by J. Sterling
“Crazy, right?” Kylie asked.
“It’s ridiculous!” Blake shouted over the music.
They walked past girls dancing on the lawn, on the furniture, everywhere. The DJ mixed music in the living room as colorful lights danced across the ceiling. A group of girls whispered, pointing at a tall guy off in the distance.
“Come on, Blake!” Taylor grabbed his hand and headed out back.
Kylie watched as Danny walked up to Taylor, lifting her whole body off the ground before saying hi. Taylor interrupted his public display, saying, “Danny, this is my little brother, Blake. Blake, this is my boyfriend, Danny.”
Danny stuck out his hand and gripped Blake’s with a little too much force. Blake waved his hand back and forth to ease the obvious pain. Danny leaned toward him and shouted, “Nice to meet you. I’m totally in love with your sister. Sorry about the hand.”
“It’s fine. And join the club. Everyone loves Taylor.”
Kylie silently observed the group when Blake asked, “Is that Cooper?”
“Sure is,” she answered with wickedness in her tone. Kylie had a plan.
Cooper walked over to the group and smiled. He grabbed Katherine by the waist, dipped her slightly, and kissed her boldly on the mouth.
“I’m tired of things being off between us. I’m going to kiss our problems right out of you,” he announced before crushing his lips against hers again.
Kylie rolled her eyes at the public display of affection. Her stomach churned and she actually considered throwing up right on their feet.
When Cooper finished, he tilted Katherine upright. “I forget how to breathe when you do that to me,” Katherine admitted and Kylie pretended to gag.
Cooper glanced around at the group. “Hey, Kylie. Nice to see you again.” He gave her a brief hug and then squeezed Taylor before being introduced to Blake. “So, Blake, what do you think of college life so far?”
“Seems pretty cool,” he shouted over the loud bass line pounding out beats against their feet.
“Coming to the game tomorrow?”
“I don’t know.” Blake glanced at Taylor for confirmation, who nodded. “Yeah, I guess we are.”
“Cool, well I’ll see you then.” Cooper shook Blake’s hand and leaned into Katherine, asking her something Kylie couldn’t quite hear.
Katherine shook her head no and Cooper started to walk off. Kylie seized the opportunity to talk to Cooper without anyone else around. “I’ll come with you,” she shouted and Cooper stopped walking so she could catch up.
“So, Cooper, how’ve you been?” Kylie started with small talk to break the ice.
“Can’t complain. You?” He was so polite that Kylie almost felt bad for what she was about to do.
“I’m fine. So, how are things with you and Katherine?” Kylie knew as long as Katherine dreamed about Austen, there was no way things could be perfect between her and Cooper.
“Um, they’re fine.” Cooper hesitated. “Why do you ask?”
Kylie sensed Cooper’s insecurities and barreled ahead. “Oh, no reason really. Just wondering. I mean, with everything that happened over Thanksgiving, I just figured…” Her voice trailed off.
“What are you talking about?” Cooper’s voice rose slightly.
Kylie watched Cooper’s resolve weaken and smiled to herself. He was playing right into her hands.
“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” she asked coyly. She knew her questions tortured him, but she didn’t care. This was exactly what she wanted.
“Tell me what, Kylie?” Cooper asked, agitated.
“Why don’t you just ask her who Austen is?” Kylie turned to walk away as Cooper quickly grabbed her by the arm. “Hey!” she shouted and shook her arm from his grip.
“Who’s Austen?” he asked through clenched teeth.
“Ask your girlfriend.” Kylie narrowed her eyes before turning to leave.
“I’m asking you!” he demanded.
Kylie watched the effects of adrenaline pumping through his body as his chest heaved in and out in quick succession. She walked up to him and firmly stated, “And I’m telling you to ask her.” She leaned in close to Cooper’s face and whispered in his ear, “But if you want to make her jealous, I know something we could do.”
She glanced outside and noticed every pair of eyes from her group paying close attention to the drama unfolding in the kitchen.
