For a few long minutes we both lay on our backs, fighting for breath, neither of us saying a word.
“Wow. Jack that was fantastic.”
I can only nod in response.
She has no clue I used her body to fulfill my fantasy. Nausea hits as the shame I feel slowly slinks through my digestive tract. I regret using Rachel. Unfortunately she fell short in capturing my attention.
Totally oblivious to my inner turmoil, Rachel cuddles up to me and I unconsciously stiffen. I don’t do the cuddle thing, not even with girls I like.
“Round two?” she asks as she nibbles on my neck.
Um…no.
“Rachel, I’m exhausted…you wiped me out.” A partial lie.
Taking my comment as a compliment, she picks up right where she left off, and starts to run her mouth a mile a minute, kissing me intermittently. She’s quiet only when she stops to take a breath. I pretend to listen until I can’t take it any longer.
I can excuse myself and arrange for Scott to call me with an emergency.
Or I can start a small, contained kitchen fire.
Or I can stab myself by accident.
Holy hell…I need to get her out of here.
I sing the lyrics to about a dozen of our songs in my head and then decide that I’ve waited an acceptable amount of time.
“I’m sorry Rachel. I have a really early appointment tomorrow. Can I call you a cab?” The look on her face unleashes a barrage of guilt, so I lie to soften the blow. “I’ll call you.”
This is why I rely on my “relationship scale” technique. It’s foolproof. By ignoring my meticulous system, I am now feeling all the crap I try so desperately to avoid – guilt, shame, and pity.
Damn it…And I’ve broken at least ten of my own rules. The most important one being, “Never tell a chick you’ll call her…ever!”
This whole night was a huge mistake.
I feel like I just spent the last few hours babysitting a child with severe A.D.D. by the time I close the door behind Rachel. Her attention span is the size of a pea. It took most of the forty minutes to talk her out of going up to the roof to tell Amanda she was leaving. I wasn’t about to let her ruin Hunter’s night. I paid for her cab and promised I would tell Amanda personally that she had left.
Now I feel gross and add that to my fucking list. The minute she leaves I hide in my room to work out like a mad man before showering and falling into bed exhausted.
Chapter Nine
Leila
Evan is sitting on my couch, drinking a beer and watching me in the kitchen. He offered to help, but I shooed him away when he kept eating my ingredients. Now he’s pouting.
My apartment is on the third floor, and it’s one big rectangle. From my door you can see the entire space. Past the kitchen on the left is a short hallway with a bedroom and bathroom adjacent to each other. To the right is the living room and small dinette table with four chairs.
The best part of the space is the windows. The living room is in the front part of the apartment. There are windows from floor to ceiling that look out onto the street. You can see a fantastic view of the city if you sit in my favorite chair in the front corner of the room. Next to the chair is a media cabinet with a modest sized TV. The wall facing the chair and TV has a long, comfortable, squishy couch. A coffee table, some pictures on the walls, and a lamp complete my furnishings.
The guys usually crowd onto the couch and watch TV when I have them over, while I sit in the chair facing them watching the view. They love hanging out here, especially when I cook for them.
There was a reason I decided on making the penne with vodka sauce. It’s one of their favorites. I also have garlic bread and a salad, which they won’t touch. I picked up a huge chocolate cake and the soft packaged chocolate chip cookies that Joseph loves, my brownies, along with lots of beer. It’s the perfect meal for “buttering them up.”
It’s after six and I have some alone time with Evan before they get here. Joe usually comes earlier than the rest of them to get the best spot on the couch.
I curl up next to Evan with my glass of cheap wine. “Ev, do you think I’m making a mistake?”
He turns on the couch to face me and rests his arm on mine.
“No I don’t. You were meant to sing on a stage, Leila. You were meant to be seen outside the corners of Hoboken. You are going to be great. I know you worry about your dad and us. We will all be fine. You need to do this and you know it.”
