by Susan Cairns
“I didn’t want to hear it,” I respond as Jordan pulls away from the curb and into traffic.
“And now?”
“And now shit has blown up in my face.” I scrub my hand over my face.
“As you knew it would, which is why I told you to get your own place.” He takes his eyes off the road for a minute to give me a pointed look.
“I did, but I had to wait a week for the landlord to clean the carpets. I’m supposed to move in tomorrow.”
“You told Jennifer?”
“Not yet, and neither did Taylor, thank fuck.”
“Um, don’t you think you might want to tell her, ya know, before you go home and start packing all your shit?” he asks, raising his fingertips from the steering wheel as though his hands hold the answer.
“My stuff’s there; I can’t tell her until I get back. I don’t want her tossing my shit all over the front yard.”
“So let me get this straight, she has no idea you’ve been cheating on her? How is that possible? When are you fucking this chick?”
“I’m not just fucking her, I like her and I think… I don’t know, but it’s not just sex. We have this connection, I can’t explain it.”
“Holy fuck, you’re in love with the hot blonde and you’re living with the holy roller!”
“Fuck off.”
“What’re you yelling at me for? You’re the one who royally fucked things up.”
“I don’t need you reminding me. Just let me vent a minute.”
“Okay, so what’s going on with the blonde?”
“Her name is Taylor and she probably fucking hates me and she won’t take my calls so I can explain what’s going on. All she knows is that some woman named Jennifer dropped off a cake for my birthday that said ‘Love Jennifer.’”
“Holy shit!” He says pulling into the parking garage.
“That’s what I said.”
“So how many times have you tried to call Taylor?”
“Just a couple. I kind of had other things to take care of. But I’m going to try again before I go into the hospital.”
“Well, here’s your chance. Dad’s on the surgical floor and I have no idea where that is, so ask the desk. I’ll let mom know you had to make a call before you came in.”
“Thanks, man,” I say to Jordan’s back as he gets out of the car.
With my phone in my hand, I watch my brother walk away, then I look at the screen, debating who to call first. I honestly don’t want to talk to Jennifer, but I need to tell her I made it here, so I take the coward’s way out and send her a text. After my phone says delivered, I scroll through to Taylor’s number. I doubt she’s going to pick up, but I need to take the chance. On the third ring, it cuts off and goes to voicemail.
“Taylor, I understand how angry you are, but I’m begging you to let me explain. I’m in Chicago and I won’t be able to use my phone for a while, but I’ll check my messages. I’m not giving up on you, on us. We have something, and I know you feel it too. Please call me back. I need to explain everything from the beginning.” I press the end button.
After taking a few deep breaths and scrubbing my hands over my face, I hit the lock then get out of the car. Walking across the parking garage to the entrance of the hospital puts things in perspective. Life’s too short to waste it wondering if something is going to work or walking away when you should fight. I’m going to fight for Taylor. She’s young and stubborn, so I’m not sure how it’ll work out for me, but I’m going to try my hardest to convince her to give me a second chance. The first week with her, even when she was hot and cold, should have told me that I needed to end things with Jennifer, that it was never going to work. But it took finding out I could lose my dad to make me realize I need to go for the things I want, not just settle and hope for the best.
The bright lights of the hospital make me squint as I walk through the door. I’ve never been here and I’m not sure where to go, so I look around for a sign to point me in the right direction. On the wall in front of me is an advertisement for family planning, advising people to make the right choice. Not what I was thinking about, but the beautiful blonde looks a lot like Taylor, so I’m going to take it as fate’s way of telling me I’m making the right decision. Just to the left is an arrow pointing toward the communications/check-in desk, so I head that way.
Coming around the corner, I find a security guard sitting behind a large desk with his head lowered over the magazine in front of him.
“Can I help you?” he asks as I approach.
“Yeah, my dad is having surgery. Michael Mariano, he had a heart attack.”
“Give me a minute,” he says, sitting up and reaching for the computer. After tapping for a little longer than I think it should have taken, he looks at me. “Fourth floor. Take the elevators over there, then make a left and go all the way to the end of the hall. At the end, you’ll see the waiting room.”
“Thanks.” I take off to the elevators, taking them to where the guard said.
Stepping out of the elevator, I look down the hall to the left and see my brother leaning against the wall outside what I imagine is the waiting room the guard told me to go to. I put my hands in my pockets and make my way toward him. His demeanor has changed, and I’m not sure how to take it. His head is tipped down toward his chest, where his arms are crossed. He looks tired, something I didn’t notice when he picked me up at the airport.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask, stepping up next to him.
“No word yet. Mom’s freaking out. She keeps calling back to the nurses’ station, where they’re telling her they’ll let her know as soon as they hear something. She’s making me even more nervous.” He lifts his head and looks at me. “She didn’t answer?”
I shake my head. “No, but I left her another message.”
“Dude, you really fucked things up.”
“I know, but I’m going to fix it. I have to.”
“She's the one, isn’t she?”
“I think so.”
