by Amy Johnson
“OK.” That one word was all she could manage. She felt her heart swell at the love inside that room.
“So we’ve got chick flicks, beer, snacks, makeup, manicure kits…” Ali began.
“But what about your date?” Megan asked Josie, still touched that she’d canceled it on Megan’s behalf. “You canceled it?”
“Uh, not exactly. I invited him to come over if he wanted to. I told him my best friend needed me, so if he wanted to see me he had to come and get a makeover and a manicure like the rest of us.” That should have sent him running for the hills. But we were talking about Josie here. She had a way of making men do ridiculous things for her. Must be her cleavage. Or her sunny disposition. Definitely the cleavage Megan decided as she watched Josie slap Mickey on the side of his head for smudging the paint on her toenail. “He’ll be here about nine,” Josie reported.
“Well get your ass down here and join the party, babe. We’ll get drunk and talk about our last times,” Mickey said and Megan realized she was still standing on the stairway looking like a moron. She joined Ali on the couch and grabbed a beer.
“Our last times?” Ali asked.
“Yeah, remember the last pajama party we had? We were what? Sixteen? And we snuck beer from Josie’s dad and talked about who we lost our virginity to.” Half of the gang winced at memories of their first times and most likely who they were with. “Yeah, I don’t wanna relive mine either,” he continued remembering his was with a girl. He shuddered, “So we’ll talk about our last times instead. It’ll be fun.” Sure it’ll be fun Megan thought, if she could remember her last time.
“Oh, I got this one,” Josie began, “Remember, that guy from the club the other night, what was his name? Oh yeah Chad something. Anyways we went to his place and…”
“Can we talk about something else?” Megan asked. Pointing out her sexual repression to her was not going to cheer her up.
“Like what?” Stacy asked at the same time Josie was talking about ‘ice cream on her nipples.’
“Anything else. I can’t even remember my last time, much less compete with ice cream nipples and pineapple slices.” Although Megan was curious about the pineapples slices.
“Well as long as we don’t talk about Ted, I’m open to anything,” Stacy said. “Let’s just have some fun tonight and figure out what to do with him tomorrow.”
“Actually I’ve already figured out what to do with him,” Megan said and everyone except Josie looked at her with careful, but curious expressions on their faces.
“Did you decide to kill him?” Josie asked as everyone gaped at her, “Because I used to date a guy that can have that sort of thing done.” Megan shook her head and tried to say no but Josie kept going. “I think he only charges like ten thousand dollars or something but most importantly he’s like the greatest lay.” Eye rolls came from everyone. “I mean killing people must be exciting because he can stay hard all night and he’s very talented. The only drawback is he makes this weird throaty quack every time he thrusts. Sounds just like a duck. It’s really annoying but if you wear ear plugs it probably won’t bother you.” For once everyone was speechless as Josie looked up thoughtfully remembering the sex. “Should I give him a call?”
“No!” Several voices shouted.
“Maybe I will anyway for like, a consultation. Just in case, you know.” She dug her black book out of her purse. “Anyone have any ear plugs I can borrow?”
Ali shook herself, and turned to Megan. “She’s nuts!” she said referring to Josie who was standing up thrusting her pelvis and making quacking sounds to a very interested Mickey. “So, what do you want to do about Ted?”
“I’m going to divorce him. I’m going to go see a lawyer tomorrow and kick him out when he gets out of the hospital.”
“Have you thought about this? I mean really thought about it?” Stacy asked concerned. “Ten years is a long time, Meg. You need to be sure.”
Ali took Megan’s hand. “Don’t rush things, Meg. Maybe take a little time to think about it.”
“What’s there to think about? He’s bangin’ the redhead, babe. And Megan’s not happy. Time to say adios asshole,” Mickey said putting cotton balls between his toes before putting his large feet in Stacy’s lap. “What color?” she asked and he batted his eyes and smiled. “Right. Siren Red!” she said and retrieved the polish.
