by Susan Lewis
Sasha took a moment, then, realising who Neve meant, her eyes grew round. ‘Well?’ she prompted.
Neve shook her head. ‘Nothing,’ she said.
Sasha pulled a face. ‘So what’s going to happen if you do hear back?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t worked that bit out yet. Oh, here she is,’ Neve cried, grabbing her mobile as it rang. ‘Hi, Mum, I’ve been trying to get you.’
‘I’m sorry, my phone was turned off. Is everything OK?’
‘Yeah, cool. We’re just having breakfast. How was last night?’
‘Fine. I didn’t get back till late. What time are you going shopping?’
‘About one, I think.’
‘Good. I’ll try to get over there before that to give you some money. You deserve to have something new for tonight. Will you and Sasha be staying over at Melinda’s?’
‘Yes. How come you suddenly changed your mind?’
‘I just did. Now, I’d better go or I’ll have someone on my case. Give my love to Sasha, and don’t forget to call Lola to say good morning.’
As she rang off Neve’s delight started to take on some awkward angles.
‘What’s wrong?’ Sasha asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Neve answered. ‘She sounded as though she’d been crying. You know, all like bunged up.’
‘Maybe she’s got a cold.’
Neve’s eyes flicked to hers. ‘Yeah, maybe,’ she said, and feeling an embarrassing tightness in her throat she turned away. She had to do something to make her mum happy, and she was trying, but it wasn’t really working out. At least not yet. Maybe she just needed to give it a bit more time.
Lola’s adorable old face, with her all-seeing grey eyes and random feathery lines, was showing all the concern Susannah was afraid of as she watched Susannah come into the kitchen. Though Susannah smiled brightly, her aunt’s expression didn’t change.
‘What is it?’ Lola asked bluntly. ‘And before you say nothing, I know you too well, so you might as well come out with it.’
‘I’m just tired,’ Susannah replied, starting to unpack the shopping she’d picked up on the way back from her cleaning job.
‘Well, I know that, and who wouldn’t be, working all the hours you do, then having to get up again at seven. What time did you get home last night?’
‘Late, but I’ll have a nap this afternoon before I go in later.’ Though the very idea of setting foot over the club’s threshold again was making her insides shrink, somehow she’d have to make herself do it.
Seeming to let it go for the moment, Lola opened the fridge to put away the milk Susannah was passing her. ‘So Neve’s staying at Melinda’s tonight?’ she queried.
‘There’s a party, so I said she could. We’ll be here for lunch tomorrow though, if that’s all right.’
Lola looked amazed. ‘I should think so,’ she retorted. ‘Where else would you go for your Sunday roast?’
Smiling, Susannah walked round the small Formica table to embrace her. ‘Even if we had somewhere else to go we wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here,’ she assured her.
Lola held her for a moment, patting her back, much as she had when her niece was a child. It was almost Susannah’s undoing, but fortunately before the tears could surface Lola let her go. ‘Now, what’s happened to that ironing you were supposed to be bringing over?’ she demanded, going to put the kettle on.
‘I’ll bring it tomorrow and we can do it between us,’ Susannah replied. Then after a pause, and trying to make it sound casual, ‘Did Neve mention anything after I left last night about the row we’d had before we came round?’
‘Yes, as a matter of fact, she did. She was feeling a bit ashamed of herself, she said, because she’d come out with some hurtful things. I told her as long as she’d apologised and tried to think before she spoke next time, then it would all be forgotten.’
‘Did she tell you it was about the Barcelona trip?’
‘Yes, but she doesn’t mind not going, she said.’ Lola’s expression showed that she hadn’t believed a word of it. ‘It’s a pity, but we all have to cut our cloth …’
‘Actually, I’ve changed my mind,’ Susannah blurted, knowing she had to get this out sooner rather than later. ‘I think she should go, so I’m going to borrow the money.’
Lola’s eyes narrowed.
‘I thought I’d take it from her school fees.’
Lola could hardly have looked more disapproving. ‘That sounds like the start of a very slippery slope,’ she said darkly.
