by Lee, Nadia
Amandine looked away. Catherine knew as well as she did that Gavin had married on impulse—a rebound.
“Amandine, you’ve been with Gavin for more than three years now, but men aren’t your strong suit, and I don’t think you understand him very well. He has a very forceful personality, and he’s stubborn.”
“Uh…” It took a real effort not to laugh. “I think I know that.”
“Yes, but what it means for you is, if you don’t make it clear what you want from him, you’re never going to get it,” Catherine said.
“What I want…?”
“That’s right. You do know, don’t you?”
Did Amandine know what she wanted—no, needed—from Gavin? And how hard it was to talk about it? She longed for Gavin to give it to her of his own volition, not because it’d save their marriage or he could avoid personal defeat.
“If you don’t tell him, expect him to use you. That’s why he wanted to marry me in the first place.”
“To use you? No offense, but I thought it was more the other way around.”
Catherine laughed. “Oh, Amandine. Just be careful you don’t get screwed in your divorce settlement.”
“‘Screwed?’ Gavin’s worth twenty billion dollars. Even one percent of that would set me for life.”
“You think so now, but don’t forget how much it’s going to take to maintain the lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to. Do you know how much it costs to have a private jet or a fully staffed household?”
“I have no idea.” It was something Gavin always took care of. “But I’m fine with going back to the way I was before.
“You should squeeze every penny out of him. That may be the only thing you have left to show at the end of the day.”
Amandine’s throat was dry. “Gavin and I are working on a reconciliation.”
“You need a man who’ll be there for you,” Catherine went on, “not foist you off on other people while he does his own thing. If you stay married in that kind of a relationship, money or no, you’ll spend your life wondering why you feel more alone than you did when you were single.” Her gaze took on a faraway look. “You need a man who’ll love you more than you love him. That’s the only way you’ll be okay in a marriage. If not… Well, you’re gambling with your life. It’s not like we’re capable of providing for ourselves, you and I.” She gestured at the room. “Not like this.”
“Gavin and I are having a baby.” Amandine put a protective hand over her belly. “I’m sure we’ll work things out.” So if you’ve come here to encourage me to leave him so you can scoop him up, just go. Just go.
Catherine flinched. “Well, congratulations. But you think a baby will keep you together? Save your marriage?” She shook her head. “Maybe for a while. But one day, the baby will grow up and leave the nest. And then what will sustain the marriage? What’s going to bind you and Gavin together?”
A tremor ran through Amandine. She wanted to hate her cousin, shut her up, but she couldn’t. Catherine was voicing every one of her fears, and it made them seem much more real, not just some phantom in Amandine’s mind. Her heart thumped. “Do you want Gavin back?” Her voice came out hoarse and harsh, but she had to know. “The way you did with the necklace? Is that why you’re here?”
Catherine winced. “You still haven’t forgiven me for that?”
“Of course I forgave you. But—”
“I was stupid. I didn’t care about anything except being accepted. One of the girls thought I should do it.”
“Miss ‘What Catherine giveth Catherine taketh away’?”
“Yes. Madison. I thought she was a friend until Daddy lost everything. She turned against me the minute she heard the family wasn’t doing well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m a bad judge of character. It’s one of those things that’s hard to learn about yourself. So yes, I worry about the fact that you married my ex. And no, I don’t want him back. I just don’t want to see you living a life you’ll regret.” Catherine grew sober. “And I feel bad that I let petty jealousy ruin the friendship we could’ve had.”
“Jealousy? Over what?”
“You, Amandine. You. You’re just so beautiful and talented.”
“Me?”
“The sad thing is, you have no idea how lovely you are.”
Amandine found herself speechless. Catherine reached over and patted the hand that held Gavin’s ring.
“Just remember: if you don’t value yourself, if you don’t consider yourself precious, nobody else will either.”
* * *
Gavin put his tablet away and sat back into the Bentley’s leather upholstery, thinking about the instructions he’d just sent to Hilary to start drafting a letter to let clients know he would be cutting back. He’d still manage the funds for the family to replace the income lost from The Lloyds Development, but almost everything else would be delegated to others at the firm. If the clients didn’t feel comfortable, they were welcome to cash out. This way Gavin could pull back and spend more time with his wife. If the family’s funds still proved to take up too much of his time, he’d have Pete co-manage them.
Gavin should have been heading to the office—there were a few things he needed to do before calling it a day—but he wouldn’t be able to focus unless he saw Amandine first. Was his mother right about what Amandine needed? He’d thought she was happy with their home and the new studio and other amenities, but what did he really know? When things settled down at work, they should talk about downsizing. Getting rid of a few staff even.
Thomas stopped at the main entrance. There was an unfamiliar car in the drive—not unusual, but this was a Miata, and had rental tags. Gavin climbed out of the Bentley and was halfway to the front door when it opened and Catherine stepped out.
What the hell? “Catherine.”
She gave him a cool smile. “Gavin.” The moneyed diction was back. Apparently she’d pulled herself together since his visit.
“What are you doing here? You didn’t say you were coming.”
