For years now, he’d dreamed of using some of the money he’d inherited from his parents to buy a small ranch somewhere in the hill country—a place where kids could go to learn about nature and working outdoors and being part of a’ team. A place where they could discover their own self-worth and build’ their own dreams and maybe, just maybe, gain the strength and determination to make those dreams come true.
But how could he tell his grandmother and his future father-in-law, not to mention his future wife, that he had no interest in the companies that fueled their every waking thought? That he wanted to drop out of the rat race and do something that they would consider totally unrealistic—a romantic pipe dream. But the bottom line was, even if he could see himself disappointing them, how could he ask Roxanne to give up the work she loved and the city that suited her so perfectly, to go off to the country with him and lead a life so different from anything she had ever known?
He couldn’t.
That’s why he was still here.
He knew he shouldn’t complain. He knew he was fortunate, that there were thousands, probably millions of people in the world who would trade places with him in a heartbeat. But no matter how many times he told himself this, he couldn’t help how he felt.
With a resigned grimace, he stood and stretched his cramped muscles. He glanced out the windows behind him, which faced west. The June sky was a bright, clear blue, and far below, rush-hour traffic jammed the downtown streets and freeways. Today the sight depressed him even more than it usually did. Gathering up his briefcase, he turned off his computer, closed up his office and headed for the parking garage.
Well, he thought, it might have been a hell of a day, but at least he had the evening to look forward to. He hadn’t seen Roxanne all week, and he’d missed her. But along with the anticipation he felt was a kernel of disquiet.
He hoped she’d be content to stay in tonight. It would be nice to order a pizza or Chinese takeout and just sit outside and relax in the walled courtyard of the patio home he’d purchased two months earlier. But knowing Roxanne, she would probably want to go out to dinner. She loved being around people, and seemed to crave a constant diet of noise and lights and activity.
David frowned. Lately she’d seemed even more restless than usual, her entire body thrumming with nervous energy and an edginess that disturbed him.
Sometimes he wondered if he could make Roxanne happy. He hated having these negative thoughts, but they seemed to be coming more and more often lately.
He’d been telling himself that once they were married, she’d calm down. Her tension was probably just prewedding jitters. Or maybe it was sexual frustration. God knows, he’d felt enough of that himself.
Unlocking his four-wheel-drive Bronco, David thought about the past two years, remembering how he’d felt when he’d laid eyes on Roxanne again after not having seen her for so long. How the fascination she’d held for him when they were kids returned, and with it, a new, adult emotion that was a combination of love and desire. He’d wanted her almost immediately, but she’d held him off with an elusiveness that had almost driven him crazy.
She’d gone out with him when he asked her, but she’d refused to be pinned down when he’d tried to talk about his feelings. And then one day, shocking him because he had almost given up hope, she’d suddenly accepted his proposal of marriage. But she still wouldn’t let him make love to her. She’d said she wanted to wait until they were married. She’d said she felt waiting would give their eventual union more meaning.
How could he argue with that? Although it was tough to wait longer, he was pleased and proud that, despite her outer sophistication, down deep where it counted, she was old-fashioned.
So he had agreed.
But lately he’d been having doubts. Maybe it had been stupid on his part to have consented to wait, Maybe, if they were already lovers, Roxanne would be more satisfied and content. Maybe…
Aw, hell, it was too late to worry about that now. He resolutely pushed his doubts from his mind. In ten days Roxanne would be his wife, and then there would be no more waiting…for anything.
Rachel lay in the tub, bubbles up to her chin, head resting on a tub pillow, listening to Van Cliburn’s magical fingers rippling through a Chopin waltz. Dotted around the raised platform surrounding the tub were half a dozen lighted candles in crystal candleholders.
She lifted her left hand and allowed the candlelight to play across the diamond ring on her ring finger. She had been unable to resist keeping it on for a while. Pretending, for just a short time, that she was the one engaged to David.
She closed her eyes.