Afraid she was already on one that was a thousand times worse, Susannah turned away. ‘She’s got to have some privileges,’ she said. ‘God knows she already misses out on enough.’
‘But how are you going to pay it back?’
‘I just will, so stop worrying. Now tell me how much I owe you. I know Neve borrowed ten pounds for her phone. Is there anything else?’
‘No, that’s it.’
‘What about her lottery ticket? She’s bound to have bought one, she always does.’
‘We went halves, but I won’t make you cough for fifty p.’
‘Well here it is anyway.’ She put a ten-pound note and a two-pound coin on the table. ‘Now she’s in credit.’
With a roll of her eyes Lola set about making some tea. By the time she carried two cups into the sitting room Susannah was already there, standing in front of the gas fire, flicking through a photograph album she’d found on the sofa with a faraway smile on her face.
‘What’s this doing out?’ she asked, enjoying the pleasing flood of nostalgia as she turned the pages. ‘I haven’t seen any of these photos in years.’
‘Neve wanted to look at them,’ Lola answered, sinking down in her favourite wingback chair. ‘She loves hearing about what you were like and what you were doing when you were her age.’
Smiling as she remembered how she used to plague Lola to tell her about her own mother, Susannah continued to leaf through the album, but she was hardly registering the photos any more. She was wondering, pointlessly, how different her life might have been had her parents and younger brother not been killed in a car crash when she was five years old. It wasn’t that she’d ever lacked for love, because no parents could have been more doting than Lola and Fred, but the question often arose in her mind, what would she be doing now if her parents had lived? Where, and who, might she be?
She hadn’t gone with them the day of the accident. They were going on the yearly Christmas trip to Longleat, but she’d had to stay behind with Lola and Fred, because she’d had chickenpox. Jonathan was only three at the time, but he’d understood what a very special treat he was in for, going to see Father Christmas and lots of real animals, and riding on a train through a grotto. He’d been so excited before leaving that Susannah, angry and frustrated by having to stay at home, had slapped him. Even now, over thirty years later, she could still see his little face crumpling as he started to cry, and hear her mother’s voice telling her sharply that there would be no Christmas presents for her if she didn’t mend her ways. Then she’d cried too and her father had come to comfort her, the way he always did, because he couldn’t bear to see his little angel upset.
She knew it was absurd to still be feeling so guilty about hitting her brother, but she did. She hadn’t even said sorry before they’d left. It was why she’d never allow the sun to set on an argument now, nor would Lola or Neve. They both knew that not making up with Jonathan and her mother had proved the most difficult part of the loss for Susannah to overcome. Though she rarely mentioned it now, hardly a day passed when she didn’t think of her family, and wonder how close they might all have become. It was the reason she’d never wanted Neve to be an only child, as though, in some way, having two would recreate the world that she and Jonathan had been denied. And Neve herself longed for siblings, but Duncan had never been the right father, and the chances of finding anyone else now felt even more remote than the place she’d have to go to in her head tonight when
she stepped out of her clothes at the club.
Chapter Three
IT WAS TUESDAY lunchtime, and Susannah had just popped home after a morning’s filing at the architect’s office before going on to the dentist’s reception at two. Today her lunch was going to consist of some delicious parsnip soup Lola had made on Sunday, and a chunk of crusty bread. She might even spread on some butter, since gaining weight had become a requirement lately, rather than a fear. However, she only had to think of her body, and how she was exposing it now, for her appetite to shrivel inside a ball of shame.
Putting the soup on to heat anyway, she went to start up the computer, intending to carry out a job search in the vain hope of discovering something that might, by some miracle, replace her income from the club. It was a bit like sending a note to Santa, she thought despondently, you could always ask, but the chances of receiving were about as likely as the fat fellow himself wriggling down the chimney on Christmas Eve.
She was as far as the Google home page when the phone started to ring, and the soup to boil over. Dashing to the stove she quickly lowered the gas and grabbed the receiver, saying, ‘Hello, Susannah Cates speaking.’
‘Ah, I’m so glad it’s you. I was afraid I might get the machine. How are you?’ the voice at the other end asked, laughingly.
