by J. Sterling
He nodded. “Obviously, I watch over my family. I keep an eye out for them and stuff.” He paused, breathing in a small, quick breath. “I wasn’t ready to leave when I died, but I had no choice. When I went to visit Taylor and saw you there, I couldn’t believe it was you.”
“What do you mean?”
His eyes lit up with excitement. “I recognized you instantly. All of our lives flashed inside my mind in a split second. I felt a pull so strongly toward you that I almost couldn’t stop it.”
“Lives? What do you mean…our lives?” She tried to make sense of what he was telling her. Katherine knew how intensely Austen called to her, but she didn’t understand why.
“We’ve lived many other lifetimes together, Katherine. Think about it,” he urged.
“Other lifetimes? You mean, like reincarnation?” she asked, not grasping the concept.
“Haven’t you ever thought about it before?”
“I’ve never had to think about it before,” she said.
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “Think about it now. Think about us being together in other lifetimes. What does your heart tell you?”
“Reincarnation and past lives. I don’t know. It doesn’t feel farfetched when I say it out loud to you. But this is crazy, Austen!”
“Is it? Why is it crazy, Katherine? If you really think about it, it makes perfect sense. Why our feelings were so intense from the very beginning. How we’re drawn to each other in ways we can’t explain. I know you feel it. We both know certain things about each other without them being said. We sense it because our souls are connected,” he explained. “I want you to understand all of this, but I know I’m probably only confusing you,” he added with a hint of desperation in his voice.
“I don’t know, Austen,” Katherine admitted. “Past lives? Really?”
“Does it truly seem so crazy?”
“No,” she admitted in a whisper. “That’s why it should be.”
“Listen. Before this life—the one we’re living right now—there was a different life. It was years ago, in another place and time, but you and I were together. And before that life, there was another one. You and I have spent many of our lifetimes together, Katherine.”
She sucked in a breath. “When you say it like that, it makes sense. It feels so logical to me. And I can feel it inside me,” she said, touching her heart.
Austen’s face brightened. “Really?”
“Well, if we lived other lifetimes together, then our souls would recognize each other, right? I mean, even if our minds didn’t.”
Austen smiled. “Exactly.”
“Is that why I feel the way I do when I’m around you?”
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“I feel things I’ve never felt before. I can’t even put the emotions into words because I don’t know how. It’s like you call to me. But it’s deeper than that. I don’t know how to explain it,” Katherine said with frustration.
“I understand completely.”
“You do?” she asked, cocking her head to one side.
“Of course. Katherine, I tried to fight the urge to communicate with you, but it was pointless. I wasn’t strong enough to stay away. The moment I saw you, I was drawn to you like a magnet. We’re not supposed to interfere like that. You know? It’s really not allowed,” Austen told her.
“What do you mean, not allowed?”
“Well, we’re allowed to communicate with our loved ones. But we’re not supposed to interfere in a way that will mess up their lives. We’re not supposed to upset your path. What I mean is, I’m not supposed to put you in a position where you will want to live in the past, and not move forward. I’m not making any sense, am I?” Austen tugged at his hair. “It’s hard to explain this to you. It’s different once you’re here…on the soul level. Things are clearer.”
“I think I understand.” Katherine nodded, but her eyes were still clouded with confusion.
“Katherine, when I saw you…I almost lost my breath. I tried to tell myself to turn around and walk away, but I couldn’t.” Austen paused for a moment and looked into her eyes. “I just wanted to be near you. My heart felt like it was about to explode inside my chest, it was filled with so much love at just seeing your face. So I told myself that I’d try to reach you one time. I’d try to see if I could get into your dreams that night. I didn’t know if it would even work. But I got into your mind so easily at first.”
She raised her eyebrows, excited at all he was sharing with her.
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember the dream,” Austen continued. “But you did. When I saw how affected you were by it—how you could sense me around you even after you were awake—it was almost too much for me. When I saw that you couldn’t let the idea of me go, I couldn’t either. It would be like asking the waves to stop crashing onto the shore. The water is pulled toward the sandy shoreline in the same way I’m pulled toward you. You are my shore.” He touched her face and her stomach flipped.
For once since the craziness started, she began to understand. “Why can’t I remember? Our other lives, I mean.”
“It doesn’t work like that while you’re still living. Otherwise, we’d all be too wrapped up in the memories of the past to live in the present. That’s what I meant about messing up your path.”
“But you remember?”
“I remember everything. I can see all we’ve shared even though you can’t. How could anyone, living or otherwise, expect me to stay away from you with that knowledge? I’m not that strong.”
“What do I tell Taylor?”
“Remind her that I had no self-control for the things I loved when I was alive, and tell her I’m still the same way. She’ll get a kick out of that.” He laughed and it made Katherine smile.
She heard what he said about love, and couldn’t resist the urge to ask, “You love me?”
“I don’t know how not to.” He kissed her and she struggled to catch her breath.
Chapter Eight
Katherine opened her eyes and glanced over at Taylor, who was still sleeping. She lay in bed and mentally replayed everything Austen had just told her.
