Idle Bloom

by Jewel E. Ann

  “I can’t imagine ever wanting children again because I can’t look at a baby right now and not see Melanie. But the only thing that’s more unimaginable than that is living without you.”

  She kisses me, awakening my whole body. I have to remind a certain part that this is a serious moment and it’s not being called into action despite the mixed signals percolating through my mind.

  “I love you and I’m so glad you’re home.” She nuzzles into my neck. “Mmm … it was a slow torture, but I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want you to feel rushed or conflicted. But now that you’re home I can say it…” she kisses her way down my chest “…I was miserable.” Her tongue teases over my abs. “God, I missed you.”

  My dick hardens under her touch. She strokes me a few times with a desirous grin on her face, eyes locked on mine.

  “Vivian …” I need to tell her.

  “Hmm?” She sits up and straddles me.

  “I need…” my thoughts begin to drift as she guides my hands to her breasts “…to tell you…” I squeeze her perky tits in my hands, circling my thumbs over her nipples. “…something.” My words are nothing more than a strained whisper.

  She sinks onto me with a soft moan. “What’s that, babe … mmm …” She closes her eyes as I fill her.

  “Nothing … it’s nothing.”

  *

  I’ll admit it, I’m such a guy. Sex trumps everything. The few times I’ve managed to resist her seductress temptations can only be described as aliens taking over my brain. I should have called and told her my plans. The surprise, while priceless, was not worth the pain I’m going to cause.

  “Where are you going?”

  She slips on her clothes and pulls her hair back. “I have to work today, but just until one.”

  “But I just got here.” What the hell! I sound like a whiny kid.

  “I know, I’ll make it up to you later and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next …” She winks and blows me a kiss.

  I sit up in bed, running my fingers through my hair as I sigh. “Vivian, I’m not staying.”

  She peeks around the corner with her toothbrush in her mouth. “What do you mean?” She mumbles over a mouthful of toothpaste suds.

  I slip into my shorts and stand at the entrance to the bathroom. “I’m just here for the weekend. I needed to get a few things … I leave again tomorrow.”

  She freezes with the toothbrush still in her mouth and stares with a blank expression at my reflection in the mirror.

  “I’m sorry, I wanted to surprise you. I should have called and told you before I came home.”

  Her eyes fall to the sink. She spits and tosses her toothbrush in the cup.

  “Okay, I’ll just see you later then.” She squeezes past me without making eye contact.

  I grab her arm. “Vivian …”

  She yanks it from my grip. “No, it’s fine. Maybe we can go someplace nice for dinner or something. I have to go. We’ll talk later.”

  I chase her down the stairs. “Vivian, wait!” I push the front door closed just as she opens it. “Don’t, please don’t do this.”

  Her forehead thumps against the door and her sobs fill the air.

  “I’m so sorry.” I turn her around and pull her into my arms. She doesn’t hug me back. Instead, she keeps her hands over her face.

  My anger inside is fueled by her tears. Caroline is a lost cause and maybe I am too. I’m so fucking confused.

  “I’m s-sorry.” She pulls away and shakes her head while wiping away her tears. “You don’t need this.”

  I turn and take a few steps away with my hands planted on my hips. “Dammit! Stop apologizing. This is not your fault. This is me all me! My fucked-up life is sucking everything out of you. I wish…” I look to the ceiling, releasing an exasperated breath “…I wish I could just let go.”

  She sucks in her quivering lower lip and swallows hard. “I have to go.”

  My head falls, shoulders slump, and the door bangs shut.

  *

  Vivian

  In the off-season The Green Pot closes at noon on Saturdays. Most days Maggie and I stay until one cleaning up and chatting. Today I don’t feel chatty.

  “Spill it, Viv.”

  “Spill what?” I ask, carrying in the mums from the sidewalk.

  “You showed up late this morning with puffy eyes and you’ve been sulking ever since.”

  “Oliver’s back.”

  “Sweetie, that’s great … isn’t it?”

  “He’s leaving again tomorrow.”

  She stamps the back of the checks. “Well, at least he came for a visit, right?”