“He’s right guys. I mean, Ted’s having sex with Tiffany and her silicone sisters. I don’t want him here. She can have him. It’s time I face it and move on with my life. There’s someone out there for me, that’ll love me and treat me right.” I hope she added silently. At least she had Spot and the pups still.
“And rock your world ‘til your head spins.” Josie closed her black book and tossed it to Megan. “This should get you started. If they have three stars next to their name that means they made me see stars. There’s a legend in the back for deciphering the codes. K is for kiss, P is for props, S is for size, O is for oral ability, C is for creativity…etc. There are comments by the initials.”
“Thanks,” Megan muttered opening the book to a random page. Her eyes just about popped out of her head as the name Ted M. stared back at her. She looked at Josie through narrowed eyes and then glanced back at the page.
Ted M.: K- Yuk, S- made me laugh, O-lot to learn, overall rating- I’d turn lesbian before I’d let Ted go down under again.
Well at least she was accurate in her descriptions.
“Meg?” Stacy asked and Megan slammed the book shut.
“Hey, uh, I need to make a phone call. But first, what do you guys say we turn this into a packing party.”
“Huh?” Stacy asked.
“Yeah, we can go get some boxes and we’ll move Ted’s stuff out. I want him gone now! We’ll put all of his stuff in one of those storage trucks and when he gets home I’ll just hand him the keys.”
“And tell him what?” Ali asked, “Hi, Ted, guess what? While you were in the hospital you moved?”
“Sounds good to me,” Megan said flatly.
“You’re sure you want to do this?”
“Yep.” And she wanted to find a baseball bat and have a little talk with Josie.
“OK, I’m in.” Stacy said, although she seemed unsure about it.
“Me, too.” Ali said, “Let’s get rid of him.”
“I’m in too, Babe, soon as my toenails dry.”
“I just had a manicure, so I’m not sure yet,” Josie said. And then Megan said, “I’ll let you break stuff.” Maybe with your head, she thought, and then scolded herself for even thinking it. It could be a different Ted M. who was lousy in bed.
“OK, I’m in then. Finally we get to have some fun. Should we call Tom?”
“Why, you need to add him to your black book? You afraid someone else might get to him first? Like me?” She regretted the words before she even got them out.
“Megan,” Stacy said in a calming voice but Josie cut in. “Actually, I think you should. It wouldn’t kill you to get laid. It’d probably do you some good because I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but you’ve been really bitchy lately. A little action might adjust your attitude which will save me from having to do it. Hell, if Tom hadn’t of stopped me earlier I would have already done it.” She stood there defensively staring Megan down, no doubt thinking about finishing what they’d started earlier when Megan decided it wasn’t worth it. She loved Josie too much.
“Josie, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” Josie softened and plunked down on the couch downing the rest of her beer. “Let me make that phone call guys and we’ll get started.”
“We’ll start without you. Take your time,” Stacy said.
Megan went into the kitchen with Ali following her. She shut the door and turned to Megan, talking in a low tone. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing!” Megan searched the junk drawer looking for a phone number.
“That wasn’t nothing. What’s up?”
“Just typical
Josie. Don’t worry about it.” Megan found the number and picked up the phone but paused before dialing.
“Meg, what did she do? If it’s about what she said, forget about it. She’s just Josie, you know? She never thinks before she talks.” Megan handed her the book open to the Ted M. page. Ali scanned it and snapped it shut. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah! Oh shit. Obviously she never thinks before she does anything, including my husband.”
“I had no idea,” Ali said, her face a mix of shock and disgust. Josie had done a lot of things but this… “We need to talk to her.”
“No. Just forget about it. I don’t care. It might not even be my Ted anyways, although the rating is accurate.” Ali was shaking her head so Megan added, “I mean it. I can’t lose my husband and my best friend in the same day. Just drop it.”
