by Minna Howard
The next day was so hot, no one moved from the property. In the evening, they congregated outside on the terrace for drinks before dinner. Ruth and Marcus were cooking dinner, or rather, making a large salad, as it was too hot to cook. Sarah noticed that Julian was walking oddly, his legs apart, his bottom sticking out awkwardly.
‘Caught the sun?’ she joked, knowing that he and Yvette had spent some of the day hidden in the garden, Yvette was known to sometimes sun bathe completely naked.
‘Y… yes.’ He looked embarrassed, his eyes skittering away from her.
Throughout dinner he seemed to find it painful to sit still, and rocked gently back and forth, his face creased with discomfort.
‘Ants in your pants, Julian?’ Patrick remarked with a laugh.
Julian blushed. ‘Just burnt,’ he muttered.
‘May we ask what part of you is burnt?’ Jeff enquired, his eyes shining with mischievous amusement.
Everyone laughed but Julian and Yvette. She was too busy eating the shellfish salad.
‘I’d keep it out of the sun, mate; might shrivel it up for all time,’ Jeff said, with the arrogance of a young man with an active sex life.
Julian tried to join in the banter, but Sarah could see it was an effort for him. She suspected they were ribbing him to punish him for bringing this tiresome girl with him, who’d made no attempt to fit in with the rest of them or pull her weight.
At the end of the evening, Sarah went for a walk in the garden before going to bed. Celine was playing bridge with Flora, Marcus and Ruth, others reading. It was hot and still, with a sort of electric feeling, as if before long there would be a terrible storm. They certainly needed one, to freshen everywhere up and lighten the air. She crossed the terrace and went on to the lawn. As she passed the huge tree near the pool, someone moved in the shadows. She walked on, keeping her gaze ahead in case it was a couple having a romantic interlude in the open air. But Julian stepped out alone.
‘Oh, hello,’ she said. ‘It’s so hot, isn’t it?’
He did not answer, and she could see in the dim light of the beacons dotted about the garden that he looked terrible. No doubt Yvette had dumped him. Perhaps she was at this moment in bed with one of the two Fielding boys who had turned up at the farmhouse during dinner. They were good-looking young men, and she’d seen how Yvette had eyed them up.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked, while inwardly praying he would not start on about his misery at losing Yvette. She did not want to listen. She did not have any sympathy for any middle-aged man who threw away a perfectly nice wife – though she’d no idea if his wife had been perfectly nice – for some little bit like that. Her feelings must have shown in her expression, for he backed off looking even more miserable.
‘I…’ He gave a hoarse laugh. ‘Well, something very embarrassing has happened.’
‘Oh?’
‘I…’ He squirmed with embarrassment. ‘Well, you know how it is, trouble with the old hydraulics.’
‘Hydraulics; you mean something in the swimming pool?’ Had he broken the filter, or the cover that was put back every night to stop the birds from drowning, and was dreading having to own up?
‘No, you know…’ He glanced down at his groin, and even in the dark she could see an enormous mound there. She blushed. What was she meant to do about it? She certainly didn’t want it anywhere near her.
‘I’ll find Yvette for you,’ she said, with the shrillness of a maiden aunt.
‘No, you don’t understand,’ he said desperately. ‘You see, I’ve had some problems, so I brought out some Viagra.’
‘Don’t tell me you’ve overdosed?’ She bit her lips to stop the giggle that bubbled up in her. He was enormous, like an elephant. She could not help looking again.
‘No. It just happened; everything has swollen up. I don’t know what to do.’
‘A cold shower?’ she said feebly, fighting to keep the laughter from her voice. Then she controlled herself. He was in agony; she really must not laugh. ‘You’d better ring a doctor,’ she said. ‘I’ve never heard of such a thing before.’ She didn’t know anything about Viagra at all, except what she had read in the newspapers. The thought of it caused another surge of panic in her. If she ever had a sex life again, would Viagra be the main feature? Did you have to wait for it to work, like dough rising? She cringed inwardly; it was all too embarrassing to contemplate.
