“DREW,” I shout trying to warn him.
Drew doesn’t react though or stop what he’s doing until Logan reaches him, pulls him off Bella and throws his against the wall.
It all happens so fast, it’s kind of like I’m dreaming.
Bella screams the second she realises what’s happening.
We both watch as Logan throws his fist into Drew’s face a couple of times before pushing him to the ground where he curls in on himself.
I manage to snap myself out of it just before Logan’s foot connects with Drew’s ribs.
“Logan, stop,” I shout as I wrap my arms around his middle and pull him back.
“YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE,” he spits at Drew. “SHE’S NOT EVEN COLD.”
“I’m sorry,” Drew says quietly as he slowly sits himself up and props himself against the wall.
“You’re fucking sorry. FUCK YOU.”
“No fuck you, Logan.” Drew spits obviously finding some energy to retaliate. “You have no fucking idea. You have no fucking clue about what I’ve been through. What Annie and I went through. You weren’t fucking there. You ran away at the first possible opportunity.
“You weren’t there when we discussed my future, what she wanted for me. What she told me I had to do once the time came. You have no fucking idea about any of that because you weren’t fucking there. And if you think for one second that after going through all of that with her that I would turn around and do something that would hurt her, something that she wouldn’t want, then your more fucking delusional about the whole situation that I thought.
“I gave her everything, I would do anything for her and you fucking know that, Logan. Pull you’re head out of your arse for long enough to see the real fucking picture. Oh and be a fucking man and read that letter she left you because I know damn well you haven’t so much as opened the fucking envelope.
“All I want to do now is have a life. I want to be happy again, if that’s even possible. I’ve been to hell and back with your sister and I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had to because she meant that damn much to me. But she’s gone Logan, and I’m sorry if you don’t like it but I am going to fight to do what she wanted me to do.
“Live. Because I’m still here, Mia too, and the only thing she wanted for us when her time came was for us to be happy and live our lives.
“That includes you by the way.”
Drew managed to get himself up halfway through his speech so he was at eye level with Logan. They stare at each other for a beat. Drew looking like he’s daring Logan to have another go but after a couple of seconds he side steps Logan and marches from the room.
I glance over to Bella who is stood with her mouth open and tears pouring down her face still staring at where Drew was stood a second ago.
“Bella,” I say to get her attention and eventually her eyes look over to me. “Can you go, please?”
After grabbing Drew’s coat from the back of the chair she quietly walks out of the bar leaving me alone with Logan.
“FUCK,” he shouts before going behind the bar and pouring himself a large glass of whiskey and knocking it back.
Dread fills me because his drinking was what led to this mess in the first place.
I stand silently waiting for him to give me some sort of sign as to what is the right thing to do. But one doesn’t come. He just helps himself to a second glass before storming from the room.
I follow him out and to the minibus that is waiting for us outside the venue. Logan doesn’t shut the door behind him so I take that as an invitation to get in with him.
I pull the sliding door shut behind me and the driver is pulling away before I’ve even put my arse on a seat after Logan barks his orders at him.
I can feel the tension radiating off him and I can’t help but get excited about it because the last time he was this worked up we had one hell of a time with his gym equipment.
He says nothing the whole way back to the hotel. I desperately want to break the silence but I have no idea what to say. I really want to question him again about his actions recently but I know this is not the best time. I want to ask him how he feels about Drew and Bella but I know that’s not a safe conversation to start right now either.
I breathe a sigh of relief when the minibus comes to a stop in front of the hotel. We both get out and head into the foyer together. It’s well gone midnight now and other than a sleepy looking woman sat at the reception desk it’s deserted. Everyone has either chosen the bar or a relatively early night.
I lag behind slightly unsure where to go. I want to go wherever Logan is going, but I don’t want to presume he wants the same thing.
I’m seriously shocked when I feel his warm hand slide into mine before he starts pulling me towards the lifts.
Once inside he slams his hand down on the button for the top floor. He then turns so we are chest to chest and just stares at me.
He stares into my eyes for what seems like hours but in reality the lift hasn’t even started moving. The second I see his eyes drop to my lips my heart rate increases because I can only hope what is going to come next.
And then it does.
My back slams against the back wall of the lift with a thud as Logan’s lips descend on mine. He doesn’t wait for me to respond to him, instead forces his tongue into my mouth. He steps forward until there isn’t a hair’s width of space between us. I can feel all his hard muscles clenching against mine as he moves his hands from my hair down my sides and to my arse. He pulls us closer so I can feel his hard cock rub up against mine.
When one of his hands slides around the front so it’s palming my cock, I groan into his mouth. His hand moves up my stomach and is just about to slide it down into my boxer briefs when the lift pings and the doors begin to slide open.
Logan jumps back as if I burned him and looks around in panic to see if there is anyone around. That action is all I need, it’s like a bucket of cold water is thrown over me.
He wants me as his secret, not as part of his life.