“So, did you see him last night?” Taylor’s sleepy voice interrupted her retrospection.
“Yes.” Katherine paused, not wanting to cause Taylor any more heartache or pain with her answers.
“Well? Did he say anything?”
Katherine inhaled deeply before admitting, “He wanted me to tell you he was sorry for all of this, and that you know he doesn’t have any self-control when it comes to the things he loves.”
Taylor smiled as tears slipped from her eyes, prompting Katherine to ask, “What did he mean by that?”
“When Austen loved something, he had to have it. He fell in love with this puppy one day walking past the grocery store, and even though we couldn’t afford to have a dog, Austen got him anyway.”
“Brody?”
“Yeah? How’d you…oh wait, is Brody there too?” Taylor’s eyes flew open.
“He’s usually with your brother.” Katherine nodded with a small grin. “I love that dog.”
“Well, that makes me happy. You know, that they’re together. Brody died right after Austen did and I always hoped they’d be together.”
Katherine blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes as Taylor continued.
“So anyway, he had to have the dog. But he paid for everything himself. And he had to make the varsity wrestling team, even though they said he’d never make the weight requirements. And when he decided that he liked Kylie, he had to have her too.”
Katherine’s jaw dropped…followed closely by her stomach as Taylor went on. “Even though she was dating someone else at the time. He just wanted what he wanted. Not in a selfish, screw-you kind of way. It’s just that Austen always felt things deeper than other people. He didn’t see the sense in letting the things he wanted get away from him. You know what I mean?”
Katherine’s face burned with her surprise. She had never once considered that Austen and Kylie had dated. She swallowed the giant lump forming in her throat and choked out the words, “Austen and Kylie?” Her stomach clenched as she closed her eyes. “No wonder there’s always been that weirdness between us.”
“You didn’t know?” Taylor’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“I had no idea. I mean, I never even thought about it, but of course he would have had a girlfriend.” Katherine’s head felt light and she thought she might need to lie back down.
Taylor reached out and placed her hand on Katherine’s shoulder. “That’s how I met her. She bugged me a lot at first. But after Austen died, we grew really close.”
“Were there any other girls?” Katherine asked, silently willing her strength to grow. She wanted to be prepared for the possibility of running into people who shared Austen’s love. The thought alone made her stomach turn.
“No, it was just Kylie. They dated for almost two years, I think.”
“Were they together when he had his accident?”
“No. They’d already broken up. But it hadn’t been long. Kylie was an absolute wreck.” Taylor shuddered.
Jealousy consumed Katherine’s body and mind. She was so envious that Kylie got to kiss Austen, hold his hand, and be loved by him. Thoughts of them together made Katherine want to throw up. No matter how hard she tried to rid the made-up images of Kylie and Austen from her imagination, they refused to leave. She was thankful when her cell phone beeped, quickly followed by Taylor’s.
“Text from Cooper,” Katherine said out loud.
“Mine’s from Kylie,” Taylor replied. “What did Cooper say?”
“ ‘Hope you’re having a great time at Tay’s. I miss you and can’t wait to see you.’ ” Katherine placed the phone at her side.
“You’re not going to text him back?” Taylor asked as she typed out a response to Kylie.
“I can’t right now. I don’t even know what to say without feeling like I’m lying.”
“What are you talking about? Just write back and tell him you miss him too and you’ll talk to him later. Simple as that.”
“I don’t know if I miss him or not. I don’t want to write something I don’t mean.” Katherine buried her head into her hands.
“Of course you miss him, Kat. Your emotions are just all over the place right now.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said. “So, what did Kylie say?”
“She knows we’re in town and wants to stop by. I can’t tell her no.”
“Of course not. Are we telling her? She knows about the dream guy, remember? What if she asks?” Katherine didn’t want to see Kylie, but knew it was unavoidable.
“Hopefully she won’t even remember. But Kat, she never got over my brother so I don’t think telling her this stuff would be a good idea,” Taylor warned. “I’m not sure how she’d react and I think it would hurt her more than anything else.”
“I don’t want that.” Even though it pained Katherine to think about Austen and Kylie being together, she didn’t want to hurt Kylie.
Taylor looked over at Katherine and said, “I want you to know that I really loved my brother, Katherine. He was a great guy and I honestly wish you two could have met. You would have loved him.” She stifled a small laugh before she continued. “He was my best friend. It was the worst thing in my world to lose him. I just want you to know that it gives me comfort to know that he’s still around.”
Taylor’s words forced Katherine’s shoulders to relax as some of the stress melted away. “Thank you so much. I’ve been so worried you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m not sure I do, but I’m too hungry to try to figure it out right now.” Taylor rubbed her belly. “Don’t say anything to my family, okay?”
“Oh my gosh, Taylor, I would never. But hey, are we okay? I mean, me and you?” Katherine longed to make sure their relationship was intact. She needed them to be solid.
Taylor walked over to Katherine and squeezed her tight. “This is really weird and it’s a lot to take in. I know that maybe I should be more weirded out, right? Like maybe I should be completely freaking out or something? But I honestly just don’t feel that way. The truth is, for whatever reason, I’m kind of happy my brother talks to you. Call me crazy, but it’s how I feel.”
