by Lyn McNicol
“Okay, but ‘There’ seems an awfully long way away from ‘Here’.”
“Patience now, Hamish, we’re so close.”
A big old tree leaned over Hamish’s path; its branches pointed ahead, guiding him onwards. As the branches swayed, Hamish was sure he could hear the tree whisper, “Nearly There, Nearly There.”
They walked on until Badger spotted another sign with even larger letters spelling out the word ‘There’.
“There it is. We’ve found ‘There’.”
“There, at last,” sighed Hamish, hearing his tummy rumble and hoping that Badger was right about dinnertime standing still.
They passed through an archway of trees and spied the mouth of a cave set in a cliff of clear quartz crystal. The entrance dazzled, twinkled and glimmered with a brilliant light.
A sign outside read:
Thank you for coming here to There, which is now, of course, “Here”.
We hope you enjoy your visit.
Come back soon, and don’t forget to tell all of your friends “Here, There and Everywhere.”
“So, here we are at There, which is also ‘here’ without the T,” said Badger, looking at Hamish knowingly.
“No tea? Is that the same as dinner?” asked Hamish, with a worried look.
“Don’t worry, Hamish, it’s not that kind of tea. Dinnertime will still be There when we get back.”
“Brilliant!” replied Hamish, in wide-eyed wonder, wondering what could possibly be inside the cave.
They walked towards the opening. Baby Unicorn motioned for them to follow.
“Amazing!” shouted Hamish as he weaved his way through different coloured crystal stalagmites and stalactites. His voice and the word “amazing” bounced back at him as they echoed round the walls of the cave.
“Wow!” shrieked Hamish
“Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow…” replied the echo.
“There’re lots of Hamishes in here,” said Hamish, a bit befuddled.
“Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” whispered Badger.
Hamish looked sheepish. As they walked on, he glanced over his shoulder, but could not resist throwing a final word to the cave.
“Dinner!”
“Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner…”
Hamish smiled to himself and followed Badger and Baby Unicorn, who had been waiting patiently for him to finish his fun.
Baby Unicorn stopped and nodded to Badger, who stepped forward and nodded respectfully back.
“My friend Hamish here is in a spot of bother. Can you help us, please?” asked Badger hopefully.
Baby Unicorn bowed his head.
Hamish watched in wonder.
The unicorn pointed his horn towards the back of the cave, where the rock was unusually flat and smooth.
“Right,” said Badger to Hamish. “Are you sitting comfortably? Watch this.”
A blast of light exploded from Baby Unicorn’s horn, and little by little, the light took shape on the cave wall.
There, lit up in front of them was an image of a puppy behind metal bars in a pen. Many Big Folk passed backwards and forwards but didn’t stop to look in. Then two of them stopped and pointed. The puppy ran up to the bars and barked excitedly. The Big Folk chatted with each other and disappeared.
“Oh, they look a bit like my Big Folk,” said Hamish excitedly.
“Sssh,” said Badger. “concentrate Hamish.”
Hamish fixed his gaze on the cave wall.
Outside the pen, the Big Folk returned with the Dog Catcher. The puppy’s ears pinned back, his tail stopped wagging and he stepped away from the bars. Two huge gloved hands curled around the metal bars, and the puppy cowered in the corner. The Dog Catcher unlocked the cage and lifted the puppy into the arms of the waiting Big Folk.
“He’s been saved,” said Hamish.
There was a crackle on the screen, and now the puppy was alone in a lane— not unlike the lane at the bottom of Hamish’s garden — and his Big Folk were nowhere to be seen. The dog was now being chased by the Dog Catcher.
There was another crackle on the screen and there was a picture of Top Dog.
“Oh,” said Hamish, surprised. “It’s Top Dog! Does Baby Unicorn know him?”
“Baby Unicorn knows everyone and everything.”
“Right. Okay.” Hamish’s tail started to wag.
On the wall they saw Top Dog shivering in a cardboard box, whining for some food and still on the run from the Dog Catcher.