I reluctantly follow him towards his hotel room. After that realisation I want to turn and leave but I can’t. No matter how much I might want to leave him, I can’t. The pull I feel towards him is just too much. A part of me hates him for it.
As soon as we’re inside his hotel room he turns and tries to push me back against the door.
“No,” I state coldly, which makes him jump back.
“What?”
“After everything you’ve done you think I’m just going to jump straight back into your bed?”
He doesn’t need to answer that question because the look on his face tells me everything I need to know. Arrogant fucker. Yeah he might be Logan Chase but that isn’t going to work for him right now.
“What do you want me to say?” he asks.
“Everything. I want to know everything. I want to know why you freaked and threw me out. I want to know why you went out and had it off with some random woman. I want to know why you’ve ignored I even exist for the last few weeks. I want to know why you think I’m so easy that one kiss from you will make me forget everything, I mean, you’re good, Logan, but really? I want to know everything.”
Logan’s hands go into his hair and I watch as he pulls at the strands with a pained expression on his face. He spins, walks over to the sofa then sits with his head in his hands.
He mutters something that I can’t make out.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You freak me out.”
“I freak you out? Why?” I ask repeating his statement.
“Because you make me want to do things that I’ve never wanted to do before. You make me want to be…me.”
My heart swells at his statement although it doesn’t really explain everything I want to know. “Go on,” I prompt.
“Ugh,” he groans before standing back up and pacing back and forth in front of the sofa. “I want you, okay?”
“You had me, Logan, and you threw me out.�
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“I know, but you were making me feel all these things and I was freaking out about them and I found something I could focus on and ran with it.”
“You’re gonna need to explain properly, Logan, you’re talking in riddles.” I think I know what he’s trying to say but I need to hear the actual words.
“I like you, Cole, a lot,” he says quietly, almost reluctantly. “You make me think about what things might be like if I came out, if we were together.”
I try to hide my smile, I really do.
“No need to look so please with yourself,” Logan mutters when he looks up and sees my smirk.
“Sorry,” I say, still unable to wipe the smile off my face. “Keep going though, you’ve still got more to explain.”
“It all boils down to the same thing really. It’s just you. My feelings for you were freaking me out so when you said you’d lied I took it and ran with it. It was what I needed to get myself out of the situation. But in reality I don’t really care. I care about who you are as a person, not what your name is. Well actually, I’ll hold judgement on that until you tell me, it could be bloody awful!”
That’s all I need to hear for now, the rest can be talked about later. I walk straight up to him and place my lips to his. He eagerly returns my kiss. I don’t realise I’m moving backwards until the backs of my legs hit the sofa. Logan slowly lowers me down before falling on top of me and resuming the kiss.
I really want to just enjoy his kiss but I only last two minutes at most before I’m tugging at his shirt, trying to pull it down his arms and off his body. It’s been way too long since I felt his skin against mine.
We manage to get his shirt and t-shirt off while he’s on top of me but when I skim my hands down his stomach to open the buttons on his jeans he stands up to make it easier for me.
I make the most of having his cock right in front of my face, the second I shove his jeans and boxers down his thighs I take him in my hand before leaning forward and licking the tip.
“Fuck, Cole,” he moans.
I haven’t had many chances to take control when it comes to Logan, he likes to be in charge. I love it when he hands it over in favour of his own pleasure.
His moans make me feel like the most powerful man in the world. Moving my hand out of the way I slowly take him as far into my mouth as I can before pulling back just as slowly. I feel Logan’s muscles shake as he tries to keep control and I can’t help but smile. I fucking love this.
I gradually build up my speed until I know he’s close to the end. He’s panting, his chest is heaving up and down and when I look up at him I can see sweat beading his skin. I take him deep one last time and suck hard, it’s all he needs because he is cuming in my mouth long before I reach his tip.
The sound he makes when he comes only makes my cock harder for him. As amazing as it is to do this and as much as I enjoy it I feel like I’m about to come apart at the seams.
Fourteen
“Fuck,” I pant as I fall forward on to Logan’s sweaty chest. “That was incredible.” After he finished coming he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards his bedroom where I proceeded to fuck the life out of him.
I’d only fucked him once before and that was the night of the gym bench incident. I think it says a lot for where his head is at that he let me take the lead tonight. I can’t complain though because I love having him like putty in my hands. I just wish he didn’t need to be in a weird place mentally to allow it to happen.
He doesn’t respond; he just runs his hands up and down my back. I know he’s hurting so as much as I want to stay right where I am and enjoy this moment I know I need to move so we can talk.
I roll over on to my side so I can look at him. He’s laid stock still staring intently at the ceiling fan.
“Talk to me, Logan. Tell me what’s going on.”
He doesn’t respond or move. I have to lift my hand to his cheek to force him to turn his head towards me.
It kills me to see the pain in his eyes when they look into mine.
“Please,” I almost beg when he stays quiet.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry for all of it. You deserve better than me.”
“Let me be the judge of that, please.”