‘Look, Sarah, I hate to ask you this, but would you drive me to the doctor in the village? I can’t have him here; you know how… well, how people…’ He fidgeted in misery.
‘How people will think what a fool you are?’ she said tartly. ‘Tell me, Julian, why do you do it? Are these young women worth all this agony and embarrassment? Wouldn’t you be happier with someone nearer your age who might be more sympathetic to…’ she swallowed a giggle, ‘trouble with your “hydraulics”?’
‘You mean you, Sarah?’
‘No, I do not mean me!’ The thought appalled her. ‘But you seem to be torturing yourself – for what? Just to prove you can pull a young girl like you could when you were twenty?’
He looked miserable, and she felt ashamed of herself. She really must not become the scourge of all middle-aged men just because her own husband had hurt her so. But here was this man, some hotshot in the City, with goodness knows how many employees under him, humiliating himself with some selfish girl who did not care a toss for him.
‘I’ll take you to the doctor.’ Her sympathy for him got the better of her. ‘Come on, we’ll walk through the garden to the car.’
‘You’re so kind, I really appreciate it, Sarah,’ he said, wading behind her as if he was ploughing through deep water.
They took his car, but she had to drive it. On the way to the village, he asked her if she was married.
‘No, not any more. My husband is playing the fool with some young woman, too. That’s why your sort of behaviour irritates me so.’ She kept her eyes on the road as they drove down the narrow lane to the village.
‘I see.’
‘I understand you are divorced?’ she said.
‘That’s right. Our marriage just ended, there was nothing there anymore.’
‘You take the best years of a woman; she does everything for you, brings up your children, helps you up the ladder of your career, loves you, and then you dump her for some young bit. What would you have done if your wife had done that to you? Dumped you for a younger man?’ She almost said ‘more virile’ man, but stopped herself in time.
‘Put like that…’ he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. ‘But we hadn’t been happy for years.’
‘That’s what they all say,’ she said darkly.
He pointed out the doctor’s house in the square. She stopped the car outside.
‘I’ll wait for you in the car.’
‘Thank you.’ He struggled out and she watched him hover by the front door before ringing the bell. The door finally opened and he was ushered inside. Sarah wondered how good his Italian was, and how he would explain his predicament.
Some time later he reappeared, looking rather sheepish.
‘Better now?’ Sarah asked brightly.
‘Yes, thank you, it will wear off. At least, I think that’s what he said,’ Julian said mournfully.
‘As long as it doesn’t fall off!’ Sarah quipped. She remembered Linda saying what fools men were over those few inches of gristle.
‘That’s not very kind,’ he said plaintively as she turned the car and started back down the lane.
The storm broke just before they reached the farmhouse; the rain teemed down as if it was being poured from a gigantic jug. They both agreed that it would clear the air. She parked the car in the drive as near to the front door as she could, and they both ran into the house, but even in those few yards they were drenched through. Sarah’s thin dress clung to her like a second skin. In the hall she said goodnight to him and started up the stairs to her room.
‘You ’ave take
n my man!’ Yvette came at her, hands outstretched, as if she would claw her eyes out.
Patrick was behind her. He caught Yvette and held her.
‘Steady on,’ he said, but as he caught sight of Sarah with her dress plastered tight against her body, she saw a flash of desire in his expression. The rest of the house party, with the exception of the young Fieldings, followed him, staring at her with some disapproval.
With sickening horror, she realised that they thought she and Julian had gone off together for some passionate encounter and had only come in to escape from the storm.
Nine
‘You didn’t did you?’ Celine came into Sarah’s bedroom.
‘What do you think?’ Sarah stared at her reflection in the mirror on the dressing-table, a towel tied like a turban over her wet hair. ‘Do I look that desperate?’
Celine laughed, sat down on the bed. ‘No, but both of you suddenly disappearing like that caused quite a commotion. That silly bitch made more noise than she’s done all week. Her English improved by the second. So, what happened?’
