by J. Sterling
“Are you kidding? That kid asked about you a hundred times over break. He’ll be fine.” Taylor’s voice hitched and Katherine questioned her frankness.
“You’re positive?”
“I’m positive. Besides, you two have to talk eventually. What better time than this?”
Katherine agreed. The privacy and intimate group would be the perfect time and location for the two of them to talk. It was settled then.
****
Katherine found herself grateful that the first week back at school was less than challenging. She had a lot of extra work to make up in her classes since she had slacked so badly before Christmas break. Her parents had threatened to bring her home if she couldn’t handle living on her own. And going back home was the last thing Katherine wanted. She was determined to make up all the work she’d missed and get her grades back up.
When she saw Cooper in class, he was cordial, yet distant. Things had definitely changed between them. Long gone were the days when he greeted her with a kiss. He didn’t try to hold her hand or show her any sort of affection. He barely made eye contact and she convinced herself that he hated her.
Seeing Cooper still tied her stomach in knots and sent her pulse racing. One glimpse into his green eyes and she struggled to remember where she was. Sitting next to him made it hard for her to concentrate on anything other than him. He still affected her and for that she was grateful. And scared.
When class ended, she noticed him turn toward her and then quickly turn away. She looked around the classroom for him, but he had disappeared just like he had on that first day.
She turned to Taylor. “That was…weird?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“He knows I’m coming this weekend, right?” Katherine asked, concerned. If her presence was going to ruin the whole trip, she didn’t want to go. She last thing she wanted to be was a burden to Cooper and his friends.
“He knows,” Taylor answered in an annoyed tone.
“Are you sure he’s okay with it?”
“He is. I promise. I talked to him.”
Katherine’s ears pricked up at the last statement. “You talked to him? When? What did he say?”
“He’s happy you’re coming, Katherine. I think he just…I don’t know, isn’t sure how to deal with you right now. He doesn’t really know how to talk to you since he doesn’t know what went wrong.”
Katherine looked down at the floor. “Yeah. That makes sense.”
Taylor pointed at Katherine. “Uh-uh. I know that face! Don’t even think about backing out of this trip. You are coming.”
“I’m not…backing out.” Katherine stumbled over her words.
“I know you better than that. I promise it will be fine. You guys just need to talk about everything. Get it all out in the open, you know?”
Katherine nodded.
“Not to change the subject or anything, but do you still dream about my brother?” Taylor asked nonchalantly.
A huge smile crept over Katherine’s face and her eyes lit up. “I do.”
“What’s changed, then? I mean, not for nothing, it just seems like you want to patch things up with Cooper. Or am I reading this totally wrong?”
“Um…your brother and I have had many conversations about how we have to stop what’s going on. We both know what we have to do, but neither one of us can actually do it. At least, not yet. But it’s coming.”
“So then—”
Katherine interrupted with, “So it’s not about getting back together with Cooper so much as I owe him an apology and an explanation. Your brother talks about him all the time. He makes me crazy with the constant Cooper chatter.”
Taylor laughed. “What does he say?”
“He just always brings him up. Says how Cooper’s a good guy who really cares about me and stuff. He tells me that I should be with him. It’s so irritating.”
Taylor smiled. “That sounds like Austen. He’d push you to be with Cooper because it’s the right thing to do. And because it’s the best thing for you.”
“You sound just like him.”
Taylor’s face softened as she released her tight expression.
“What’s wrong?” Katherine sensed Taylor’s pain.
“I just…felt bad for my brother for a minute.”
“Why, ’cause he irritates me?”
Taylor chuckled. “No, because I imagine it must be so hard for him to let you go and watch you love someone else…no matter how much he claims to like the guy.”
Katherine sighed. “I don’t know how he can stand it. He’s a much better person than I could ever be.”
“He always has been.” Taylor looked at Katherine and quickly recovered. “Not better than you. Just a better person, in general. He was always that way.”
Katherine grinned at her friend. “I knew what you meant.”
****
Katherine shivered as she waited in the cold winter air for Cooper and Danny to arrive. When she saw the black Jeep Wrangler pull into the parking lot, she thought to herself how different it looked with the hard top on. The guys hopped out to grab the bags as Katherine avoided Cooper’s eyes. She was scared to look at him.
“Hey, California.” Cooper’s voice sounded different. Damaged or broken, somehow.
“Hey, Coop.” She couldn’t avoid looking at him any longer. Her gaze met his and she forced a smile. “Thanks for letting me come along.” He hesitated for a moment, his eyes revealing hurt and longing that made her feel even worse.
“Any time.” He faked a smile.
Once they were on the road, Katherine thought it was odd that they didn’t pick anyone else up. “So, who else is coming?”
Cooper glanced into his rearview mirror and locked eyes with her briefly before looking away. “No one anymore. They couldn’t make it after all, so it’s just the four of us.”
Relief and nerves fought for attention as they danced throughout Katherine’s body. She focused on steadying her breathing as they drove in silence along the slick mountain highway, snow piled alongside in mounds that deepened the closer they got to the lake.
