“Huh?”
“No work relations, you dur dur!”
“Ohhhh… wait, does Axel know about this?”
“Yep.” I side eye the frame sitting next to the TV. His perfect face and stupid eyes watch me as if he’s here in the room. Leaning forward, I push it down so I can’t see his face. “She told me to call him so I did, and guess what? He hung up on me! So yeah, the asshole knew.”
“Hot damn, I’m gonna kick his ass!”
“There’s no point.” I close my eyes and sink back into the sofa. “I just need to forget these last few weeks happened. Start over. Like I always do.”
We’re both silent for a few minutes, only our breathing being heard on the line.
“What are you gonna do now, Vi?”
“I have no fucking clue,” I groan.
“What about… what about doing something with your art?”
I scoff. “My art?” Opening my eyes I zone in on one of my notebooks sitting on the table in front of me. “We’ve been through this before: I can’t earn a living from my art. They’re just silly drawings.”
“Silly drawings that are awesome! Of course you could do something with them. I have an author I’m working with right now who’s looking for an illustrator, I could—”
“Nope.” I sit up. “I’m not doing it, El. I’ll figure something out.”
“But—”
I shut her down, knowing she won’t stop going on about it. Every single time I get fired I have the same speech from her. “I gotta go.”
“Vi—”
“Talk to you later.”
I end the call and turn my cell off. Any other time I would feel guilty, but right now I’m not in the mood to listen to her. I want to wallow in self-pity. Self-pity and ice cream. Now that is a solid life plan.
Who needs a job or a man when you have ice cream? Not this girl.
* * *
I watch Amanda as she opens her eyes, the music in the background starting to choke me up. She whispers Dawson’s name as he appears and a noise escapes my throat.
Every damn time I watch this movie I sob harder and harder.
The scene changes: Dawson talking on his cell and then the train goes by and I lean forward. “No!” I shout when a bullet hits him in the chest, my hand extended as if I can stop it even though I know it’s coming. “They were meant to be forever loves!”
It flashes in and out; Dawson dying, Amanda breaking down, and I sob like a big old baby.
I can’t even cope when she goes to his place and reads the letter he left for her. I’m a ball of emotion and I seriously shouldn’t have watched this movie with how I feel right now. The Best Of Me always gives me the feels.
As soon as the credits roll, my attention snaps to the picture of me and Axel. I can’t look away from his stupid face, zoning in on those broody eyes I know hold laughter and gentleness when he’s looking at me. At least, they used to.
The thought of him looking at me like any other random person wounds me, so I dig my giant serving spoon—the kind your mom uses to dish up everyone’s food—into my giant tub of ice cream. Ain’t got no time for those “normal” spoons and “normal-sized” tubs. I bring it to my lips, opening my mouth impossibly wide to fit the start of the spoon inside. The cookie dough-infused goodness hits my tongue and I moan at the taste.
Ice cream always makes me feel better.
This is now day five of not leaving my apartment and staring at Axel’s picture—I mean the TV. Dammit! What is wrong with me? I need to get over this. It was a few weeks of fun. Fun that cost you your job.
I roll my eyes at myself as I lean forward, switching the TV off and putting the lid on the last little bit of ice cream. Damn, I’ll have to go out to get more soon. How does ten tubs disappear so fast?
My gaze hits the window and I sneer at the bright blue sky. Doesn’t the universe know my life is falling apart? No job. No hanky panky. No drawing. The last one is the worst of them all. I haven’t been able to draw a single thing since I got off the phone with Ella.
“You won’t leave me, will you?” I stroke the cat who still hasn’t left. I’m thinking he’s a loyal kind of guy, unlike some people. “I know I need to pick myself up and dust myself off, but I just can’t this time.”
For every other job I’ve been fired from I’ve done just that, but something is different this time.
