by Anne Eliot
Well, I’m not looking at his perfect lips anymore, that’s for sure.
Her heart thumped oddly against her chest, and she realized she had little goose bumps on her arms. As though her own body and brain betrayed her, she was flooded with butterflies erupting around her stomach.
She clamped her arms across it.
These aren’t real butterflies.
They come with his package-er-his—assets.
This is a totally normal response.
Ugh. Not real butterflies. Say something, Vere.
Vere had the feeling that this time he was not going to bail her out if she lost it. “Could you—put your glasses and hat back on for the ride back? You, minus the disguise, is distracting too. Don’t want to be all dangerous back on the road.”
He raised his eyebrows and shook his head.
“Fine. Yeah. Of course. I’ll wear them from now on.”
22: test bunnies
Dustin
Dustin leaned into the backseat of Vere and Charlie’s VW. They were on a long stretch of road Charlie had called ‘the 105’. Apparently, the high school was somewhere along this stretch. From what he could see, there was nothing here but trees, hills, and tall grass. Aut no high school, that was certain.
He might as well be in a modern episode of Little House on the Prairie.
His phone lit up the time. 7:10 AM.
He accessed his email again and reloaded all new messages.
Nothing.
The text message box still showed one message, sent to him Friday afternoon at 5:43 PM, from Martin—about the same time he’d been driving up the hill to the cabin with Vere.
It contained only the new email address information plus his mailbox password, as promised.
If Dustin wanted to get in touch with his agent he was supposed to email or text to [email protected].
Martin said he’d do the same at to [email protected]. They were such lame email addresses.
Martin loved fresh squeezed juice and his Maxi-Juicer. He was obsessed with it. Drank it 24-7. He must have been drinking juice in New York when he’d made them up.
Dustin reloaded the mail again.
Still. Nothing.
He got that his mom wasn’t going to email him. She obviously wanted him to read her suck ass letter and get choked up and call her. But like he’d vowed, he hadn’t even touched the thing. Well, not beyond looking in the drawer next to his bed and noting it was in there, that is.
Maybe he was expecting too much from Martin and the guys. Everyone was probably busy and distracted getting the band settled in New York. Getting everyone situated in the studio. Locking up the freakish imposter guy.
That had to be it.
It had been only four days.
Only four days, but for some reason, it felt like a lifetime had passed him by.
He glanced up.
Vere sat in the passenger seat in front of him, silently chewing her upper lip while Charlie drove. The long road leading to nowhere still seemed to stretch out in front of them in more endless curves.
Where is this freaking school anyway?
Unable to stare at the road anymore—or Vere’s damn upper lip—he quickly typed an email message to Martin:
— Yo-NYJuice.
Where r u? 2day is 1st day school!
I DON’T WAN2. GET ME OUTTA THIS ASAP.
Plz. B4 I flip.
No signal all wknd. No msgs from u or Mom? WTF?
FYI, hiding in dorklnd.
Me + glsses + retainer + amazing newly invented lisp.
Plans going OK. No one knows. Family helping is cool. Kids helping me r cool 2.
High hopes my cover will stick.
Where R U? Tell Mom 2 call Nan. Is Mom w u in NY or still in CA? More l8r.WRITE ME BACK.
Dustin McHugh. —
Dustin zipped the phone into the side pocket of his canvas pants. The pocket located above his knee, not one of the two rectangular pockets at his knees. So many pockets!
He needed to get some more dork stuff to fill them up.
PEZ candy dispensers, a calculator, ruler, tons of pencils and maybe even a sharpener and his very own tiny stapler. Maybe he should suggest another shopping trip. He could just imagine Vere’s face lighting up as they chose more accessories for his disguise.
When he looked up, he locked eyes with Vere who’d turned in her seat and was eyeing him.
“How you doing?” she asked, her big brown eyes heavy with worry.
Dustin gave her his biggest smile to show off his giant retainer. “Thsuuper.”
Vere giggled. “That thing is so—”
“Amattthhhing, I know.”
