by Susan Lewis
His hand fell away as he looked at her in disbelief. ‘You mean you’ve already discussed it with them?’ he said.
Her eyes went down. ‘I had to. I – I wasn’t sure what to do … I …’
‘What do you mean, you weren’t sure what to do?’ He got up from the bed and walked across the room. Then, spinning back, ‘Were you considering …?’
‘No!’ she said.
‘Yes you were. You talked to them before you talked to me because you were going to put your job first.’
‘That’s not true,’ she lied. ‘I told them so that when I told you I’d be able to explain how we can make it work.’
‘You’re lying.’
‘No. Alan, listen. I don’t want to give up the part now. I can’t. I’ve wanted this for so long. It means everything …’
‘More than your own child?’
‘Of course not. If that were the case I could have gone ahead with an abortion and never said anything to you.’
Clearly still stunned by the way things had suddenly turned, he dropped his head in his hands as he tried to take it in.
‘Alan, you’re going to be a father,’ she said desperately. ‘We are going to be parents. That’s what matters now, and I won’t be doing anything to put the baby at risk. I wouldn’t, couldn’t do that to you, or to it.’
Coming back to the bed, he sank down next to her and took her hands in his. ‘I guess I overreacted,’ he said. ‘I can see why you needed to find out … I just think it would be better for us, and for the baby, if they wrote you out.’
‘Please don’t say that,’ she implored. ‘They want me to stay, and it’s what I want too, so they’re going to make it happen.’
‘But it’ll mean a very public pregnancy,’ he objected, ‘and you know how I feel about being dragged into the limelight.’
‘You don’t have to be. If I’m asked about you in interviews I’ll just say that we’re very happy. That’s all anyone needs to know.’
Looking down at their hands, he held them very tightly, too tightly, as he said, ‘I am happy, I guess I just need to get used to the fact that it’s not going to happen the way I imagined it.’
‘Barefoot and pregnant and chained to the kitchen sink?’ she tried to tease.
He smiled. ‘Something like that, I suppose, but OK, that’s hardly you.’ He suddenly kissed her hard on the mouth, then gazed deeply into her eyes. ‘We’re going to have a baby,’ he said, as though it was still taking its time to sink in. Then he started to laugh. ‘We’re having a baby,’ he cried, ‘and I am the happiest, luckiest man on the planet.’
Putting on a smile she watched him, and might almost have felt caught up in his joy were it not hitting so many wrong chords. It seemed too intense, oddly harsh, and his eyes were so bright they were almost feral.
‘I want to shout it out so the whole world can hear,’ he was laughing.
‘What happened to privacy?’ she said, going along with it.
He threw out his hands delightedly. ‘I have to tell someone,’ he said, ‘but it can wait till tomorrow, and then I guess the first person we should break it to is Neve. I wonder how she’ll take it.’
‘Yes, I wonder,’ Susannah murmured. ‘With any luck, it’ll be just what she needs to help cheer her up a bit.’
Neve’s face turned completely white. Her normally lively blue eyes turned dull, almost lifeless as they moved from her mother, to Alan, then back again.
‘Isn’t that great news?’ Alan said encouragingly.
As he made to put a hand on her shoulder she sprang to her feet, knocking over her chair, and before anyone could stop her she’d run down the hall and was tearing out of the front door.
Susannah raced after her. ‘Neve!’ she cried. ‘Come back! What’s wrong?’
By the time she reached the gate Neve was already at the end of the street, disappearing around the corner towards the mayhem of Saturday shoppers on Battersea Rise.
‘She’ll be OK,’ Alan said, coming up behind her. ‘It was just a bit of a shock. She’s used to being the only child, remember?’
‘But she’s always wanted a brother or sister,’ Susannah said helplessly. ‘What’s the matter with her? I just don’t understand why she’s being like this.’
‘Come back inside,’ he said gently. ‘There’s something I want to tell you. I was saving it till after dinner last night, but then other things came up that took precedence.’ He smiled at his own irony.