Sarah couldn’t suppress a giggle, though inside she was screaming with insecurity. It was the expression on everyone else’s faces that had stunned her, not Yvette’s hysteria. In their accusing eyes she’d seen that, except for Celine, they’d all reached the same conclusion. She had kidnapped Julian to seduce him. Coming in like that, her dress riding up, clinging to her body after running in the rain, only confirmed it. The women were the worst, hostility pinching all their faces as they concluded that she was not safe near their men.
She’d kept silent as she stood dripping on the stairs. Never explain, never complain, her father used to say, and this was the perfect time to take his advice. Anything she might have said would only dig her in deeper. She’d glanced at Julian. He was desperately trying to calm Yvette down. She had promised not to tell anyone about the real reason they had gone off together. Seduce him? The very thought brought on a fit of hysterical mirth. Sarah had gone upstairs to her room, leaving Julian to explain.
‘I promised I wouldn’t tell what happened,’ Sarah said, the memory of the scene in the garden making the laughter rise in her again. ‘Would it do if I said he needed to go to the doctor urgently?’
Seeing her suppressed amusement, Celine said drily, ‘Chest pains?’
‘Lower down,’ Sarah giggled.
Celine lifted an eyebrow, ‘Not the clap?’
‘No. But…’
‘Look, people are dreadful in the way they jump to conclusions. Yvette stirred it all up by saying she’d seen you making eyes at Julian.’
‘What rubbish!’ Sarah was indignant.
‘I know. I stood up for you, but the others don’t know you… and…’ She shrugged. ‘Well, you know what people are like, recently separated woman and all. They seem to think that makes you rampant for sex.’
‘Only with Dan! Mad, isn’t it? Especially as it would be torture sleeping with him again and thinking of what he did in bed with that dratted mouse,’ Sarah said sadly.
Celine smiled sympathetically. ‘I told Flora and Patrick that it was impossible. Julian’s not even your type is he?’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘But as Yvette is after his money, she probably imagines you are, too.’
‘So, by being kind to him, I’ve blackened my character irredeemably?’
‘No, not in Flora and Patrick’s eyes, anyway. They’ll be fine about it. It will blow over. No one even likes Yvette. Everyone would be far more comfortable if you two did pair up! It’s just causing such unpleasantness, which upsets everyone, while they are here chilling out on holiday.’
The old guilt and shame accosted her. Just as she had begun to feel on top of things, something else had happened to knock her down once more. If she’d had her old confidence she’d have laughed it off, protested at once, and she would have been believed. If Dan had been with her, no one would have accused her of anything. But single women, as she was discovering – especially those who had recently lost their husbands – were seen as predators, bent on luring away any passable man. This episode would upset the cheerful balance of the people staying here the women wondering if she’d be after their men and she would be blamed for it.
‘I wonder what Julian’s explanation will be?’ she said, remembering his embarrassment. To keep his dignity, would he pretend that they had gone off together? ‘He asked me to take him to the doctor in the village and not tell anyone about it. I hope he explains that, and doesn’t make up some nonsense about us having a passionate affair.’
‘They’ll want to know why he went to the doctor,’ Celine said.
‘Promise you won’t tell anyone if I tell you?’ She knew she could confide in Celine.
‘Of course, though I may have to tell Flora, but she won’t say anything.’
Sarah told her what had happened. Celine burst out laughing incredulously.
‘I’ve never heard of that before! In fact, I don’t know of anyone who has actually taken Viagra. But what a nightmare.’ Her eyes gleamed with horrified amusement. ‘Like mumps, making everything swell up, or elephantiasis. I do hope that never happens to a man I am with. I mean, imagine!’ She shook with giggles. ‘At least that might curb some of them. As it is, I have frightful visions of all those geriatrics clutching bottles of Viagra, behaving like oversexed adolescents. Not that I’ve been bothered by any; I suppose they go after the younger women.’