She giggled again, and even Charlie cracked a smile.
Dustin ran his tongue over the retainer on the roof of his mouth. It felt strange, as if he’d stuck the bottom of a melted plastic water bottle in his mouth or something. He hated it, but loved it because the thing made Vere laugh every time she looked at it. Every time he spoke.
He already knew he liked making Vere laugh, so he’d made a point of showing it off to her any chance he got.
Vere’s dad had run the wire across the front like any normal retainer, but then he’d added a second, larger wire that twisted and crisscrossed over the first, giving the him the appearance of braces. It truly looked like he’d eaten a bunch of soda cans. Since there was no need for the wires to be tight, it was only mildly uncomfortable.
Vere had finished texting something into her phone and turned again to level him with her most serious expression. “Listen. We’re only two minutes from Jenna. She’s meeting us in the parking lot.”
Charlie spoke in a perfect evil Russian-spy voice, “If she vill not be fooled, veee must abandon zee experiment and assimilate her. Or better, vee should murder her—”
“Charlie! Shut up! Why do you always have to take things too far?” Vere protested.
Dustin couldn’t help but chime in, “Ssssheee vill doo as vee sayyy, or she vill be very, very sorry.” It was easier to laugh about the situation than face the true stress of it all.
Vere rolled her eyes. “Okay weirdos. Stop. We need her. Jenna’s our canary in the cave, our litmus paper, our teen-test bunny. If she catches on even a little, I’m thinking, at that point we spill it to her. Jenna’s safe. She wouldn’t tell. She might scream and dance around worse than Charlie did. But eventually, after we took off the duct-tape we’d be forced to wrap her in, she would relax and simply be a pain in your butt for the year. But she wouldn’t tell.”
Dustin swallowed. “Great. Can’t wait to meet her.”
“God. Dude. She’s a freak, like I said. Good luck with that girl,” Charlie added as he turned into a long driveway leading to a huge parking lot. “Vere’s right though, she’s loyal to the cause, but I hope to hell and back she doesn’t find out. She’d come over to visit even more than she already does.”
“You are so lucky you are driving right now. When I punch you later, you’ll know why,” Vere said, flicking a glare at Charlie, and then, “Look. There’s the school.”
Dustin surveyed the long, two-story brick building. Tall windows made up each of the building corners. He spotted the evenly spaced skylights that ran across the entire length of the sloped metal roof, glinting in the sun. The center of the building was obscured behind the pine trees planted in front of the school, but he could see the entire front of it was made of glass. His new peepers would be black as night in there.
But...damn, the place is huge.
Dustin eyed the rows and rows of empty parking spaces that were filling up in an orderly fashion as they waited for their turn to park.
“I suppose I should have asked this sooner, but how many kids go to this monstrosity?”
“Almost three thousand,” Vere answered.
“Do this many people live out here?”
“This is the only high school for like four different back-to-back towns. We all had our own middle schools, but share one high sc
hool. I thought we’d warned you.”
“Nope. But I’ve never been good at asking questions about stuff. Got a bad habit of guessing and assuming things. It’s one of my goals while here—to just ask questions,” he said dryly. He grimaced as he remembered what an ass he’d been when he’d assumed his mom would take him home from the airport last week and not make him come here.
Vere interrupted his thoughts. “Remember, we both have your cell number and you have ours. I’ll keep mine on vibrate. If you need to be rescued, text me first then hide out here in the parking lot. I’ll find you. Call me if you end up needing to run.”
“What!” Dustin frowned.
Vere blinked, as though this were a perfectly normal conversation for them to have. “There’s some good places to hide in the woods behind the school, just memorize what landmarks you’re near so you can text us to find you.”
“If you get that far, dude.” Charlie laughed. He was finding this way too entertaining.
“No. Really?” Dustin swallowed, pushing back the image of the whole high school swarming him for autographs. But it could happen. It had happened. But he’d also been supported by bodyguards and a waiting limo. Not by pine trees!
“There she is!” Vere pointed to a lanky, blonde girl with hipster-white sun-glasses, leaning against a white, late-model Honda hatchback.