When they returned to the kitchen she watched him pick up the chair Neve had knocked over, barely registering his actions, only thinking about Neve and where she might go. ‘I can’t even ring her,’ she said, seeing Neve’s mobile on the table.
‘She’ll be fine,’ Alan assured her. ‘She’ll go to one of her friends. Several live down that way.’ After settling her into a chair he sat opposite her and said, ‘I had a bit of a chat with her this week, like I said I would, and things are pretty much as I suspected.’
Susannah’s heart turned over. ‘What do you mean?’ she said faintly.
His eyes deepened with feeling as he looked at her. ‘You remember the night she came to stay here with Sasha?’ he said. ‘When Ken and his wife were here too?’
Susannah nodded.
‘Well, it didn’t turn out quite the way I expected. Ken had to cancel last minute, and Sasha had to go somewhere with her parents. I had my suspicions at the time that there might be something afoot, Sasha’s sudden commitment seemed a little too convenient, but I didn’t say anything. In retrospect I should have, of course, but I didn’t realise until it was happening what Neve was intending to do.’
Susannah felt a terrible stillness come over her. ‘What did she do?’ she asked, not at all sure she wanted to hear this.
‘It’s best I don’t go into detail,’ he replied. ‘You can probably work it out for yourself. The point is, I had to be quite firm with her, and make her understand that while I was extremely flattered that she had a crush on me, her behaviour was inappropriate and she mustn’t try anything like it again.’
‘Oh my God,’ Susannah muttered, pressing her hands to her face. ‘This is awful. I have to speak to her …’
‘No, it’s best you don’t for the time being. I promised not to tell you anything, so it won’t help matters if she knows I’ve betrayed her confidence. Unfortunately she’s taken the rejection as hard as I expected, mainly because of the abandonment issues she has with her father, but we’re starting to work on them. We had a chat the other night, after school. I brought her here because it’s less formal than the office, less daunting for her. She went back to Lola’s after, and I was reasonably confident, by the time I dropped her off, that she’d found our chat helpful. The trouble is, passion in a teenager can be a bit of a wildfire. Just when you think you have it under control it’s suddenly raging away again, and sometimes even hotter than before.’
Susannah’s heart felt as though it was breaking in two. To think of Neve suffering so much was as bad as if she were suffering the pain herself. Worse, even, because there was nothing she could do to make it better.
‘You have to remember,’ Alan went on, ‘that she has a lot to be dealing with right now. You’re not a part of her everyday life any more, which isn’t easy for her when she’s been used to you always being around. I’m doing everything I can to fill the gap, as is Lola, of course, but she’s taking some time to adjust to not having her mother there all the time. It’s another reason why she’s turned her affections to me the way she has. I’m becoming her mainstay, her rock, the one she can depend on, and I’m afraid promiscuity, as a means of holding on to someone, is quite common in teenage girls who have experienced paternal abandonment.’ He smiled affectionately and reached for her hand. ‘Don’t look so worried,’ he said softly. ‘She’s going to be fine. We have it under control and while she’s too embarrassed and confused to discuss it with you, or Lola, at the moment, fortunately she is able to discuss it with me.’
> As she looked into his gentle dark eyes, Susannah felt an ocean of gratitude swelling through her. ‘Thank you for taking such good care of her,’ she said shakily. ‘I hadn’t realised, when I left, that it might have this kind of effect on her, but I suppose it’s like both parents have abandoned her, isn’t it?’
He nodded. ‘I’m afraid so,’ he confirmed. ‘But it won’t last. She knows you’re there for her really, and before too much longer she’ll be so busy enjoying your fame it’ll be as though none of this has happened. Unless, of course, you do decide to drop out of the series. Then she’d feel totally secure and a lot of this inner angst of hers will evaporate overnight.’
Susannah couldn’t have looked, or felt, more torn.
