“It’s a woman,” Alyssa said.
“And she’s way too petite to have committed this crime,” Cole answered vaguely, not wanting to share with Pete that their victim had been strangled. “Go ahead and burn those files to a disc for us, Pete, and we’ll get out of your way. Thanks.”
“Hey.” Pete laughed. “Don’t rush off on my account. This is the most fun I’ve had all year.”
Cole looked at Alyssa. Pete might be having fun, but she was miserable. The now familiar urge to sweep her into his arms made him take a step closer, but he shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from following through.
Someone had tried to end her life today because he had failed to protect her. Just like Mac. Cole may have let down his wall and let Alyssa give him hope for a wonderful future, but the wall was going back up.
Right here. Right now.
The explosion was a perfect reminder. If he allowed himself to care about someone, he exposed himself to the chance of failing them. And the last thing Alyssa needed was to be led on by another man she couldn’t trust.
* * *
Staring out the window of his rental home, Cole disconnected his phone call from Agent Carter. Cole had been right. The blast that had destroyed Sam’s house was the work of an arsonist who’d set a trigger switch. The arsonist had done a good job of hiding it, and if Carter hadn’t brought in an arson investigator, Saunders would’ve covered up the explosion, blamed it on Sam or made it seem like an accident.
It was also proof positive that Cole’s judgment had been off and he’d put Alyssa in harm’s way.
“You look tense,” Alyssa said from behind.
He couldn’t turn and look at her or he would spill his guts, and that wouldn’t be good for either of them. “Agent Carter called. He confirmed the arson.”
She came to stand next to him. “So either Sam purposefully blew up his house, or Nolan tried to have me killed.”
“The trigger device was professionally constructed. Unless Sam has contacts with an experienced arsonist, it was Saunders.”
“Sam’s the local grocery store owner. I doubt he knows people who start fires.”
“Yeah, my thoughts, too.”
She finally looked up at him. “And that’s why you’re so pensive.”
He kept his focus out the window. “I should’ve been more cautious and shouldn’t have let you go to the house.”
She touched his arm, but he avoided her gaze.
“You can’t blame yourself for this, Cole. I would have gone no matter your decision. I owe my best to Sam.”
“Even if it means risking your life?”
“No, of course not. But I thought since Nolan had just warned me, he wouldn’t actually try to kill me. Now I know better and won’t make that same mistake.”
Her attitude was exactly what he feared. Each and every day someone he cared for could make a decision solely based on what they could see and that decision could cost them their lives.
“This is about more than the explosion.” She stepped in front of him. As much as he didn’t want to look into her eyes, he couldn’t look away. “You can tell me if I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but this is about Iraq, isn’t it?”
He nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Want to? Not really. Just like I don’t want to think about it, either, but it’s there every day.”
“What happened?” She put her hand on his arm again, and his first instinct was to move nearer. To trust the intimacy she was offering and share the pain, but he couldn’t share his problems and let her in. Not without hurting her.
She inched even closer. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to help if I can.”
She was trying so hard to help and he was being a jerk for shutting her out like this. He could at least give her a quick accounting. Leave out how he felt and recite the events of the day, as he had with his commanding officers.
He peered through the window at the churning ocean. “We were in the city. Clearing a property thought to house rebels. We split up. Circled the place and worked our way inside.” His stomach churned like the waves, but he went on. “I spotted a boy. About Riley’s age. His foot was stuck under rubble. I was supposed to keep my eye on the mission. Clear the property, not rescue the boy. But if I left him, there was no telling when someone would find him. He could die.”
“So you freed him.”
“Yes, and in the time it took me to get his leg free, my buddy Mac finished clearing his section. When I didn’t show up at our arranged location, he came looking for me.” Cole looked at the large beams in the ceiling and fought back his emotions. “He triggered an IED and lost his life right in front of me. If I’d done my job and stayed focused on the mission, I would’ve died. Not Mac.”
“And now you live your life trying to prevent something like that from happening again,” she finished for him. “You can’t be responsible for everything, Cole. That’s a heavy burden that only God can carry.”
“I know that up here.” He stabbed his forehead.
“But not in your heart.” She laid her hand on his chest and the warmth thawed his resolve to stay away from her. “Stop focusing on the problem, Cole. Let it go and let yourself hope for a better tomorrow.”
He gazed into the concern and empathy in her eyes and it was nearly his undoing. She was such an incredible woman. Kind, compassionate, strong, beautiful. Everything he would want in a woman to share his life with.
Without thinking of the consequences, he cupped the side of her face. “You make me want to hope. For the first time in years, I want a life free from guilt and worry.”
“Then reach out and take it.”
She meant it. Every word. Thought he could do it. And maybe he could with a woman like her by his side. He circled a thumb over her cheek, and their eyes met and held. He shouldn’t kiss her, but he needed to as much as he needed to breathe.