“Why would I want to make her jealous?” Cooper asked, confused.
“Geez, Cooper, are you really that clueless?” Kylie turned around and glared at Katherine before returning her attention to Cooper. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled his mouth to hers. Her lips attacked his with a force and determination she knew would stun him for a moment. And a moment was all she needed.
Cooper pushed Kylie away just in time to see Katherine run out the front door. He sprinted after her and shouted her name. Kylie ran after him, determined not to miss a minute.
Katherine stopped running and stood firm on the front lawn as Cooper caught up to her. Kylie stopped out of their line of sight, but not out of earshot.
“I’m sorry, Katherine. Kylie caught me off guard,” Cooper said desperately.
“I don’t care. Kiss whoever you want,” Katherine bit back before turning to leave.
“Like you apparently did?” he shouted at her back.
She stopped and faced him. “What are you talking about?”
“You tell me. Who’s Austen?”
Hearing Cooper say Austen’s name made Kylie’s stomach quiver. She watched as Katherine fought to keep her breathing steady. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Cooper. Just leave it alone.”
“Come on, Kat. Who is he? Is that why you’re so different? Is there someone else?” With each question he asked, his voice sounded more pained.
“It’s not that simple. Just leave me alone, Cooper. It’s for the best.” Katherine turned to walk away and Cooper let her go.
As Cooper headed back into the party, Kylie observed girls throwing themselves at him. He ignored their advances, moving through them as though they didn’t exist. She followed close behind, knowing exactly where he was heading. Once he found Taylor, he asked her, “Taylor, who is Austen?”
Taylor immediately looked at Blake, who had a horrified expression on his face. “Shit. Not now, Cooper, sorry. We have to go.”
She grabbed Blake by the hand and turned to Kylie demanding, “Let’s go.” She gave Danny a quick kiss on the cheek and then sped off, dragging her baby brother behind her.
Kylie turned to Cooper and said, “If you ever want to make Katherine jealous again, just let me know.” She kissed him quickly on the mouth before he could stop her and then hurried to catch up with Taylor and Blake.
“How could you do that to her, Kylie?” Taylor’s voice was filled with rage.
“She deserved it and you know it,” Kylie said with attitude.
“Are you kidding? How did she deserve it? You did that to her on purpose. She didn’t do anything to you on purpose. She never would. It wasn’t even her fault about Austen.”
Blake stopped walking, yanking his hand out of Taylor’s. “What the hell is going on? How did Cooper know about Austen, and what does he have to do with Katherine?”
Taylor shot Kylie a look that screamed she was going to kill her. “It’s nothing, Blake. It’s a weird story, but I don’t want to talk it. Not here. Not right now.” Taylor shook her head.
“Stop trying to protect me and just tell me what’s going on. He was my brother, too.” He started to walk again.
“You’re right. It’s just kind of hard to explain—” Taylor said.
Kylie interrupted, insisting, “No, it’s not. Not really. Katherine dreams about Austen.”
“So?” Blake’s face tightened with confusion. “What’s the big deal?”
Taylor hesitated. “They aren’t just simple dreams. Austen sought Katherine out. Like he found her and now she spends almost every night with
him in her dreams.”
She turned to face Kylie, who felt like all the blood drained out of her face upon hearing that additional betrayal.
“What do you mean, he sought her out?” Blake asked.
“He watches over us. He saw Katherine with me one day and apparently he couldn’t stay away from her. I don’t really know…they have this intense bond, I guess.”
“Stop it!” Kylie screamed. “I do not want to hear any more of this crap. I can’t listen to how Austen and some stranger have an intense bond and…” Her voice trailed off as she fought to stop the tears. She looked at Taylor and said, “I loved him so much. And he loved me back. Me!”
“I know, Kyles.” Taylor pulled her stiff body into a hug. “I don’t think Austen would ever want to hurt you. And I know Katherine wouldn’t either. She’s been torn up about the whole thing ever since we got back.” Kylie cringed at the sound of Katherine’s name.