Dustin eyed Jenna as the car crept toward her in the slow line of traffic. She didn’t look as scary as Vere and Charlie had described. That was something, at least.
She had the same, wholesome, fresh-no-make-up, pretty thing going on, like Vere did. But, unlike Vere, Jenna’s outfit and hair were—stylish. Nice jeans, sandals, and a fashionable, tailored blue shirt that showed off her cute figure. She looked normal, even. Dustin felt immediately bad for that thought and risked a glance Vere in the front seat. She was busily grabbing up her stuff, and still chewing on her lip.
Her adorable top lip. The lip with the little twist...
God. I’m going crazy from stress. That has to be why I can’t shake my attraction to this tornado of a girl.
She turned suddenly in her seat and caught him staring.
Dustin knew it was easy to keep a straight face behind his dark glasses because he’d spent hours practicing in front of the mirror last night. He simply held still, and kept his face passive. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice the fact that his heart was about to beat out of his chest.
“Don’t forget to smile, it distracts from your perfect chin,” Vere whispered as she opened her door and swung her legs out of the car.
“You think my chin is perfect?” he asked quickly, knowing the comment would make Vere pause and sass him back.
“Gah! Remember? My Dustin—I mean—” She met his gaze, looking guilty and continued, “Dustin McHugh is not a stuck up egomaniac.” Vere’s voice lacked its usual bite.
“Dude.” Charlie caught Dustin’s eye in the mirror. “Remember. I don’t hang out with you, I’m never going to hang out with you, and I hated being forced to spend the weekend with you. I only tolerate you out of courtesy to my sister and my neighbor, Nan. It’s sealed, dork boy, don’t even approach me.”
“Check. No approaching.” Dustin fake grinned. “As if I would. Dustin is not comfortable around stuck-up jocks.”
Charlie grinned back. “Good luck.” He turned to his sister. “Vere, if it’s a bust, drive him to Nan’s. Let me know the deal. If it’s a go, great. I’ll meet up with you guys after school. If it bombs....” He swallowed. “Good luck, dude.”
“Charlie,” Dustin called out quietly as Charlie opened his door. “It’s appreciated. All of it.”
Charlie glanced back quickly again and, with an imperceptible nod, he darted out of his seat. He shouted, “Hey crazy!” to Jenna, and took off without a backward glance.
“Hey, loser!” Jenna called after to him. “Did you miss me?”
“Like a corpse misses the plague,” Charlie shot back, joining up with a pack of guys in orange jerseys.
“I wish I did not have to get out of this car,” he muttered.
“I know,” Vere whispered. “It’s going to be fine. I’ll be with you.”
Dustin smiled. It wasn’t easy to keep the retainer out of sight, and he wanted her to see his real smile. Wanted her to know he was beyond happy to have her watching over him.
Hell. Maybe I am vain.
“Thanks, gnome girl, bestie.” He smiled, swallowing a lump of fear at the back of his throat.
Her big eyes softened, and she shot him a half smirk. “Remember, it’s me, who’s thanking you, bestie. We’re both on trial today.” She pointed at her cheeks. “And look! Zero pinkness!”
“Yeah. You’re doing great.” He watched her small, delicate hands butterfly up to check the bun.
“I haven’t blushed once since we talked on the lake dock. I think your extreme conversation topics seriously desensitized me. I feel like—like—I can talk about anything with any guy now!” She beamed.
“Practice on your pillow first, huh? Just in case,” he teased.
“Yeah, yeah, Whatever! Now stop trying to procrastinate. I’m giving you two minutes to exit this car,” she commanded and disappeared out of her seat, slamming the door, but not before he’d seen the whole back of her neck turn bright pink. She ran over and hugged Jenna, and they immediately started whispering.
Dustin let his gaze linger on Vere through the window. Today, she’d worn a long, paisley, hippie-ish skirt. She had un-matched it with another giant hoodie, under which he could see some gargantuan, white tee-shirt peeking out near her knees.