  I frown. “He came back to get some stuff. The visit part is just a perk, if you can call it that.”

  “He came back to see you, Viv. There’s nothing he forgot that he can’t pick up in Portland, except you.”

  “You think so?”

  She crooks her finger at me. I mope over to her.

  “Come here.” She hugs me. “I know so. He loves you and being away from you has to be killing him. Besides, I’ve been so proud of you the past couple of months. You’re doing great in school, you still find time to help me out, and until today, I haven’t seen you be anything short of your jovial self.”

  I step back and tug at my lower lip with a grimace. “Yeah, well it’s sort of been an act. I’m pretty driven so the school and work part has been easy, the jovial part … not so much. Honestly, I’ve been miserable on the inside. Life without Oliver is dull and lifeless. I shine when he’s here. I feel confident by his side and beautiful in his eyes.” I laugh. “I know it sounds so pathetic. I shouldn’t need a man to have that.”

  “You’re right, you don’t need a man, Vivian. But life sure is a lot more fun with them.”

  We both laugh.

  “Thanks, Maggie. You’re the pep-talk queen.”

  *

  “Rosenberg,” I call, opening the front door. I look up as Oliver walks down the stairs holding him. Rosenberg barks and runs to me after Oliver sets him down.

  “Hey,” he says with a sad, I-know-I’ve-hurt-you smile.

  “Hey.” I pick up Rosenberg.

  “Are we on for dinner at my parents’ tonight?”

  “Yeah, whatever you want.” I slip off my shoes and go into the kitchen for a drink.

  “Are you mad?”

  I draw in a breath and hold it while my brain formulates the politically correct answer. “No, I’m not mad.”

  Yes, I’m mad and I’m not sure why or even who I’m mad at. Oliver, for having a past? Myself for falling in love with him? Caroline? Her parents?

  “Don’t lie. I know you’re mad.”

  I set Rosenberg down and shake my head. Men are idiots; I swear it’s as much a part of the Y chromosome as their penis.

  “Well if you know I’m mad, then why ask?” Sarcasm drenches every word.

  “What do you want me to do?” He shoves his hands in his pockets.

  I grab a glass and fill it with water. “I want you to do whatever it is you need to do, and I can’t tell you what that is because I don’t know.” I take a sip of water. “Talk to your mom or get help from someone else. Stay in Portland until Caroline gets better—”

  “She won’t get better.”

  “Then stay there until your in-laws are happy or until you can find closure! I don’t know, Oli!” I slam the glass down on the counter.

  His brows tense. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I have some studying to do before we leave later.” I walk past him to the stairs with my little lamb, Rosenberg, following me, Oliver too.

  I walk toward our closet to change my clothes. The hanging bags on the bed catch my attention. They’re not zipped up yet so I can see Oliver’s suits and dress shirts in them. Near the foot of the bed are his ties and dress shoes. “You going to church in Portland?”

  “Work.”

  I stop just inside the closet and turn toward him. “Work?”

>   “The firm where I used to work …”

  I nod once.

  “…one of the partners is going on maternity leave soon, and I’m going to help out. Make some money and find a way to occupy my time during the day since I can’t go see Caroline until later in the afternoon.”

  My heart leaps into my throat. “How long will she be on maternity leave?”

  “I’m not sure. She’s having twins so my guess is at least twelve weeks.”

  Turning, I suck in a shaky breath which is incredibly hard to do since his confession just punched me in the gut. I pull off my T-shirt and push down my cargo pants.

  “You’re so beautiful.” His voice is a breath away as his hands ghost down my arms.

  I step away and grab a pair of jeans and a sweater. I dress with quick moves and turn to him. “I have to study.”

  He eyes the entire length of my body and nods. His face goes slack as he rubs the back of his neck. Disappointment radiates from him. Join the club, is all I can think.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  For You

  Pain breeds vulnerability and right now, as Oliver drives us to his parents’ house, I’m feeling unimaginable depths of both. There’s a wall of awkwardness between us that feels impenetrable. Neither one of us knows what to say or what to do. It’s as if we’re marking time in silence, waiting for yet another goodbye.

