He loved the ranch. He’d been raised in the city, but small-town life was what fit him. At least at this point in his life. He didn’t mind coming up behind a tractor and poking along at twenty miles per hour. He loved the smell of fresh-cut hay in the field.
In the past few months he’d thought about moving back to the city, but he knew it no longer suited him. He’d changed since his tour in Afghanistan. He didn’t want a job at his dad’s law firm. He didn’t want the committee dinners and society functions that his parents enjoyed.
He didn’t mind that they enjoyed their life. He just wanted them to see that it wasn’t for him.
He went back inside, where he’d built a fire earlier. After sitting outside, where it was cold, he felt good to sit down in front of it.
He dozed. But in the dark he was running. Jamie and Emma were ahead of him. They were running, too. Emma held Jamie in her arms. He was yelling at them to stop. He ran faster, but he couldn’t catch up. The blast came out of nowhere. He couldn’t reach them.
He sat up with a start, perspiration beading across his forehead. It had been a dream. Of course it had. He rubbed his face to clear the sleep from his eyes, from his mind. Then he got up.
In the kitchen he drank a glass of water while staring out the window at the darkened countryside. He refilled the glass and downed it again. His heart returned to a normal pace. He pulled his keys out of his pocket, pushed his feet into his boots, grabbed a jacket off the hook by the door and headed out the back door.
Minutes later he was driving past Emma’s house. He slowed as he drove past. There was a light on in the living room. Someone else couldn’t sleep, either. Probably Lucy. Like the rest of them, she sometimes had nightmares.
A shadow moved near the barn. He slowed, turned and idled back. At first he thought it might be his imagination. But he saw it again, crossing the yard. He turned into the drive and pointed his headlights in the direction of the shadow.
He jumped out and headed toward the woman in the bright beam of his headlights.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I could ask the same of you,” Emma quipped. “I thought you were going to stay at your place tonight. In order to do that, you actually have to stay.”
He walked with her toward the house. “I couldn’t sleep.”
She accepted the hand he offered, surprising him.
“Me, either,” she admitted. “When I woke up I thought I might come out and check on the new calf. I brought her and the mama up yesterday.”
“And they’re doing okay?” He wanted to ask if she understood how dangerous it was for her to be out there alone. But he remained silent.
“They’re good. Do you want a cup of tea?”
“Might as well, since I’m here. But do you mind telling me where Lucy is?”
“I had her take my bed tonight. She’s been sleeping on the couch.”
“Gotcha.”
He followed her to the house. It was starting to rain. Just a light mist, but already the air felt cooler, more like winter.
The house was quiet, lit only with a lamp in the living room and a light above the kitchen sink. Night sounds settled around them. The creak of the old house, the wind picking up, the patter of rain against the windows. She put the cups of water in the microwave and then stood there until it buzzed. Daron sat at the old table, with a yellow Formica top.
All in all, it felt pretty good to be there in her kitchen. It felt restful, something he didn’t often feel. He told her that, and she smiled as she stirred sugar into the cups. When she joined him they were silent for a minute. The tea smelled of cinnamon and other spices.
“Why don’t you sleep?” she finally asked, taking a cautious sip of her hot tea.
“Nightmares. Tonight you were there. Right before the explosion I called your name.”
Her hand slid across the table and met his halfway. Their fingers intertwined, the peaceful feeling grew. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so good about his life, even before the military. But if he ever told her it felt right, sitting in that kitchen with her, holding hands, she’d probably run him off and say something about his guilt.
This wasn’t guilt. But it also wasn’t the time to tell her what he thought it might be. Which was about the best thing that had ever happened to him.
“It was just a dream, Daron. Here we are, all fine.”
“Yes, all fine. With Pete and his friends somewhere getting high and with Jamie needing surgery. It’s all fine?” It made him angry and he didn’t know why. She was entitled to be fine with her life.
Her fingers tightened around his. “What would my faith be if I didn’t trust that God could handle this? Yes, I worry. I am sometimes afraid. But in the end, I have to trust. I can either trust or fall apart. I choose faith.”
“I wish I had your faith.”
She grinned at him. “You’ll have to get your own. Mine is being used.”
He laughed, then looked down into the cup of amber liquid. “Yeah, I’ll have to find my own. I’ve been working on that.”
“And maybe you can find some peace.”
“I’m working on that, too. One step at a time, Shaw. Don’t push a guy too hard.”
“You have to understand something, Daron. My marriage was over. Andy was not good to me.” She bit down on her bottom lip, and her eyes looked damp. “I don’t like to talk about him, about what happened. It seems wrong. He’s gone and he can’t defend himself.”
“I know,” he answered. His own voice was a little tight. If he could undo her past, he would.
She cleared her throat and quickly swiped at the corner of her eye where a tear had escaped. “It’s over. It’s in the past. I don’t want to go back and relive it again and again.”
“Why did you sell the mare?”
She sipped her tea and in the silence he could hear a clock ticking the seconds away. Outside, a coyote howled.
