by Susan Lewis
Neve turned back to her mother. ‘You actually took off your top and served men drinks,’ she repeated, seeming far more jazzed by the idea than shocked, or embarrassed, or even ashamed. ‘You are amazing, do you know that? You never cease to surprise me.’
‘Nor you me,’ Susannah assured her drily. She wouldn’t tell her it had been to pay for her trip to Barcelona; it was too great a burden for her young conscience to bear, and besides Pats had funded it in the end. ‘It’s likely to come out in the papers,’ she warned, ‘so how are you going to feel about it then?’
Neve gave it some thought, then shrugged. ‘Who cares?’ she said. ‘It’s so out there …’ She started to laugh again. ‘My mother is going to be this major sex symbol,’ she cried in excited disbelief. ‘It’s so wild.’
‘OK, so we can take it you don’t have too much of a problem with that,’ Susannah said, glancing at Lola, who was clearly becoming quite entertained by Neve’s reaction, ‘but how do you feel about your father’s jail sentence being made public? I wish it wasn’t an issue, obviously, but I don’t want you …’
‘Oh, don’t mind me,’ Neve interrupted hastily. ‘I honestly couldn’t care less about him. I mean, it’s not as if all my friends don’t know he was in the clink, so why would I bother about complete strangers finding out? No, as far as I’m concerned it’s his problem, not ours. And actually, it makes sense to be getting all the embarrassing stuff out in the open ourselves, because we definitely don’t want him doing it.’
Susannah regarded her with wonder and no little pride. This was the Neve she loved so much she couldn’t even begin to express it. Not that she didn’t love the other Neve who was whirling around on a rollercoaster of emotions, but this one was so much easier to adore, and always seemed so wonderfully in tune with her mother.
‘I mean it, Mum,’ Neve told her earnestly, ‘you shouldn’t let anything stand in your way now. You really deserve your success, and whatever it’s going to mean for the rest of us, we’ll handle it, won’t we Lola?’
‘Of course we will,’ Lola clucked, smoothing out her lap. ‘When have we ever not handled anything, us three?’
Adoring her too, Susannah said, ‘I have to admit I’m a bit worried about how Alan’s going to take it when I tell him, so it means a great deal to hear you two being so supportive.’
‘He will be as well,’ Neve assured her confidently. ‘He’s really cool with everything, so there’s no way any of this will blow his mind. After all, it’s not as if he was the one who went to prison, is it? And as for you jigging your top bits about for everyone to see, where’s the big deal? I’ve seen them often enough and do I look excited?’
Not quite sure how to respond to that, Susannah looked to Lola for help, but Lola only chuckled.
‘Seriously,’ Neve said, ‘he’ll be dead cool about it. You’ll see.’
Smiling at how an infatuation could so easily make someone an authority on the object of their passion, Susannah dragged her into an embrace, saying, ‘What really matters is that you are.’
‘Yeah, yeah. I’m cool, you know me. Anyway, I’ve got to go now. Sasha’s dad’s picking me up at the bus stop in a minute on his way back from Hastings. I’m staying there tonight, in case you’d forgotten.’
Susannah nodded. ‘By the way, I had a text earlier from Sandrine, you remember, from Patsy’s office? She wants to move into our old house at the beginning of June.’
Neve looked pleased, then suddenly worried. ‘Oh God, what about Dad?’ she said darkly. ‘As soon as he finds out what’s going on, you know, about all the money you’re going to be earning, and the rent that’s coming in, he’s bound to try and get some of it.’
‘Leave him to me,’ Susannah told her firmly. ‘Now, if you’ve got everything ready I’ll walk you to the high street. I need to pick up a few things before I catch the bus home.’
‘You’ll have a chauffeur soon,’ Neve told her, and promptly disappeared into her bedroom, leaving Susannah to try calling Alan in Zurich again, but he was obviously still in conference so she left a quick message saying, ‘Still nothing urgent. Just wondering how it’s going over there. Lots happening here, but really missing you.’