‘I took him to the doctor, and I assume he’s coped with it. It’s rather humiliating for Julian. I asked him why he had put himself in such a position and— Oh God,’ she remembered in horror. ‘I said something to him like “why do you middle-aged men make such fools of yourselves over young girls, can’t you cope with grown-up women”, and he did think I was referring to myself.’
‘So he does fancy you?’
‘I don’t think so. I certainly don’t fancy him, especially not after the elephantiasis incident. If he did try to seduce me now, I’d get the giggles.’
Celine’s face creased with amusement. ‘So would I. Even looking at him now will make me laugh, and to think he practically runs the City. Imagine if his competitors found out!’ She howled with laughter.
‘He’s probably not the only one. It is rather depressing that sex is counted so highly these days, that any other achievements in life seem to come second place.’ As always, she thought of Dan. Was it only sex with a younger woman that made him leave her, or had he disliked her for some time?
‘It may be unkind of me to ridicule him, but it’s time we had something to laugh about, concerning men. Normally it’s us poor women who suffer all these hideous embarrassments,’ Celine pointed out.
They could still hear Yvette’s screaming downstairs. Celine said, ‘Forget it, she’s just hysterical, thinking she’s lost out on her free holiday. Tomorrow, just behave as though nothing has happened and it hasn’t. It will soon blow over.’
‘I do hope so, I was enjoying myself.’
‘And you will again.’ Celine hugged her.
All night, Sarah was plagued by dreams. She was in a mysterious garden with endless twisting paths, bordered by trees that kept bending down and pulling at her. A man was following her; vainly she tried to escape him. Running round one corner, she bumped straight into him – and it was Robert.
When she awoke, she had the impression that he was there in the room, close to her. The sun pushed its way through the chinks in the curtains and she felt his presence recede, to be replaced by a faint sense of regret. What nonsense her mind was playing. She felt quite hot and embarrassed, as if Robert would somehow know he had disturbed her dreams. More immediate worries took over her mind. She lay in bed, fretting. Should she go down early and have her breakfast before most of the others got up, then make herself scarce for the day, or should she just brazen it out and go down later, when the others did?
In the end she went down to breakfast late, hoping that Celine would be there to bolster
her up. She went out on to the terrace. Pia, the domestic help, came early with newly baked rolls. There was fruit, coffee and orange juice laid out on the long table covered with a blue-chequered cloth. It was Sarah’s favourite time of the day, before the searing heat took over, when the light was sharp, picking out the colours with precision. The Fieldings kept their garden well watered, so it was iridescent green compared with the toasted earth in the rest of the region. Julian was sitting alone at the end of the table; she hadn’t seen him at first.
She moved to go back inside but he caught sight of her.
‘Don’t go away,’ he said. ‘Look, Sarah…’ His face was pasty, his eyes sunken, as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. ‘I’m so sorry about last night.’
‘It’s OK.’ She helped herself to coffee and sat down beside him. ‘I suppose, people being what they are, it was not surprising that they all jumped to the wrong conclusions. I hope Yvette realised that.’
‘She’s gone,’ he said mournfully. ‘She made me call her a taxi and she’s gone.’
‘Not because of me, I hope?’
‘No.’ He hung his head, his face miserable. ‘I had to tell her what had happened.’ He was close to tears. ‘She was disgusted, there’s no other word for it. How I hate getting older!’ He thumped his fist on the table. ‘I was never lacking in that department before.’
Sarah watched him crucifying himself. Here was this man, with a remarkable financial brain, a top job in the City, often hobnobbing with the Treasury and the Prime Minister, reduced to a blithering idiot because of, as he put it, ‘hydraulic problems’.
He said at last, ‘You were right, Sarah. I was a fool to go after such a girl. I’ve learnt my lesson. Women my age have far more to them, and some are still attractive.’
‘Thanks a lot,’ Sarah said darkly. If he hadn’t looked so miserable, she would have added, Some of you are still attractive, but like us your skin is sagging, your hair thinning and greying, and your joints are creaking, so we might as well make the best of it and be kind to each other.