Taylor went on, “Kylie, you can’t go around treating people like crap because you’re hurting. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have done that. You’ve caused a lot of problems for Katherine and Cooper tonight.”
“I kind of don’t care, Tay. I’m sure Cooper can get over it with any one of his adoring fans. And I don’t care about Katherine. I don’t owe her anything.”
“Except an apology,” Blake said.
Blake’s suggestion stopped Kylie in her tracks. She felt the first twinge of guilt nagging at her as she turned to him and asked, “You really think so?”
“What you did tonight was pretty messed up,” he went on before she could interrupt. “Don’t get me wrong, I know that you’re hurting real bad. But I don’t think Kat deserved what you did to her.”
Kylie took a deep breath and swallowed her pride. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I am.” Blake smiled.
The three walked into the dorm room where Katherine lay in bed, her back to the door. Kylie looked over at her and sat down on her bed. She shook Katherine’s shoulder gently. “Hey, Katherine?” Katherine opened her eyes. “I shouldn’t have done what I did tonight. It was wrong and I’m sorry.”
Katherine turned over, her face red as if she’d been crying. “It’s okay, Kylie. I understand why you did it. I just need you to know that I really am so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.” Katherine’s eyes filled with tears.
“Why are you so nice all the time?” Kylie asked, and then snorted. “I kissed Cooper, remember?”
“I know. And that really sucked.” Katherine winced. “I know how weird this whole Austen thing is. I just know that if I was in your shoes, I’d feel really hurt.”
“Thanks.” Kylie grimaced. “It’s hard to hear you say his name. You see, in my mind, Austen will always be mine. So I can’t really listen to you talk about him and say the things you do without it making me want to throw up.”
Katherine winced and looked away. “I understand completely. Thanks for being so honest with me.”
Katherine’s cell phone rang and Kylie huffed out a breath in relief. Katherine looked down at her phone as Taylor asked, “Is it Cooper?”
She nodded, silencing the ringing before a small beep echoed in the room. Kylie glanced down at the phone before Katherine could hide it.
“California, please talk to me. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“I should probably apologize to Cooper too,” Kylie offered.
She noticed Taylor and Katherine glance at each other. “No, it’s okay. He’ll just end up asking you a bunch of questions and stuff that you won’t have the answers to. I’ll talk to him when the time’s right,” Katherine explained.
“When the time’s right, huh? When is that going to be?” Taylor asked pointedly.
Katherine shrugged as Kylie pushed up from her bed and walked toward Taylor’s side of the room.
Blake broke the silence. “Can I ask something?”
“Blake, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you out.” Katherine looked at him and apologized. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said quietly. “I was just wondering if Austen has said anything to you about me?”
She smiled before saying, “Honestly, I think he’s a little worried about you. He loves you so much and just wants the very best for you. He’s concerned that his dying has changed you forever. He told me he wishes you would remember all of your good memories together, playing baseball and stuff, instead of the memory of him dying.”
Blake’s eyes glistened and Katherine hesitated. “Do you want me to stop? I know this must be really hard…and weird.” She looked around the room, as both Taylor and Kylie wiped at their eyes.
“No, it’s okay. I know it should be weird, but it’s not.” Blake glanced at Kylie. Would the betrayal never end?
“He just wants you to be okay again, Blake,” Katherine continued. “He wants you to live your life and be happy. He wants the same for your parents, too. He understands how complicated it is. It’s not easy, he knows that. I just think it’s different for him now. I think he sees things in a way we can’t even imagine because we’re still alive. His perspective is so clear, where ours is clouded by everything we think and feel, you know?”
“I just miss him so much,” Blake admitted as a few tears fell. He inhaled a shuddering breath.
“He misses you, too. He misses all of you.” Her eyes met Kylie’s with purpose as she repeated, “All of you.”