I allowed myself to get too comfortable. I let in the notion everything was going to be okay. How stupid could I be? I vowed to my dad I could make it on my own, pulling away from their impossible rules and regulations, but right now he’s the only person I can think to go to. “Maybe he’ll help me?” I look down at the furry bundle beside me as if he’ll answer me. “Yeah, you’re right, he’ll want my soul as payment.”
I snort to myself because my dad is the devil. Not literally—he doesn’t live in hell, although he may as well.
“I’m hungry,” I tell him, looking down at my sweatpants that have several stains on them. Meh. I jump up off the sofa, looking back at the cat. “I’m going to get takeout from Mr. Chung.”
He follows me all the way to the door where I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Holy hell, I look like death warmed over! Bags under my eyes, skin as pale as a vampire’s, and hair you could fry an egg on it’s that greasy.
The cat pushes himself against my leg so I crouch down, stroking his head. “I guess it’s just me and you, dude.” I tilt my head to the side. “I should name you, huh?” I look away, thinking about it, tapping my finger on my chin. “Colonel Fourpaws! That shall be your name!” I announce like it’s the best name in the existence of names.
He purrs louder as if he’s confirming it and I smile wide. “At least someone loves me.”
Pushing up, I grab my wallet and blow Colonel Fourpaws a kiss before heading down the stairs. I look like a homeless chick but I seriously don’t give a damn right now. Wallowing is my middle name.
“Violet!” Mr. Chung shouts at the same time the bell over the door sounds as I open it. “Not see you long time.”
“I’ve been away for work,” I tell him with a fake smile on my face. “But I’m back now.”
His dark-brown eyes trail over me, the small white hat on top of his head skewed to one side. “You in binge marathon?”
“Something like that.” I try to laugh but the sound makes me cringe. “Can I have my usual?”
“Sure, sure. Be ten minutes. I bring to you?”
“Okay.” I throw a twenty down on the counter, breathing in the smell of food, my stomach grumbling. “Thanks.”
Food is the answer to everything. It’ll make me feel better, even if only for a little while.
* * *
I ignore the hundredth message Ella sends me as it scrolls from the top of my cell. Every message is the same: “Stop ignoring me.” “Do something with your drawings.” “Stop ignoring me.”
I can’t deal at the moment. I refuse to adult, instead I’m going to sit here and do just this. Colonel Fourpaws on my lap, cat videos playing on my cell, and him batting his paws at them.
We’ve become the best of friends. We eat together, he sits on top of the toilet while I’m showering—the perv—and we share my bed. He’s the perfect guy. Doesn’t answer me back, keeps me company, and keeps my feet warm at night.
Match made in heaven. Kinda.
There’s only one problem: he’s a cat, not a man. Ugh. Man equals muscles and penises, which leads me onto Axel.
And as if he knew where my thoughts were, my phone vibrates in my hand and his name pops up. Did he know my brain was thinking about him? My eyes widen to epic proportions, my eyeballs sure to pop out their sockets.
Colonel Fourpaws looks at me, his head tilted as if he’s asking, “Are you going to answer that?”
“No,” I answer him, watching my cell as it continues to ring.
Why is he calling me? It’s been a week since I was fired and now he decides to contact me after hanging up on m
e? Well he can go suck it. I’m an independent woman, I don’t need to talk to him. He’s in my past, a past I’m never going to think of again.
Yeah, right, that’s why his picture is still on my TV unit.
The call ends and as soon as a message pops up with a voicemail, I delete it. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. Fuck him, fuck Della, and fuck my stupid heart that begs to hear his voice.
My life is a goddamn mess.
Chapter 13
Confession #92: I knocked myself out getting into bed.
“Your X-ray looks good.” Doctor Nick shows me the image on his computer screen. “How is your pain?”
“Not too bad to be honest,” I reply, leaning back in the seat and hoping like hell I can get this brace off.
“Good.” He clicks on his keyboard before twirling around in his chair and pushing closer to me. “Let’s get this brace off you.”