He ignored the warning telling him he would only hurt her and lowered his head. Claimed her lips. They were soft and pliable and not at all resistant. She felt this, too. Wanted it, too. But was it good for either of them?
No. Of course not. You’ll only hurt her.
He drew back and circled his arms around her, nestling her head against his chest.
They stood there as one until he heard a car pull up, doors slam and her kids laughing as they approached the house. He couldn’t let Riley and Brianna find the two of them embracing like this. They’d already had such heartache in their lives and didn’t need to wonder if their mother was getting involved with him.
He reluctantly stepped back. After one last glance into Alyssa’s compelling eyes, he lifted his head and prayed that once her gentle touch was gone his heart wouldn’t close over again.
FOURTEEN
With the twins and Dani at school and Derrick sleeping the next morning, the house was quiet. Too quiet, making Alyssa’s mind drift. Sitting across the table from Cole, she couldn’t keep her thoughts from that amazing kiss yesterday. All she’d been able to think about for the past thirty minutes was his tender look when he’d lowered his head to kiss her. He was such an incredible man. But scarred and badly hurt inside. She wanted to help him work through it, but she was still wary of committing her heart. Could they really have a future together?
Argh! She jumped up and went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. But then what? Go sit next to him again under the guise of researching other murders even though she couldn’t focus? That was just asking for trouble. She searched the cheerful room for something to do to keep busy. Dani had done the dishes and cleaned up after breakfast before she took the twins to school.
Maybe Alyssa could bake something. In the burgeoning pantry, she grabbed a chocolate-chip bag, scanned the recip
e ingredients and found they had everything she needed to make cookies. She flipped on the oven and set the ingredients on the counter.
Growing up, she’d wanted the kind of mom who’d baked, volunteered at her school and let her have sleepovers. Instead, her mom worked full time and wasn’t home until late each night. Alyssa didn’t want the same life for her children, but she had to work to support her family.
She sighed and took her frustrations out by mixing all of the ingredients in a large bowl until the dough was smooth and creamy. She finished baking the entire batch in another thirty minutes and a tantalizing aroma filled the house.
Cole came into the kitchen with a little-boy look on his face. “The smell is driving me crazy. Can I have one?”
Despite the earlier tension, she laughed at his hangdog expression and nodded. “Help yourself, but save some for the twins.”
He took a bite and groaned. “Our mom used to bake all the time. Kat uses her recipes sometimes but not often enough for my liking.”
“Sounds like you really miss your parents.”
“They were amazing people.” His voice broke, and he polished off the cookie to cover for it. “You’ve never mentioned your family.”
“Nothing to tell, really.” She started gathering the baking utensils together and put them in hot, sudsy water. “I think I mentioned that I’m an only child. My parents died in a car crash when I was in college. I loved them and still miss them, but they both lived for their careers so we weren’t really close.”
“That’s too bad,” he said, and she could tell he meant it.
She nodded at the cookies. “You should have another one while the chocolate is gooey and warm.”
Their eyes met. He didn’t look away—as he’d done all morning. Something seemed to shift in his eyes. As if he’d come to a decision of some sort. She wanted to look away, but she couldn’t help but wonder what had changed in his mind.
He took a step forward and ran a thumb over her cheek. “Flour.”
She loved his touch. Loved having him look at her this way. But she couldn’t let her guard down. She stepped back. “I don’t think this is a good idea, Cole.”
“This, meaning?”
“Whatever this thing is between us isn’t a good idea.”
“You mean because I’m just here to protect you?”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
His thumb trailed down her cheek, firing every nerve in her body. His hand settled on her shoulder. “Todd really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” she said so softly she wasn’t sure if he heard her. Truth be told, she didn’t want him to or he’d ask questions she wasn’t prepared to answer. “But it also seems like you aren’t ready for one, either.”
“I’m not.”
“Iraq?” she asked. “Or did some woman break your heart, too?”
“Both. Together.” His hand fell away and he shoved it in his jeans pocket. “I was engaged. We were supposed to get married when my first tour ended. Instead, she sent me a Dear John email the month before my tour ended.”
“I’m so sorry, Cole.” She sunk her hands into the soapy water in the sink to keep from touching him again. “Long-distance separations can be hard. Did she find someone else?”
“No. She decided she didn’t want to be married to a man who worked in law enforcement.”
Alyssa could understand that. “Not that I think what she did was right, but maybe it was for the best. Being married to a cop is hard and if she had reservations before the wedding, it would only have gotten worse.” She looked up at him. “Trust me, Cole. I know how frightening it can be to see the man you love put his life on the line every day. I’m so sorry she hurt you, though. It must’ve been hard to break up. Even worse when you were in Iraq.”
“That’s why I signed up for a second tour.” His hand went around the back of his neck and he massaged. “Which was stupid. I acted impulsively. Ran away from my problems.” He shook his head. “I got through the first tour knowing Laura was waiting for me. The second tour was much worse. Then I lost Mac. Plus we saw far more casualties in that tour. Everyone around us, wounded or dead.” He shuddered and looked away. “It’s hard to come back from, you know?”