“Oh, he looks so sad and lonely. Why is he living in a box? Why has he got no food? Where are his Big Folk?” asked Hamish.
“I don’t think he’s got any Big Folk any more, Hamish.”
“But who gives him his dinner?” asked Hamish
“No one,” replied Badger, then added, “Maybe that’s another reason why Top Dog wants to stop you from entering Pet Idol? He sees you going home for dinner every night, going for walks with your Big Folk, and having a warm bed and toys. Perhaps he’s chasing you because he’s afraid of being chased by the Dog Catcher.”
“He looks so thin,” said Hamish quietly. There was another crackle on the screen. There in front of him, was Hamish on a stage with lots of Big Folk cheering.
“Who’s that?” he asked. “His ears are as long as mine.”
“That’s because it is you. Hamish,” said Badger gently.
“But I don’t understand. If I’m here, how can I be there, and if I’m supposed to be there, how am I here? And this is ‘There’ so how can I possibly be here at all?”
Hamish furrowed his brow.
“Sometimes,” said Badger, even more gently, “we are lucky enough to get a glimpse of how things might be, not just today, but tomorrow and the next day, and the next day, and then the next day too.”
“Oh,” said Hamish in a very small voice.
“It looks like you’re going to win that show, Hamish. Let’s see what else we can see.”
They peered back into the cave and saw Hamish being presented with his prize at the famous Pet Idol Show.
“A year’s supply of Crunchy Munchy Chewy Chops and a personalized dinner bowl for you,” beamed the Big Folk presenter.
“But why have I won? I didn’t even enter it. Between my Big Folk talking about it and Top Dog chasing me because of it, I’m fed up with the whole thing.”
“It’s more of a Big Folk competition, Hamish. The Big Folk like to compete, and if they can’t do it themselves, then they use us… well you. Maybe those ears which trip you up all the time, are not just any ears…”
“Are my ears badgical magical too?” asked Hamish, wide-eyed.
“Watch,” said Badger, smiling.
The picture went blank. Baby Unicorn turned around to face them, his horn still aglow.
“What happens next?” asked Hamish, aware of another large rumble coming from his tummy. “I feel really hungry after seeing those Crunchy Munchy Chewy Chops. It must be dinnertime!”
“Don’t worry, Hamish. When we get back, dinnertime will still be some time off.”
Hamish looked puzzled.
“But my tummy thinks it should be now.”
Just then, another rumbling hum startled them from outside the cave.
“Patience, Hamish. Sounds like the Wim-Wim has arrived to take us home, so it won’t be long,” said Badger comfortingly “But first, there’s one more thing Baby Unicorn might be able to help us with.”
Sparkles of light appeared around Badger’s nose as he looked knowingly at the unicorn’s horn.
“Close your eyes, Hamish,” said Baby Unicorn, as he directed his glowing horn towards the little spaniel’s spiky tufts.
Hamish felt a ticklish sensation on top of his head. When he opened his eyes, he knew at once, that his slapdash haircut had been restored to its former glory.
“Thank you so much,” said Hamish.
Baby Unicorn turned and led them out of the cave where the Wim-Wim was cranking and panting.
Badge
r bowed politely to Baby Unicorn, grabbed Hamish’s paw and they stepped inside the Wim-Wim.
“Right Hamish, here we go. Close your eyes and repeat after me: Open our hearts with our eyes closed tight…”
Seconds later, Badger said softly, “It’s okay, Hamish. We’re back in plenty of time for dinner. You can open your eyes now.”
Hamish opened his eyes and there they were, back at the sundial, near the crack in the fence, at the bottom of Badger’s garden.
“Awesome!” said Hamish. “What just happened?”
“We’ve been on a badgical magical adventure.” said Badger. “And now I need some toast.”
Before Badger turned to trot indoors, he saw Hamish perch up on his hind legs to look once more at the sundial. He looked round bewildered.
“But the shadow hasn’t moved!”
Badger looked at Hamish and winked.
Hamish tilted his head and murmured to himself, “Wow. I’ve been badgical magicalled.”
