also couldn’t look at the giant screen to my right at the back of the stage, since a cameraman had focused on my face, and it appeared fifteen feet high on the screen. Instead, I just kept my eyes on Zan, and that made all the difference.
As I sat beside him on the bench, he said, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, love, but it seemed fitting that you’d join me. You’re the reason I’m here, after all. You woke me up and brought me back into the world.” He dropped his gaze as his fingers picked out a tune on the keys. “I wrote a song for you. Actually, you don’t know this but I’ve written twenty-six songs for you since we met, in addition to the one I played for you on your birthday. Some of them are a bit crap, I must admit. I’m so totally head-over-heels in love with you that it’s difficult to write songs that are anything more than, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’, a million times over. Nothing can convey how much you mean to me, but this says a little. It’s called Belonging.”
He began to sing and I watched in awe as his graceful hands danced over the keys. The melody was gorgeous and the lyrics were sweet and sincere. Zan sang, “Please be my forever, and let me be yours.” The song was a pledge and a promise. My heart felt so full.
As the music washed over me, I looked up at the huge screens. The biggest one in the center showed Zan and me in close-up. A couple cameramen were panning over the crowd and broadcasting people in the audience on the other two screens. What I saw sent the tears I’d been trying to hold back tumbling down my cheeks.
All those people, thousands of them, were listening to the words and they were making the song theirs, taking it into their hearts. Two women in their forties kissed tenderly on screen, and a straight couple in their thirties embraced as they swayed to the music. A group of five friends had their arms around each other’s shoulders, and a young gay man of about twenty kissed his date on the cheek shyly. I turned away from the screens and looked out over the crowd.