She didn’t know—she could only imagine. “I can’t begin to understand the horror you saw over there. Or how you felt when your fiancée left you, but I do understand what it’s like to lose someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.”
“Except you’ve taken it in stride and moved on. I... Well, I haven’t.”
Had she moved on?
Not really. Not if she couldn’t ever trust a man again. She was stuck in the same dark place as Cole, and she didn’t know how to get out of it any more than he did.
* * *
Chomping a cookie that now tasted like dust, Cole went back into the family room. Alyssa didn’t want to be married to a man who put his life on the line for others, and Cole would never leave his chosen career. Good. That meant he could finally put aside his feelings for her and focus solely on the case.
“Right,” he mumbled. “Good luck with that.”
Nearing the window, he caught sight of blue and red lights spiraling into the misty fog near the ocean. He grabbed his binoculars from the closet and zoomed in. Two police cars and an ambulance parked close to the pounding surf, but Cole couldn’t make out anything else.
“Do you think someone drowned?” Alyssa asked, coming up beside him.
“It’s a little cold to go swimming.”
“Some hardy locals swim in wetsuits all year round.”
Could be that, but Cole’s mind went to far worse possibilities. The twirling sirens were too close to the house for comfort. “I’m going to get Derrick to check it out.”
Cole went down the hallway to his brother’s room and pounded on the door.
“What?” Derrick grumbled.
Cole went inside. “Sorry to wake you, but we have an incident at the beach that I need you to check out.”
He rubbed tired eyes and sat up. “Incident?”
“Ambulance and two patrol vehicles. Could be nothing, but I won’t rest until I know.”
“Fine. I’ll go check.” He swung his legs to the floor. “But there better be a cup of coffee waiting for me when I get out there.”
“You got it.” Cole went straight to the kitchen, but by the time he got there, he could hear the pot dripping.
Alyssa looked up from putting cookies into containers. “I figured after not getting much sleep, Derrick would want some coffee.”
She was so considerate. Always thinking of others.
“Listen, Cole,” she said. “I hope you didn’t misunderstand what I said before.”
“Misunderstand what?” He focused on the dripping pot.
“About your former fiancée. What she did to you was horrible, and I don’t want you to think I condone the way she broke up with you.” She touched his arm in the gentle way she’d taken to doing lately, and he stepped back before he let her overpower his common sense. “I was just trying to say that it’s a whole lot easier to realize you aren’t meant to be with someone before you get married than after. And it’s especially difficult to find out once you have kids.”
“I didn’t misunderstand.” The pot gurgled, and he grabbed a travel cup for Derrick and a mug for himself.
“Oh, okay. Good,” she said, but he could tell she was confused by the way he kept waffling in his behavior toward her.
He held out his cup. “You want one?”
“No, thanks.”
He went to the pot and poured the rich black liquid, the tantalizing scent snaking into the air and mixing with the cookie aroma. Yawning, Derrick came into the room, and Cole handed him the steaming travel mu
g.
“Cookies.” Derrick smiled at Alyssa and shoved one in his mouth. He washed it down with a sip of coffee and moaned before grabbing another one.
Alyssa smiled back at him, her sweet, soft smile that Cole loved so much. “Guess that means you like them.”
“They’re fantastic.” He grabbed another and wolfed it down.
“The beach,” Cole said pointedly.
“I’m going.” Derrick rolled his eyes and grabbed a few more cookies before leaving.
“Thanks for making the coffee.” Cole raised his cup. “I’ll be at my computer if you need me.”
He settled behind the screen but couldn’t concentrate on the words, so he sipped his coffee, letting the mug warm his hands while he stared off into space.
His phone rang and he jerked, sloshing coffee on the keyboard. He set down the cup and grabbed his phone. When he saw Derrick’s icon, he answered on speaker and put the phone on the table then tipped the laptop over and wiped with a napkin before the moisture settled into the cracks.
“It’s not good news, bro,” Derrick said.
“What happened?”
“A body washed up on shore.”
“And?” Cole asked impatiently, not having any time for his little brother’s dramatic pauses.
“It’s Officer Gibson.”
Alyssa gasped from where she stood on the other side of the room.
“Nolan killed him,” she said, crossing the open space.
“Don’t jump to conclusions, Alyssa. We don’t even know if he was murdered.” He looked at his phone. “What are they saying at the scene, Derrick?”
“No obvious sign of foul play. One of the cops said Gibson was an avid swimmer. He swam all year round. They’re thinking the rough seas got to him and he drowned.”
“And you’re thinking it’s too coincidental.”
“Yeah, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but speculation won’t get us anywhere, and we won’t know anything until an autopsy is performed.”
“Which out here in the boonies could take some time.”
“So we proceed as if he was murdered.” He glanced at his watch. “Dani should be here with the kids any minute, so if you hightail it back here we can have a conversation before they arrive.”
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