He smiled. ‘Don’t think about it now,’ he said kindly. ‘You just leave her to me, while you stay focused on taking care of yourself and our baby.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
PATSY’S EYES WIDENED in disbelief as she looked up from her desk to see Frank coming down through the concourse towards her, leaving ripples of laughter and applause in his wake. Since their encounter the other day, which hadn’t ended on the friendliest of notes, he’d been keeping a low profile, in so far as his natural flamboyance was capable of such a feat, but that clearly wasn’t his intention today.
‘What are you wearing?’ she demanded as he reached her door. His jeans were so white they were dazzling, and so tight they were positively indecent, while his metallic blue shirt was unbuttoned to his navel, exposing the hirsute splendour of his manly chest. All that was missing was the medallion. But no, there it was, lurking behind a little curly thatch, winking away like a bawdy come-on.
Affecting his best Adonis pose, he said, ‘Now you know the secrets of my personal life I have lost my mystery, and a man without mystery is a man without appeal. So now, I do my best to show you what is waiting backstage, without opening the curtains.’
Patsy’s jaw dropped, but she couldn’t stop a bubble of laughter. ‘They look fairly open to me,’ she commented. ‘You look ridiculous.’
‘I do not want you to think that I do not know this,’ he responded, ‘but I tell myself that maybe it will make you hungry for me, and if you are hungry, I can take you for dinner.’
Groaning and still laughing, she shook her head in despair.
‘So, have I once again made myself irresistible to you?’ he challenged, turning around and giving a little wiggle of his tightly upholstered derrière.
‘You were never that,’ she informed him, even though it wasn’t strictly true.
Waving a dismissive hand, he said, ‘I know you are playing hard to get with me, so I am not deterred. Dinner, this evening. I will pick you up at Claudia’s apartment, and I will not hear no for an answer.’
As he attempted a macho strut into his own office Patsy had to stifle another laugh, and yet another as he eased himself down in his chair with an agonised grimace. Then, giving her a friendly little wave, he picked up the phone and a moment later hers started to ring.
‘Hello, it is Frank,’ he told her. ‘I forget to ask if you have an enjoyable dinner last night with Claudia and Céline?’
‘Very enjoyable, thank you,’ she replied, watching him through the glass partition. ‘And you, did you have a good evening too?’
‘Impeccable,’ he answered. ‘I spend it with my son, just me and him. He is very entertaining.’
‘Then he’s like his father.’
‘I often think so, but happily for him, he have the look of his mother. Did Claudia tell you last night that she meet him during the afternoon?’
‘Yes. She said he’s adorable.’
‘He think the same about her, but he use different words, like old and smelly, because she wears much perfume.’
Patsy smiled, and wanted to say how pleased she was that he no longer seemed angry with her, or anxious to keep her out of his personal life. She wished she could have told him that she’d like to meet his son too. In fact, there was quite a lot she’d have liked to say to him, but she merely excused herself and took another call.
‘Patsy, it’s Claudia. How are you this morning?’
‘Very well, thank you. And you?’
‘Excellent. I’m leaving shortly to get my plane, but I wanted to find out if you’ve spoken to Anita in London yet today.’
‘No,’ Patsy answered, looking at the time. ‘It’s still only nine o’clock over there. She doesn’t usually get in until ten.’
‘I guessed something must have come up, because she was going to call first thing. It turns out she has to go into hospital the week after next for a little procedure that’s going to leave her out of action for about three weeks. Because of various deadlines and launches she has scheduled for that time, someone needs to be running the show over there. I’ve suggested you, or Frank. I’ll let you make the choice. No need to come back to me on it, I’ll be happy either way.’
And uncontactable in a Swiss clinic, Patsy mentally added.
After ringing off she went to stand in Frank’s doorway. ‘There’s something we need to discuss,’ she told him, ‘so dinner tonight might be a good time, but don’t you dare wear those terrible jeans.’
He grinned wickedly, but sensing what was coming she made good her escape before he could trot out another of his dreadful puns or innuendoes.
She’d been back at her desk for only a few minutes before her mobile rang, and seeing it was Susannah she clicked on. ‘At last,’ she said, ‘how did it go at the weekend?’