I can already hear my boobage screaming, “No!” at the thought they have to be put back into a bra, but I outwardly grin and shout, “Awesome!”
He smiles gently, his dark-brown hair flopping over his forehead as he nods. “Do you think this year could be a better year? Maybe only one or two trips to the ER?”
I chuckle. “I’ll try.” Shrugging—thank the good Lord it doesn’t hurt now—I stand up. “I can’t promise anything though. We all know what a nightmare I am.”
He stands with me and we both move behind the curtained-off area in his office. “All you can do is try.” I hear the laughter in his voice, but I know there’s concern behind it. “At least you went to a different hospital for this one.”
“True… although they still mentioned the amount of times I’ve been to the ER.”
He washes his hands in a small sink and steps toward me. “They have to cover their bases.”
“I know,” I reply, cringing at the thought of taking my top off. I don’t exactly look the best, but that’s what ten days of vegging out and minimal showers does to you.
I’m coming out the other end now though, I even did some drawing last night. It may have been an Axe in Axel’s head with blood spurting everywhere, but I’m drawing again so who cares what it was of?
Lifting up my t-shirt, I turn around so he can get to the buckle. He undoes it and I let it drop off my arms before rolling my shoulders back. The freedom is unreal, I want to jump up and down but I know it wouldn’t be a good idea; the chances of falling over are high. So I keep my feet firmly planted to the floor.
“God, that feels so good.”
“I imagine it does.”
I put my t-shirt back on, turning and grinning at him. “Thanks, Doctor Nick.”
He pushes the curtain back and shakes his head. “I still don’t know why you call me that.”
I huff out a breath. “I tell you every time!” I huff, planting my hands on my hips. “It’s from The Simpsons!”
He chuckles lightly as he makes his way back to his desk and I collect my purse. “Never watched it.”
My eyes widen, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. “You... what?”
His lips lift up into a grin. “I’m not into cartoons.”
“Oh man, you’re seriously missing out! Watch an episode and when I have my next disaster you can tell me what you think.”
He chuckles. “Deal… as long as you try and leave at least three months before the next ‘disaster.’”
“Deal!” I shake his hand, but I know for a fact I’ll be back before that. It’s inevitable really.
“You’re a one-of-a-kind patient.”
“I’m a one-of-a-kind person, Doc.” I grin wider before spinning around on my heels and heading to the door, throwing, “See you soon,” over my shoulder.
Saying my goodbyes to the receptionists as I leave, I head out the doors, soaking in the L.A. heat. I have a love-hate relationship with the sun here. Some days I want it to seep into my skin and other days I wish it was cold and raining so I could curl up on my sofa. Not that I don’t do it anyway, but you get the idea.
Spinning around, I start walking back toward my apartment. Today is a good day. I had my veg fest but it’s time to get back to my life. And the first thing on my list is to get some proper cat food. I can’t keep feeding Colonel Fourpaws tins of tuna; it’s costing a bomb!
I search on my cell for the nearest pet store and find one a couple of blocks from my apartment.
Throwing on my sunglasses, I push my cell into my purse and head toward it, surprised when I see the small front. I always imagined pet stores to be these giant places, but from the outside it looks like it’s tiny.
A bell rings as I push the door open, signaling a customer. My nose wrinkles up as soon as I step inside, the smell of pet food and hay hitting me full force. I look left and right, not seeing anyone around so decide to go exploring.
The cages toward the back gain my attention and before I know it I have several whining puppies sounding around me in unison.
“Awwww!” I scurry toward them, my hands doing grabby motions wanting to pick them all up. Can a girl get inside one of these cages with them and hang out?
“This breed is perfect for single humans.”
My head whips around at the deep voice, coming face-to-face with a guy a foot taller than me, glasses on his thin face and a polo shirt with a badge saying “I’m Jeffery, how can I help you today?” pinned on his chest.
“Single humans? As opposed to single… aliens?”