I take a deep breath as I let his words sink in. I know he’s right and that I have to do this. Basically I don’t have a choice after today, but hearing him say it helps my insecurities just a little.
The intercom buzzes making me jump. Evan laughs and gets up to answer the door.
“I’m here!” Joseph yells as he enters the apartment. I’m sure they heard him down the street. I get up to hug my teddy bear. As I am clutching his big chest, Joe chuckles into my hair. “Whoa, what’s this Lei? My very own welcome committee?”
“I’m just going to get all my hugs in now, so no comment please.” I respond, only hugging him tighter.
“Even Matt?” he asks.
“Not Matt!” I answer, pulling away and punching him in the gut. “Want a beer?”
“Naah… I want two.” He plops himself down on the best spot on the couch, dead center in front of the TV.
Once I grab Joe’s beer, he pats the spot next to his.
“How are you doing, Leila? Are you trying not to relish in the fact you are going to be a huge rock star and forget all of our names? Even Evan’s?” He asks, ruffling my hair.
“I will not forget all your names…yet.” I retort as I ruffle what little hair he has. He keeps his hair Marine short.
The intercom buzzes again. Evan answers the door and Logan and Matt stroll into the apartment. Matt looks like he owns the place and Logan comes over to give me a hug. They are early, which means that they are anxious to get this over with or are starving.
“Hey sweet girl, how are you holding up?” Logan asks.
“I’m very nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time.” I make my way into the kitchen to return with two more beers. I hand one over to Logan as he sits at my table and the other to his brother, who is already sitting on the far end of the couch. Matt winks as he accepts it, but I ignore him and sit across from Logan.
“When’s dinner? I’m fucking starving.” Matt says like that’s the only reason he is here. He is such a jerk. They’re attacking the bowl of chips and pretzels I put out for them, so I know they are hungry. Only Matt makes me know it though.
“Soon.” I announce dismissively. “So, guys, I want to fill you in on my contract and the details of the tour.” I take a deep breath, and start giving them the run-down. This may actually be a bit worse than when I told my dad, because there are four of them.
They listen and occasionally ask questions. With the exception of Evan, they were surprised that Devil’s Lair agreed to let me continue with Cliffhangers until we leave on tour. I don’t know if they thought I would be gone after this weekend. The relief clearly showing on their faces, even Matt’s.
“I also wanted to run something by you guys.” I pause to find the words. “I want you to replace me.”
“No.” Evan barks.
Logan follows. “Absolutely not!”
“No way.” Joseph copies.
“Guys, you need someone to pick up keyboards, and to sing alongside Matt. Please promise me you’ll think about it. I feel like I’m abandoning you and this will make me feel better. You guys are awesome and it’s just a matter of time before you are noticed. By adding back a singer/keyboardist, you can ditch the weddings and bar mitzvahs and spend your free time at band festivals and competitions. You need to get out there.” I take a deep breath and am happy that I got it all out.
Evan speaks first. “She’s right.” He looks around the room. “We need to step it up a notch.”
“I’ll stop singing for you once
you find a replacement. This leads me to the last thing I want to tell you. I know you guys can’t afford it, but it may be smart to hire an agent. This agent that Devil’s Lair hired is the reason they are where they are. You need someone batting for you, and getting you out of Hoboken. Well, guess what? I figured out the perfect way to do just that.”
“Where are we going to find a person, who will accept, hell, beer in payment? To help us become rich and famous?” Logan grins at his own joke.
“Lori.” I say. They all look at me like I’ve sprouted antlers. “What?”
“Lori?” Matt mocks.
“Yes, Lori. Lori Banzini.” I respond.
“You must be kidding.”
“No, I’m not. I’m serious. Lori can’t afford to quit bartending. This affords her to continue to be there with you during shows and not on your dime. She has a very persuasive personality. Most people love her after speaking to her for a few minutes. She is professional, and she loves music. She is gorgeous and people respond to that. She would go the extra mile for you guys and accept little for it, until it paid off. Trust me.”