“Do I need to make an appointment to see my cousin? I wanted to return your ring.” Her gaze dropped to his hand. “I see you’ve replaced it.”
“You could’ve mailed it.”
“But then I wouldn’t have been able to see Amandine. Looks as if she’s divorcing you. Or is it the other way around? Well, whichever… I thought she might need some moral support.”
The muscles around his neck tightened. “Moral support?”
“Oh, nothing important. Just girl talk.”
Catherine started to walk past, and he gripped her arm. “Like what?”
“Ask your wife.”
“I’m asking you.”
Catherine yanked her arm, but he merely tightened his hold. Amandine’s no flashed in his mind. What did Catherine know? Had she come to poison his marriage?
“All right.” Her face twisted. “If you must know, she was curious as to whether I wanted you back, since Jacob seems never to have been my husband.”
The bigamy must have unhinged her. “I don’t want you back.”
An unpleasant chuckle trickled from her throat. “Assuming I would take you. You’re good enough in bed, but I never wanted you as a spouse. And I wouldn’t want you now, even though you seem to have been amazingly lucky with your financial roulette. You don’t know how to make anybody happy but yourself.” She pulled away again; this time he let go. She crossed her arms. “I’ve had some time to think things through, look back on my life. And I see how many bad choices I’ve made. Jacob is a total jackass, but at least he wasn’t as horrible as you. You wanted me for a trophy, some kind of proof that you’d ‘made it.’ That you were someone special, better than everyone else. I didn’t matter to you as a human being. Well, that was one mistake I didn’t make, but then I chose Jacob. I should’ve known better. Same blood, after all.”
Shock and fury burned through him. “Are you finished?” he asked between clenched teeth.
/>
“As it happens, I’m not. Your entire family has been awful to me. I realized your mother hated me the moment she uprooted all the yellow roses in her garden after learning that they were my favorite. Ethan’s always treated me with a cold politeness that’s practically disdain. And sweet little Meredith can barely be bothered to return a phone call.
“My only regret is that I let men ruin what friendship I had with Amandine. I wasn’t the nicest person to her, but I didn’t have to let things get this awkward and uncomfortable. However, that’s my issue to deal with. No need to concern yourself.”
She walked off, looking like a goddess in the late afternoon sun, climbed into the Miata and drove away.
Chapter Twenty-Two
AMANDINE SAT ON THE BED, looking at Gavin’s ring. After a time, someone placed a hand on her shoulder. Startled, she looked up.
“You okay?” Brooke said, settling next to her.
“Yeah. No. Maybe.” Amandine buried her face in her hands. “Damn it.”
“What did she say?”
Amandine told Brooke everything. As she went through it, she realized Catherine was right. Amandine would never know the true reason Gavin wanted to keep her. He was always so busy, and babies took a lot of time and effort. Countless children grew up with divorced parents. Meredith hadn’t even bothered to get married before having a kid, and no one from his family seemed to care.
So why was he insisting on staying together? “Avoiding personal defeat” seemed like a feeble excuse, something he’d made up on the fly so he didn’t have to give her the real reason.
And if it weren’t, why should she care about his personal defeat? Catherine was right. What about Amandine’s future? What about what she wanted? She needed more than “avoiding personal defeat” to stay with Gavin. If he hadn’t figured out that nothing less than love would do after three years and three months…
“I hate to say it, but Catherine has a point,” Brooke said. “You deserve a man like the one she talked about. You shouldn’t stay with a guy who doesn’t love you just because you’re pregnant.”
Amandine rubbed her temples. She’d been content, even hopeful, until Catherine had shown up. If only she could erase everything her cousin had said from her memory…
Eighteen more years. Did she want to spend that much time with a man who didn’t love her just because they had a baby together? What would she do if she realized her situation was really hopeless? Would she have the courage to start over?
Even if she did, would it be possible in her mid-forties?
Gavin stalked inside, his face dark and grim.
Amandine forced a smile. “How was your visit? Everything go well?”
He nodded. “As expected. Mother sends her regards.”
“Luna’s making dinner.”
“I don’t have time.”
Of course.
“I have to return to the office soon,” he added.
No surprise there, either. “I’ll ask her to pack something for you then.” When she started to rise, Gavin stopped her.
“Brooke, can you give us a moment?” he asked.
“Sure.” She left.
Gavin sat next to Amandine. “What did Catherine say?” His gaze bore into hers, like he could will her thoughts to surface on her face.
“This and that.” She shrugged. “She wanted to return your wedding band.” Amandine handed it to him. “So now you have two.”
“That I do.” He stared at the original ring, then took the replacement off and put it in his jacket pocket. He threaded the original ring onto the finger.
“I thought about what you asked me last night and… I’m wondering why you married me.” She looked at him, at the old ring now back on his hand, hoping and waiting.
He looked back at her, his dark gaze shuttered.
“Why, Gavin? You could’ve married anybody. It didn’t have to be me.”
He hesitated, then finally said, “I thought you’d make a good wife. You’re smart and loyal and—”
“I’m not a dog, Gavin.”
“I never said you were.”
She jumped to her feet, hugging herself. “You might as well have. Your actions have proved it over and over again. I was just too stupid to see it.”
