At this point she lets me take her in my embrace. “Thank you for telling me. I do trust you.”
She pulls away and shakes her head. I cannot read her thoughts and as I bend to kiss her she stiffens in my arms.
“Leila?”
“Jack, you stormed out. You never even gave me the chance to explain.”
“I acted like an ass. I’m sorry.”
She watches me for a long time. She finally takes a deep breath and speaks. “Jack, you don’t think it’s hard for me to see you with a girl, and wonder if you’ve fucked her? Or if you want to?”
“Leila, I haven’t been with anyone since…well it’s been a long time. Believe me.”
“This is only going to get harder once we leave tomorrow. I need to concentrate on adjusting to my new life, and on my career while you need to focus on yours. Maybe we should stop.”
“No.” Crap, why is she doing this?
“Jack…”
“Leila, this isn’t just a fling for me. I can’t just turn this off. I’m in this.”
Releasing her, I walk over to the couch. Its time I told her what she means to me.
“Leila, please come here. I need you to listen to everything I am about to say.” I guess she senses the unmistakable resolve in my voice and doesn’t attempt to argue with my request. She slowly walks over and sits next to me on the couch, but purposefully leaves a distance between us.
“Leila, I started to have feelings for you the day you walked into the studio.” The look of surprise on her face doesn’t deter me at all. “Of course I didn’t know that at the time. My feelings for you started off slow. I would wonder what you were doing at that moment or picture you laughing in that adorable way of yours. I yearned to share something with you that I thought was funny, just to see and hear you laugh. Then it became something more consuming.”
I look down at my hands. “I have never felt like this in my entire life. I had no idea why I was acting the way I did. I was in a constant bad mood, instead of walking on clouds from the tour and the album. I was falling in love with you and subconsciously I knew I couldn’t be with you. The realization of both hit me like a baseball bat to the head. It was the night of my birthday party. I tried my damnedest to hide it. I felt if I admitted my feelings, inevitably I would screw things up and you would run. I haven’t been with anyone else. Once I felt you, I couldn’t think about another woman.
“I tried to stay away from you, Leila but it wasn’t possible. It made me angrier that I had to deny what I felt. The kiss we shared first at on my roof, and later at my party were the cruelest forms of torture. Once we spent such a great day together after your farewell party, I needed you like I need air to breath. Now…now I want nothing more than to show everyone we are together. You aren’t ready for that though, and I don’t want to push you or pressure you. Even so, I want the world to know I love you.”
She sits stunned.
“Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” she asks very quietly.
“I’ve only known you for a few weeks. At first I just wanted to be with you, in any way I could. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized friendship wasn’t enough. Falling in love with you doesn’t make sense to me. It’s never happened before, and I didn’t handle it well. I’d convince myself to stay away, and then one look at you and I’d kiss you. Then I’d convince myself it was a mistake, and then one look at you and I’d kiss you again. Then I’d convince myself we should just be friends. Then I’d convince myself maybe we could be together, and maybe I should tell you how I felt. But, I was scared you wouldn’t believe me. I barely could believe it myself. Or what if you didn’t feel the same? I still have no idea what you are feeling. I was tormented by these confused feelings.”
She leans forward and takes my hands in hers, yet she doesn’t speak. She remains motionless, stunned into silence.
“Baby?” She looks up almost forgetting I was sitting next to her. “Am I scaring you?’
“No…yes…” She looks lost as a few tears slowly slide down her face. A tiny seed of doubt festers in the pit of my stomach. What if she doesn’t feel the same?
“Babe, talk to me.”
“Your words don’t scare me. It’s how this’ll work that does.”
“Why?”
“Jack, I think I fell in love with you the first day I met you. My feelings weren’t a slow build. Mine were like a freight train running through my heart.” She stares at me, nodding slowly, her eyes still moist from her tears. “I’ve been dealing with very similar emotions. I wanted to be with you so badly yet knew it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do. You’re like a drug to me. I can’t stay away from you.”
“Jeez, Leila.”
Closing the distance between us, I clutch her body to mine. We cling to each other like neither of us want to let go. Eventually she pulls away with the lost look still obvious in her eyes.
“You’re holding something back. Leila, tell me.”
“Jack, I am terrified of what people will think.”
“Who cares what people think?” I respond angrily.
“Let me rephrase it. I’m terrified how this will look.” I run my hand through my hair. I’m sure the frustration I feel is written all over my face.
“Let me explain. I’ve wanted nothing more than to become a rock singer since I was a little girl. I still do. I don’t want you to think it’s more important to me than you are, but it’s part of who I am. I worry of the backlash we would get if we went public. Others might think that I only got the job because we’re together.”
I never thought of that. There would only need to be one negative comment, to cause rumors to run ramped all over the Internet. How would that affect her career?
“I understand.” Taking both her hands in mine again, I tug until her gaze meets my own. “We don’t have to go public. I get how vulnerable you are in this situation, but I don’t think we need to deny our feelings and not live our lives.”
Leila sits quietly as she processes my words.