He squeezed through the crack in the fence, sniffed the air with fresh confidence, then ventured into the lane and headed homewards for his dinner.
But it wasn’t long before Top Dog and his gang caught sight of Hamish and fell into step behind him.
Hamish looked round. His heart sank.
Top Dog and his gang stood in a line across the lane.
“So, you managed to escape then?” snarled the gang leader. “And your hair’s grown back as well. How odd.”
“Badger the Mystical Mutt helped me,” replied Hamish.
“What are you doing hanging around with that Badger mutt anyway?” barked Top Dog.
“Ooooooohhhhhhh. Has Hamish got a new friend now? You’re in good company there. Badger’s strange too. What is it they call him? Badger the Mystical Mutt? More like Badger the Neighbourhood Nut,” growled Snif menacingly.
“He’s not a nut and he’s not strange,” snapped Hamish, shaking himself angrily. “In fact, he’s helped me, to understand why you, Top Dog”, Hamish stood facing him, “are so horrible to me.”
“Oh, has he really? So it’s not because you’re an annoying little softie, or because you don’t know how to fight without those gangly ears getting in the way, or because you are a goody four paws?”
“He showed me everything. I saw it!”
“Saw what?” snorted Top Dog.
“You! As a pup … in the Dog Catcher’s van… in the cage … with the Big Folk … on your own”
“Stop!” scowled Top Dog, looking nervously around. “You’ll be going for another dunk in the tank if you don’t stop your nonsense. That Badger is even nuttier than I thought. This is ridiculous. I’ll sort him out right now.”
Top Dog circled the rest of the gang and barked fiercely: “Leave this to me; I’ll handle that interfering nut myself.”
The gang scarpered, leaving Hamish alone, worrying about what Top Dog would do to his new friend and concerned that he was still not home for his dinner.
Back in the garden, Badger the Mystical Mutt was dreaming, as usual, of higgledly-piggledy towers of toast.
At the crack in the fence, an angry eye peered through.
Top Dog spied Badger out for the count and crept through. Badger budged his bottom to get more comfortable. Top Dog stopped in his tracks. He waited, his sights fixed on his prey.
He edged closer.
Badger’s nose started to twitch as a fly hovered close to his nostrils. He shook his head. Top Dog froze and waited, but Badger quickly returned to his slumber.
Now at his side, Top Dog was ready to pounce. He noticed the famous red-spotted neckerchief around his neck and thought: This should be easy …
With that, he leapt at Badger and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. Badger’s eyes flashed open as all thoughts of toast disappeared and he realized that he was under attack.
“You’re not so smart now, Badger! Stupid name anyway! You don’t even look like a badger!”
Badger tried to free himself from Top Dog’s grasp.
“What are you doing trying to fill Hamish’s head with nonsense?”
Badger looked down at his red spotty neckerchief and whispered:
“Show koo ray, Show koo ray, over to you, ’Chief, to take him away.”
Top Dog loosened his grip as he felt the knot of Badger’s neckerchief slowly unravel. He stepped back, confused, as he watched it come completely undone.
The neckerchief shot into the air, spun around, turned sharply, hovered for a moment, then dived straight towards Top Dog, knocking him flat on his back. Within seconds, all of Top Dog’s paws, and even his tail, were tied together with the red spotty neckerchief.
Badger rubbed his neck and sat back. “Thanks, ’Chief!”
“What just happened?” whimpered Top Dog, a trifle dazed.
“Sorry about that. Now, are you likely to try that again, or does the ’Chief need to keep you tied up a bit longer?”
“Erm … no. Sorry, I promise … really! Just untie me. Please?”
Badger thought for a moment, and then said:
“Show koo ray, Show koo ray, come back ’Chief, that’s enough for today.”
The red spotty neckerchief carefully unknotted itself and glided back to fasten again around Badger’s neck. Badger tapped it with his paw.
“That’s better. Now, what’s all this about then? And why should I talk to you after that bath you gave me in the tank?”
