Chasing Logan

by Tracy Lorraine

  “This is so cool not having to fight to get to the front,” Bella says as the barman puts a couple of awesome looking cocktails down in front of us.

  I look at our surroundings. No this definitely isn’t like the clubs we used to go to. There is no sticky floor, grotty dark corners where God knows what goes on, or slutty looking drunk women gyrating against anything that moves in the hope of getting lucky. This place screams class. The ice blue lighting gives it a mystical vibe and every fitting it shiny chrome. It’s very different to our usual clubs, I could totally get used to it though.

  After trying almost the entire cocktail menu between us Bella and I decide to hit the dance floor. Logan and the guys are still nowhere to be seen, although I have heard his voice over the PA system. As soon as his deep, husky sound hit my ears all my hairs stood on end. I had no idea where he was but he still affected me deeply.

  We’re only on the dance floor for five minutes at the most before I feel him. I can feel him watching me. I try to look around without being obvious but I can’t see him. I presumed he was looking down from the VIP area above but he’s not stood at the balcony.

  “Are you okay?” Bella asks when she notices my attention is elsewhere.

  “He’s watching.”

  “Who, Chase?”

  “Yeah, I can’t find him though.”

  I see Bella look around but she doesn’t seem to find him either. We don’t have to look for much longer though because all of a sudden I see him heading our way. The people around us are too engrossed in their own dancing to see the celebrity in their midst, either that or too drunk.

  My dancing slows as he gets nearer and my heart starts to pound. I want more than anything for him to come up and dance with me but I know that’s never going to happen. And I’m proved right when he walks up behind Bella, puts his hands on her hips and starts dancing with her. Her eyes widen and she stops in fright for a second but she relaxes when she realises it’s him and continues dancing. I know it’s only Bella but I’m jealous as fuck as I stand there alone, watching them move together.

  I know they can both sense something isn’t right because they both look up at me with concern on their faces when I stop. I can’t help it. I just can’t watch him pretend to be something he’s not, because let’s face it, that is the only reason he’s dancing with her.

  I turn my back on both of them and make my escape from the dance floor. I hear them both shout after me but I don’t stop, I need space. Every second that I spend with him I fall that little bit further for him which is only going to cause me more pain when all this ends but I can’t help it.

  I make my way back upstairs, marching straight past the bouncers and towards the toilets. Thankfully they are empty when I get there. I walk straight up to the basin, run the tap until it’s ice cold before splashing my face.

  I stand up straight and look at myself in the mirror. The water is dripping from my chin as I continue to stare at myself. What are you doing? This is only going to end one way, and that is with you getting hurt.

  The door slamming back against the wall behind me scares the shit out of me and when I look over my shoulder I instantly lock on to a pair of familiar green eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” Logan asks when I don’t move.

  Turning so I’m facing him I allow myself to say what I’ve been bottling up. “I can’t do this. I can’t be kept at arms length all the time. I can’t watch you pretend to be something you’re not. I can’t. I’ve fought too hard to be happy, to be proud of the person that I am. I won’t hide, not again.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I won’t be your dirty secret, Logan. I want you, all of you, not just the little part that you let me have.”

  “You have all of me.”

  “Yeah when we are locked away in a hotel room where no one can see. The rest of the time you let them have you,” I say gesturing to the outside world. “You let them dictate who you think you should be.”

  When he doesn’t respond I feel my anger pick up a notch.

  “Well then they can fucking have you. If you’re not man enough to tell them who you are then why the fuck should I bother?”

  I storm past him and yank the door open before coming chest to chest with a concerned looking Pip.

  He looks from me to Logan and back again. “Everything okay?”

  “Fucking great,” I mutter before barging past him. “Fucking great.”

  Fifteen

  BACKING DANCER BECOMES CENTRE STAGE FOR CHASE

  BACKING DANCER CHASE-ING THE LEAD?

  CHASE GETS HOT AND HEAVY WITH HIS DANCER.

  I scroll through the stories of the gossip section of my news app, past photo after photo of our time at the club the other night. There are ones of us arriving with close ups of Logan helping Bella out of the car with their hands intertwined. There are some shots that show Logan watching us dancing but it looks like he’s staring at Bella, not me, like was actually the case. Then there are loads of them dancing together. All the journalists are presuming that Bella is his latest in a long line of willing women.

  “Cole, stop torturing yourself,” Bella says as she snatches my phone out of my hand and throws it on the other side of the sofa. “You’ve done the right thing.”

  She keeps saying that but this feels like anything but the right thing.

  Thankfully we’ve got a three day break in the schedule. I haven’t seen Logan since I left him in the toilets that night and as much as it hurts I do know what Bella’s saying is right. I need to try to get him out of my system so this break couldn’t have come at a better time.

  We got on a train first thing the next morning and headed for home as fast as we could. Bella was desperate to see Darcy and Ella and I was desperate to run away.

  Thoughts of what Logan could have said to Pip after I left won’t stop running through my head. What excuse did he give for us fighting? Surely he didn’t tell the truth.

  That was two days ago and I’m yet to pull myself out of this slump.

