by Jewel E. Ann
“How can you be so quiet?” I ask, sitting next to her in the terminal.
She reaches over and takes my hand. “There’s nothing left to say. I’m in awe of your courage. You made peace with Caroline and you said a proper goodbye to Melanie. Oliver, my dear, you came to Portland a victim and you’re leaving a survivor.” She squeezes my hand and smiles.
“Do you think I’m the first person to leave a pillow by a headstone?”
She laughs. “Maybe.”
“You know a raccoon or something is going to take off with it.”
“Probably.” She shrugs. “The birds and squirrels take off with the flowers.”
I nod. “How’d you know to bring it?”
“You chose to give it to me instead of throwing it away, so I knew that meant you trusted me to know what to do with it. Honestly, I didn’t know what that was until Vivian came back from Portland.”
I stare at her for a moment then sigh. “This is so inadequate but right now it’s all I can think to say, so … thank you.”
My mom smiles as her eyes tear up. “You’re welcome.” She dabs the corners and sighs. “Isn’t it amazing that the Weeping Cherry tree near her grave finally bloomed this past spring?”
I smile thinking about Vivian and the scattering of cherry blossom buds inked on her back. “Yes, some things are just … amazing.”
After we board the plane and take off, I feel … free. My mind relaxes on my favorite thought … Vivian. I was cruel to her, and my actions were abhorrent and by all rights, unforgivable. And if she’s still waiting for me it will be a miracle, but that’s what she is to me … a miracle.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Bliss
Vivian
The forecast was for snow, but Alex called in a favor with the big guy and agreed to apologize for all her Bridezilla outbursts if he granted her a day of sun. Wish granted. The ceremony at the church was perfect. Alex looked like a princess that walked straight out of a Disney fairy tale and Sean won me over when he cried during his vows.
Everyone gathers outside of the church on this sunny but very chilly December day to toss rose petals at the happy couple. They drive off in a Rolls Royce and the wedding party crowds into a stretch limo.
“You look amazing,” Kai says as we’re wedged so close I’m half sitting on his lap.
“Thank you,” I mumble without looking at him.
“Kai, you look devastatingly handsome in that tailored suit and tie.” Kai mocks in a high-pitched voice.
I don’t want to smile because I’m exhausted from faking my emotions over the past two days, but his comment elicits an involuntary one.
“What’s that? An actual smile … wow! Does this mean we can call a truce, a ceasefire for the evening?”
“I think we’ve had a ceasefire since rehearsal dinner last night. Otherwise you’d be dead.”
One of the other groomsmen pours and passes around champagne. Kai hands me a glass. “Go easy, Viv. I’d hate to have to take advantage of you later in your inebriated state.”
“You’re a jerk.”
“I’m just kidding. You used to be able to take a joke.”
“You used to be my friend.”
“Ouch.”
Ouch is right. I would never have imagined that Kai and I would not be in each other’s lives. My mistake was falling in love with him. His mistake was not letting me go. Now it feels like we’ve been ripped apart by circumstances and the wounds are too jagged and raw to ever heal and be the same again. That seems to be what’s happened with us over the past two years, physically and emotionally.
“Well, old friend, would you mind getting off my lap?” Kai says with a snarky edge as the driver opens the back door.
I gather the long skirt of my strapless metallic gold lace dress and ease my way out of the limo. The icy December breeze cuts into my bare skin as I try to keep my wrap over my shoulders. We enter the State Room and take the elevator to the most spectacular view of Boston’s skyline. A massive window wall is the backdrop to large round tables adorned with white linens, brilliant rose topiary center pieces, and twinkling candles—all covering a mahogany floor. I can’t even fathom the dollar figure behind this wedding.
“Shall we?” Kai offers his arm as we make our way to the head table.
I take it, and we follow the rest of the wedding party. There must be five hundred or more people here. I don’t think I know one percent of them. I’m definitely going to need more than the glass of champagne from the limo to stand up in front of all these strangers to give my toast.
Alex and Sean are introduced and the crowd claps and whistles as they enter the Great Room. The band begins to play while dinner is served. I’m starving but my nerves cripple my ability to eat. I look out at the sea of people hoping to find a familiar face, a go-to during my speech.
Nothing.
Maybe I’ll just look at Alex … that’s not good either. I promised her no tears, but that will never work if I’m looking at her the whole time. I wish Oliver were here. He soothes all my nerves and with just one look he gives me confidence. Missing Oliver is hard, but not knowing if or when I’ll see him again is like a slow death. The temptation to call him has been overwhelming the past several days, but I can’t. He’ll come to me when he’s ready.
God … I hope that day comes.
I didn’t write down my speech and as my turn approaches I’m starting to regret it.
“Next, we’ll hear from the maid of honor, Vivian Graham.”
I stand as I’m handed the microphone. Yep, I might pass out, definitely not enough alcohol.