‘What’s he over there for?’ Lola asked as Susannah rang off.
‘Some kind of seminar, apparently. All a bit beyond me, but he sounded quite upbeat about it when he was invited to step in last minute.’ She pulled an anxious face. ‘Let’s hope the good mood prevails when he gets back on Friday and hears about the kind of publicity I might have in store.’
Alan stood looking at Susannah in wide-eyed amazement, until starting to laugh he pulled her into his arms. ‘I’m sorry you’ve been so worried about telling me,’ he said, holding her tightly. ‘I’m such a fool to plant so many doubts in you. All that really matters to me is that you’re happy, and if you don’t mind talking about Duncan in public, then I can’t think of a single reason why I should.’
Lifting her face, she gazed into his eyes, and though she wanted only to go on hugging and kissing him for caring so much, she still hadn’t told him everything yet, and couldn’t help feeling that his reaction to her next confession might be rather different to the last.
‘It’s clearly going to be pretty manic for you over these next few weeks,’ he said, holding her face in his hands, ‘what with having a documentary crew following your preparations, all the photo shoots you’ve been telling me about in your emails, the interviews and coaching. Not forgetting the riding lessons. How did it go today? Wasn’t it the first one?’
She nodded and grimaced. ‘So treat me gently,’ she warned, ‘because I’m a little tender in the nether regions.’
Laughing, he ran his hands soothingly over her buttocks. ‘I brought you something back from Switzerland,’ he told her. ‘Would you like it now?’
Her eyes lit up. ‘Mm, why not?’ she answered, loving the idea of a surprise, and him even more for thinking of bringing one.
Going to fetch his bag from the hall, he tore the BA flight label from the handles and delved inside.
Realising right away what was inside the glossy wrapping, she made herself keep smiling. ‘Pralines,’ she said, thinking of the strict diet she’d put herself on ready for the cameras. She’d have to eat a few, but then she’d slip the rest to Neve and Lola.
‘I’ve brought smaller boxes for Neve and Lola,’ he told her, as they chose one each from hers. ‘Where is Neve, by the way?’
‘Gone to a concert with a couple of friends. She’s been at Sasha’s most of the week, actually, but she’ll be home in the morning. Which reminds me, I meant to send her a text asking if she’d like to join the gym with me. I thought we could go together when I’m here at weekends. You too, if you feel up for it.’
‘Absolutely, count me in. I’ll be wanting to spend every possible minute I can with you while you’re here. Any sign of a schedule yet?’
‘No, but I had a long chat with Marlene on the phone yesterday – I don’t know if she intends to sound like an old dragon, or it just comes naturally. Anyway, apparently immediate family will be welcome to visit the set any time, and to spend the night in the various residences that are being prepared for us all – cast and crew.’
He was looking interested, but slightly worried. ‘Would that extend to me, even though we’re not married?’ he asked.
‘Of course. You’re my partner, so don’t even think you’d be excluded. It includes Neve and Lola too, of course, but space is at a premium, so if you all came together they’d have to stay at a nearby hotel.’
‘And what’s your living accommodation going to be?’
‘An old lodge, apparently, but I’ve no idea what it’s like, or how close it is to the Centre yet – except everything’s in the same valley, I’m told.’
‘Well, it’s all sounding like a mighty big adventure to me, and the important thing is that you enjoy it. Now, I’m going to unpack and shower after the journey, and if it’s just us this evenin
g, how would you like to go out for dinner?’
‘I’d love to. Somewhere close by so we don’t have to drive?’
‘You choose and make a reservation.’
He’d got as far as the kitchen door when Susannah said, ‘Actually, there’s something else I need to tell you about the publicity. It’s quite … Well, delicate, and I’d like to get it over with …’
His expression turned to one of amused curiosity. ‘Do I need to sit down?’ he teased.