Ali nodded and wrapped her arms around Megan. “We’ll figure this all out Meg. Everything will be OK, I promise.” Megan nodded and asked Ali for some privacy so she could make the phone call. Megan stared at the card she held in her hand. Jack Westin, Private Investigator. She’d worked this out in her head when revenge and payback sounded so good. Right now she wasn’t sure this was what she wanted, but she’d come this far so to hell with it. She dialed the first number on the card. No answer. That was probably a sign that this wasn’t a good idea. She dialed the second number. After four rings she was just about to hang up, when Jack’s husky voice answered with a curt “Yeah?” And her nipples became instantly hard at the sound of his voice. OK, maybe that was a sign. Wrong guy, but right idea. “Jack Westin?”
“Yeah, what?”
“This is uh…This is Megan Malone.” That got his attention. He moved to the back of the room so that he wouldn’t disturb the meeting.
“Okay,” he said carefully, knowing that if he were smart he’d hang up immediately and forget she’d ever called. “What can I do for you?”
“Well, first of all I wanted to apologize to you for what happened earlier. Things were kind of haywire then. Anyway, Tom said he didn’t want to press charges or anything so…”
“Thanks for letting me know. Have a good night.” She cut him off before he could say goodbye and for a second he almost snapped his cell phone shut anyway. “Wait, Jack?”
“Yeah?”
“I also wanted to um, well remember your offer to help me?”
“Yeah.” Hang up now his brain told him. This woman had threatened his sobriety.
“Is the offer still good? I mean, would you still be willing to help me out?”
“Depends. What do you want?” Her voice wavered when she asked and he didn’t have the heart to hang up on her. He’d at least hear her out first.
“Oh, Okay. Well can you come by my house tonight?” She hadn’t meant to say that. Damn. What the hell was wrong with her? Her nipples seemed pleased though. On the other end of the line Jack frowned. He was not going over there.
“For what?” He started to say ‘You told me to never come back.’
“I wanted to discuss this with you face to face,” when he didn’t answer she added quickly, “I’ll pay you for your time of course.”
“Give me half an hour.” He heard her sigh like she was relieved. “And Megan? You can keep your money.”
“Oh okay, thank you, Mr. Westin,” Megan said to a dial tone. Jack was a jerk. He hadn’t even said goodbye. She dropped the phone and went to start packing with everyone else.
“Where is everyone?” Megan asked Ali who had removed Ted’s shelf with all his sports junk on it. She was handling everything with care and Megan resisted the urge to try to learn juggling with Ted’s bobbing doll collection.
“Mickey and Josie went to get boxes and tape. Stacy went for a beer run.” Megan nodded and stood beside Ali grabbing a frame and a baseball from the second shelf. Ali sniffed the air and looked at Megan. Megan sniffed herself.
“I think I’m going to grab a shower right quick. Do you mind?” Megan asked.
“I’d mind if you didn’t. You smell like lasagna. You’re making me hungry.”
***
Jack glanced at the clock on the wall in the smoky little room. 7:46. The meeting would be over in fourteen minutes. He sat back down, deciding he needed to stay until it was over. He tried to focus his attention on the woman who was now speaking, but his mind was busy analyzing that phone call from Megan. He assumed that since she’d invited him to her house that Ted wasn’t there. Maybe she’d kicked him out or he’d left on his own. Maybe she had reconsidered her initial impression of him and had decided to let him help her. Or more probable she wanted to know what he’d found in Ted’s studio.
He looked at the clock which had only ticked two minutes away. Shit, these things could go on forever. He remembered the tone of her voice. She sounded sad, but calm, almost apologetic. He also sensed a little uncertainty in her voice, like maybe she wasn’t sure why she was calling him. Maybe she had felt some sort of connection with him. Probably not. Odds were she was oblivious to thinking about him as anything other than a low life, law breaking PI.
Then why had she called? She’d already confirmed Ted’s infidelity. She seemed to have Tom, who would probably rush to help her if she needed him. Maybe she was worried about that comment he’d made about her being in danger. The clock showed ten more minutes to go when Jack finally gave up and slipped out the back door. He’d go to Megan’s and find out what she wanted, but this time he’d listen only to his head and ignore his heart completely.