“Then you better make things right. You’re not getting any younger, you know,” he says with a chuckle, knowing it will aggravate me.
“Trust me, I know, and she’s young, so it worries me even more.”
“Go see Mom. Maybe you can comfort her.” He nods toward the waiting room door.
Pushing off the wall, I clap my hand on my brother’s shoulder then step around him. My mother is curled up on a love seat next to the table holding the phone. She’s the only one in the room, and if I hadn’t known it was her, I wouldn’t have recognized her. She looks as though she’s aged ten years since I saw her three weeks ago.
“Mom?” I say quietly, and she lifts her head. Her cheeks are stained with dried tears.
“Oh, Reid,” she whispers and launches herself against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and rub small circles on her back. “He was fine, there were no early signs, and then all of a sudden he went down. I was so scared.”
“Shh, he’s going to be okay, Mom. The doctors are going to make sure of it.”
“I hope you’re right,” she says with a whimper.
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m just waiting, and it’s killing me. I keep calling back, begging them for some information, but they don’t have any yet.”
“They’ll call when they know something. We need to let the doctors do their job.”
“I know, but he’s the love of my life, I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
And there it is, a sharp shooting pain through my chest as an image of Taylor smiling at me in bed flashes through my mind. I’d never thought of what it would be like to not see her face anymore until this moment, until my mother pointed out that she can’t live without my dad. I’ve become so used to seeing Taylor’s smile and hearing her laugh every day at work, it never crossed my mind what life could be like when I get back if she doesn’t let me explain and fix things.
“Let’s sit down,” I say, directing my mom back to the love
seat, only I take the seat next to the phone and tuck her into my other side. “Why don’t you close your eyes for a while?”
She looks at me as if I just suggested the unthinkable.
“You’ll hear the phone, and if you don’t, I’ll wake you.”
“I’m not going to sleep,” she states. “But it does feel nice to have my boy back with me.”
“It feels good to be with you too, Mom.”
“How about you distract me for a while and tell me how things are going with Jennifer, with work?”
“I can do that.” I take a deep breath, not really knowing what to tell her, so I start with work. “Work is great. I met all of my clients over dinner, then I took tours of their businesses. They all seem like really great, hardworking people. I think I can really help them grow their businesses. I’m looking forward to creating some solid plans for them…”
“And how about Jennifer?” I can hear the hope in her voice—hope that I’m about to crush.
Sucking in a deep breath, I get ready to rip off the Band-Aid. “Things aren’t going to work out with Jennifer.”
“What?” She snaps up, lifting her head to look me in the eyes.
“Mom, I know you were hoping things were going to grow between us, but it’s just not happening. I want something like what you have with Dad. Jennifer and I don’t have that and we never will.” I see she’s ready to put her two cents in, but I beat her to it, “But I did meet someone I think I do have that connection with. Actually I know I do, but I screwed it up.”
“Well, we have some time and I’m good at advice, so tell me about it.”
“Basically, I’m an asshole.”
“No, you’re not,” she says, shaking her head. “You might have made a mistake, but I’m sure you can fix it. Go on, tell me.”
“I don’t know if it can be fixed at this point.” I take another deep breath. “This woman, Taylor, I work with her. She’s younger than me, a lot younger, but that’s not the reason I’m attracted to her. She’s smart, she’s driven, and she knows what she wants in life. She seems older than she is, unless she’s throwing a fit, then she reverts right back to being twenty-five—”
“Twenty-five? Reid, you didn’t even date women that age when you were twenty-five. You’ve always dated older women.”
“I know, it threw me too, but she’s different. The first time I saw her, I felt this pull, and then when we touched, it was like a bolt of lightning shot between us. If that makes sense.”
“It does.” She puts her palm against my cheek. “You know, not everyone believes that there is one person for each of us, that when you meet them, it changes your whole world, but I do. I found that the day I met your dad.” She drops her hand and turns her head as tears well in her eyes. “We were together for three weeks before we moved in together. I don’t think I ever told you that.”
“No, you didn’t. I thought you knew each other a long time and then when you decided to get married, things went fast.”
“No, we got married after knowing each other for three months, and look at us, forty-two years later and still going strong. When you know, you know. Now your grandparents, they were another story,” she adds with a giggle.
“They wanted to kill you, didn’t they?”
“Not me! I was eighteen and their baby. No, they wanted to kill your dad.”
“But Dad and you are the same age.”
“Doesn’t matter, it was always the boy’s fault. I was their princess, their only child, and they didn’t want to see me getting tied down before experiencing life. Your grandparents were free spirits. They traveled and got in trouble before they decided to have me.”
“They were hippies, Mom, I’ve seen the pictures.”
She lets out a true laugh, and I see Jordan peek around the corner, giving me a small smile.
“Yeah, they were, and it pissed them off that I wanted nothing to do with that life. I wanted to be settled. We moved a lot when I was growing up, and I was over it. The last time we moved is when I met your dad.”