Imagined herself wearing the exquisite lace wedding dress hanging in Roxanne’s closet…the expectant hush just before the organ music began to play… walking slowly down the carpeted aisle of St. John’s on her father’s arm…the scent of roses drifting in the air…David waiting at the altar…their eyes meeting…his smile…
Suddenly, shattering her fantasy, the doorbell chimed.
“Oh, phooey!” She considered ignoring the visitor—she certainly wasn’t expecting anyone—but like a ringing telephone, the doorbell demanded her attention.
Sighing, she stepped out of the tub, wrapped her head in a towel and her dripping body in her thick terry-cloth robe, and hurried out to the foyer of the town house she shared with her twin.
She peered out of the peephole. Her heart knocked against her rib cage. David! With suddenly shaking hands, she unlocked the door.
He smiled down at her. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Her heart was beating too fast. It always beat too fast when she saw David. She self-consciously gripped the folds of her robe together. “C’mon in.” As he followed her into the foyer, shutting the door behind him, she said, “I—I was taking a bath. That’s why it took me so long to get to the door.”
She clutched the folds of the robe tighter, acutely aware of her nakedness under it. Just as she was about to say that Roxanne wasn’t home, he reached out and drew her into his arms.
“Are we alone?” he murmured, smiling down into her eyes.
“Y-yes, but—”
“That’s good.” Then, before she had a chance to even think, he lowered his mouth to hers.
The kiss was hot and possessive—a lover’s kiss. Rachel’s head spun as first shock, then desire banished all rational thought. She melted against him, years of silent love and yearning pouring into her response. Sensations pummeled her. The warmth of his lips, the taste of his tongue, the hint of stubble on his chin, the strength of his arms, the pure maleness of his body hard against hers. Need arrowed through her.
It was only as he slowly broke the kiss that reality intruded, and with it a rush of pure panic. Oh, dear Lord! What have I done? What am I going to say? He thinks I’m Roxanne.
He leaned his forehead against hers. “God, Rox-anne, I don’t know if I can wait ten more days.”
His voice was ragged. His hands slid lower, cupping her bottom and pulling her closer as his mouth trailed to the hollow of her throat.
She could feel his arousal against her, and her heart hammered crazily. “D-David,” she said. “W-wait. Stop.”
With all the willpower Rachel possessed, she managed to extricate herself from his arms. It was only then that she saw the ring, sparkling brilliantly under the lights of the chandelier.
Good heavens.
No wonder there’d been no question in his mind about her identity. In the past, if he wasn’t sure who was who, he would say Roxanne’s name, and if it was Rachel, she would smile and correct him.
Shame radiated through her, and Rachel couldn’t meet his eyes. How could she tell him now that he’d been mistaken, that she was really Rachel? How could she possibly justify her actions?
Oh, no…
What would he think of her? And how was she going to be able to face him in the future? The knowledge that she was wearing Roxanne’s ring pounded through her brain. What possible excuse could she give for th
at damning fact?
In that moment Rachel wanted the floor to open up and swallow her.
“Roxanne…you’re upset,” he said, his voice gentle. He reached for Rachel’s hand, the one wearing his ring.
Rachel’s heart beat furiously as she raised her eyes to his. She saw consternation and tenderness, apology and love. She knew, in that moment, that she would rather die than tell him the truth, because if he knew the truth, he would eventually figure out the reason behind her behavior. And then his dark eyes would be filled with pity, and she would have to live the rest of her life knowing he felt sorry for her.
“No, I’m not upset,” she managed to say in a voice that sounded almost normal, almost calm. “It—it’s just that I don’t feel well. I think I have a fever.”
Concern immediately clouded his eyes, and he cursed softly. “I should be shot, practically mauling you when you’re sick. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be silly, David,” she said, using the tone of voice Roxanne would have used. “How could you know?”
He put his arms around her again, but this time he held her loosely. He kissed her forehead. “You do feel kind of hot. Have you taken anything?”