“Babe, I would never let anything hurt you. Everyone we know is aware of why you got this job. The world will know, too, the minute we go on tour. Your talent is undeniable.”
I take her face in between my hands and bend to kiss her gently. “We’ve wasted so much time fighting this. I’m done with that. We love each other and that’s all that matters.”
I kiss her a second time and profess my love once again. I’ll say it every minute of every day so she knows and never forgets it.
“I love you.”
Smiling wide, she has never looked more beautiful. It’s seems almost impossible, I know. How can someone who is perfection, be even more perfect? It’s the love in her eyes that makes her even more beautiful.
I never want to forget the look of pure love and joy on her face at this moment. I know it will be forever etched in my memory, but I still want evidence that this magnificent woman loves me.
Pulling out my phone I snap a few pictures of Leila.
“What are you doing?” she asks while laughing.
“I want to remember how you looked at the moment we professed our love.”
Blinking, she sits motionless for a few seconds, looking stunned again. “That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I kiss her gently and snap a few more pictures. I notice a tear falling slowly down her cheek. Using my thumb to brush it away, I kiss her gently before saying, “Why are you crying?”
“Because I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Leila
My heart swells with the love I feel for this man. His admission causes my body to sag against him like I am suddenly boneless. He is everything I ever wanted. Caring, kind, gentle, funny, romantic, passionate, sexy…all my wants and needs rolled into one perfect man. This seems too good to be true. How could I have gotten so lucky?
I clutch him without wanting to let go. I’m afraid that this is a
ll a dream. Our embrace is a symbolic culmination of what we have been stupidly holding back from each other.
Jack bends and kisses me again, probing my mouth open with the tip of his tongue, and I allow him complete access. When he pulls away, the sudden space between us causes me to want to sob.
“Leila, I am overwhelmed by this.” A slow smile spreads across his face, causing me to suck in a breath from his beauty. “I’m never letting you go.” He crushes his lips to mine, transferring his emotions through his kiss.
I have one nagging thought that I can’t ignore. This man just confessed love to me, how am I going to bring up my concerns with his past? Being dishonest wouldn’t be fair to me or to him. I need to admit how much I worry about him cheating on me. I could not handle that again. And I refuse to be put in that position.
Pulling away, I gulp and venture, “Jack, can we talk about something else?”
“Anything.”
I take a deep breath and try to begin but I can’t seem to get the words out. I’m not sure if it’s fear, or I’m afraid by voicing my fears they may come true.
He squeezes my hands and wills me to continue with apprehension etched into every line on his face.
“Jack, you know Matt cheated on me. What I haven’t told you is that I actually walked in on him with a mutual friend of ours from high school.”
Realizing where I’m taking this conversation, Jack sits quietly until I continue.
A vivid image appears in my mind as if it happened yesterday. “I stood frozen, unable to move. When they finally realized I was standing there, I felt sick to my stomach. He made me look like such a fool. I defended him over and over to anyone who tried to convince me Matt was cheating on me. It was pathetic how much denial I was in.
“What I’m trying to say is if you have any reservations of being faithful, I need to know now. I will not put myself in that situation again. I’m not asking for a signed contract stating that you’ll never cheat. I’m not dumb enough to believe that would be reality. I’m asking if you think you’ll cheat, please end it before you actually do.”
Jack sits quietly, somberly returning my gaze. “Leila, I’ve had only one girlfriend in my life. I was in a two-year relationship during high school. I thought it was love. Now that I know what love actually is, I see that we weren’t even close. I did care for her, maybe too much. She cheated on me several times during the course of our relationship. I don’t cheat.”
“Thank you for telling me that.”
“I love you. I want nothing but to be with you and be completely committed to you in every way.”
I pull his face down to mine and kiss his gorgeous lips over and over and over.
He stands and holds his hand out for me. As we walk toward my bedroom, the anticipation I feel is different than all the other times we were together. I think it’s because this time, we will truly be making love. All the sex I’ve had up to this point, with Jack included, really was just sex. Once one admits to love someone, a sudden change occurs. The physical act is no longer the focus. I want to connect to him like we’ve never connected before.
Jack undresses and then slowly removes my clothing. “You are gorgeous…inside and out.”
He bends to kiss me passionately. I am one huge nerve ending and I feel the sensations in every cell of my entire body. He stares at my exposed chest before pulling my erect nipple in between his lips. My fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck. I arch my back, forcing myself further into his mouth. I throw my head back and slump against him, while he kisses and sucks on my breast until it drives me to the brink of an orgasm.
He slowly unbuttons my shorts and then hooks his fingers into the waistband to pull them down my legs very slowly. As I place my hand on his shoulder, he lifts each leg to release them. Dressing in haste after he stormed off, my bra wasn’t the only thing I skipped over. I also didn’t put on my underwear and am now standing completely bare.
I hear him gasp and he takes a step away from me to get a better look.