“Amandine, you’re upset.”
“Upset? I’m furious!” She flung an arm. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be constantly pushed onto others because your husband can’t be bothered? You started hiring people to groom me, feed me—dress me, for fuck’s sake—like I’m some kind of helpless puppy.”
“That’s not—”
“Did you really think Josephine could fix me?”
“Jesus, I thought having clothes selected for you would lessen your workload after you started doing all those fundraisers and charity work.”
“No. You hired her so she could make sure I wouldn’t wear anything that would embarrass you.”
“Oh for— Amandine, wear whatever you like. Okay?”
“How can I, when Josephine doesn’t buy anything that I like?”
“Then tell her what you want.”
“She only listens to you.”
“Then fire her!”
“How am I going to fire somebody you hired without consulting me? She works for you, not me.”
Gavin rubbed his face. “We’re a couple, Amandine. We’re supposed to be able to talk about stuff like this if it’s been bothering you so much.”
She folded her arms. “When?”
“What?”
“When are we supposed to talk about it? When you’re at work? You never have time to talk. Our ‘movie nights’? They were your idea, but you hardly ever made it on time. And now you don’t come at all.” She started pacing. “For the love of god, Gavin, I didn’t even get to tell you I was pregnant! You had to find it out because I dropped a sonogram printout.”
“You had an opportunity to tell me—”
“When? In the private jet? Which you bought for…I don’t even know why you bought it since you know I don’t travel much. Or during our anniversary dinner? Oh wait, that’s right.” She snapped her fingers. “You were with Catherine.”
“Calm down, Aman—”
“I’m through being calm!” She slashed the air with her hand. “You always give me things to make up for the fact that you never have the time or the energy for me. I’m an afterthought, something you take for granted. But you won’t give me anything of yourself, not even the baby, since you’re going to take it from me if I decide to leave you. Ridiculous, isn’t it, when you and I both know that you don’t have the time for a baby.”
“That’s enough!” Gavin stood up. “What’s wrong with you? What the hell did Catherine say? That I came on to her? I did no such thing. She’s lying.”
“She didn’t have to tell me that. I trust you. I hope the feeling is mutual.”
“Yeah, well, I’m an expert on investing, and I’m not investing myself in anything or anyone I can lose. To Jacob, or anyone else. It’s not worth it,” Gavin said, then looked somewhat surprised, as though it wasn’t something he’d ever planned to speak out loud.
Suddenly it dawned on Amandine. She’d heard whispers of Jacob stealing Gavin’s girlfriends. He’d ended up with Catherine, too. Amandine had assumed it was just a rumor, but maybe not. “You think I’d leave you for Jacob?”
Breaths sawed in and out of Gavin. “Not for Jacob, no.”
How could she have not seen how hopeless their situation was? If she’d had the guts to speak her mind sooner, they would’ve avoided wasting so much time. “Nothing can make me leave you except yourself. I married you because I loved you,” she spoke through the cold lump in her throat. “There’s no point in continuing this joke of a reconciliation anymore. I’m going to divorce you, Gavin. And no, you cannot have the baby. I’m going to fight for it with everything I have. I’m entitled to at least that much.” If I can’t have your love, I want to have something of you—the baby we creat
ed together, so I can give it all the love in my heart. “But you can keep your money. All of it. I don’t want it.”
“Amandine…”
“I can’t live with you like this, Gavin. I’m not happy.”
His Adam’s apple worked. “Are you…are you truly unhappy? With me?”
She nodded, closing her eyes with the pain of her heart splintering. “I’m miserable, Gavin. I can’t live my life feeling…unwanted.”
It took a while before he finally said, “I see. I’ll have my lawyer call yours.”
When she opened her eyes, he was gone.
* * *
Gavin stumbled into the Bentley waiting outside. “Office,” he croaked.
If Thomas noticed anything odd, he didn’t comment. The car pulled smoothly away.
Gavin’s head rolled listlessly until it rested against the back of the leather seat. His gut twisted as he replayed her words. He’d never known he’d made her so miserable. She knew she was risking a nasty legal battle by trying to take the baby with her, and still she didn’t care, so long as she could be free of him.
He racked his brain. Where had he gone wrong? Had his mother been right, and it was a case of too little too late? Was it something Catherine had said?
He’d focused most of his life on work, trying to multiply his wealth and his clients’ in every way he knew how. He was good at it too, and beating the market—winning—made him feel like a god. It was as addictive as cocaine, and he craved the high from each victory.
But it wasn’t worth making Amandine miserable.
His mother was right. What could he do with another twenty billion? He should’ve paid more attention, listened to his gut, and realized Amandine was not at all like the other women out there, like Damien had said. It shouldn’t have taken this long for Gavin to realize he’d been a bad husband, who took advantage of Amandine’s good, accommodating nature.
He sighed. No matter how much Gavin wanted to hold Catherine responsible for poisoning his marriage, he ultimately had nobody but himself to blame. If he hadn’t been so blind, Catherine wouldn’t have been able to influence Amandine. And Amandine wouldn’t have decided to cut her losses.