“The mare was an apology gift from Andy.” She shrugged and then took another sip of tea before continuing. “We tried to work things out and obviously it didn’t work. But I have Jamie and I’m not sorry. She’s the best thing he ever gave me. The horse is beautiful. But my daughter is everything to me.”
“Yes, you have Jamie. And if I say anything else, it’ll just be wrong. I’m sorry.”
Daron sat back in his chair, absently rubbing the back of his neck. It was hard to find words when everything he wanted to say would have revealed his feelings for the woman sitting across from him. And she wasn’t ready to hear it.
As they sat there in silence, he thought about all the ways he would show her a man could be trusted. He wouldn’t let her down. He made that silent promise. Somehow he would be the man she could finally count on.
It didn’t slip past his attention that this night mattered. A lot. Maybe God wasn’t as distant as he’d always thought. Maybe his faith was more than a box checked off on a military form. And maybe this woman would someday accept what he really wanted to tell her.
Chapter Eleven
They left for Austin at six the next morning. Lucy had fixed them a thermos of coffee. The gesture had been unexpected. She’d also given Emma a quick hug and told her not to worry. Art and the farm would be fine. She’d make sure of it. And Emma should just focus on making sure that little girl was okay.
It was a few minutes before eight when they pulled up to the Children’s Hospital. Daron had been silent for some time. Emma had been okay with the silence. She’d needed time to think and to pray. Now she was fed up with the silence. She needed for him to say something.
If she were truly honest with herself, she really needed a hug, but she wasn’t going to ask for one.
“Here we are,” he finally said.
“Yes, we’re here.” She bit down on her
bottom lip and stared up at the big building, all metal and glass. She wondered if it had paintings on the walls and a doctor who sometimes wore googly eyeglasses to make the children laugh.
“We should go in,” Daron said.
“I wish we didn’t have to,” she said, reaching for her purse and for the backpack with snacks, blankets and stuffed animals. “But the sooner we get it over with, the better.”
“Yes, come on, Emma, you’re not a quitter. You’re David going after Goliath with a tiny pebble and a lot of faith. You’re Daniel staring down lions.”
“And who else?” She smiled as she quizzed him.
He chuckled. “That’s all I’ve got. You’ve used up my entire repertoire of famous Bible guys who had faith.”
They entered the building, Jamie holding tight to Emma and Daron carrying the backpack. Emma allowed herself a few seconds to think that this was how it felt to be part of a couple. Relish it, then get it out of your system, she told herself. It almost worked.
She wanted to relish a little longer. But she didn’t have the luxury to feel this way. She had Jamie in her arms and a specialist waiting to tell them what would be their next mountain to climb. Their next battle to win.
But she knew they’d conquer all. She knew it the way she knew if she took a breath there would be oxygen.
The specialist was a woman named Dr. Lee. She had dark hair and warm, almond-shaped eyes. Jamie took to her right away, climbing on her lap, taking turns with the stethoscope. Emma watched, taking in every expression on the doctor’s face as she examined the little girl on her lap. She turned to her computer and browsed over the notes, Jamie still on her lap.
After a careful examination, Dr. Lee invited them to walk with her. She showed them the examination rooms, explained the parent policy of staying with their children, eating meals with the children, even helping with their recovery if they needed baths, physical therapy, etc.
She led them to an office and invited them to sit. She then poured them coffee and gave Jamie a juice box and apple snacks.
“I would like to do more tests,” the doctor told them, her expression serious. Her gaze settled on Jamie, who was busy eating the apple slices. “We want to do the best thing for Jamie and I would rather not rush to judgment and make the wrong choice for her. So we will let you go home today and I will have my office call you later with a schedule for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? But we live in Braswell. It’s a two-hour drive.” Daron rested his hand on her arm and gave his head a quick shake. “Okay. Tomorrow.”
Dr. Lee’s expression remained neutral. “We do have housing if you need a place to stay.”
“No, I have family in town.” Daron’s hand was still on her arm, keeping her from protesting the assumption that she would stay with his parents. With his parents? The idea of it sent a tremor up her spine.
“Good, because I don’t want this to be a hardship.” Dr. Lee handed a packet of material to Emma. “This is some information for you to look over. There are two very good options if we decide Jamie needs surgery. Of course there’s the more standard open-heart surgery. But there’s also a cath lab procedure in which we would go through her neck or her groin. Not so invasive. But of course neither procedure is without risk. I don’t want you to worry, because the risks are not what we focus on. We focus on the best way to make Jamie a healthy little girl and to give her a very bright future.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Emma said. She stood, shook the doctor’s hand and gathered her daughter in her arms.
They left a few minutes later, riding down the elevator in silence. They walked across the parking lot in that same silence. Jamie was now in Daron’s arms, her head on his shoulder.
“I can’t stay in Austin,” she said as they got in his truck.
“You have to.” Daron started his truck and backed up. “We can stay with my parents. They have plenty of room. They’re constantly calling, wanting me to visit. So they’ll get their visit and the bonus of meeting Jamie. They’ve heard a lot about her. About you both.”
