by Lee, Nadia
ETHAN SWUNG HIS CLUB and smacked the ball harder than was prudent. It shot away like a missile, disappearing somewhere off to the left.
“I thought you were going to work on your swing,” Alex said.
“I am.” He whacked another small white ball. This one went right.
“You might make a decent switch-hitter if you tried baseball.”
Ethan glared at his friend. “You have some advice to offer, or are you just going to stand there?”
“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come out here.” Alex studied his friend. “Surprised the hell out of me. You don’t even like golf.”
“Everyone in business likes golf, so I’m working on it.”
“To talk business. Nobody actually plays.”
Ethan straightened. “I don’t want to talk.”
“Okay with me.” Alex stepped up to the tee, placed a ball on it and swung his club with control and finesse.
Ethan glared at the beautifully straight arc his friend’s ball made. It made him want to tie his own club into a pretzel. Coming to the golf course had been a mistake. He should’ve raided his wet bar. After all, it was well-stocked with whiskey and the Merlot he’d bought for Kerri.
Kerri, who didn’t want him near her family. Kerri, who’d rather expose herself to the pain that that asshole Barron Sterling would bring, instead of letting Ethan face her grandfather for her.
How could she not see that he’d fight dragons, slay them barehanded for her?
“Fuck this.” Ethan hurled his club away. It went end-over-end into some trees.
“You all right?” Alex asked.
“No! Kerri left to see her family. Her grandfather, to be specific.”
“That’s good, right?” When Ethan continued to glower, Alex added, “Guess not.”
“He’s an asshole.”
Alex nodded in sympathy. “Yeah, I know all about in-laws. Natalie’s family isn’t all that great either, especially her mother, but since the wedding she’s made some effort to be nicer.”
Most likely to ingratiate herself with her wealthy and influential son-in-law, Ethan thought. The woman tried too hard, but at least she made an attempt. Barron Sterling probably just didn’t give a damn.
“So where’s her family?” Alex asked.
“Here. The almighty Barron Sterling came out to Virginia, sent men to collect her, the whole nine yards.”
“Whoa!” Alex raised a hand. “Wait. Did you just say Barron Sterling?”
“You didn’t know?”
He shook his head. “I had no idea. Natalie never said.”
Ethan laughed dryly.
Kerri never talked about them because the memories hurt too much. So why hadn’t she wanted him along as a buffer? She’d said she wanted to protect him from Barron’s rage. Ethan didn’t give a damn about that old man’s feelings. He didn’t give a damn whether he got on Barron’s shit list. Sterling was already number one on Ethan’s.
Alex swore. “Wonder why.”
“She doesn’t get along with her family. They’re the main reason why she left the States. She hasn’t seen them in years.”
“Then why does Barron want to see her all of a sudden?”
“No idea. Apparently that’s classified.”
“If her family is all assholes, shouldn’t you be there? It’s going to be her versus Barron. I met him once, and he’s no pushover. A hard son of a bitch to negotiate with.”
Ethan picked up another club and smacked another ball. This one hit a tree trunk and ricocheted off into a pond. “She went alone, to ‘protect’ me.”
Alex choked. “What?”
“I told her if she went alone it was over.”
“Shit. And she still went?”
“Yep.” Ethan should’ve gone to a kick-boxing gym. Blood would be so much more satisfying than hitting tiny immobile balls that couldn’t fight back.
He glared at his surroundings—the pristine greens, gleaming clubs and expensively dressed men and women. God, he hated the sight of everything. If he’d been thinking straight, he wouldn’t be there, but Kerri had destroyed every rational part of his mind.
“Have you considered the possibility that maybe she cares about you too much to let you take on her grandfather?” Alex asked cautiously.
Ethan’s jaw tightened. “That doesn’t change the fact. She should’ve trusted me to take care of both of us.”
“A woman who moved halfway around the world to avoid her family—and built a new life for herself in Asia—is probably pretty self-sufficient. Not to mention used to being on her own. She’s not like you with your big, close family.”
No, she wasn’t. She could never count on anyone to care about her. Her family had pretended she didn’t exist to avoid thinking about the males they’d lost. She’d never had anyone she could depend on. And he hated them for hurting her, for what that horrible pain had done to her and to his relationship with her.
When he’d made his proposition, he’d been clear that it was supposed to be temporary. That had seemed important, given how skittish she was about commitment. Later, even though he’d done everything he could to demonstrate that he wanted more, he’d never actually said the words because he didn’t want to scare her off.
What a tactical mistake. Being wary of commitment didn’t mean a committed relationship wasn’t exactly what she needed. She’d been wary of course; not even her own flesh and blood had stood by her. Natalie had said Kerri wanted her men tall, dark and manageable. And by the last requirement, Kerri had meant men she could dump without leaving herself with permanent emotional scars. She hadn’t wanted to leave herself open to hurt because she expected everyone to ultimately reject her, as her family had.
And he’d basically fulfilled that expectation with his ultimatum.
How could he have been so stupid?
“I need to go,” Ethan said, throwing the club into his bag. “Catch you at the office.”