‘Maybe.’ She took a deep breath, and in as few words as possible told him about her topless stint at the club. ‘Nothing happened,’ she hastily assured him. ‘I mean, a couple of them tried to grab me, and they kept asking me to take off everything, but obviously I didn’t.’ She took another breath. ‘I know I’m probably making too much of it, but it was a pretty big deal for me. I hated it, and I’ve felt really terrible about it since, but I can see the sense in making it public myself, rather than leave it to someone else to turn it into something it wasn’t.’
Alan’s expression was tightening; a pale line was forming round his mouth.
‘Look, I know …’
‘It’s not that I have a problem with you doing it,’ he interrupted harshly, ‘well I do, but I understand your reasons, obviously. It’s the fact that you’re going to allow it to be exploited for the programme’s interests. It’s tacky, Susannah …’
‘Which is why the programme’s publicists need to put their spin on it first. Surely you can see how …’
‘And I’d like to know how come they get to hear about it before I do? Why is …’
‘They didn’t. They don’t know anything yet. I’ve only discussed it with …’ Too late she realised she’d walked herself into a trap of her own making. ‘I don’t have to tell them if I don’t want to,’ she finished lamely.
He was staring at her hard. ‘Who did you discuss it with?’ he demanded. ‘Who thinks airing your indiscretions for the world to salivate over is a good idea?’
‘You’re getting this out of perspective,’ she said angrily. ‘It’s you who’s turning it into something salacious, trying to make me feel ashamed …’
‘That is not my intention, but it sure as hell isn’t something to be proud of. And frankly, I don’t want to be the man whose girlfriend is the one who struts about in nightclubs …’
‘It happened once,’ she shouted. ‘And this isn’t about you. It’s about me, and it’s not as though my entire publicity is going to revolve around it. As soon as it’s out there it’ll be a topic for a few days, then it’ll be gone.’
‘Says who? And what are you going to do when offers start coming in for you to pose topless for calendars and men’s magazines and tabloid newspapers, because I hope you realise that’s bound to happen?’
‘If it does I’ll turn them down. Listen, this really doesn’t have to be as big an issue as you’re making it …’
‘You still haven’t told me who’s been advising you,’ he cut in, ‘but actually you don’t have to, because I can guess. It’s Michael Grafton, isn’t it? You discussed it with him when the two of you had lunch on Tuesday.’
‘Yes,’ she answered, seeing no point in denying it.
His face was reddening with temper. ‘How cosy,’ he said bitingly, ‘and how very erotic – for you both. I can just see you, sitting there confiding in him, batting those big beautiful eyes as you taunt him with images of you naked …’
‘It didn’t happen like that,’ she cried, ‘and how dare you even suggest it did? He’s not the kind of man who’d go after cheap thrills like that, and it really doesn’t do you many favours to …’
‘Don’t try turning this around on me. The fact is, you confided something deeply personal about yourself to a man you hardly know, before you’d even discussed it with me. How do you think that makes me feel?’
‘Obviously not good, but I had no idea the subject was going to come up until it did, but do you know what, I’m not going to go on standing here trying to defend myself. You’re being totally unreasonable, and as far as I can tell you’re determined to stay that way. So if you’ll excuse me I have some calls to make, and I believe you were about to take a shower.’
‘No, no, wait,’ he cried, as she started to walk away. ‘I’m sorry, you’re right. I am being unreasonable. It’s just …’ He took a breath and wiped a hand over his face. ‘I understand that you need to do publicity for your job … I’m simply … I just don’t think this is the way to do it.’ His eyes went to hers, but it was evident she wasn’t going to back down. ‘OK, it’s not my world,’ he conceded, ‘so I’m probably not supposed to have an opinion …’
‘Of course you are,’ she insisted, going to put her arms around him, ‘and I want to hear it – apart from anything else you might make a point no one else has thought of. In this instance though, I have to take the advice I’ve been given, because I know it’s right, but at the same time I accept that I need to be more sensitive to how it’s affecting the people I love. That’s really behind what Michael was trying to say, because any kind of publicity, no matter how salacious, perhaps the more salacious the better, will work for the programme. What he wanted me to understand was how important it is to get things right behind the scenes, for me and my family. And for that I need your help.’