“Hello.” The crowd falls silent. “A month or so ago I thought up this great speech that summarized our relationship over the past two years and it included all the reasons Sean is the luckiest guy in the world to give you his name.” Sean grins at me and kisses Alex on the cheek. “But recent events in my life have made me rethink what I wanted to say to you both, so … here it is, simply and sweet.” I take a nervous sip of my champagne then suck in a courageous breath.
“I hope every day you take each other’s breath away. I hope every kiss feels like the first but ends like the last. I hope you always see the best versions of yourselves reflected in each other’s eyes.” I look at Alex while my own emotions derail my thoughts. “But mostly, I hope you wake up every morning next to each other because there’s no place in this world you’d rather be, instead of having nowhere else to go. May you always be each other’s home.”
I raise my glass and the band starts in as applause and clinking glasses echo in the air. Alex and Sean cut the cake and have their first dance. In spite of my suggestion to skip the wedding party dance, claiming that it was unoriginal, we have it and I’m forced to once again breach my comfort zone and dance with Kai.
“Do you think we’ll ever be friends again?” he asks as the band plays “Maybe I’m Amazed.”
“I don’t know if we know how to be friends anymore.” I shrug. “Nothing lasts forever.”
“Such a cliché.” He shakes his head.
“Yeah, well, cliché seems to be the term that’s used when someone doesn’t want to admit the truth.”
“So Oliver isn’t your happily-ever-after? You don’t want that to last forever.”
“Oliver grounds me in the moment. When I’m with him I don’t think about tomorrow or next week, and I sure don’t think about forever. I don’t try to quantify my love for him or our time together. I just want to be with him and if along the way time passes, so be it.”
“Did I not ground you?” Kai asks as the song comes to an end.
I give him a sad smile as he releases my waist. “No. I always felt like I was floating ten feet off the ground ready to fall and hoping you’d see me … hoping you’d catch me. But you never did.”
“Viv, I’m …” Kai winces and shakes his head as the power in his voice fades.
“Kai?”
He gives me a slow glance.
�
�In spite of where we ended … I forgive you, for everything.”
Kai’s mouth opens but no words come out. He nods and I turn and worm my way off the dance floor. I suck in a shaky breath and blink back the tears. Forgiveness breathes life into a weakened soul.
*
Free-flowing liquor, a stellar band, and the best view of Boston—all mine for the next three hours. I should have a nice buzz and be living it up on the dance floor with the other bridesmaids. Instead, I’m sitting at the head table, alone, rearranging cake crumbs with my fork and thinking of Oliver. I haven’t heard from him or Jackie since she left for Portland. Alex has consumed my every minute until now. I grab my phone from my handbag but there are no missed calls or messages. So I do what any lonely girl in my shoes would do … I get another piece of cake.
The lead singer of the band starts to talk. “This next song is a special request dedicated to anyone still eating cake.”
I freeze with my fork in my mouth, scanning the room. Am I the only one still eating cake?
Then the music starts: “A Drop in the Ocean” by Ron Pope.
“You are, you know …” A tingle of hair-raising chills flows across my skin as his words whisper along my neck. “… You are my heaven.”
I didn’t realize how many tears I’d been saving for him—until this moment.
“You’re here,” I whisper, turning my head with slow ease.
Oliver holds out his hand, and of course … I take it. “I’m here for you. God, I’m so sorry—” He pulls me into his arms.
“Don’t … don’t apologize.” I shake my head and cling to him.
I try so hard to control the emotions that detonate inside, no longer able to be held back by the overwhelming need to do right by Oliver. This is my selfish moment. I just can’t keep it in another second.
“I—I didn’t know if—you’d come back.”
He leans back and looks at me, brushing away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I had to let something go. But it wasn’t you … never you.”
I smile and so does he … two dimples. But then mine fades.
Oliver cups my face. “What is it?”
My face wrinkles with concern. “Did you … forgi—”
He presses his lips to mine, silencing me—holding me. As he releases me, he rests his forehead on mine and nods.
We say our goodbyes to Alex and Sean, who both insist us two ‘lovebirds’ get out of here. I feel a pang of guilt being the maid of honor that leaves before the bride and groom. But I need Oliver now, more than anything or anyone else.
He leads me toward the elevators. “By the way, you make that dress look beautiful.”
I giggle and shake my head.
“Even with the frosting smeared down the front.” He glances back over his shoulder with a smirk.
“What?” I stop and look down. “Dammit!” I rub the chocolate frosting with my thumb, but it only makes it worse.
Oliver chuckles. “Don’t worry about it. You won’t be wearing it much longer.”
My insides begin to heat as we maneuver our way through the sea of tables and people. I take the opportunity to drink in my sexy man in his suit, but my eyes stop, glued to his … leather work boots.
“Oliver?”
“Yes?” he calls back.
“What’s up with the boots?”
“Patience … you’ll see.”
*
“I haven’t worked out in a while. Do you think I’m looking flabby?” Oliver asks.
Looking over my shoulder, I bite my lower lip and shake my head.
“Is my tie straight?”
I nod with an enormous grin, my body screaming for the teasing to stop.