He had no intention of being manageable. Nor was he going to be temporary. It was about time Kerri understood just how unmanageable and permanent he could be.
* * *
After she was done talking with Barron, Kerri phoned Natalie. “You home?”
“Yes. What’s up? You all right?” Natalie said.
“Can I come over?” Kerri tried to sound light, but failed. It was difficult when her heart felt bruised… No, worse than bruised. She felt like she’d never be whole again.
“Sure.” Natalie hesitated then said, “I’ll wait.”
Kerri took a cab to Natalie’s penthouse. Barron had offered to lend her Miles, but she didn’t want her grandfather’s spy around.
The second she opened the door, Natalie said, “You okay? You didn’t sound too good on the phone, and you’re so pale.”
“I’m fine.”
“Those ‘bodyguards’ still bothering you?”
“No. They’re gone.” She plopped herself on the couch with a sigh.
Natalie raised an eyebrow. “Barron gave up?”
Kerri shook her head. “I caved. We talked.”
Natalie pressed her lips together, then slowly said, “I hope it was productive.”
“Some of it was, and some of it wasn’t.”
Natalie moved next to Kerri and hugged her.
“I need to ask you to do something for me,” Kerri said.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Meredith—Ethan’s younger sister—is going to take over The Lloyds Development, but she doesn’t have much managerial experience. It’s her first time in a business environment. I want you to help her.”
“Me? Why not you? You’ve been working for Ethan long enough I’m sure you know everything about the company.”
“He and I had an argument about my meeting Barron, and with his brothers so wary about my connection to Sterling & Wilson, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Crimson suffused Natalie’s cheeks. “Are they accusing you of spying for your family or someth
ing?” she said, her voice full of heat.
“No, nothing so melodramatic.” Kerri didn’t want Natalie fighting Ethan’s family over it. “It just makes them uncomfortable—which is totally understandable—and I don’t want a scene.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“I really don’t mind. I was thinking about going to California anyway.” Kerri gave her friend a rueful smile. “But thanks. You did your best.”
Natalie frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You think I didn’t notice how you tried to set me up with Ethan? Food poisoning? Working honeymoon? Come on. You remember the Scallops of Doom that night in Hong Kong? Everyone in the office got sick except you.”
Natalie flushed. “Well…at least Ethan bought it.”
“Yeah. Yeah, he did.”
“It’s so sad to see you go like this. I thought he was crazy about you.”
“Well…it was going to end sooner or later.”
“Kerri…”
“I always thought I’d end up alone. Because, you know, you want your fiancé to meet your family and all, but that just wasn’t possible given my situation. I certainly didn’t think it’d be a good idea to start married life by lying, saying that I’m an orphan or something.” She laughed, the sound brittle even to her own ears. “Guess I’m more traditional than I thought. But now that Barron’s trying to make up for the past…I don’t know.” She shook her head. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. Her thoughts were too mixed, too confused. No, that wasn’t entirely true. She knew what she wanted: Ethan. But she didn’t know if she could have him. She didn’t think she could bear it if he turned away from her. “Ethan and I can’t just ignore everything and go back to what we used to be. We did and said too many things.”
Quietly, Natalie put an arm around Kerri’s shoulders.
“He’s really tight with his family, Natalie. And my relationship to Sterling & Wilson will create a rift between them, if not now, then eventually. And he’ll start to hate me.” Then there had been the fight, the ultimatum. That hurt the most, maybe because she hadn’t expected him to make their relationship conditional upon her doing what he wanted. She blinked away tears. “I don’t want to live my life trying to make up for the way I was born.” No, she refused to revert back to her old self, doing everything in her power to earn what crumbs of affection and acceptance she could manage from those who should’ve loved her as she was, without conditions. “Our affair started really suddenly, so it’s only fitting that it ends just as fast.” Even as she smiled at her friend, Kerri didn’t know how to stop her heart from breaking in the same abrupt manner.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
KERRI RETURNED TO THE PENTHOUSE. It was dark, and Ethan was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was being considerate, giving her time to pack in private. It wouldn’t take that long. She hadn’t bothered to unpack all her bags.
She folded her clothes and put them in her suitcases. Her hands and feet moved automatically, leaving her mind to wander.
The talk with Barron had left her surprised and a little dazed. She’d never expected him to ask her back into his life. A part of her wanted to take his words at face value, but another part of her recoiled from the idea. What if he wanted her back to fill the emptiness left by the loss of his two grandsons and now his daughter, not because he truly loved her the way a grandfather—a surrogate father, really—should?
Then there was Ethan.
It hurt to know he wanted out because she wanted to keep him separate from what was essentially a family issue. But then dating someone from a family as dysfunctional as hers might not have been the best thing for him anyway. Families could be big baggage in a relationship, and getting involved with hers wouldn’t be any kind of healthy. And there was his family, too. Obviously a lot of his relatives would feel they had reason to be wary of her because of who her grandfather was.
So damn frustrating. If only their families weren’t direct competitors and rivals, things could’ve been different. Their relationship would have been free to evolve, blossom into something else, something more than what they’d initially agreed to. Wouldn’t that have been grand?