He nodded slowly as he gazed into her eyes. ‘Jealousy is a destructive beast,’ he murmured, ‘so I have to learn to keep it on a tighter rein.’
‘You don’t have anything to be jealous of,’ she assured him. ‘It’s just a job. All the publicity, gossip, innuendo, it’s an illusion. This, you and me, is what matters, because it’s real.’
Smiling, he said, ‘Thank you for that, because I needed to hear it.’
Going up on tiptoe she kissed him gently on the mouth.
‘Can I ask one favour?’ he said.
‘Of course.’
‘Please don’t bring me into your publicity. It’s not my thing, so I probably wouldn’t be much of an asset anyway.’
Immediately putting on hold her plan to tell him about the interview she’d recorded with GMTV that day, she kissed him again, saying, ‘It’s a deal.’ It wasn’t due to be aired until the end of the following week, so there was still plenty of time to prepare the ground, and she hadn’t actually said that much about him anyway. For now, however, it was probably safer to change the subject and ask about his stay in Zurich.
‘Well, they were impressed enough to invite me to take part in another seminar in the States next week,’ he told her, going to the fridge to take out some wine, ‘but I’ve already used up too much of my patients’ goodwill, changing their appointments last minute the way I did at the beginning of the week. I can’t do it to them again, so I had to turn it down. However,’ he went on, filling two glasses with a Chilean Sauvignon Blanc, ‘I have agreed to go back for five days in July. I know there’s little chance you’ll be able to come with me, but I’m going to ask anyway. Can you?’
Realising that this was very likely a taste of things to come, when she’d have to turn him down for all kinds of events, she felt awful as she shook her head. ‘The cameras will already be rolling by then, so I doubt very much I’d be able to get away.’
‘But if you can, you will?’
‘Of course. Even if it’s only for a night.’
He smiled and passed her a glass. ‘Knowing you’d do that is enough,’ he said softly, and after brushing a hand over her face he took his drink upstairs, leaving her to wonder, with no little trepidation, just how great the pressure was going to become on their relationship over the months ahead. Perhaps if their worlds were more similar it would be easier for him to accept the occasional overspill of limelight, but they could hardly be more different. And even if that weren’t presenting a problem, there was still the issue of Michael Grafton, which didn’t appear to be going away.
Chapter Fifteen
‘DID YOU GO to Switzerland to get away from me?’ Neve asked quietly.
‘Then why did you go?’
‘You know why. I was asked to speak at a seminar.’
She pursed the corner of her mouth and tilted her head to one side. ‘So why have you been avoiding me all weekend?’ she challenged.
Her hand was still in his, so he linked their fingers as he said, ‘Unless my memory is playing me tricks, I don’t think you came home until last night, and then you went straight to your room. So maybe I should be asking if you’re avoiding me.’
Her head went down. ‘You know I wouldn’t do that,’ she said. ‘It’s just that …’ She let the sentence hang hoping he’d prompt her to finish, but he didn’t.
‘The chocolates were nice,’ she said. ‘Thank you. They’re Mum’s favourites.’
‘I know.’
Feeling an unsteadying rush of blood to her head she said, ‘She shouldn’t have thrown them away. I’d have eaten them for her.’
When he made no comment she wished she hadn’t told him what her mother had done – it wasn’t only disloyal, it was spiteful, and now he’d think she was a bitch.
She looked down at the loose tangle of their fingers, and felt a tightness in her heart that almost hurt. ‘She’s got another riding lesson this morning,’ she said.
‘And her acting coach this afternoon, and an interview with heaven only knows who this evening,’ he added. ‘She’s very busy right now.’
Neve nodded. He wasn’t trying to take his hand away, even though he was driving, and feeling it holding hers, thinking of what she’d really like to say, and do, was making her miserable and breathless and dizzy. ‘When she goes up to Derbyshire,’ she said. She waited for his prompt, but it didn’t come, so she took her hand away and turned to look out of the window, not wanting him to see the tears that were suddenly burning her eyes.