by Lee, Nadia
“No. This one’s yours.”
“Oh.” She took a tentative sip. “Hey, this isn’t bad.”
“‘Not bad’? It’s great.”
“I’m not much of a beer drinker. But I like this one.” Suddenly her brow creased. “I don’t even remember ordering this.”
“Uh, you ordered the same thing I did…”
“Oh crap.”
“Don’t worry. You’ll like it.” He smiled. “I happen to have great taste.” Especially in women. And he was lucky the one he adored seemed to like him back.
Defended him against the Lead Hag.
Maybe that meant she no longer cared about their age difference. Okay, so she was still a bit worried about how Amandine might react to their relationship, but he was optimistic about that as well—his sister was an incurable romantic at heart, and wouldn’t stand in their way.
He might not have worried after all. How could Brooke not reciprocate at least a little bit when his heart felt like it would explode with love every time he thought of her, looked at her, heard her voice or felt her touch?
It wasn’t a charitable thought, but he was glad Amandine and Gavin had experienced marital troubles. Without their relationship teetering on the edge, he might not have gotten the push he needed to go for it. He’d kept telling himself a little more time, a little more time. Hell, he’d been planning to wait another year before asking Brooke out. What a colossal waste that would have been.
After lunch, he dropped her off at her apartment—she insisted on changing out of the funereal black—and drove to Amandine’s place. Gavin was out of town this weekend to have yet another meeting with his brother Ethan about the family business, which still seemed to be in a bit of trouble.
Luna took him to Amandine’s studio. Normally she’d be perched on her stool, but the humble wooden seat was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she was half-buried in a plushy armchair in front of a still-in-progress painting, her work shirt and shorts covered with old paint stains that nothing could remove.
Amandine’s face lit up, and she waved. “Hey.”
“Hey, you. How’s my nephew?”
Her free hand flew to her belly. “He’s doing great, thanks. My work stool’s behind those canvases.” She gestured to his right. “Take it.”
He pulled it out and sat. It had little butt support and nothing for the back. No wonder she wasn’t using it anymore. She could spend hours and hours in the studio, working.
“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” she asked, putting down her brush.
“What, I can’t visit my sister just because?”
“You’re busy, and I know you’re currently seeing someone.”
“You do?” Had Brooke broken the news already?
“Yeah. You have that look that says you’re romancing somebody right now.”
“Ha.”
“You’re my brother. It’s not that difficult to tell.”
“Well…as it happens, you’re right.”
“I knew it! Okay, who? Tell me about her.”
“Brooke.”
Amandine’s facial muscles slowly slackened. “Brooke? You mean, my Brooke?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my god.” Amandine stared at him for a few moments, blinking. “I thought she seemed distracted, but I figured it was the extra work she had to do for the nursery. How…? When…?”
“It goes all the way back to high school.”
“You’ve been dating since high school!?”
“Well, no. But, uh, there was this one time…” Pete took her through the story.
“Oh my god, my baby brother.” Amandine’s eyes widened as she connected the dots. “So that’s why you were so worried about leaving L.A.”
“Yeah,” Pete said, resisting the impulse to hang his head. “Sorry I was so selfish. But I couldn’t think of anything except the fact that all my plans would be ruined.” He hooked his feet on the stool’s rungs. “I was going to grow up, become a successful man who could provide for her, then ask her out and sweep her off her feet. My nine-year plan.”
“Why nine?”
“I didn’t think I could do it in eight, and a decade just seemed like too long.”
She laughed. “Okay. So when you thought I was divorcing Gavin and you might lose your job over it, you panicked.”
“Basically. But it wasn’t anybody’s fault but my own that I was in the situation. I should’ve been confident enough to make my move earlier.”
“Well…maybe you were overcompensating.”
“Overcompensating? For what?”
“Um…Dad?” Amandine cleared her throat. “I’ve thought about what you said. And you were right.”
Pete raised a surprised eyebrow. His older sister was a firm believer of their father’s good intentions. If nothing else, it was true that he’d loved his wife, so that made his irresponsible ways forgivable.
“If he’d wanted to own his love for us, he would’ve tried harder to provide for the family, instead of relying on in-law charity. Saying ‘I love you’ was great, but it wasn’t enough.”
Pete nodded, absorbing this, and they sat in silence for a few moments. Then he said, “Brooke’s kind of worried about your reaction.”
“To what?”
“The whole ‘us dating’ thing.”
She frowned. “What? Why?”
“Well, you know. It’s a little awkward for her, what with me being her best friend’s younger brother and all.”
“Oh, whatever. It’s none of my business, but if you guys care about how I feel, I say go for it. Who am I to judge so long as it’s what you want?”
“Thanks, sis.”
“Just be careful, Pete. Brooke doesn’t do long-term dating.”
“Yeah, I kind of got that impression. I’m working on it.”
* * *
Brooke and Pete arrived a little late to the dinner, thanks to a minor fender-bender that had congested the road. Seriously, people who drove without paying attention shouldn’t be allowed on the streets, Brooke thought. It made life harder for everyone.
