by Leah Atwood
They started to walk again, going back to the porch and sitting in the rocking chairs. It was mid-afternoon, and the sun was beginning to lower. Their time to talk was ending, he’d have to get her back to the funeral home soon, but he needed to finish sharing.
“Bryce didn’t have all the answers, but he told me what he could, and helped me to understand that we don’t always get answers. That was a hard thing for me to accept, but once I did, there was a freedom I hadn’t known in years. We talked long into the night, and the next morning, he had me call Gramps.” His feet pushed against the planks, causing the chair to rock.
“And I’m sure Gramps was more than willing to talk.” Dani smiled at the mention again of her grandfather.
“Oh yes. For two hours, in fact.” He laughed. “He was a wise man. The first thing he told me was to let go of my guilt. He said guilt has a purpose, to prick our conscience and keep us from repeating past grievances. Other than that, it does no good, and it’s an insult to the Lord to keep it up because if God can forgive us, who are we to not forgive ourselves?”
“That does sound like something Gramps would say.” She rocked opposite of him.
“Then I told him I wasn’t so sure I believed in God.”
She gulped. “You didn’t? I can’t imagine anyone saying that to Gramps unless they wanted an earful.”
“You’re right, but the thing was, I wanted an earful. Buried deep inside me, there was a part that still believed, but I’d lived with my anger and grief for so long that I couldn’t find my way out of it to admit that. I needed someone to call my bluff.” Wishing he had something to drink, he paused, his mouth dry. “Gramps was the first person in all those years not to placate me and explain away my behavior. By the time we hung up, he had prayed with me, and I knew I was done with fighting.”
Reaching over, Dani gave his hand a quick squeeze. “I’m glad you had the chance to have that conversation with Gramps.”
“Me, too.” His hand still tingled where Dani had touched it. “There are days when I still don’t understand and want to keep running, but now I know that although that single event changed my life, it doesn’t have to define my existence. I allowed it to for too long, but no more.”
“How do you get through those days when you struggle?”
He sensed she was asking for herself, for her own days ahead. “I’m still rusty at it, but I pray and cling to the promises God’s given us. Bryce gave me a version of a Bible he’s been reading that’s helped him a lot, and I’m trying to read daily, but especially on the rough days.” His feet stilled against the porch and he looked at her intently, with one arm resting on the chair’s arm. “I’m no paradigm of how to overcome grief, and certainly not on how to not lose faith, but I’m trying. Don’t make my mistakes, Dani.”
Staring back, she also leaned toward him. “Thank you for telling me.”
He hadn’t realized how close their chairs were. The proximity was too much. The air in his lungs constricted, and he jumped up. “It’s getting late. Think you’re ready to go back?”
“Yes.” She stood, closing the space between them again.
Mere inches separated them. It wouldn’t take much to bring her to him, kiss her like he’d been wanting to do for months. From the look on her face—the narrowed eyes, the lowered eyelashes—she wouldn’t stop an advance. He leaned forward, then stopped abruptly, short of touching her lips. What was he doing? If he had any chance of a future with her, they would have to do this the right way.
“I’m sorry.” Not by his own volition, but by a sheer force of nature, he stepped backward.
“No, you’re right.” Her voice was even shakier than his. “Jeff…”
He let out a long breath. “This past summer, I told you ‘in another time, another place’.”
Lips pressed together, she tipped her chin. “I remember.”
“I’m there.” Watching her, assessing her reaction, he finished. “If we can ever be there at the same time, I’d like that.”
Her mouth formed a perfect O. A second later she spoke. “So would I.”
A new peace filled him. If Dani and he were meant to have a relationship, it would happen. In a friendly gesture, he dropped an arm around her shoulder and gave her a smile. “Let’s go.”
Chapter 14
Dani lifted her shoulder, swaying her purse back in place before it slid to the ground. She stuck her key into the lock, opened the door and stepped into Bayou Bits for the first time in a week. The faint smell of garlic and onion greeted her, the ever-present fragrance that never disappeared.
She trailed a hand along the stainless steel counters as she walked through the kitchen. A lack of dust confirmed her suspicions that someone, Angela, had come in during the last day or so to clean. Sorrow pushed up from her stomach. She hadn’t expected her return to work to be so difficult. It was here she’d received the news, and here she’d wasted her last opportunity to see Gramps.
“Help me, Lord,” she prayed aloud. Inhaling a deep breath, she made her way to the office. When she exhaled, a lock of hair that had fallen from her ponytail tickled her nose. She pushed it behind her ear then sank down into her chair and dropped her bag onto the floor beside the desk.
A paper was stuck to the computer monitor, a note written in Angela’s handwriting.
Don’t forget the truck will arrive at ten. I was able to persuade them to change their route to get here today.