“Why did you move with them that last time? You were done with high school, right? You could have stayed.”
She shrugs. “They were all I had. I didn’t make friends because we moved so much, so I went with them. My intention was to settle in Chicago and go to college, which I did, but meeting your dad was the cherry on the top.”
“I’m going to ask you something, but I don’t want you to get mad at me.”
“Okay,” she answers hesitantly.
“Why did you push me to try things with Jennifer if you believe there is someone for everyone and you didn’t think she was it?”
“If I hadn’t, then you wouldn’t have met Taylor.” She smirks. “I guess I didn’t understand why you were so okay being alone. I just wanted to see you settled and happy. I thought maybe giving Jennifer some time would allow that to happen, but I was wrong.”
I nod. “But I did meet Taylor.”
“So things worked out in the end anyway. Now tell me how you screwed it up. I promise I won’t judge.”
“I’m still living with Jennifer. I didn’t tell Taylor I was with someone.”
“And?” she encourages.
“Jennifer sent a cake to work for me today, for my birthday—”
“Oh my god!” Mom shrieks, snapping upright again. “It’s your birthday! Reid, I’m so sorry! With everything that happened today, I completely forgot.”
“It’s okay, I understand.”
“It’s not okay and we’re going to make it up to you, but for now, keep going.” She calms her voice and lays back down against me.
“Well, the cake said ‘Love, Jennifer.’”
“Oh no.” Mom covers her mouth with her hand.
“Yeah, and Taylor just happened to be in the reception area when she dropped it off, so she was the one to deliver it to my office.”
“Did she say anything to you?”
“No, she literally threw it on my desk when I was on the phone with you then turned around and ran out. I didn’t have a chance to go after her because I was in shock about Dad. Now she’s not answering her phone and I need to explain things to her.”
“Why don’t you explain them to me first, like why you thought it was okay to start seeing this girl before breaking things off with Jennifer?” she asks, giving me a pointed look.
“Honestly, because living with Jennifer is like living with a roommate. There’s nothing between us, at least not on my side. With work and seeing Taylor, I hadn’t even seen Jennifer all week, and last weekend we just existed together. It kind of blows my mind that she thinks things are good between us.”
“Maybe she’s hoping things will work out in the end. You know Reid, not that long ago you didn’t believe in that instant connection. Maybe Jennifer feels the same and thinks that something will grow from the two of you living together.”
“Maybe, but if I can see that things aren't good shouldn’t she?”
“That’s something you’ll have to ask her.” Mom’s voice softens as a sad smile crosses her face. “What’s the plan for now, though?”
“To get Taylor back,” I say with no hesitation.
“How about ending things with Jennifer first? Maybe finding a new place to live?” she suggests with a tilt to her head.
“I’m one step ahead of you. I signed the lease on an apartment last Saturday. I was supposed to move in tomorrow.”
“You stayed another week and kept this thing going with both of them?”
“The landlord was having the carpets cleaned. Besides,” I shrug, “I never see Jennifer. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“Oh, Reid,” Mom sits up straight, turning her body so she’s facing me. “It’s a big deal! How do you think Taylor feels knowing she’s the other woman?”
“I guess I didn’t think about that,” I say and run my hand over my beard covered chin, looking away from Mom’s face.
“No, you didn’t, and now it’s go
ing to take everything you have if you want to get her back.”
I snap my head back toward her, “I’m willing to work for it.”
“Good! First things first, let her know you’re not giving up, but also give her some time.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Call her, but not excessively, then go to her when you get back to Buffalo—but make sure it’s after you’ve moved out.”
“I can do that.”
“Good,” she says, then leans her head against my shoulder. “I’m expecting updates, you know.”
“I know, and you’ll get them, I promise,” I say rubbing my hand up and down Mom’s arm.
“Thank you, Reid.”
“For what?”
“For distracting me,” Mom answers, her voice soft, sounding tired.
“Close your eyes for a while.”
“I’m going to.” She does as I suggest.
The next thing I know, I’m being shaken by Jordan. I must have fallen asleep right after Mom, who’s still leaning against my shoulder. I sit up straight, jostling her awake. She snaps straight up and looks around the room until she sees the doctor standing near the door. Before I can comprehend what’s going on, she’s out of the seat and reaching for his hands.
“How is he?” she asks quietly.
“He’s out of surgery. It went very well considering the damage the attack caused.”
“Thank god, when can I see him?” She sounds on the verge of begging.
“Since it’s so late, I’m going to let you go in to say good night, but I can’t let you stay for any length of time.”
“That’s okay, as long as I can kiss him good night and tell him I love him.”
“Give me a few minutes and I’ll have the nurse come get you.”
“Can the boys come too?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Mariano, just you tonight.”
“It’s okay, Mom, just tell him that we’re here and we love him,” Jordan says from behind me.
“Okay.” She nods at the doctor, who then disappears out the door. “Why don’t you boys head back to Jordan’s and get some sleep then? I’m going to stay here tonight.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, putting my hand on Mom’s shoulder.