When they pulled into the driveway, she was immediately happy she’d come. She’d never seen a house more breathtaking. The three-story contemporary lake house was architecturally stunning, curving slightly along the shoreline to take maximum advantage of the view. It was painted a light gray with neat white trim, and she noticed two separate chimneys rising from opposite ends of the house.
Cooper parked the Jeep in the large three-car garage. The first level had been converted into a huge game room with a pool table, foosball, pinball machine, and a huge flat screen TV with three separate gaming systems.
“This is amazing,” Taylor said breathlessly.
“Thanks,” Cooper said politely and then glanced toward Katherine.
Cooper led them upstairs to the second level, where sunlight streamed in from every angle. Katherine immediately realized why there were so many windows. Views of the lake greeted her from each one. A balcony spanned the entire length of the second floor.
“May I?” Katherine asked.
“Of course,” Cooper said, and then watched as Katherine stepped outside and breathed in the crisp winter air.
She noticed a matching boathouse down below and smiled. It was perfectly charming. Katherine shivered and instantly remembered she wasn’t wearing a jacket. She returned to the warmth of the house and found Cooper in the kitchen, making coffee.
“There are two bedrooms on this level and three more upstairs. You can look around and take your pick if you want,” he said.
“Thanks.” She smiled and took off down the hall, glancing into each room she passed until she reached a bedroom. She walked inside and fell in love instantly, ignoring the rooms decore for the view instead. Large windows lined an entire wall and faced the water. Katherine walked over and leaned against the window, allowing herself to get lost in the scenic beauty, when Taylor bounced in and nearly scared her half to deat
h.
“Isn’t this place amazing? My God,” Taylor said, her voice giddy and childlike.
“It is ridiculous. Did you see the boathouse down there? It matches this house!” Katherine laughed.
“Really? How cute!”
The girls headed back into the kitchen, just in time to hear the guys talking about driving around on the ice. Katherine asked, “Can we really go on the lake? Like, it will hold us and stuff?” She felt dumb for asking, but she didn’t know anything about frozen lakes. Where she came from, the only ice to be found was in the freezer.
Cooper looked amused. “Oh, California, you’re so LA. The lake is frozen so thick that we could probably drive my Jeep out there if we wanted to. We have snowmobiles in the boathouse. We’ll take them out later.”
“Really? That is so cool.” Her eyes widened; the whole concept was foreign to her. “I have no idea where I’d find anything completely frozen over back home.”
“You probably wouldn’t,” Danny teased.
“I am so excited!” Taylor squealed. “I love snowmobiling. So. Much. Fun.” She hugged Danny and he twirled her around.
“I love you,” Danny told her softly, but Katherine heard.
“I love you, too.” Taylor tilted her head up and gave him a kiss.
Cooper watched Taylor and Danny with a pained expression, then turned his head to her. “California, did I do something wrong? What happened between us?”
“Well, that didn’t take long,” Taylor said as she looked at Cooper.
“I can’t take it anymore,” Cooper admitted. “It kills me not to be with you, Katherine. I can’t pretend I’m fine just being your friend.”
“Danny, let’s go downstairs and I’ll kick your butt in pool.” Taylor grabbed his hand and pulled at him.
“I’d rather stay and listen to this, though,” Danny half joked.
“Come on!” She yanked his arm. “Good luck, you two!” Taylor shouted from halfway down the stairs.
Once they were gone, Katherine looked at Cooper and her heart felt like it weighed a thousand pounds in her chest. “Cooper,” she said hesitantly. “I am so sorry for everything. I know I owe you an explanation. It’s just that what I have to tell you is going to sound completely insane.”
He stepped toward her and took one of her hands in his, playing with her fingers for a moment while he chose his words. “I don’t care. I just need to know,” he said quietly. He raised his eyes to meet hers, his brows knitted with frustration. “I’ve replayed every moment we’ve ever spent together over and over in my mind, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I can’t figure out what I did. Please just tell me.”
“Cooper, you didn’t do anything wrong,” she whispered. “How could you? You’re amazing.”
“Then tell me what happened? Did you meet someone when you were back home over break?” His voice cracked a little and she could see the pain in his eyes.
“God, no.” The thought alone disgusted her. “There is someone else, though.” She paused when the look on his face nearly crushed her and quickly added, “But it’s not what you think.”
“Is it Austen?” Cooper’s fingers tightened over hers. “Who is he anyway?” His jaw clenched and then unclenched with each breath he took.
“Cooper, please, sit down. It’s not what you think it is,” Katherine begged, placing a hand on his shoulder once he sat.
“Then how is it, Katherine? You’ve got to give me something. Please, because I’m dying here. All I want is to be with you and you won’t let me. I try to get close to you and you push me away.”
Katherine sat in the chair next to him and took a deep breath, digging deep for the strength she needed to tell him the truth. “There is someone else. I know I already told you that…but it gets weird. And just let me finish before you say anything, okay?” She looked at him pleadingly and he hesitated, but then nodded.