Sandy’s house had several cars parked out in front. All the lights on the first level were on.
Brooke and Pete went in. Sandy popped her head out of the kitchen and said, “Hi, guys. Brooke, can you help me in here?”
“Sure. Just let me introduce Pete to everyone.”
Brooke took him to the living room where her father and his friends sat on two big, worn sofas. Sandy’s toddler girl was with the guests, flirting outrageously with them for attention. Her dad was in the center of the group, his arms spread along the back of the sofa. Gray highlighted his short, cropped hair, but the festive mood erased years from him. Brooke went over and kissed him on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Dad.”
“Thank you, Princess.”
“You remember Pete? Amandine’s brother?” she said.
“’Course I remember! Long time, no see,” he said, sticking his hand out.
Pete took it firmly. “Good to see you again, sir.”
Her father moved over, making some room. “Grab something to drink and come sit down. We’ve got beer and wine. If you want, there’s some Coke too, I think.”
Brooke left Pete and went into the kitchen. Sandy glanced over the counter at the men and said, “Looks like everything’s fine out there.”
“Yeah.” Brooke looked at the mountain of food. White plates covered every inch of the kitchen table, each one holding a different type of Korean or Italian dish. One had a pile of her father’s favorite soft green rice cakes; each one, she knew, was filled with sweet honey that would ooze out after the first bite. Another had glass noodles, the spicy garlic aroma making her mouth water. Still another held barbecue marinated beef; another had some sort of twisty pasta.
“Wow. Did you make all this?”
“Are you high? I catered the whole thing except for the pasta,” Sandy said. “No time to cook a bunch of stuff—you know how things are with the business.
I needed a new bookkeeper like two months ago, but can’t find anybody decent.”
“What about Eugene?”
Sandy snorted. “He’s even worse at it than I am. So I’m stuck until I can hire somebody new.
Brooke and Sandy laid everything out on the dining room table, including a birthday cake. Everyone abandoned the couches for the dining room. Brooke looked at her father’s face over the lit candles. He was already sixty-four.
He’d spent over fifteen years alone as a widower, never having had time to meet somebody new after his wife had passed away. He’d been too busy working and providing for his two daughters. And never once in all those years had he complained about being lonely or tired of his responsibilities or anything. He’d taken on the burden of dealing with Sandy and Brooke’s grief over losing their mother. Their grandmother had helped out, but Brooke knew how much her dad had sacrificed for them.
When the song ended, he blew out the candles. Everyone clapped. Brooke followed suit, blinking away sudden tears.
Dad, I love you.
Everyone started eating and serving food, including the cake. The older generation didn’t believe in saving sweets for last.
“When you’re my age, you know you better take what you want when you want it,” her father said, helping himself to another serving of beef and cake while shunning the vegetables. “Clock’s a-tickin’.”
“So Pete, what do you do?” one of the men asked.
“I’m an investment manager.” When he got a slightly puzzled look, he said, “I invest for other people and manage their money.”
“Retirement funds?”
“That’s one of my areas.”
The older folks leaned closer. “Go on,” Brooke’s father said, when Pete didn’t elaborate.
“Dad, I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk about work on a Sunday,” Brooke said.
“It’s okay.” Pete said. “Basically, there are things that we…”
While Pete spoke about his job, Brooke and Sandy finished their food and started taking the dirty plates to the dishwasher.
“Let them grill Pete for a bit,” Sandy said. “I’m sure they’re interested in what he has to say about investment options and whatnot. They’re anxious about their retirements.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t bring him here for that.”
“He’ll let you know if he wants you to rescue him.” Sandy glanced up from wiping the counter. “It looks like he’s enjoying himself. He seems to fit right in.”
Brooke nodded. The older men didn’t treat Pete like a kid, even though her father had known him since he was a high school boy.
It was surprising how right Pete’s presence felt in her life. With her exes, it had felt wrong, like trying to wear someone else’s glasses.
“By the way, I’m sorry about the scene at the church. I hope things don’t get awkward for you,” Brooke said.
“Ha. Don’t. I don’t believe in mouthing off, but that old bat deserved it. Every time I see her, I feel like there’s this big” —she made a fist— “suffocating lump stuck in my chest. But after you put her in her place, it vanished. Just like that.” She snapped her fingers and grinned. “It felt great.”
“So this is where you two are hiding.”
Brooke turned around and smiled. “Dad.”
“Hey, little girl.” He came into the kitchen and hugged her. “You’re so quiet today. Is everything okay?”
“Of course. Happy birthday.”
“Think I’m gonna go out for a smoke. Wanna join me?” he asked.
“Uh… I didn’t know you’d started back again,” Brooke said uncertainly.
“Come on anyway.”
They went out to the deck together. The sky was now deep purple. Her father reached into his pants pocket and pulled out an old and wrinkled pack of cigarettes. He looked down and fingered the lone stick. “I saved this after your mother died.”
Brooke looked at him with surprise.