“Have you spoken to her about this?” Logan asks.
“Not yet, I wanted to run it by you all first. But if you are ok with it, I plan on talking to her first thing in the morning. Lori loves to go into the city to see bands play. She knows the best bars to be seen in and what the competition sounds like. She will be good for you guys. Plus she is looking for her dream job. I just know that this is it.”
I’ve been brewing this over since I signed my contract. I was afraid to voice my idea to anyone, even Evan, for fear they would think it was crazy. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. For Lori, it would be a social thing as well. She is smart enough to know that schmoozing is necessary to get noticed, and she is just the person to do it. I was a little concerned about her feelings toward Matt. But that brings me to Plan B. I think she and Hunter would be perfect together. I think things could happen between them. If I can get them to meet, then Matt will be a distant memory. I smile at myself for my perfect plan.
The guys are considering this. This is a good time to leave them with their thoughts, and go fix dinner. I busy myself in the kitchen, while they are discussing the pros and cons of my brainstorm. Matt is piping in all the reasons it won’t work and the others are practically ignoring him. This is good. I can feel them warming to the idea. Hopefully Lori won’t think that I’m an idiot once I tell her. I’ll worry about that tomorrow.
I announce dinner after I lay out pasta, bread, salad, and more beer on the counter. They all bolt in my direction and pile the food on their plates. I make myself one as well and join everyone at the table. Matt chooses to eat alone at the couch.
I eat silently and listen to their discussion over Lori.
Joseph looks at me and asks, “Do you think she will go for it Lei?”
I look at Joseph and answer honestly, “I hope so. I plan on explaining how perfect a fit I feel she is and I will definitely stroke her ego. I think I’ll be able to convince her that this is a good opportunity. It may not pay well now, but there is definite potential.”
Evan says, “Let’s vote. I say yes.” He looks at Logan.
“What can it hurt? I’m a yes.”
“Joe?”
“I agree. This could be brilliant.” Joseph inhales more of his pasta.
We all turn toward the couch and look at Matt. He has definitely been listening, but acts like he hasn’t a clue.
“Matt?”
“What?”
“Cut the crap.” Logan barks. “Yes or no?”
He waits a few seconds and then answers with arrogance. “All that chick wants to do is get into my pants. I’m not thrilled with this idea.”
UGH! He is so annoying.
“We will all make sure she doesn’t try to get into your pants. If that’s your only concern, we are counting you as a yes.”
I smile at my victory and Matt’s failure to ruin it. “I will talk to Lori tomorrow and let you know what she says. I know this will work guys.”
I serve dessert soon after and the entire cake and all the cookies and brownies are gone in record time. It’s a good thing I hid Evan’s second batch. Damn, they can eat. They make their way back to the couch to settle in like they are about to spend the night.
What feels like minutes later, I feel a kiss on my cheek and open my eyes to see Evan leaning over me. I must have passed out. It has been an exhausting week and all my sleepless nights must have caught up to me.
“What time is it?” I ask him while yawning and stretching.
“Twelve-thirty.”
“How long have I been out?” I hope to God that I wasn’t drooling. These guys have seen me in some compromising situations, but my open-mouthed, drool-induced, sleep-coma is not one I’d like them to witness.
He laughs like he knows what I was thinking. “As soon as your butt hit that chair. We watched the game. Logan and Matt left about an hour ago and Joseph stayed long enough to help me clean up.”
“You cleaned up? God, I love you so much.” I hug him tightly.
“You love that I cleaned up, but I love you too.” He responds smiling. “I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He bends to kiss my cheek again and grabs his jacket to leave but stops at my door. “Hand over the brownies.”
Locking up after Evan, I prep for bed in less than five minutes. The instant my head hits my pillow I fall into a very deep, very nice sleep.