“I have these dreams,” she said softly. “And the same guy keeps showing up in them. I’d never seen him before, but after the first dream, I couldn’t get him out of my head. Remember the night of our first date, when I told you I thought I saw someone?” Cooper nodded his head. “Well, he had flashed into my mind right then and it completely threw me. It was mostly weird because I hadn’t dreamed about him in weeks. After that night, the dreams kept coming and they haven’t stopped.”
Cooper interrupted, his tone confused. “So my competition is some guy you dream about?”
“I’m not finished.” Katherine raised an eyebrow and he nodded.
“Sorry. Go on.”
“This guy from my dreams, his name is Austen…and he’s Taylor’s brother.”
“Great.” Cooper sat back and rolled his eyes. “I can’t compete with your best friend’s brother. That’s like written in the girl handbook or something on how to turn best friends into sisters.”
Katherine shot him a look. “Hello? Still. Not. Finished.”
Cooper leaned forward and took her hand, looking at her with puppy dog eyes. “I promise I’ll shut up.”
Katherine smiled and continued. “So, Taylor’s brother Austen, he’s dead. He died two years ago.”
Cooper’s jaw dropped open in surprise.
“I’m finished.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, he’s dead. I saw his picture when I went to Taylor’s house for Thanksgiving.”
“And that’s why you got weird after…”
Katherine watched as Cooper silently put the timeline of her behavior together in his mind.
“Yes. So…he comes to me in my dreams each night. And we, I don’t know…we spend time together. We laugh and play and talk…and…”
Cooper winced. His body stiffened as he processed the information. “Do you love him?” he asked seriously.
“Beyond reason,” was the only response Katherine could come up with, although it made her uncomfortable to admit to Cooper. “And I don’t say that to hurt you. I just don’t want to lie to you anymore.”
“I appreciate that. One more thing…”
“Anything.”
He paused for a moment, then asked slowly, “Do you love me?”
Katherine inhaled deeply and gazed at Cooper through misty eyes. “I do. It’s just…different. I can’t explain it, but it’s not the same.”
“We’re not talking like you love me like a brother or something, right?” Cooper tried to laugh, but choked up a little as his eyes begged her for clarification.
“Definitely not like a brother. Cooper, you’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever met, in real life.”
His breath escaped in a whoosh as he pointed out, “I can’t compete with a ghost.”
His words were so simplistic in their truth that they forced the tears to fall from her eyes. “I know.”
“So, what do we do? Where do we go from here? I’m in love with you, Katherine Johns.” Cooper reached out and took her hands in his. “I want to be with you and I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Her heart didn’t know whether to race or break. “I love you, too. I really do. I just don’t know how to be with you both.”
He pulled her up from the couch and wrapped her in his arms. The emotion of the moment swept over her and she sobbed uncontrollably into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. He hugged her closer and leaned his head forward to whisper, “I know it doesn’t matter what I say. The choice has to be yours.”
Katherine shook her head, swiping at her tears as she struggled to get herself together. “I’m so sorry, Cooper. I know the choice should be easy.”
“Of course you should choose me, babe,” he stated solemnly and despite the gravity of the moment, she snickered.
“I know. It’s just not that simple.”
“I just wish you would have told me what was going on sooner. I’ve been dying here, kid. Dying. Taylor wouldn’t give me a clue, so I made up ridiculous stories in my head. Did you know that you’re dating Zac Efron?”
“Really?�
� She sniffed and let out a small laugh. “I bet our relationship is amazing.”
Cooper nodded solemnly. “Oh, it is. He took you on location with him over break. That’s why you stopped calling. You were too busy traveling the world with your movie star boyfriend.”
“My life is so glamorous.” Katherine hugged him hard and stared into his green eyes, hurting at seeing them in pain. She plopped back down on the couch and he handed her a wad of tissues.
“Thanks.”
Cooper scooted next to her and tossed his arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him the way she had so many times before, and he kissed the top of her head. “How do you fight a ghost…and win?” he mumbled under his breath.
Chapter Fifteen
That night, Katherine was emotionally exhausted and drifted to sleep right away. As she slumbered in the bedroom upstairs, Taylor and the guys sat in the game room, talking about everything that had transpired between Cooper and Katherine.
Taylor watched as Danny rubbed his temples after hearing the story. “That’s stupid. Why wouldn’t she choose you? You’re the only one in this equation still living, bro.” Then he looked at her and said, “No offense, babe.”
“No, it’s okay,” she said. “I agree. Look, my brother wasn’t selfish in that way. He would never put his desires above someone else’s well-being.” Taylor paused and reminisced. “I love my brother, but he wouldn’t want this for her…especially since he loves her.”
She watched Cooper cringe at the mention of the word “love.”
“You okay, Donovan?” Danny asked his teammate.
Cooper shook his head, then pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah. It’s just pretty surreal. I had imagined a lot of things, but this was never one of them. How am I supposed to compete with this?”
Taylor noticed the confusion and pain in Cooper’s eyes. Her heart broke a little, she felt so sad to see him suffer. “I think you just have to give her time, Coop. She can’t live like this forever. Eventually it’s going to have to end.”
“You think?” Cooper’s shoulders relaxed as he let out a breath.
“I do,” Taylor assured him.