Of course she felt hot She was hot with shame and humiliation. Hot with guilt.
Hot with desire.
“Not yet. But I’m planning to, and then I’m planning to go to bed and stay there.”
He kissed her forehead again. “Good. You do that. And I’ll call you in the morning.” He pulled back a little and smiled down at her. “Do you have any sessions tomorrow?”
“Only one, but I can cancel it if I have to.”
Roxanne was a fashion consultant who contracted with companies to hold seminars and workshops for their employees, where she advised them on their wardrobes and makeup. Earlier, Roxanne had told Rachel about tomorrow’s schedule. Thank God, Rachel thought.
“Okay. Well, get a good night’s sleep, sweetheart.” He tipped her chin up and kissed her lightly. “I love you,” he whispered.
“Oh, David.” She was ridiculously close to tears. “I love you, too.” If you only knew…
He gave her another hug, and then he was gone.
The moment the door closed behind him, Rachel began to tremble. She staggered back to her bedroom, threw herself across the bed and burst into tears.
Chapter Two
David whistled all the way home. The niggling doubt he’d felt on his way to Roxanne’s house had disappeared in the wake of her eager and passionate response to him tonight.
His body stirred in remembrance.
What an idiot he was. Obviously, Roxanne wanted him just as much as he wanted her, and tonight, because she wasn’t feeling well and her defenses were down, she’d shown him her desire in a completely satisfying way.
He smiled.
Everything was going to be all right. In fact, once they were married, everything—at least, everything concerning their relationship—was going to be great.
He’d been worrying for nothing.
And who knew, maybe someday he’d even be able to talk to her about his dream.
Rachel knew she had to tell Roxanne about what had happened, before Roxanne talked to David again. So she waited up until her sister got home. Even though it was after two in the morning, Rachel had no problem staying awake. She was still too upset with herself and too ashamed of her actions to be able to sleep.
Every time she thought about her abandoned response to David’s kiss, she wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. Her only comfort was in knowing that he’d had no idea she wasn’t Roxanne.
The moment she heard the garage door going up she walked downstairs and out to the kitchen. A few minutes later, the door that led directly from the kitchen to the garage opened.
Roxanne, hair tousled, eyes dreamy and lips bare of lipstick and swollen from kissing, walked in. Her eyes widened. “Rach? Why are you still up? Is something wrong?”
Rachel swallowed. She had rehearsed what she would say. “No. Nothing’s wrong. But something did happen tonight.” At Roxanne’s expression of alarm, Rachel hurriedly added, “It’s nothing bad. Just something you need to know about before you talk to David again.”
Roxanne dumped her purse and car keys on the kitchen table. She sighed. “What now?”
“Well…I was taking a bath…and the doorbell rang.” Rachel kept her gaze steady, her tone casual. Above all, she did not want Roxanne to know how disturbed she was. “It was David.”
“So?”
“He, um, mistook me for you.” She managed a chuckle and was proud of herself.
Roxanne laughed. “What else is new? He’s always getting us mixed up.”
“I know, but this time, before I could tell him otherwise, he kissed me and, well, to tell you the truth, I was so flabbergasted, I let him. And then it just seemed easier somehow to keep pretending I was you. You know, less embarrassing all the way around. Anyway, I said I wasn’t feeling well and planned to spend the evening in bed,” she finished in a rush. “I just wanted you to know, because he plans to call you in the morning to see how you’re feeling, and I didn’t want you to be blindsided.”
Roxanne smiled wryly. “He kissed you, huh? And he still thought you were me?”
“Yes.” Rachel couldn’t believe it. Roxanne wasn’t upset. In fact, she seemed amused. If it had been Rachel, and Roxanne had confessed to kissing her fiané, she’d have been upset.
More than upset.
She’d have been jealous.
Suddenly Rachel knew that her worries about Roxanne and her attitude toward David and their impending marriage were not silly. There was a serious problem here. A very serious problem.