I continue to watch him as he lets out a huge sigh and moves back so he’s looking at the ceiling again.
“When I came back to the tour Pip came to my hotel room to say hi and to see if I was okay. He could obviously tell that I was anything but okay because he poured us both drinks and spent the few hours we had before the concert that night with me. I’ve never spent much time with the guys. I feel awful about it, but I thought the easiest way to deal with everything was to shut myself off. Pip asked me about Annie and I reluctantly told him a little bit but I panicked when he questioned me after bringing your name up.
“Looking back I think he was probably a little hurt, I mean he’s played with me for a long time now, longer than the others, and I’ve never made any attempt to get to know him. He’s always been great but I’ve made no time for him, or anyone to be honest. Well, when I said something about you being there he questioned it. I didn’t know what to say, I panicked and I told him to leave. I know it made me look guilty as hell but the way he was looking at me, I just couldn’t handle it.
“The thought of it coming out, it freaked me the fuck out. After I talked myself down from the panic I decided to invite the guys out for a drink. All of them had been great after finding out about Annie. They’d all text me, sent flowers for the funeral so I felt I owed it to them.
“Every time I looked at Pip all I could see was his knowing look that was screaming ‘I know your secret’ and I knew I needed to do something about it.”
“So you hooked up with the first willing girl you found?” I ask guessing what is going to come next.
“Yep. She came straight over to us. Bold as anything so I just went with it and let her take the lead.”
“That couldn’t have been easy for you, Mr Control Freak!” I comment thinking about how dominant Logan can be.
“It was fucking awful. All of it. Yeah she was pretty and all that, a little too much make up mind you, but her sweet girly smell turned my stomach. The whole thing was just wrong but I didn’t know what else to do. I could see Pip watching me with her and I felt better that maybe I could convince him that she was what I wanted.”
“I don’t think you were very successful,” I confess. “He hasn’t said anything but I get the feeling that he has a pretty good idea as to what is going on with us.”
“Fuck sake,” Logan groans and covers his face with his hands.
“Does it matter, really?”
“Yes,” he states and I decide that I really don’t want to get into an argument about how I feel about his secret keeping so I change the subject.
“Anyway. How do you feel about Drew and Bella?” I ask gently because I know this is going to be a very sensitive subject.
“I’m fucking fuming. How could he do that to Annie? They’ve been married for…a lot of years. We’ve only just said goodbye to her and he’s going after someone else. I always thought he would have had more respect. I’ve never doubted his loyalty towards my sister. It always seemed like she was the only one he could see, even when we were kids. It’s always been Drew and Annie. I thought he loved her.”
“He did love her, Logan. That is clear to see. The way he talks about her and the look he has on his face when he does. I can kind of understand what he was saying though. He’s been through a lot, they both have, and I don’t think anyone can judge someone’s actions after going through something like that. He’s been there for your sister from day one and done everything he could for her. Of course this is not what he wanted but it is what has happened and he has got a life to live. He did have a point with what he said.” The look he gives me has me apologising immediately. “I don’t mean about the you not being there part, I meant about not knowing how it feels. I can only imagi
ne what it was like and the sacrifices he’s had to make over the last few years. I know it sounds awful but it must feel like he lost his wife years ago. You yourself have told me how all the treatment and everything affected her. She hadn’t been the woman he married for a long time and I personally don’t think his actions tonight are something hate him for. His life is a mess, everything he thought his life was going to be has be smashed to pieces. He’s just trying to cope, Logan, like all of you.”
“I guess,” he mumbles. “I don’t really want to think about it.”
“I don’t really know Drew that well but from what I do know he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to do something to hurt you, your family, or Mia for that matter. I do know Bella though, and I know that she doesn’t just do that with guys. It would have meant something.” I pause for a few minutes in an attempt to allow Logan some time to absorb what I just said.
“Drew said something about a letter from Annie. Have you read it?” I ask changing the subject slightly. The look on his face tells me he’s done with the Drew and Bella thing, for now anyway.
“No,” he admits.
“Well I think you should. Annie obviously had something she wanted to tell you so you owe it to her to read it.”
Logan stares at me. His face is completely blank so I can’t even begin to imagine what he’s thinking.
“Do you always have to be right?”
I can’t help but laugh. “I try my best.”
I sit up on the bed and watch Logan begin to rummage around in his case before pulling out a pretty crumpled envelope. He sits on the edge of the bed and goes to open it.
“Wait,” I say stopping him instantly. “You should do this alone. I’m going to go and see if the others are back, and if Bella and Drew are okay.”
“I should come and apologise. I didn’t mean to hit him, I just saw red.”
“No, I think it’s more important that you stay and read that. Get your head together. If you need me, text me and I’ll be here.”
After pulling my clothes on I walk back over to where Logan is still sat on the edge of the bed and clinging to the envelope like it’s his lifeline. Something tells me it’s not the first time he’s sat and stared at it.
Chasing Logan Page 14