That didn’t help settle her nerves. His parents knew about her. It was hard to say what they knew or what they thought. She decided to keep her doubts to herself.
“Are you sure they won’t mind?” she asked instead of bringing up all the reasons the McKays might not want extra company.
“I’m sure they won’t mind.”
Two days, staying with his parents. She had a feeling they would mind. Very much.
His parents lived in a gated community on the edge of Austin. The lawns were large, sprawling, fenced. The driveways were long and protected. At the end of one of those driveways, Daron came to a stop. The house in front of them was French provincial with pale, gray brick siding. It was two story with multipaned windows, a double door of heavy wood, expansive flower gardens and a three-car garage.
She hadn’t brought extra clothes. Or food for Jamie. She hadn’t brought anything they might need for an overnight stay. During the drive, Daron had been on the phone with his parents, so she hadn’t been able to tell him that this wouldn’t work. She couldn’t barge into their home with nothing but the clothes on her back.
“Stop worrying,” he said with that dimple, the one that should have distracted her.
“What do you mean, stop worrying? I’m walking into your parents’ home, unannounced, with my daughter. We didn’t bring anything for an overnight stay. We’re almost two hours from home. So you’re right—I shouldn’t worry.”
“Trust me,” he said. “There’s a mall nearby. We can get what you need for one night.”
“Of course.” Because she had tons of disposable income.
“Let’s go inside. Jamie looks like a girl who needs a nap. Maybe her mom needs a nap, too.”
“I don’t nap,” she said.
“I don’t nap,” Jamie repeated with a giggle.
Daron shot her a look as he got out of the truck. When he opened the door for her, he took Jamie and leaned to kiss Emma on the top of her head.
“Like mother, like daughter,” he whispered. “Both stubborn.”
“I’m not,” she said, but humor caught up with her, and she grinned.
“Yeah, you are. Lucky for you, I like my women stubborn.”
“I’m not,” she started again. She wasn’t his woman. He shouldn’t say things like that. She tried to object, but she didn’t get to because he was leading her up the front walk to the house and the door was being opened by a woman who had to be his mother. Her hair was the same shade of not-quite-blond, not-quite-brown. She had his gray eyes. She had his height. She didn’t have his smile.
“Mom.” He hugged her. “Good to see you.”
“Really? Because your avoidance would say otherwise.” Her gaze shot past him.
“This is Emma Shaw and her daughter, Jamie. Emma was married to Andy.”
“Yes, I know.” She held out a beautifully manicured hand. “Emma, I’m Nora McKay. It’s a pleasure to meet you. We have heard quite a bit about you.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. McKay.” They walked through the house, and it was even more overwhelming inside than out. The rooms were large with high ceilings. The furnishings and décor were expensive.
And yet Daron always seemed at home when he sat at their chrome-and-Formica table. He didn’t seem to mind the green upholstered sofa that Granddad had bought new when they moved in twenty years ago.
She reminded herself that he had a beautiful home of his own but he stayed in a camper on the Wilder Ranch.
“Are you hungry?” Mrs. McKay asked.
Jamie chimed in. “Cookies?”
“No cookies,” Emma told her.
Mrs. McKay thawed momentarily and smiled at Jamie. “I do have cookies, but I think you should probably have lunch first. Daron, I’m going
to let you take care of things. I have a meeting in the city.”
He kissed her cheek. “We’ll be fine.”
Nora McKay gave a quick nod in Emma’s direction. “If there’s anything you need, let one of us know.”
She left. Emma slumped against the counter of the kitchen and let out the breath she’d been holding.
“She’s not a fire-breathing dragon,” Daron teased. “And even if she is, I’m a dragon slayer.”
Emma stood up straight. Jamie was sitting on the floor playing with the baby doll she’d pulled out of her backpack.
What Emma wouldn’t give to be three years old and totally unaware of the world and its problems. What she wouldn’t give to go back even a few weeks to the days when Daron McKay was just a nuisance and not her dragon-slaying hero.
Then again, maybe not.
* * *
That evening, after a day they could all agree had been long, Daron walked Emma to the room she and Jamie would share for the night. They’d found what she needed at a local department store, then had dinner at a chain restaurant. She and Jamie were both exhausted.
“Do you need anything?” He had Jamie on his hip and an arm around Emma. He pulled her a little closer than usual, and she leaned into him, taking him by surprise.
He held her for just a minute. When she pulled away, there was a glimmer of amusement in her eyes. “That was nice.”
“Yeah, it was,” he agreed. Wholeheartedly. “Mind if we try that again? Because I’m not sure if it was real, or my imagination.”
“It was just a hug,” she teased.
“Yeah, but I think it might have been more.”
She moved into his arms and then it was the three of them because Jamie raised an arm and pulled her mommy closer. Yeah, definitely fantastic.
“I’m not sure what we’re doing,” she whispered against his shirt. “I’m afraid, Daron. Of so many things. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to feel. Or to be hurt. I have to focus on Jamie and...”
Her Guardian Rancher Page 11