He shuffles on the spot, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Aliens wouldn’t have pet dogs, they’d have—”
I chuckle, cutting him off. “I’m just messing, J.”
He watches me for a beat, his eyes narrowing as he scans my face. “You have pretty eyes.”
“I… thanks?”
“You’re welcome.” He nods to himself before moving closer and patting one of the puppies on the head. “What do you want today?”
“Erm…” What did I come in here for? “Cat food!”
“Do you own a cat?” he asks as he walks away.
I follow him. “No, I wanted to try it and see what it tastes like.”
“You won’t like it.” He comes to a stop at the end of the second aisle. “Cat food is there.”
“Okay, thanks.” I step around him, frowning and turning around. “I didn’t really mean I’d eat it.”
He shrugs. “Some people like it, I don’t.”
“Right.” I tilt my head to the side, staring at him and seeing the completely serious look in his eyes. “Well, I own a cat. His name is Colonel Fourpaws.”
He nods in reply but doesn’t say anything else so I spin around, crashing into the end display. I try to catch it but all the cat treats scatter along the floor, the cardboard unit wobbling before it falls to the left.
“Oh shit!” I scramble down to the floor, trying to pick them all up. “I didn’t see it.”
“Because you weren’t looking,” Jeffery tells me. “You should look where you’re going or you could get hurt.”
“Son?” a deep voice calls. “You okay?”
Footsteps near as we pick up the treats, Jeffery making a neat pile while I lean forward and pull as many as I can toward me in one big swipe. A shadow falls over us, and when I look up, I’m seeing an older version of Jeffery.
“Yes, Dad. She wasn’t looking where she was going and destroyed my display.”
My brows fly up my forehead and I’m about to open my mouth to reply when his dad says, “I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose. Remember what I said about accidents?”
His dad smiles kindly at him and then me before running his hand through his sandy-blond hair.
“But—”
“Why don’t you organize your display again and I’ll help this lady find what she wants.”
Jeffery side eyes me with an arm full of cat treats. “Fine. She wants cat food.”
“Okay then.” His dad walks past us. “I’ll show you what we have.”
“I…” I ha
nd the treats to Jeffery before standing up. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be, it’s not kind to destroy people’s hard work.”
My face heats at his honesty and I back away slowly, turning around and looking where I’m going.
“I really didn’t mean to,” I tell his dad when I come to a stop next to him.
“It’s okay, Jeffery doesn’t understand social situations. You’re fine.”
“Oh… I…”
“So, cat food?” His kind green eyes meet mine.
“Right, yeah. So this cat kind of turned up and won’t leave. I think he was a stray but I don’t know what to feed him.”
He starts to explain all the different kinds of cat food and I decide to go with pouches.
“You’re better off buying a big box of them; more for your money.”
“I’ll do that then,” I reply as he picks one up off the shelf and starts walking out of the aisle.
I stand awkwardly at the counter, pulling my cell out as I wait for him to ring me up. Swiping off yet another message from Axel—the third one today—I let out a long breath. I don’t give a rat’s ass what he has to say, he betrayed me; had this been in the days of Vikings he’d have his head chopped off. Mmmm Vikings…
Shaking the sexy Viking images from my head, I click out of the message app, heading into settings and blocking his number. There! That’ll teach the poobrain.
Grinning wide, I click on an email from an address I don’t recognize, frowning as I read it.
She didn’t. She wouldn’t have.
...We would love to see more of your designs. Please email with examples so we can review them and discuss if you would be a good fit at FGT Publishing.
SHE TOTALLY DID!
I’m going to kill her—slowly—and watch with a grin on my face! Why the hell would she do this to me?
“That’s fifteen dollars.”
I startle at the voice, my cell slipping out of my hand and crashing to the floor.
“You really need to be more careful,” Jeffery says from behind me.
Bending down, I pick it up and laugh it off, catching the sign attached to the front of the counter as I do.
Confessions Of A Klutz: Confessions Series #1 Page 12