Katherine let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you.” She paused. “Crazy.”
The girls smiled at each other with watery eyes. Katherine took one last glance at the picture of Taylor and Austen on the beach and headed out of the bedroom.
The girls ate breakfast together before showering separately. Katherine combed her long, wet hair as Taylor made small talk with her parents. “Do you want to help me feed the horses?” Taylor asked.
Katherine nodded, sure the excitement was written all over her face. She loved horses and didn’t have any opportunities back home to be around them. Taylor carefully measured out the food, showing Katherine how much to pour into their feeding buckets. Then she attached the buckets to the stall so they wouldn’t fall while the horses ate out of them. She did some light cleaning in the barn and stopped by the poker room to give her brother a quick hug.
“God, Matty, don’t you ever go home?” Taylor teased as they walked in.
“I only go home when you’re not around. Where’s my hug?” Matty stood up with open arms and Katherine laughed as Taylor leaped into them.
“I’d treat you like crap if I didn’t love you so much.” Taylor planted a big wet kiss on his cheek and Matty pretended to faint while he clutched at his chest.
“I know you have some new hockey stud boyfriend, but he’s got nothing on me. One day, Taylor Dailey, you’ll be mine and you know it.” She lifted her eyebrows and gave him a smirk before she walked out.
“It is so funny how much that kid loves you,” Katherine teased.
“I know. He always has. Not for nothing, but isn’t he adorable? Those dimples…oh, they kill me every time!”
“Oh my God! You totally love him! You’re going to ditch Danny and start dating a high school boy.” Katherine poked Taylor in the arm.
“Well, at least he’s alive.” The moment the words escaped Taylor’s mouth, Katherine’s face dropped and her legs stopped moving. “Oh my God, Katherine, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Katherine looked at her with hurt in her eyes. She wondered how Taylor could even think something so cruel, let alone say it out loud. But then logic seeped in and Katherine begrudgingly admitted, “It’s okay. I mean, you’re right. That just hurt.”
“I know. I don’t know what got into me. He’s my brother…I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Shouldn’t have said what?” The snarky tone startled Katherine, who turned around with Taylor to see Kylie standing behind them.
“Hey, Kyles! Nothing, we were just talking about Blake and Matty.” Taylor shot Katherine a warning look and then gave Kylie a quick squeeze.
Katherine hesitated and then did the same. “It’s good to see you again.”
Hot tendrils of what she knew was jealousy shot through Katherine’s body as she tried her best to be polite and kind. Her stomach flipped and twisted as she fought off the urge to ask Kylie everything she knew about Austen. Deep inside, she had to admit she was curious what it was like to date him. How it felt to be loved by him. How he treated her. Was he funny? Did he make her laugh? Even though she knew it would hurt, she wanted every tasty morsel of information she could consume.
The three meandered toward the overstuffed patio furniture and sat down. “So, girls, what’s been going on? Fill me in on everything.” Kylie eyed Katherine. “You still dating that super-hot guy? What was his name? Colton? Colby? Something?”
“Cooper.” Katherine snickered.
“Yeah, Cooper. So you two still together or what?” Kylie asked, avoiding eye contact while she picked at her nails.
“We’re still together,” Katherine said
cautiously.
Kylie shot her a smug smile. “What’s wrong? Trouble in paradise?”
“No. It’s just complicated is all.” Taylor shot a look of death at Katherine and kicked her swiftly under the table. “They’re fine, Kylie. Katherine’s just a mental case because her boyfriend is royalty.” Katherine breathed a sigh of relief at Taylor’s attempt to turn the conversation in another direction.
“Maybe he should be dating a girl who can handle that sort of thing.” Kylie arched her brows. “I’ll take him off your hands, Kat, if he’s too much for you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” Katherine gave Kylie a tight smile, knowing in her heart that despite Kylie’s pretense at teasing, she wasn’t entirely joking.
“What about you, Tay?” Kylie turned to look at her. She batted her eyelashes before she asked, “Everything good with Danny?”
Taylor shot her a glare. “No complaints.”
“Oh, Taylor, tell her what Danny did.” Katherine hoped the subject change would take.
Taylor’s face instantly turned two shades pinker. “Well, my crazy boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time ever. Not only did he tell me loved me, but he screamed it…out loud…in a parking lot filled with people!”
Kylie’s mouth fell open as Taylor added, “I was so embarrassed.”
“I would be horrified if any guy ever did that to me,” Kylie snapped in disapproval.
“You know what, though? It was sweet. And romantic.” Taylor grinned. “So, what about you, Kylie? Any guys in your life?”
“Oh, you know, the usual. I meet a lot of guys at work, but I can’t get the ones I don’t want anymore to go away.” She rolled her eyes and then breathed in quickly. “That’s what I was going to ask you. I almost forgot. Whatever happened to that dream guy? Did he ever come back?”
Seeing Taylor’s face turn white, Katherine wanted to throw up. “Nope. He’s just gone,” Taylor said, and Katherine hoped it would convince her.