“What about my ass? Do these boots make my ass look big?” Oliver turns and flexes his firm glutes at me.
I begin to drool. “Oliver!”
“Yes, my love?”
“Now!”
He grins while crawling onto the bed. “So what made you think of this?” Lifting my hips, he slides his erection between my legs, teasing my clit.
I’m on my knees, bent forward with my wrists handcuffed to the headboard—the handcuffs were in my bridesmaid’s goodie bag, compliments of Alex.
“Um, nothing really. Ahhh!”
Oliver slams into me and pulls my hair back. Who is this guy?
As he works into a steady pace, he releases my hair and grabs my hips with the occasional reach-around to stimulate my clitoris.
The cuffs, although fur covered, bite into my skin. It’s pain and pleasure. It’s sexy and erotic. It’s demanding and playful … It’s me and Oliver—unpredictable, indestructible, and inseparable.
Skin to skin, heart to heart, in his arms is my home. Everything else I do in my life will just be what I accomplish in a day to get back to Oliver.
“Oli?’
“Hmm?” His chest hums against my ear as our tired bodies search for sleep.
“Why did you keep the pillow?”
Loving fingers trace my back. “I wanted her last breath.”
Epilogue
Oliver
5 Years Later
What happens when a business geek from Harvard meets an engineering geek from MIT at Dunkin’ Donuts? Bloom Pods.
Before either Vivian or her MIT friend, Anne Gade, received their degrees, they both became millionaires. Bloom Pods are sleep pods revolutionized. They have therapeutic lighting, essential oil diffusers to stimulate the pineal gland, music, white noise or nature sounds, chair massage options, and a cover that’s a virtual screen with every imaginable scenery choice. It’s so realistic that even people with claustrophobia can use them with ease. Fifteen minutes in a Bloom Pod feels like hours of physical rejuvenation. They’ve infiltrated all major cities, now common in corporate buildings, fitness centers, and mental hospitals.
Since graduating a year ago, Vivian has expanded her wellness corporation, Idle Bloom, beyond Bloom Pods. Now that marijuana is legal in all fifty states, she has hired a group of doctors and scientists to head up The Green Pot Project. They’re conducting long-term research studies on all the health benefits of marijuana, including cannabinoids effect on reducing inflammation and preventing scar tissue after severe burns.
As for me … I’ve managed to sleep my way to the top. The CEO of Idle Bloom has a thing for tall guys in ties and work boots, so now I head their legal department. My office is next to the boss lady’s with an adjoining door. We schedule time for a private meeting every day and sometimes our pressing needs require two meetings to remedy the situation.
We live an unconventional love story. She won’t marry me because she wants me to know that she’s with me by choice, every day, no matter what. I won’t stop proposing because I want her to know that if marriage is the ultimate symbol of commitment and love, I’ll never stop wanting her—all of her—forever. We’re the only two that understand how devastating it would be if I stopped proposing or if she ever said yes. Every day we share mad love, crazy emotion, and unforgettable passion. We are the best thing that ever happened to us.
*
Vivian
So I’m not the next Amazon, and Dunkin’ Donuts still has my undying loyalty, but I have a great job and employees who love working with me—as promised, four day work weeks and weekends off. I do it all for the challenge and satisfaction of knowing I’m making a difference. The money doesn’t matter, in spite of the eye roll I get from my accountant every time I request pay raises for my employees. The money and things have not changed me. I’m still the simple girl who fell hard for a guy that changed everything.
I won’t marry him … Okay, I would, but why? We don’t plan on having children, as taboo as it sounds. Although after my commitment to lifelong virginity, I’m a bit more reserved about saying never. Somehow with Oliver in my life anything feels possible. For now, we spoil Chance and Ronnie’s two boys and Alex and Sean’s six-month-old daughter.
I like introducing Oliver as my boyfriend, just like I
like showing off my tattoo, and driving my car so fast Oliver’s bladder considers reverting back to his younger years. Maybe I’m a rebel or maybe I’m just not a conformist. Either way, it doesn’t matter. No two people could love each other with any more fierce intensity than what Oliver and I share every day.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” I smile, looking over at Oliver with his shirt off.
“Me? What about you?”
“I’m a pro, but you’re a virgin.”
“Stick, pinch, burn …” He grins.
I smirk. “I should never have told you that.”
He’s done before me.
“Let me see.”
He lifts his arm so I can see the black tattooed script along the side of his torso.
No Take Backs
“What do you think?”
“Perfect.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely. I’ll see it every time I cuddle under your arm.”
When I’m finished, Oli looks at my lower back. It’s official. I have one bloomed cherry blossom tattoo. Next to the round O-bloom are the letters l and i, Oli. He sighs. “Marry me?”
“Nope.”
We both laugh while the tattoo artist looks on with an amused grin.
I used to think time stood still when we were together. He was afraid to look back and I was afraid to look forward. Now I realize during all those perfect moments that seemed to stand still, we were healing and growing, loving and learning in the light of each other’s hearts … We were two souls in Idle Bloom.
The End
DEAR READER,
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