  His words from this morning linger like poison—“I wish I could just let go.” Let go of what? Me?

  Oliver shuts off the car and walks to my side. I get out before he reaches the door. He stops and sighs, as if my refusal to accept his chivalrous gesture is a slap in the face. Too bad.

  He offers his hand—that I take. I’ll always take it, even when it wears a glove of heartache and pain.

  Oliver stops before opening the front door and cups my face in his hands. “I choose you. I love you. No matter what happens you need to know that. If you don’t want me to go, then say the words and I’ll stay. It’s you I love, all that matters is you.”

  I nod through the sincerity of his words. It’s never been a question of Oliver’s love for me. There’s no choice to be made. We claimed each other months ago—no take backs. I’m waiting for him to realize he’s more than the sum of the events of his past. I’m waiting for him to tattoo his scars with something beautiful and not be afraid to show it to the world. I want to give him what he gave me, but I don’t know how and it kills me.

  His lips press to mine, and I swear I can feel the heaviness of his heart in the way they cling to me.

  “Let’s go.” I smile and nod to the door.

  He waits, eyes searching for something. Certainty? I rub my thumb over his bottom lip that stole some of my gloss.

  “I can smell the grill, babe, and I’m starving. Let’s go already.”

  He gives me a full double-dimple grin and opens the door.

  “Vivian!” Jackie tosses her apron aside and pulls me in for a big hug.

  “For Christ’s sake, I can’t win.” Oliver shakes his head. “I’ve been gone for eight weeks and it’s ‘Vivian!’ like you didn’t just see her last week.”

  Jackie grins while releasing me. “Come here, baby boy.”

  He gives her a half smile as she hugs his chest. Then he attempts to glare at me but fails miserably. “You and your dog are giving me a complex.”

  “Son, good to see you.” Hugh walks in from outside and hugs Oliver, first, hopefully giving him a little ego boost.

  “Vivian.” He hugs me and kisses my cheek.

  “Where’s Chance?” Oliver asks.

  “He’s squeezing in a ‘quick date’ before dinner.” Jackie waves her hand in the air. “That boy is never going to settle down.”

  Oliver and I look at each other. I’m sure both of us are wondering if she realizes quick date is code for getting laid.

  “He just hasn’t found a girl like Vivian.” Hugh hands Oliver a beer.

  “Well, don’t tell him that. He’ll tell you he laid some claim to her before I showed up and stole her from him.” Oliver takes a pull of his beer. “It’s all I heard all summer.”

  Everyone laughs.

  “How’s he been doing with business?” Oliver asks.

  Jackie, Hugh, and I look at each other and grin.

  “You haven’t heard?” Hugh raises a brow.

  “Heard what?”

  “He’s hired someone part-time.”

  “That’s great.”

  We all grin again.

  Oliver looks around at us. “Am I missing something?”

  “Ronnie is young but has lots of experience from growing up around family in the construction and trim-carpentry business. Just what Chance was looking for going into the time of year that indoor home projects are more in demand.” Hugh grins waiting to see if Jackie or I want to finish the story.

  “Chance hired Ronnie via e-mail correspondence. Ronnie’s résumé was too good to pass up. It’s probably even better than Chance’s.” Jackie smirks.

  “So … what’s the deal? Is he a real dick or something?”

  We laugh at the unintentional humor in Oliver’s question. Jackie and Hugh smile at me as if they’re bestowing the pleasure of the big reveal to me.

  I take a sip of my wine. “That’s just it, babe. There is no dick to Ronnie, AKA Veronica.”

  Oliver’s jaw drops. “No way!”

  We laugh. “Oh yes, way.” I nod and giggle.

  Oliver’s grin widens. “Man! I can’t believe I’ve missed out on all this. So have you met her? What’s she like?”

  “We haven’t met her yet, but Maggie has. Veronica did some shelving work for her at The Green Pot. Maggie said she’s very attractive, smart, and has a quick wit that knocked Chance down a couple of notches every time he came by to check up on her.”