Realising who it was, Susannah lost her voice in a powerful rush of emotion. ‘Pats!’ she gasped. ‘Oh God, it’s so wonderful to hear you. How are you? I’m sorry I haven’t called, but …’
‘Don’t worry, we’ve both been busy, and email’s fine – up to a point. I needed to hear you, though – and to see you.’
Susannah hardly dared to hope. ‘Does that mean you’re coming over?’ she cried, unable to imagine any more welcome news.
‘Actually, what it means is if you go to the front door, I’m standing right outside.’
Susannah’s heart contracted as a deluge of tears surged to her eyes – and without wasting another instant she ran across the sitting room to tear open the door, almost afraid this was a dream. ‘Oh my God, oh my God,’ she sobbed as Patsy opened her arms. ‘You don’t know how happy I am to see you.’
‘Mm, you look it,’ Patsy commented drily as she hugged her hard, though tears of happiness were swamping her own lively green eyes. Her auburn hair was wayward and short and framed her elfin face like autumn leaves, while the rest of her, all wrapped up in fake winter furs and long leather boots, was as slender and elegant as any self-respecting cosmetic executive ought to be. In their day she and Susannah had been quite a twosome, though Pats was under no illusions: when it came to real beauty, Susannah was in a class of her own.
‘When did you get here?’ Susannah demanded, holding her back to get a good look at her. ‘And why didn’t you tell me you were coming?’
‘Well, it was all a bit last-minute, and I was going to send an email, but then I took it into my head to surprise you.’
‘You’ve certainly succeeded in that,’ Susannah assured her, cupping Patsy’s beloved face in her hands. ‘Look at you. You’re more gorgeous than ever – and so … sophisticated. Australia obviously suits you.’
Patsy’s warm eyes filled with irony as she said, ‘Maybe, but I’m not sure I suit it any more. However, that’s for later. Right now, it would be great to come in out of the cold, and if you have the time, let’s open some champagne.’
Loving the idea, but grimacing as she stood aside, Susannah said, ‘I’m sorry, I’m all out of champagne, and I don’t have any wine either.’
‘You surely don’t think I came empty-handed,’ Patsy chided, swinging a large bag off her shoulder as she stepped into the sitting room. ‘Oh heaven, warmth – and memories. This is such a welcoming house, you know. I’ve always loved it, apart from when Duncan was here, so why are you selling?’
‘I’m not,’ Susannah answered, closing the door. ‘The sign’s being removed this afternoon, apparently, but that’s something else for later. Let me take your coat. It’s amazing. Did you get it in Sydney?’
‘I did, and if you like it you can have it.’
Susannah’s eyes rounded. ‘No, I didn’t mean …’
‘I know you didn’t, but I have another that’s almost the same, so consider that one an early birthday present – or belated, whichever, as we’re kind of midway. Now, I’m afraid this bottle isn’t as cold as it should be, but it’ll have to do. Glasses in the same place?’
Laughing and hugging the coat to her, Susannah watched her beloved friend sail on into the kitchen, where she proceeded to carry on as though she’d never been away.
‘When did you get here?’ Susannah asked, following her in. ‘And where are you staying?’
‘I arrived at the crack of eggs this morning and went straight to the Ritz.’ Patsy’s eyes were dancing as she slanted them Susannah’s way. ‘My only excuse is that it’s close to the London office, and they booked me in,’ she apologised.
Susannah’s tone was droll as she said, ‘Then I won’t ask if you’d like to stay here, but you know you’re very welcome. How long are you going to be in London?’
‘A couple of weeks. Then I’m off to Paris which, I trust you’ll be very happy to hear, is where I’m going to be based from the beginning of next month.’
Susannah’s eyes dilated with disbelief, and joy. It might not be London, but it was a hell of a lot closer than Sydney, and practically in the same time zone as the UK. ‘That is the most fantastic news I’ve had since I can’t remember when,’ she declared, meaning it. ‘Is it a promotion?’