Barron thought she still had one more chance with Ethan. But to take that chance, she’d have to leave herself exposed. Was it worth the risk?
She’d already said those fateful words to Ethan. I don’t love you. Was it too late to take them back? Would he believe her if she told him she’d lied?
Christ, Kerri, stop worrying about what everyone around you thinks and expects. What do you want?
Kerri paused. She didn’t know. No, that wasn’t quite true. She just never put her needs and wants above others’ because she always thought if she could be a little bit more like what people wanted of her, she would earn their approval, acceptance and—ultimately—love.
She heard keys jingle on the other side of the door. Sweat slickened her palms, turning them clammy.
Her heart hammered. Her initial plan to avoid being hurt by remaining detached hadn’t worked. Now her instinct was to run as far as she could to avoid whatever pain their confrontation might deliver.
She forced herself to be steady. No more running. She wasn’t an impulsive eighteen-year-old any longer, and couldn’t spend her entire life in flight.
She had to live the way she wanted.
The way she deserved.
If she had the guts to reach out and grab what she wanted without caring about others’ opinions of her… If Barron was right and she still had one more chance with Ethan…
She didn’t want to waste it by worrying about everyone else. She’d grab Ethan and never let him go.
Ethan walked into the penthouse, then into her bedroom. His shoulders were so straight and broad, his body tall and powerful, as he towered over her in a pristine white polo shirt and golf pants. What little courage she had shrank at his hard eyes and tight jaw.
Ethan gave her and the suitcases a quick once-over. “You can start unpacking now,” he said. His voice was unyielding and she couldn’t even begin to guess at his emotional state.
“Okay. I wasn’t really leaving anyway,” she said.
He cocked an eyebrow.
Her cheeks heated, but she refused to break the eye contact. “I changed my mind.”
“Oh?” He crossed his arms and waited.
He wasn’t going to make it easy for her. Why should he?
She put down the shirt she was holding and faced him fully. “Ethan, here’s the deal. I’m not going to let you get tangled up in the horrific, incredible mess that is my family. But” —she took a deep, fortifying breath— “unless you truly want me gone, I’ve decided to stay.” She raised a forestalling hand. “I know what you said earlier, but we were both emotional and upset. I think we’ve had enough time to cool down since then.”
He uncrossed his arms and moved closer. “Kerri, I definitely do not want you gone. You’re right I was upset.” He took another step forward. “But you can’t force me to watch your family hurt you. I don’t give a shit if your grandfather is Barron Sterling, if the man’s richer than the IRS and knows everyone in all the governments in the world. He’s not going to keep hurting you with impunity. He’ll have to go through me first.” He took a final step that brought him so close she could feel his body heat. “But we can’t do this if you’re looking for some manageable guy to have a temporary relationship with. I’m not manageable, and I’m not temporary. And I’m not going to become either just to suit you.”
Her cheeks grew even hotter. How did he know about her “ideal man?”
“If you aren’t okay with all this…” A small muscle ticked in his jaw.
She trembled. This was it. She had to lay it all out, reveal her heart, or go home. Ethan wasn’t going to settle. Frankly, she didn’t want to settle either. She didn’t want a manageable man. She wanted Ethan.
“I’m okay with it,” she said.
His eyes lightened, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “Good.” He put his h
ands on her arms, and she sighed at how right they felt on her. “You realize, of course, that even if you’d said no it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.”
She couldn’t quite tell if he was joking or not.
“I’m always going to be a permanent fixture in your life, even if I have to be a pain in the ass to do it.”
“Oh.”
“But since you said okay, I suppose the point is moot.”
“I suppose it is. But why would you want to stick around even if I’d said no?” she asked faintly.
“Because, you crazy woman, I’m in love with you. Why else would any man do what I do?”
“It’s just… When we first decided to stay together, you made it sound like it was all for sex.”
He looked at her like she’d suddenly sprouted flowers out of the top of her head. “No man does what I’ve done just for sex, Kerri. Sex is easy.”
It was for someone like Ethan. Someone as gorgeous and smart and wonderful.
She looked into his eyes. It hurt to breathe, and she took a moment to calm herself. She wanted him to know this wasn’t the heat of the moment compelling her to say what she was about to say. It was all her, clear-headed and heart so full it felt like it would burst. “I love you too.”
A long breath shuddered out of him, and he took her into his arms. “Thank god.”
* * *
Ethan helped Kerri unpack, this time taking everything out of her suitcases and moving it all to the master bedroom suite.
“It was killing me that you never fully unpacked,” he said.
Kerri stashed her lacy underwear in a drawer. “Well, I didn’t think it was going to last. Figured I’d be gone soon enough, just like all your other ex-girlfr—”
Ethan looked at her. “What is it?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“Kerri. You can say whatever you want. If this is going to work we need to be honest with each other.”
Okay then. “Do you mind telling me why Catherine compared me to Lisa? Am I the opposite or the same?”
She held her breath. When Catherine had visited, Kerri had told herself she had no right to demand anything of Ethan since they were in a temporary relationship. But now things were different. The permanence of their situation gave her the courage to ask for more.