Kylie stood up, her face wet with tears. “I’m sorry. I just can’t hear this from you. It’s hard and it hurts and there’s no way he loves you. He doesn’t even know you. This is crazy and you’re all nuts for sitting here and talking about it like it’s real.”
She opened the door to leave the room when Katherine’s words stopped her. “Please don’t go, Kylie. I’m not trying to hurt you. Blake and I can go somewhere else and talk if this is upsetting you. I’m so tired of upsetting you.” She sighed loudly.
“I don’t really have any more questions,” Blake answered softly.
Kylie took a deep breath and pulled herself together. Taylor tried to comfort her. “I know it’s hard, Kyles. My brother loved you and we all know that.”
“He still does,” Katherine added.
Kylie sniffed and asked through her tears, “Does he talk about me?”
“He does.” Katherine nodded. “He told me how much he loved you and how passionate you two were for each other. He said it was crazy high school love, but it was real and it was true.”
Kylie smiled and for once, felt more relief than pain.
Chapter Twelve
It was the third time this week Katherine had slept in late and Taylor prepared to go to class alone. Katherine had barely left their dorm room since the party.
“Are you really not coming?” Taylor’s tone snapped in disgust.
Katherine looked up from bed and mumbled, “I don’t feel well. Just go without me.”
“Are you just trying to avoid Cooper?”
Katherine had ignored his calls and barely answered any of his text messages. When she did respond, they were one- or two-word answers that solved nothing and kept him more and more in the dark.
Katherine’s eyes tightened as she barked in response, “This has nothing to do with Cooper.”
“So then it’s about my brother?” Taylor shot back.
“What are you even talking about?” Katherine asked defensively.
“Kat.” Taylor’s voice sounded pained.
“What?” Katherine sighed, pretty sure she knew what was coming next.
“This has to stop. It’s not healthy. You’re freaking me out, to be honest. You can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what, Taylor? Sleeping? I have to sleep! Every night I have to sleep, just like you.” Katherine could hear herself making excuses and was ashamed for behaving like a brat, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Right, but I don’t sleep all day. I don’t blow off classes to sleep so I can dream.
This is ridiculous! My brother would not want you to do this to yourself. He would not want you to live like this.”
“Don’t tell me what he would want me to do. If he didn’t want me to be with him all the time, why did he come to me in the first place? Why didn’t he just go to you? Or to Kylie, for that matter? He came to me, Taylor. Me! So don’t tell me what he wants because you don’t even know.”
Katherine knew she was beyond reason, but she didn’t care. Her mind was a place where logic failed to live anymore. She knew it wasn’t right, but she didn’t feel wrong either.
“Kat, listen to me. All I’m saying is that you have to stop blowing off your life for these dreams. Okay? You have to stop avoiding Cooper. You have to stop avoiding everything. Your life is happening right in front of you, but you won’t open your eyes to see it.”
“Well, we leave for winter break in a couple of days, so you won’t have to deal with it. I won’t be your problem anymore.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. You’re not a problem. It’s just that…I’m worried about you.”
“Just leave me alone.”
Taylor grunted and Katherine cursed under her breath as the door slammed. Her head hit the pillow and she fell into her dreams.
****
She walked along the pathway toward the bench where Austen sat. He didn’t get up to greet her as usual. Once she got close enough, he motioned for her to sit next to him. This wasn’t a good sign. She sat down as he slipped his arm around her.
“Taylor’s right, you know,” he said while he softly stroked her hair.
“About what?” She stalled, knowing exactly what he referred to, but didn’t want to have the conversation she sensed was coming.
“I can’t keep doing this to you.” He stroked the side of her cheek with his hand and her heart soared. “It’s not fair to you or Cooper,” he added calmly.
“Don’t make this about Cooper. This isn’t about Cooper. This is about you and me and only you and me.” Her voice rose in sync with her defenses.
“This isn’t right. You’re not living your life. And I love you too much to let you do this to yourself.”