  “You really like him, don’t you?” Bella asks passing me a cup of coffee. “I’ve never seen you this down about a man.”

  I mumble a yes because I’m too embarrassed to admit out loud just how much I have fallen for Logan. I don’t think I need to say it though because from the look that Bella is giving me I can tell she knows.

  I’ve heard nothing from him since leaving. I sorta hoped that he’d get in contact but I knew I was kidding myself. I think I made it pretty clear how I felt about not sneaking around with him. I still pray that I’ll see his name every time I pick my phone up though.

  Unlike my silent phone, Bella’s been constantly on hers. It’s either Pip or Drew; neither of them will leave her alone.

  “B, what are you doing with those two?” I ask when she looks up.

  “I’m not doing anything. Pip’s a friend and Drew, well, I know I need to stay away from him. No harm in chatting though, right?”

  “Seriously, Pip hasn’t tried anything?” I ask incredulously. From the way he looks at her I’d be seriously surprised.

  “He did one night when he’d had a little too much to drink. We had a little kiss. But that’s it,” she rushes to add.

  “You need to be careful. You’ll fall into old habits if you’re not careful and Pip and Drew don’t deserve that.”

  Bella used to be a nightmare with men in her quest to punish them after the way both her and her mum had been treated by them over the years. She’s now got two lovely guys interested though and I’m worried she’s going to blow it with them both if she’s not careful.

  I’m not saying that either of them are right for her. I mean one is in a band and always travelling and the other’s wife just died.

  “What’s that smile about?” I ask when a shit eating grin spreads across her face when she reads her most recent message.

  “Oh, nothing.”

  “Right,” I say, not believing it’s nothing.

&nb
sp; I almost expected Pip or Drew to appear at our front door later that day but when the doorbell did ring it was neither of them.

  “Hello?” I ask the very flamboyant guy stood on our doorstep with two suit bags hanging over his arm and two huge vanity boxes at his feet.

  “Cole, right?”

  “Uh…yeah, and you are?”

  “Q. Bella knows I’m coming.”

  Just as he says that Bella comes running towards the front door.

  “Q?” When he nods at her she welcomes him in along with all his stuff.

  “Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?”

  “We’re going out tonight and Q here is going to get us looking gorgeous,” Bella states like it’s a totally normal thing for us to do.

  Q and Bella disappear to the kitchen after some small talk, leaving me confused as fuck. The minute I open twitter I think I understand.

  “B,” I state harshly when I enter the kitchen. “What the hell are you playing at? I am not going to that award ceremony.”

  After seeing loads of tweets about tonight’s awards ceremony and the hype for who is attending my stomach dropped. When I looked in the suit bags and seen a tux and dress I just knew.

  “We’ve been invited so we are going,” she states giving me the look. She knows I can’t say no to that bloody look.

  “Fuck sake, you’re such a pain in the arse.”

  I sit on the kitchen worktop as Q works his magic on Bella. I did wonder why she never got dressed after her bath earlier, I guess this all answers my question. Bella’s long red hair is put up in this insanely intricate do, there are little plaits and twists everywhere. It’s stunning. Her make up is flawless but very natural. The only thing that really stands out is the shimmer on her eyes. I understand why it’s so natural when the dress is revealed. When I looked earlier I saw the embellishment but thought it was a bit of detail, well I was so wrong. The silver dress is covered in sequins. It is absolutely stunning. Once it is on it clings to Bella’s slim frame showing off her cleavage and slim waist. If Pip is as interested as I think he is then she’s going to knock him on his arse. The only jewellery Q allows her to wear is a pair of simple studs in her ears. I understand why though, the dress doesn’t need anything else.

  I look at myself in the mirror after sliding the tux jacket on and question what the hell I’m doing. I really should just send Bella alone. She’ll be fine with Logan and the guys, she’ll have a great time but something in me won’t allow that. As much as my brain is telling me to stay away I know that I won’t listen to it. I know that I’ll follow my heart. And if that means getting dressed up and escorting Bella to this damn award ceremony then that is what I’m going to do.

  “OMG,” I hear Bella squeal. “Cole, the limo is here. Come on.”

  I take one last look at myself. I’m clean shaven for the first time in forever and Q sorted out my slightly too long hair. I look good, shame I don’t feel it. I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I have no idea if Logan knows we’re going or how he might react when he sees me.

  The long journey is torturous. My nerves are completely shot by the time we pull up outside the where the show is being held. I look out at the red carpet and the hundreds of screaming fans that are already lining the entrance.

  “Can’t we just go in through a back entrance or something?”

  “No,” Bella states as she shuffles over to the door when the limo comes to a stop. “Go on then, I’m gonna need help out with this dress.”

  “Fuck sake, but only because I love you,” I mutter as I get out of the limo causing all the bystanders to look over. Some shout and scream a little thinking I’m someone important but they soon die down. Well that is until Bella appears because all the shouting starts up again.

  “Is Chase a good kisser?”

  “What’s it like to fuck Chase?”

  “I want him, bitch.”

  Are just a few of the things that are shouted at her as the cameras begin flashing.

  “Come on,” I say grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the entrance.

  “How could you come here with someone else?”