Bless her heart, Angela had been a lifesaver. Dani opened the folder her assistant had left on the desk and glanced through the pertinent information. She trusted Angela had been thorough, and no longer felt a compulsive need to go behind her and check that she’d procured everything necessary to not run out of supplies. After the truck came in, she’d do her own inventory as she put away supplies, just to get herself back on track and throw away anything that had spoiled.
Today was going to be a long Monday, even more so than most. Her to-do list ran the entire front and back of a typed sheet of paper. She had normal administrative tasks to complete, plus the backlog of being gone a week. Specials had to be planned, foods prepped, trucks unloaded and a handful of other things. She’d planned to work on some of it last night, but with family still in town, she’d chosen to spend time with them. From now on, family came before work.
She tapped a pen she didn’t remember picking up against the desk. The items on the list weren’t going to cross off themselves. Reviewing the tasks ahead, she prioritized them and got busy. Soon, ten o’clock arrived and fifteen minutes later, the truck. The remainder of the morning passed quickly, for which she was grateful. She was in desperate need of distraction.
At one, she stopped to eat a tuna sandwich she’d brought from home. As she ate, she took time to check her phone. Jeff had called and left a message, prompting a groan. She’d been avoiding him, using her family as an excuse. Their relationship was over. She knew without a doubt they were only meant to be friends. Telling him that, however, was a dreaded conversation, and something she didn’t want to deal with while still grieving Gramps.
“Dani, are you here?” The voice came from the back door, still open from the delivery.
“Gram? You could have come in.” Dani found her grandmother waiting for entry. “What are you doing here?”
“Can’t I come visit my favorite granddaughter at her place of employment?” Gram came through the doorway.
Dani laughed. “I’m your only granddaughter unless you count in-laws.” She furrowed her eyebrows. “What’s really going on?”
Gram looked at her, the usual sparkle in her eye gone. “I needed out of the house. I know everyone has the best of intentions at heart, but I’m smothered. Everywhere I go, everything I do, there’s someone there to do it for me.” She huffed. “You’d think I was crippled or an invalid the way they’re acting.”
“Oh, Gram, I’m sorry.” Dani was also guilty of treating her grandmother with kid gloves. “I can only speak for myself, but we were tr
ying to make this transition as easy as possible for you.”
Placing a hand on Dani’s cheek, Gram sighed. “My dear child, there is no way of making this easy. Gene is gone and the sooner I find my new normal, the better it will be for me.”
“In that case,” Dani covered Gram’s hand with hers, “would you like to make several of your famous pecan pies?”
“I would love to.” Gram lowered her hand and pulled an apron from her purse, causing Dani to giggle, to which Gram flashed a smile. “Haven’t I always told you to be prepared for anything?”
“You’re too much, but I’m glad you’re here.” She pointed her grandmother in the direction of supplies.
Dani started on a roux while Gram mixed a pastry crust.
“We haven’t baked or cooked together in a long time,” Dani said, dumping flour into a pot over high heat.
“That is a sad fact we should reverse.” As Gram’s aged hands worked the pastry dough, a sliver of a sparkle returned to her eyes.
An idea occurred to Dani—one she hadn’t considered before because she’d never thought Gram needed more on her plate, but now it seemed a perfect solution. “A majority of the desserts I serve are pre-made and specially ordered, but I’ve always wanted to make everything.” Grabbing a spoon, she stirred the oil and flour mixture. “Wouldn’t it be fun if you came in one or two days a week and made some of your specialties?”
“It would get me out of the house and fill my days.” Gram smiled. “And I would love to spend more time with you.”
“We’ll do it then. We can work out all the details later.”
Gram began rolling out the dough. “Your young man is leaving today.”
“Jeff? Where’s he going? He didn’t mention anything.” Dani feigned ignorance, playing the cat and mouse game that Gram was obviously going to win.
“Tsk, tsk. Jeff is not the man for you and you know he’s not whom I am calling your young man.” Gram’s head shook. “He’ll make someone a fine husband one day, but not you.”
To avert Gram’s gaze, Dani looked down in the pot, assuming extreme concentration over her roux. “I know. To be honest, I’ve known since our first date it wouldn’t escalate to more.”
“Then why prolong the inevitable?” Gram formed the dough into three different pie plates.
“Because I couldn’t have what I wanted, so I thought I could convince myself to feel more for Jeff.” Her cheeks burned, from embarrassment and the heat from the stove. The flawed logic sounded even worse when she said it out loud.
A tray of eggs was opened in front of Gram. She reached for one and cracked it into a bowl. “Love can never be forced, only given and accepted freely.”
“What time is Rob leaving?” Dani asked.
“Bryce is taking him to the airport at three, along with Sophie and Gracie.” Gram continued breaking eggs. “I like Rob. In a lot of ways he reminds me of your grandfather at that age.”