Sounding tired and stressed, Susannah said, ‘Sorry, it wasn’t a good time to call before … Anyway, Alan’s over the moon, just as I expected.’
‘So this means you’re going through with it?’
‘I guess so. Neve didn’t take it very well at all. She ran out on us, and I haven’t seen her since.’
Patsy frowned. ‘So where is she?’
‘Right now at school, but she spent most of the weekend with Lola, apart from when I was there when she went off to Melinda’s.’
‘And where are you now?’
‘In a field next to the Centre. We’re going for a take any minute, so I can’t stay. I just wanted to let you know how it went with Alan.’
‘Have you told Marlene yet?’
‘No. Actually, my main concern right now is Neve. There was an incident with Alan. He didn’t go into any detail, but apparently it was inappropriate and he had to tell her so, which is why she’s having such a difficult time. It’s all about rejection, he says, her father going to prison, me suddenly taking off to Derbyshire every week, and now him resisting her advances.’
‘Oh poor love,’ Patsy murmured. ‘I wish I knew …’
‘I’m sorry,’ Susannah broke in, ‘they’re shouting for me. I’ll try and call this evening.’
‘Make it tomorrow morning,’ Pats told her. ‘I’m having dinner with Frank this evening.’ After ringing off she quickly changed the screen on her mobile and composed a text to Neve. If you feel like having a chat, you know you can call any time, day or night. Love you, FGM. Neve would know the initials meant fairy godmother.
‘I’m really glad you’re staying at mine tonight,’ Sasha was saying as she and Neve strolled out of school at the end of the day. ‘My mum’s so been on my case asking what I’ve done to upset you, because you didn’t come back all last week. Don’t you just love her, that everything has to be my fault?’
Neve’s smile was thin. She was reading Patsy’s text, then closing her mobile down she put it back in her bag.
‘So anyway, how did it go at the weekend, with your mum?’ Sasha wanted to know. ‘I bet she’s dead chuffed about the programme. Even my mother likes it and that’s saying something, because she never likes anything, especially telly.’
Neve staggered slightly as a crowd of girls pushed past, barely managing an apology, until they realised who it was.
‘Hey, Neve. What are you doing later?’ one of them asked. ‘We’re all meeting up at the
Bluebird on King’s Road, if you and Sash want to come.’
‘Thanks, but we can’t tonight,’ Neve replied, knowing that her sudden increase in popularity was due to her mother’s newfound fame. Not that she hadn’t had lots of friends before, but apparently she was something really special now.
‘Where’s Ping?’ Sasha murmured, as they emerged through the gates into the cluster of vehicles waiting to transport the girls home. ‘Oh, by the way, when we go to Barcelona in the summer it turns out my aunt and uncle are going to be there at the same time, so they’re going to see if they can take us for dinner. That’ll be cool, won’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Neve agreed.
Since there was no sign of Ping yet they leaned back against the wall and dropped their heavy bags as they waited. ‘You know what,’ Sasha said, ‘even I was starting to think I might have done something to upset you. You’ve been … Well, it’s like you’ve been avoiding me.’
‘It’s not that,’ Neve assured her. ‘It’s just Lola hasn’t been all that good, so I’ve needed to go back there every night.’
‘But even at school … I’m not getting on your case, or anything, but you’re like, distant, and you haven’t even told me what happened that night with Alan yet. How did it go? Did it work out the way … you know?’
Neve turned her head away to look down the street.
‘Well?’ Sasha prompted.
‘I can’t talk about it,’ Neve mumbled.
‘But I’m your best …’
‘Just leave it,’ Neve seethed.
Sasha immediately backed off, and feeling awkward started to hunt around for Ping again. ‘Ah, here she is,’ she said, spotting the black Toyota Corolla pulling into the kerb a little way down the street. ‘Are you ready?’
When she turned round it was to find Neve standing rigidly against the wall, a really strange look on her face. Following the direction of her eyes, she saw Alan getting out of his car across the road. ‘Did you know he was coming to pick you up today?’ she asked, unable to fathom what was happening.
‘No. Come on, quick, let’s go with Ping.’