He is shirtless as he plays a guitar and sings to me. We are alone in a room I am not familiar with. When I look around all I see are windows…lots and lots of windows. He stands and very slowly walks over to me, while still singing. Next he puts down his guitar, takes me in his arms, and runs his nose along mine. After penetrating me with his gaze, he bends to kiss me.
I sit up panting.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
I am sweating, aroused, and upset that I woke up too soon.
I look around to see daylight pouring through my windows and I frantically try to calm my erratic breathing. The alarm clock reads ten-twenty am. Oh crap! I can’t believe I slept this late.
I need coffee.
Flipping on the TV as a distraction, I anxiously wait for my coffee to brew. The good news is that I finally caught up with the much-needed sleep I was missing. The bad news is that I can’t get Jack out of my mind. The dream was nothing more than a kiss and it was definitely not X-rated, but it may as well have been. There was something very erotic about it. It was a complete turn-on, and left me feeling very unsatisfied.
My raging libido is getting out of control. I may have to take things into my own hands or risk being miserable for the next year of my life. I wanted to get so much done today. Calling Lori will be the most important task. I just can’t seem to get my body to move and my mind to think of something other than shirtless Jack kissing me, and what would have happened hadn’t I woken up.
Damn it…
I grab the phone and dial Lori’s number distractedly.
“Hello?” she croaks into the phone.
“Lori, its Leila. Did I wake you?”
She yawns loudly. “What time is it?”
“It’s almost eleven, I think. Call me back later.” I am about to hang up.
“No, I’m up, I’m up. No worries. What’s up?” Another yawn that follows doesn’t make her sound very convincing.
“I wanted to meet for lunch. I have some things I want to run by you. Can we meet at Riverside?” Lori loves Riverside Square Mall. She practically lives there.
“Sounds good. How’s one?”
“Perfect. I’ll meet you at Cheesecake Factory.” Lori loves the Factory as much as the mall. I’m pulling out all the stops.
“Will you call Lis?”
“No, it’s just me and you.”
“Uh oh…what did I do wrong?” Her tone causes me to laugh.
We hang up and I am buzzing with excitement. I will have
a fantastic future to look forward to and will be leaving my boys with a back-up plan if this works.
Waiting for Lori to show is nerve wracking. A small hole that is a seed of doubt slowly festers until it’s a huge crater. What if she hates my idea? I don’t have an alternate plan. It’s Lori, or it’s leaving my boys without a strategy. That’ll mean months on the road worrying and stressing over their well-being. Selfishly, I would like to embark on the tour with the peace of mind knowing the guys will be ok. It may be a false sense of security, but I need it nonetheless.
It’s only one-fifteen but I am fidgety and I keep staring at the door. A few minutes later I see the redhead bounce through the doors. She spots me as she nears the hostess podium, and makes her way to my table.
She slides into her side of the booth and smiles. “Hey babe, what’s going on? You have me freakin’ a little.”
“Oh, tons. Don’t freak…its all good.” I want to fast forward to the part where she says, “YES! I’LL DO IT!” I need to handle her the right way. First, I need to make small talk. Next, compliment her. Then, throw her some gossip I heard about a girl we knew in high school. Once I can’t stand the waiting any longer, I begin.
I start off slow by telling her about my new band. I then go into the rehearsals and the tour. She nods a lot, and asks a lot of really good questions, business questions, and “agent” kind of questions. She is perfect for this.
I continue to tell her about my working with Cliffhangers until the tour starts. I tell her about cooking the boy’s dinner to fill them in on the contract details. Then I lay it on her. I tell her my idea, except for the part where I want to set her up with Hunter. She stays quiet, and takes it all in.
The waitress comes by and without breaking eye contact with me, Lori quickly comments, “We aren’t ready.” The woman leaves without a backwards glance.
Lori is staring at me, not moving, just staring.
“Lori?”
When she finally speaks she asks, “Are you high?”
“Lori, you are perfect for this. You know that. You would make a great agent, especially with your personality. How hard can it be?” I’m starting to worry that she won’t agree to this.
What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 7) Page 94