And she makes fun of me in the long-sleeved shirts?
The little hypocrite looked positively swallowed up, like a tiny warrior, hiding in her giant cotton armor. Her strange ensemble combinations were something he’d begun to truly look forward to.
He listened to her excited voice as it slowly rose as if to jerk him into action.
“He’s nice, like I said, Jenna. Super nice.”
Dustin hid a smile. The girl was actually taunting him.
“He’s already got marks against him for stealing you for the whole weekend. He better be double nice.” Jenna flipped her braids and turned toward the car.
“Hey. Give him a chance.”
“I will, I will,” she grumbled. “What’s he doing? Dude. Dustin, are you coming out?”
Vere gushed, “Wait till you see my guy exposure in action. I can talk to him and almost always, no blush! He’s curing me. Wait till you see us together.”
He nervously checked his phone again. All good and set to vibrate in case any messages came in. He cracked open his door and grabbed his Tough Mountain backpack off the seat.
His chest was so tight he thought it might explode, and then he remembered: breathe, breathe, breathe.
Damn, get a grip.
Exiting slowly, he launched his heavy work boots so they slammed onto the black-top. The giant thwack-thud, they let off gave him the courage to get completely out of the car.
“Jenna Riley, most coolest girl ever, meet Dustin McHugh. He’s Nan’s nephew, my new BGF, and newest member of our junior class.” Vere’s voice had sounded stiff. Robotic even.
That’s making me less nervous. Thanks, bestie.
Dustin shot her a look, then faced Jenna dead on.
Bring it, test bunny. Bring it.
Jenna must have noticed Vere’s tight sounding voice as well, because the look she gave Vere was half-terrified, half amused. Maybe she also found Vere Roth’s antics to be hilarious?
If so, then they might even get along.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” Dustin managed.
“All the way from California, huh? How do you like it so far?” She looked him up and down.
Dustin glanced over at Vere. She was behind Jenna, giving him a huge smile and pointing at her mouth.
He quickly stretched his smile wide and bared his retainer to Jenna. “I like it. Lotssth of treessstth.”
The test bunny did not answer.
She was too busy flinching and then trying to hide the look of horror on her face.
Dustin had started to sweat. Major. “And I jusstth love the hiking,” he added.
He knew he sounded as lame as he looked, but it couldn’t be helped. He was freaking out. He tried to smile even bigger.
Come on retainer, don’t fail me now.
Jenna, as if finally focusing in on his retainer, executed a full body cringe as she looked at his face. To her credit she finally did manage to paste on a fake smile as a quick recovery.
Dustin could see Vere cracking up out of the corner of his eyes. If the situation weren’t so damn serious he’d laugh also.
Hell. How can this screwed-up deal be my very own life?
“What the heck?” Jenna reached forward and grabbed the compass sewn into the pocket of the orange canvas vest he’d picked for today. The vest matched with his orange canvas pants in exactly the wrong way.
“You like compassthes?”
“Never thought about them.” Jenna frowned. “Do you—do you—um—are you some kind of professional fly fisherman, or deer hunter or...something?” Jenna asked, flipping her braids over her back and moving a little closer.
“Nope.”
It was all Dustin could to not to take a step back every step she took closer.
“Live on a ranch?” Jenna was almost toe to toe with him now. She leaned in close as though to study him—study his glasses! “Something has to explain that outfit. Man! Oh, man! I’ve got it. You look just like—hmm. Just like—holy CRAP!”
Dustin caught his breath.
Damn. It’s over.
He glanced at Vere to see if she showed any signs of panic; her smile had turned to plastic and it looked sort of stapled on, but about to fall off.
She’d pulled out her car keys and had her thumb on the beeper unlock.
Shit! Not good. Not good. It’s only ten feet from here to the passenger door...
Dustin struggled to answer Jenna. “Nope. No horses, no hunting. I’m from Bakersthhhfield, California. Thissth is just normal wear from back home...I guess.” He looked back at Vere. They’d decided on Bakersfield just this morning.