“Turn around.” His voice is husky yet soft. I turn, with my back to him and he immediately slides his hands over my belly, wrapping his arms around my body. He finds my ear with those magnificent lips. I don’t think I’m going to make it much longer as he kisses me slowly from my ear down to my neck. I groan while he continues to kiss my neck, using his tongue to lick me in the most erotic way. He skims his hands over my body and slowly slides them down my legs. As he squats behind me, I can feel his lips against the small of my back. It sends jolts through me and into my crotch.
Without standing, he slowly turns me until his face is at the apex of my thighs and then plants a kiss low on my abdomen. He is so beautiful as he kneels before me. Running my hand through his silky hair, I feel my heart will burst from the emotions he triggers inside.
“I want to make love to you for hours, Leila,” he says smiling, while looking up at me.
I smile back at him and simply respond, “I want nothing more.”
Jack stands and lifts me into his arms, placing me dead center on the bed.
The journey he makes down my body with his lips causes pulsing sensations to spread through me like a slow smoldering fire. He stops at my breasts, kissing and suckling them, caressing and holding them, taking his sweet time. The sensation is now unbearable.
“Jack, please,” I gasp, trying to pull him back up to my face.
“Not yet,” he denies me, smiling against my skin.
The next stop is my belly button, where he torturously dips his tongue and it feels unbelievable. I relax back onto the bed and try to accept the slow torture he is determined to unleash on me.
He slowly moves one hand down to lightly stroke me, and then his lips follow as he kisses his way down my body. When Jack reaches his target, I lose all conscious thoughts. Relentlessly, he licks and sucks me in the most perfect of ways. I immediately come and come and come and come. It’s doesn’t end. He lets me ride my wave, and then he starts all over again. He takes me in between his lips, his hands spread on my inner thighs while his thumbs trace patterns close to where his mouth is.
He repeats the entire process again. As he slowly slides two fingers inside me, he laps at me in very long, slow strokes. He is a master at oral sex. I feel my body clenching around his fingers. He pulls them out and replaces them with his tongue. The wave of ecstasy goes on and on as he makes love to me with his tongue.
Only after the last spasm subsides does he then slowly make his journey back up my body.
“Jack, my God.” I say, as he once again sucks on my nipple. He moves up my neck, and kisses his way to my mouth. I pull him over me so we are flush up against each other. I feel every muscle of his body pressing against mine with the most important one pushing into my thigh.
He starts to kiss me slowly, while his hands are on either side of my head. Staring into each other’s eyes, he reaches for my hands and laces our fingers together and shifts so his erection is positioned at my entrance.
He slowly sinks into me as I close my eyes from the intensity of the overwhelming emotion he is causing inside my heart.
“Open your eyes and look at me.”
I obey, although it’s hard to do so. I only want to close them and relish these sensations. The intimacy between us is overwhelming. We’ve done this plenty of times before, but this time is different. I know he feels it too.
We move together over and over, until I feel the familiar tightening. He kisses me, pushing me over the edge and then he releases seconds after I do. I can see every emotion he is feeling cross over his features, and in his dark grey eyes.
“I love you, Leila.” He assures me while our bodies are still connected. Neither of us wants to break the connection.
“I love you, too,” I respond, losing myself in his eyes.
“Can we talk about something?” he asks, while sipping his coffee. He spent the night, and we have a few hours before we need to be at the arena.
“Sure.”
“Can we tell the guys?” He watches me closely and waits for my response.
I move into the kitchen to refill my mug. “It means a lot to you that they know?”
He comes to stand with me, taking the mug from my hands and placing it on the counter. “It means I can love you the way I want to.”
Well when he puts it that way…
“Leila, we are all going to be together night and day. I understand you aren’t ready for the world to know. But to keep this from the guys would be torture for me. I want to be able to hold your hand, kiss you, love you without hiding it in front of them.”
He’s so romantic…and loving. How can I deny him something so profound? “Ok.”
“Ok?”
“Yes.”
He crushes me to his chest without warning. “Jack, I can’t breathe.”
“Oh…sorry.” He releases his hold, but only slightly. “Leila, you have no idea how happy I am right now.”
“I know exactly how happy you are.” I subtly stroke his excitement.
He shrugs sheepishly. “It has a mind of it’s own.”
Jack loves me over and over for the rest of the morning. In the kitchen and in the shower and in my bed.
“I’m going to have a limp on stage tonight,” I tease, as we get dressed and ready to leave.
“Fuck, that’s sexy,” he says coming behind me to kiss my neck. His tongue slowly traces a line to my ear.
“Jack, we are out of time. We have to go. The cab will be here any minute.”
Sighing he releases me. “Fine. You’re a buzz kill though.”
I walk into my bathroom and call out, “I’ll make it up to you as we pull away from the arena tonight while on my knees.”
His eyes are smoldering as he walks over to me. “Fuck. You can’t say things like that to me.” He kisses me like he wants to leave his mark on my thoughts. It’s the kind of kiss that has me panting and gasping for air.
“You don’t play fair,” I huff, as he walks away chuckling at the condition he’s left me in.
What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 7) Page 115