“She wanted me to quit, said it was bad for my health. But I didn’t, not until after the accident. I wish I’d done it sooner, so she could know while she was still alive.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know. She was right, but it seemed too much of a change. Besides, what if I wanted to cheat, you know? Smoke when I felt stressed… I liked things the way they were. Just didn’t want the bother.”
“Even if it would’ve been better for you?”
“Especially if it would’ve been better for me. Even if I didn’t like the change, I’d still have been stuck. Wouldn’t have any good reason to go back because, like you said, not smoking is better. And if I went back to smoking anyway, I would’ve disappointed your mother. But then that all went out the window when she died. I quit the next day. Wasn’t even that hard.”
“Why did you keep the cigarette then?”
He paused for a moment. “I don’t know. I threw out all of them except this one. To remind myself not to be stupid or drag my feet, maybe.” He looked out into the dark, then faced her. “Pete told me you want to be an interior decorator.”
She groaned. “He shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t know if I’m going to be any good at it, or if I’m smart enough to run a business.”
“Don’t say that. You’re plenty smart.”
“Oh, come on, Dad. I wasn’t like Sandy. Besides, it’s not easy. I don’t know if it’s even possible. I don’t have the right training or certifications or anything.”
“You think you need to be smart and get a piece of paper before you can live your dream?”
She flinched at the aggression in his voice. Her father never spoke to her that way.
“You think I started my business because I’m smarter than other people?” His mouth twisted. “When your grandparents and I first came here, we didn’t even speak English all that great. I studied hard and worked hard, helping my parents build the business and doing everything I could to contribute. Lemme tell you, everyone’s smart. Life isn’t about this” —he tapped his temple— “it’s about what’s in your heart and how hard you’re willing to work for it. Young people these days.” He tsked. “You guys think life is like that Harry Potter movie. But there’s no magic.”
“Dad… I know there’s no magic. I just don’t feel confident that I can do it.”
“Why not? Too much work? It’s more work than being Amandine’s assistant?”
“No.” She sighed. “I don’t want to be a disappointment.”
He frowned, his face a mask of bewilderment. “What disappointment?”
“I might fail. I have this nice secure job that I’ll have to give up to do decorating full-time, and if it doesn’t work out I’ll have…nothing.”
“You got it all wrong. You’ll only be a disappointment if you’re too lazy to make it work. The daughter I know is not like that.” He crushed the cigarette in his hand, ruining it. “I’ll always be proud of you.”
Moisture surged in her eyes, and she blinked the tears away.
“Don’t worry about what might happen. Do what makes you happy. Life’s too short to waste, doing something you don’t enjoy to make other people feel good.”
She swallowed. “Thanks, Dad.”
He threw away the empty cigarette pack in a small bin in a corner of the deck and patted her hand. “Come on. Let’s go in and have some cake.”
“You think there’s any left?”
“Told Pete to save some for you, and I have a feeling he did.”
* * *
Pete saw Brooke and her father slip inside together. Her eyes seemed a bit odd. As she got closer to the table, he realized her eyelashes were spiked with tears.
Her father gave her more cake, and she took the empty seat next to him and ate wordlessly. Pete looked at her. Was her father upset about her dream of wanting to be an interior decorator instead of Amandine’s assistant? The latter promised more security. Amandine would never fire Brooke, and Gavin would never run out of money. Brooke
would get automatic annual pay raises and benefits. Some socialites had schedules jam-packed with all sorts of foundation work and charities, but Amandine spent most of her time in her studio and so Brooke had a fairly light workload. It was a fabulous, cushy job, and Pete would understand if her dad wanted her to stay at it in this economy.
But still…
Since the next day was a work day and they lived more than an hour away, Pete and Brooke made their excuses and left before the party ended. Brooke said nothing in the car the entire ride home, and finally Pete couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Did something happen?” he asked as he pulled up outside her apartment.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“You’re awfully quiet. And I’m pretty sure you cried outside.”
“I’m okay. I’m quiet because I’m thinking.”
That’s what I was afraid of. He hated not knowing what the hell she was thinking. It was one thing to deal with market uncertainty. It was something else to deal with Brooke uncertainty.
She took a deep breath. “Pete. Thank you.”
He started. “For what?”
“For giving me the courage to acknowledge my dream.”
“You would’ve done it eventually.”
“Maybe. But even if I had, it would’ve been years.” She reached out and held his hand. “I told myself I shouldn’t become attached to you, that you’re wrong for me because you’re younger and Amandine’s brother and things would be too awkward.”
Jesus. His heart started to thud. Was she trying to say she wanted to commit to their relationship or was this a polite goodbye?
“But no other man helped me see myself as clearly as I do now. And I know how you see me, too.”
“How about you? How do you see me? Am I still just…a younger guy? Amandine’s brother?”
“No.” She leaned closer and he could see her eyes shining in the car. “You’re Pete, the man I love.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “I thought I might never hear that.”
They kissed, and she said. “How could I not love you?”
“Because I’m Amandine’s younger brother. You’re a lot stronger than you realize. If you’d really set yourself against me, I’m not sure if I could’ve done anything to change your mind. And the idea was just…unbearable. I love you. I’ve loved you since forever.”