***
Megan sat in the closet floor, mindlessly throwing Ted’s shoes into a box, while Mickey dumped the contents of Ted’s chest of drawers into another box. Mickey was humming while he worked, obviously aware from Megan’s silence that she needed some space. He’d tried to initiate small talk, but knowing her as well as he did he could tell her heart wasn’t in it. She couldn’t get Josie and Ted out of her head. The fact that Ted had slept with Tiffany-and God knew who else- didn’t really bother her anymore. She’d come to terms with that. But Ted and Josie? That was more than she could take. It was a double betrayal by the two people she’d loved unconditionally for a large portion of her life. She choked back a tear and when she looked up she saw Mickey staring at her, his brown eyes soft under a web of fake eyelashes and eye shadow.
“Come here,” he said and opened his arms. She leaned into them and rested her head on his chest. “This’ll pass, Meg. I know it’s hard right now but it’ll get easier. Before long you won’t even miss Ted.” He rubbed her back to soothe her.
“I already don’t miss Ted. This has little to do with him.” His hand stopped moving. He pushed her from him and searched her face.
“Aw Meg, you look like you’ve lost your best friend.” A tear escaped her eyes and she leaned her head back on his shoulder and said between sobs, “I have.”
“What do you mean? We’re all your best friends and we’re all here for you, Babe.”
“She slept with Ted, Mickey. She slept with him and she never told me. It never should have ever happened in the first place, but she’s been lying to me the whole time.”
He looked at her quizzically and said, “Tiffany?”
“No, Josie.” He shook his head and she nodded, “It’s in her book, look.” She handed him the book and showed him the page.
“Megan, I know everyone she sleeps with. We share everything. This must be someone else. She’d never sleep with Ted. She hates Ted.”
“Well how many Ted M.’s do you know?”
He seemed to consider it but apparently he still found it to be a coincidence because he said, “I still don’t believe it. I mean Josie gets around, but even she has her limits.”
“I don’t know, Mickey, I’m beginning to wonder about that.”
“Well, if it was your Ted why would she give you the book?”
“Because she’s clueless. Hell, she probably didn’t even remember writing in it there. I mean, this book is full!” She flipped the pages for him to see. “I d
on’t know how she can keep up.”
“Oh, she doesn’t have a problem keeping up. It’s the men who can’t keep up with her.” He flipped through the book scanning the names. “You want me to talk to her?”
“OK. I guess. I mean, I don’t really want to know but I if I don’t know for sure I’ll probably just obsess about until it drives me crazy.”
“Don’t worry about it, Babe. I’ll find out.” He stopped on a page and began grinning until a chuckle finally escaped.
“What?” she asked.
“I wanted to know what she said about me.” Megan couldn’t hide the shock on her face. He laughed. “Look, I got three gold stars and points in size and creativity. I’m the shit, girlfriend.” He high fived the air as Megan sat silent, shaking her head.
“I can’t believe you slept with her. When did that happen?”
“I didn’t sleep with her, Michael did. And it happened one drunken night when I was confused.” He laughed. “I wasn’t confused anymore after that. She scared the shit out of me. I’ve sworn off women ever since.”
“She’s that bad?” Megan asked. He looked at her seriously. “No, she’s that good. I mean, that woman is very innovative and talented! And believe me she used every trick she had and probably invented a few on the spot.”
Wow! Megan thought. Maybe her search for passion was over. All she needed to do was get it on with Josie. Mickey’s look said he was reading her mind and he said, “Don’t even think about it. She only plays with boys.”
***
Megan jumped at the sound of the doorbell, for some reason nervous to see Jack. Or Tom. Or her mother. Or anybody for that matter. She looked at herself in the mirror; no makeup, air dried hair, two black eyes. Well, one thing was sure, she wouldn’t have to worry about any spontaneous sex with anyone, including Josie. She made it down the stairs just in time to see Dr. Ross step into the foyer, still wearing his white lab coat and carrying a bottle of wine. He smiled at Megan and she gave a weak wave, her mind busy trying to figure out why she was disappointed not to see Jack standing there. Dr. Ross was being introduced to everyone by Josie, when Josie suddenly stopped and put her hands on her hips.