Top Dog sat up, keeping a wary distance from Badger.
“Erm … yes, sorry about that. It was Hamish we were after, not you. Hamish says he saw me as a pup. I don’t understand. That was years ago, long before he was even born.”
“Ah,” said Badger gently. “Sometimes, when we look for all the right reasons, we can see things as they really are.”
“I’m even more confused now,” frowned Top Dog.
“Let me explain then. You’re not a bad dog, but from what I understand, you’ve rarely known, or been shown, any love or kindness. So it must be difficult for you to show love or kindness to anyone else.”
Top Dog shook himself gruffly.
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me about your Big Folk? Who feeds you and walks you?”
“I don’t have any Big Folk. I don’t need any,” replied Top Dog defensively.
“Did you ever?”
“Yes, once.”
“And did they feed and walk you?”
“They did for a while,” admitted Top Dog.
“What happened to them?”
“They moved away.”
“Surely you could have moved with them?”
“I ran away while they were packing their cases,” said Top Dog sadly. “I went back every night for weeks, but the house was empty.”
“So where did you go?” asked Badger softly.
“Nowhere. I ran around all day and roamed the bins at night. Eventually, the Dog Catcher caught me and put me in a cage. That’s where I met Dodgy Dave. He helped me to escape. I’ve lived on this lane ever since.”
“So why are you so horrible to Hamish?” asked Badger
“He just seems to have everything: Big Folk, dinner, walks and somewhere warm to sleep. And as if that wasn’t enough, now he’s in this Pet Idol competition. Because of all the interest in Hamish and the lane, the Dog Catcher is back on my tail.”
“That’s still no reason to be horrible to him. Pet Idol wasn’t his fault. Has he ever been horrible to you?”
“No,” said Top Dog, hanging his head.
“Does being horrible to Hamish make you feel better?”
“No … not better, but the rest of the gang think I’m great because of it.”
“Why don’t you try being nice to Hamish and see how that makes you feel? It’s a good feeling, and I’ll bet that Hamish will be happy to share out his Crunchy Munchy Chewy Chops with his friends if he wins.”
“But I can’t, because then the gang will think I’m going soft. They’ll find a new leader.”
“You may lose them, but you will gain a true friend in Hamish. Think about it!” said Badger wisely.
Top Dog grunted and backed towards the crack in the fence with his tail pointing downwards and his ears flat against his head.
Badger heard a strange scraping sound coming from the lane. He looked out to see Hamish dragging his dinner bowl full of Buddy Bites towards Top Dog’s cardboard box.
That pup learned a lot about kindness in the crystal cave, Badger smiled to himself.
Top Dog looked up angrily then spotted a clothes peg holding Hamish’s ears together. He sniggered to himself.
“What are you up to, Peg Ears? Are you back for another thumping?” growled Top Dog.
“I wondered if you wanted some of this,” said Hamish.
Top Dog’s mouth watered as his eyes feasted upon the overflowing bowl of juicy chunky Buddy Bites, but before he could tuck in, his pride took over.
“What? Eat with the likes of you? Mummy’s Boy, who has to have his ears pegged back while he’s eating? Don’t think so. Beat it!” said Top Dog gruffly.
“It’s a shame if it goes to waste,” ventured Hamish hesitantly. “As for the peg, that was my Big Folk’s idea. The Pet Idol final is tomorrow and my ears keep dangling in my dinner, which I like, because it’s good for afters, but they say it makes a mess.”
“But you’re a dog! Mess is good,” said Top Dog. Then he shook himself and got back to being gruff and tough. “Well, I’ve got to admire your spirit, Fancy Pants. You’ve had a few beatings already, and here you are looking for another.”
“Look, why don’t I just leave it here. If you don’t want it, then maybe the birds will eat it.”
With that, Hamish bounded his way back to the fence to join Badger out of Top Dog’s view. Top Dog sniffed at the food, looked around him then, grudgingly took a few bites … then a few more … then a few more … until he had hungrily wolfed down the lot.