Patsy grinned, and after filling two glasses she handed one to Susannah, saying, ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to curtsy, but, my darling, you are looking at the new Executive Vice President for Bryce Beauty Europe.’
Susannah stared at her in stunned admiration. ‘You’re amazing,’ she told her with feeling, ‘whoever thought your business degree was going to pay off like this?’
‘And my French,’ Patsy reminded her, ‘which is just as vital now I’m going to be working in France. The company might be American, but everything over there is done in French – apart from job titles – and it’s going to be interesting to see how they react to having a foreigner and a female as a boss, because, apparently, there’s a solid glass ceiling in the French houses that no woman ever gets through.’
‘They won’t know what’s hit them,’ Susannah murmured humorously.
‘We’ll see. It’s typical of Claudia Bryce to smash through social mores, of course. She’s made a career out of it, and I’m very lucky to have met her when mine was just starting out, which is all thanks to you, as we know, because you were the one who introduced us, sixteen years ago, when you were promoting her new range of eye make-up. So here’s to you and Claudia and being back in Europe.’
‘And to you too,’ Susannah added warmly, clinking her glass, and wondering if this was really happening – or wise, when she hadn’t eaten yet today and had to go to work in an hour. But what the hell, and knocking her drink back she laughed delightedly as Patsy grabbed the bottle for a refill.
‘You took a risk coming unannounced,’ Susannah told her, as the champagne fizzed over on to her fingers. ‘I only popped home to use the computer.’
‘Confession number one, I’ve just come from Lola’s so I knew you were here when you rang to tell her what you were doing.’ Her eyes narrowed slightly. ‘She also brought me up to speed with everything that’s been happening with you, most of which doesn’t seem to have made your emails.’ Her frown deepened. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me you’ve been finding things so hard? You know very well I’d have helped out.’
With defiance Susannah said, ‘Whatever Lola’s told you, she’s exaggerating, and anyway, I sure as heck wasn’t going to load my emails up with sob stories, especially when you’re doing so well. I’ve got my pride, you know.’ Then, remembering how little she had left since she’d shed it along with her clothes, her spark faded. ‘Actually, I’m not sure I have any more,’ sh
e corrected, ‘but don’t let’s get into that.’
‘No, let’s,’ Pats insisted, and pulled out a chair to sit at the table. ‘Lola’s set me the task of finding out what’s on your mind, because she’s certain something is and she’s worried. And before you go any further you’re going to let me give you the money for Neve’s school trip so you can pay back what you’ve borrowed from her school fees.’
Susannah’s expression turned mutinous. ‘Lola shouldn’t have told you about that, and anyway, it’s not a problem …’
‘Yes it is, because Lola’s right. Once you start dipping into those funds there’s no knowing where it might end, and the last thing we want is Neve’s education to suffer. As her godmother it’s my responsibility to see that it doesn’t … No, don’t argue. I haven’t forgotten the time you bailed me out when I was broke and you and Duncan were flush …’
‘That was years ago, and for about fifty quid, as I recall.’
‘It’s all relative, and anyway, as your best friend I am not going to let you stitch yourself in a fix you can’t get out of.’
Not sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry, Susannah said, ‘I think I’m already there – not that I can’t get out of it, but I …’ Her voice trailed off as she thought of what she’d done. There wasn’t another soul in the world she’d admit it to, and she wasn’t even sure she could to Pats.
‘Come on, nothing can be that bad,’ Pats prompted when she stalled. ‘And you know me, I’m unshockable.’
Susannah’s smile was faint as her eyes went down. Her throat suddenly felt constricted, and dry, as though trying to keep the words in, because once they were out there it would all be real, and somehow she’d have to face it herself. ‘Last week,’ she began, still staring at her drink as though her disgrace was at the other side of it, somewhere hazy and unreachable, ‘Neve and I had a row and … No.’ She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t have anything to do with her, apart from trying to make sure she has everything she needs – or that her friends have …’ She took a breath and tried again. ‘The opportunity has always been there for me to … The other girls do it, well, it’s their job, they know what’s expected of them and they’re fine with it. I … Well, I was certain it was something I’d never be able to do …’