Roxanne sank into one of the kitchen chairs. Her smile slowly faded, and suddenly her eyes were filled with torment. “Oh, God, Rach. What a mess my life is in. And this episode with David tonight, it only proves what I’ve been thinking for a long time. I mean, if he couldn’t tell the difference between us when he kissed you, doesn’t that say something about our relationship?”
Many times during the past hours Rachel had wondered the same thing.
Roxanne put her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do,” she said in a muffled voice.
Rachel sat down, too, scooting her chair close to her sister’s. She touched Roxanne’s shoulder. “Roxie, look at me.”
Roxanne lowered her hands. Her troubled eyes met Rachel’s.
“Do you love David?” Rachel asked gently.
Roxanne nodded slowly. “Yes.”
“Then why don’t you stop this? Tell this Carlos person to get lost.”
“I know that’s what I should do, but I—I just can’t seem to make myself.”
“But honey, if you love David…”
“That’s the trouble.” Roxanne’s voice sounded sadder than Rachel had ever heard it. “I do love him…but I’ve…recently I’ve come to realize I’m not in love with him. I guess I’ve been afraid to admit it to myself. I knew something wasn’t right because I…” She hesitated. “I didn’t want him, you know, physically. I kept telling myself that after we were married, it would be better. But now I know that’s not true. Meeting Carlos, and the way I feel about him…” She swallowed. “The way I want him…it’s changed everything.”
The words hovered in the air around them.
Rachel took a deep breath. “If that’s true, you’ve got to tell David. Before it’s too late.”
“Oh, God,” Roxanne moaned. “How can I? Daddy will kill me. You know he has his heart set on this marriage. In fact, that’s the whole reason I got engaged to David in the first place. I realize that now. I knew how Daddy felt. Shoot, he told me how he felt. He said he knew David wanted to marry me and how nothing would make him happier, and, I don’t know, there was David pressuring me on one side and Daddy on the other, and it just seemed easier to go along with them.”
Rachel’s tender heart filled with pity. She could understand how, even in something as
important as this, Roxanne could bend to their father’s will. Wylie Carlton did have his heart set on this marriage. David Han-son was the closest thing to a son he’d ever have, and what better way of insuring the future of his family and his business than by having David marry his daughter?
And not just any daughter, either, Rachel thought with a trace of bitterness. Oh, no. Wylie Carlton wanted David to marry Roxanne because Wylie thought the sun rose and set on Roxanne’s head. According to their father, Roxanne was a chip off the old block.
“She’s fearless, just like her daddy,” he’d bragged more times than Rachel could count, his blue eyes glowing with pride.
The sisters stared at each other. “There’s no way out,” Roxanne said, tears glistening in her eyes.
“Until the minister pronounces you husband and wife, there’s always a way out. I mean, I know it would be hard to tell David…and Daddy…but the alternative is worse. Isn’t it?” She squeezed Roxanne’s hand again. “Roxie, you’ve always been so brave. You can do this.”
“I can’t,” Roxanne whispered. “I just can’t”.
Rachel worried half the night. Part of her hurt for Roxanne, but the other part, the part that Rachel tried to pretend didn’t exist, wanted to throttle her sister.
Why had Roxanne allowed things to go this far, anyway? You know why. Roxanne has to be number one in Daddy’s eyes. She knew this was what he wanted, and there was no way she was going to disappoint him.
If only Rachel had been home at the time….
She would have been, if she’d had any idea David was coming home. But she hadn’t. When she’d made her plans to study advanced watercolor techniques with Gaulier in Paris, David had been working in Saudi Arabia and was supposed to stay there another year. And by the time she’d found out he was being brought back to Houston to begin learning the management end of the company, it was too late. She was already on a year’s sabbatical in Paris, and her teaching position at Ashford.Academy had been filled with someone else. She couldn’t go home.
Substitute Bride (Special Edition) Page 2