  Oliver stares at me with a deviant grin. I can see the cogs turning in his head, no doubt concocting a huge ration of shit to deal out in small increments to Chance all evening.

  *

  Chance calls to tell us he’s skipping dinner but to save him some dessert. That’s code for his date has offered him an encore performance.

  “So how long are you staying?” Hugh asks.

  I know Oliver has stayed in contact with them since he’s been gone, so the conversation about Portland has been kept to a minimum so far.

  “I fly out tomorrow.” He keeps his eyes on him while I glance up from my plate and then back down.

  “Will you be home for the holidays?” Hugh continues.

  Jackie gives him a stern cease-and-desist look. I’m not sure if it’s that she’s a woman, mother, or psychiatrist, but she has spot-on intuition to when a conversation becomes uncomfortable. Hugh doesn’t catch the look.

  “I’m not sure yet.” I feel Oliver’s eyes shift to me, but I still don’t look up.

  “Well I’m just happy to hear that you’re putting that degree of yours to use again. Working with your brother was never going to be a career.”

  The table shakes and I know it’s from Jackie’s foot connecting with Hugh’s shin. The wince on his face confirms it. I risk a peek at Jackie and she gives me a polite you’re-welcome-dear smile.

  “How are your parents, Vivian?” Jackie takes a bite of caramelized squash.

  “They’re really good. My dad got a job with a larger company. It’s actually four ten-hour days, no weekends, and better pay.”

  Oliver tilts his head. “When did this happen? You never told me.”

  I shrug. “Last week. I tried to call you but you didn’t answer. Then when you called me back, we … well …” My eyes go wide as I clear my throat.

  Oliver’s eyes match mine in understanding while Jackie fights her own smile of understanding. This is getting embarrassing. Time to change the subject.

  “Hey, hey, hey!” Chance comes through the door and into the dining room with a cocky smile and … oh my God! His pants are not zipped and I’m afraid to stare long enough to be sure, but I think he’
s going commando.

  “Hi, sweetie. I was just getting ready to get the pie.” Jackie gives him a hug on her way to the kitchen.

  Okay, so she doesn’t notice.

  “Good to see you, Bro.” Chance pats Oliver on the shoulder.

  “You too, man.”

  Chance walks around the table to me. “Viv, lovely to see you as always.” In true Chance fashion, he takes my hand and kisses it while smirking at a scowling Oliver.

  I, however, couldn’t care less about the stupid kiss. Chance is standing at my side with his exposed area inches from my face, talking to Hugh about a new truck he’s looking into purchasing. I stare at Oliver until he squints his eyes at me. Nudging my head in Chance’s direction, my eyes widen. Oliver stares at me then gives a quick glance to Chance and back to me. I exaggerate my head and facial signals. He looks at Chance again and flinches.

  “Ah, man! Zip it up, Chance. That’s disgusting. Get it away from Vivian.”

  Chance looks down and laughs while zipping up. “Sorry, I rushed over here after…” he looks at Hugh and clears his throat “…my date.”

  Hugh puts his fist over his mouth and clears his throat. “Have a seat, Son. And next time spare us all and take a quick glance in the mirror before joining us for dinner.”

  “So how’s it been going in Portland?” Chance asks while sitting down.

  Jackie, once again, saves the day as she brings in the pie. “Tell Oliver about Ronnie.”

  Chance grunts as Oliver laughs. “You replaced me with a woman, huh?”

  “I’d hardly call her a woman. She’s basically a man who lost his penis.”

  Everyone laughs except Chance.

  “I heard she’s quite attractive.” Oliver says.

  “I hadn’t noticed.” Chance takes a bite of pie.

  “Bull shit! Man…” Oliver shakes his head “…she must be something. I’ve never seen you worked up like this before.”

  Chance waves his fork in the air. “I’m not worked up. In fact, I should have fired her ass by now.”

  “For what?” Oliver asks.

  “Insubordination.”

  I cough. “Sounds like Chance is an alpha male.”