  “Fucking cheater.”

  As the shouting gets more abusive towards Bella I start pulling her along faster than her heels can carry her and I feel her stumble behind me.

  “Shit, sorry. I was just trying to get you away from all that.”

  “It’s fine. Just slow down a bit.”

  The only other people that are already here are other nobodies and people working at the event. Looking at my phone though I don’t think it will be long before the celebrities start arriving.

  “Come on, I need a drink,” I say to Bella and with her arm in mine we walk towards the bar.

  Three pints later and I’m starting to feel a little more at ease. Well that is until my body temperature suddenly increases. I don’t need to look around to see why. And if it’s not obvious from my body’s reaction then it was from massive increase in volume of the screams we can just about hear from outside a few minutes ago.

  I feel his body heat behind me before I hear, “you came,” whispered in my ear.

  I glance over to my right to see Pip spinning Bella around so he can get a good look at her, the other guys are also currently gawking at her as well.

  Reluctantly I look to the other side and immediately lock on to his eyes. He’s looking at me with his eyebrows drawn as if he’s waiting for me to say something important.

  I hold his eye contact without saying anything until someone calling his name forces him to look away. He didn’t need to say anything though I could tell how he was feeling. His relief was written all over his face. I watch as the four of them get dragged off by a woman who is barking orders into a headset.

  It’s only when I turn back around that I realise someone else arrived with them. I barely recognise her. Victoria is stood next to Bella, her hair is in soft waves hanging around her shoulders, her make up makes her grey eyes pop and a sophisticated black dress hugs her body.

  “Whoa, you look good,” I say and I’m amazed when a smile twitches her lips.

  “Thank you. Can I get you both a drink?”

  “Uh,” I stutter because this is so out of character from the usual Victoria we get. “Sure.”

  After passing my drink over she guides us to our seats. “I had to pull some serious strings to get a bigger table. I didn’t have much choice but to sort it seeing as Chase point blank refused to come unless I could get you two here. I knew you were all friends but I didn’t realise you were that close,” she says as she pulls her chair out to sit down.

  I’m not sure how to respond to that. I think Bella must be thinking the same thing because she changes the subject by saying that she’s never been to an award ceremony before and asks Victoria to explain how it all works. I’m grateful for the change of subject but at the same time I really want to grill Victoria for more details. Like what Logan’s reason was for demanding we attend.

  Logan and the band reappear just before the food is brought to our table. I’m undecided as to whether it’s a good thing that he takes the empty seat to the left of me or not. As much as I want to be close to him I’m also very aware of the reasons why I walked away last time.

  “Thank you for coming,” Logan whispers once everyone else at the table is distracted with their own conversations. “I wasn’t sure you would.”

  “I came because Bella wanted to,” I reply but instantly wish I didn’t because his face drops. “I wasn’t aware you’d invited us, thank you, it should be a good night,” I add on in the hope of cheering him back up.

  “I know you didn’t know about it. I told her not to tell you. I didn’t think you’d come if you had too much notice.”

  Thankfully the waitress placing plates between us on the table stops our awkward conversation.

  We don’t get a chance to have any more private chats, thank fuck. Unless Logan has had a change of heart with regards to keeping who
he really is a secret then I’m not sure I have anything new to say to him.

  Once the awards start to be announced all attention turns to the stage. Especially when the presenter announces that the next award is for best new comer, the category that Logan and his band are up for.

  The whole room goes quiet as we wait for the result. My heart starts to race in anticipation for them and it only gets faster when I feel him put his hand on my thigh under the table. My muscles bunch up under his hot palm. I’m shocked when I feel a little shudder coming from him. He’s not nervous is he? Surely not. He’s gets up on stage in front of thousands of people, this is nothing.

  “Chase!” the presenter suddenly announces and a huge cheer goes up around our table while the rest of the room starts clapping. To my utter horror Pip leans over to Bella and smacks his lips to hers. She looks like she’s going to push him away to start with but she soon relaxes into it. Fucking brilliant, does she have any idea the kind of publicity she’s about to bring on herself?

  Logan, on the other hand, doesn’t do anything for a good couple of seconds. I guess it takes a while to settle in.

  “You need to move,” I say to him with a laugh, which brings him out of his trance.

  He gives each of his band members a manly hug before making his way up on to the stage.

  I watch, unblinking, as he gives his acceptance speech. Thankfully he keeps it short and sweet, unlike some of the winners so far this evening.

  Instead of coming back to the table with the guys Logan gets whisked off by someone when he steps down from the stage.

  Everyone on our table is buzzing with excitement after Logan’s win. I just can’t bring myself to be quite as excited as them. All I want to do is celebrate with him but I can’t. I can’t hug him, kiss him or even hold eye contact for too long in fear that someone will see and start making assumptions.

  I excuse myself from the buzz at our table and head towards the men’s for a little quiet time to get my head together.

  I follow the signs down a corridor with doors on either side. I’m almost at the toilet sign when I’m suddenly pulled harshly into a dark doorway. I’m pushed so my back is flat against the wall and he presses himself against me. His mouth is next to my ear and when he breathes out, it sends shivers down my entire body.