“Really?” The two men seemed as opposite as two men could be.
An amused grin eased over Gram’s face. “All the girls in town wanted Gene back in those days. He had quite the reputation as a ladies’ man, you know.”
“Gramps? No way.” Intrigued, she stopped what she was doing to listen.
Laughing, Gram beat the eggs. “He was a ladies’ man until I caught his eye. The first time I saw him in his uniform, I was a goner. He was shipping out in a few weeks and the day he left, I promised to wait for him. It sounded so romantic at the time.” She clucked her tongue. “How young and foolish we were.”
“It couldn’t have been too bad since you were married fifty years.”
“Our marriage was wonderful, but the first years were hard. We married immediately after his return home, but Gene, he was a changed man.” Using her forearm, she pushed strands of white hair from her eyes. “Images of what he’d seen would haunt him for years. After a weekend honeymoon to Galveston, he returned to his base, and I stayed home with my parents.”
“I had no idea.”
“We didn’t talk about those years often, but we never forgot them.” Gram turned to her. “A lot of hard lessons were learned during those times, but they gave us a strong foundation upon which we built our marriage. I don’t believe he ever forgot the nightmares he’d witnessed, but he eventually found a way to cope.” She cast a pointed look her way. “As I suspect is the case with a certain man who is leaving today.”
Squinting one eye, Dani sized up Gram’s supposition. “How much do you know?”
“Until last night, I only had my own ideas from recognized behavior, but last night we had a nice talk on the porch while everyone else was asleep.” A wrinkled hand reached out and rested on Dani’s, and Gram winked. “Like when I met Sophie, I can picture him as part of the family one day.”
Coughing and sputtering, Dani reeled from Gram’s implied intent. “That’s quite a jump.”
Finishing the last of the work for the pies, Gram wore a sly smile. “All I’m saying, is that I can see it happening and wouldn’t be opposed.”
Gram appeared genuinely happy for the moment, and Dani determined she wasn’t going to be the one to wipe the smile from her face, especially when she wanted that also—at least beginning on a smaller scale. “There are issues that have to be resolved first.”
Namely, breaking up with Jeff, and she was hesitant to rush into another relationship. And to think, three months ago she hadn’t been interested in dating. Life had a funny way of changing one’s thoughts.
An hour later, the oven timer beeped. Gram pulled the pies out and set them on a cooling rack with a satisfied smile. “Golden perfection.”
“They look great, Gram. Thanks for helping.” Leaning over, she gave Gram an appreciative peck on the cheek.
“Who was really helping who?” Sighing, Gram looked to the door. “I should go home. I can’t hide here forever, and I do need to tell the girls bye before they leave.”
“Anytime you need an escape, you’re welcome. You don’t even need a reason.” She gave her grandmother a hug. “If you’re serious about helping out a few days, we’ll work out the details soon.”
“That sounds delightful. Enjoy the rest of your day, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
When Gram was gone, Dani grabbed her phone. She tapped her fingers on the edges a few times, deliberating. She and Rob hadn’t talked much since the day of the viewing, and never found themselves alone, a purposeful decision. However, letting him leave without saying bye didn’t seem right, but she was afraid anything she could say would come across too personal. Maybe that was her guilty conscience speaking. She really needed to take care of things with Jeff.
She bit her bottom lip and made a decision— a quick, objective text. Have a safe trip.
ON TUESDAY MORNING, Dani prepared to leave her house early for a lunch date with Jeff before work.
“What do I say?” she asked Pip, the unintentional outlet for many one-sided conversations of late. “Jeff and I have been friends for a long time, and I’d hate to lose that.”
Meow. Pip gave her a bored look.
“Wish me luck.” Dani scratched him behind his ears before she left.
She practiced what to say for the entire drive to town. Even after she’d pulled into a front spot at the deli, she still didn’t have her exact words chosen. Jeff’s car wasn’t in the parking lot, so she made the decision to go in and order their lunch. He was a creature of habit, and ninety percent of the time ordered the same sandwich. Since she didn’t want to do the breakup in public, she planned to suggest eating at the park, which was only a half-mile walk.
“One turkey on wheat with lettuce, tomato, and light mayo,” she told a teen boy behind the counter. She recognized him as a newer member of church who’d recently moved to Oden Bridge with his family and was attending community college.
“Any cheese?” The boy was already pulling out thick slices of bread from a warming unit.
“Not on that one, but I’ll also n
eed a roast beef with pepper jack, add only mustard.”
“You know me well.”
She startled at the sound of Jeff’s voice. “You scared me. I didn’t see you come in.”
“You were busy being beautiful as usual.” He smiled the smile that most other woman would find charming, but she hid a grimace.
“It’s such a nice day, I thought I’d order while I waited and we can walk to the park and eat.” The steadiness of her voice pleased her, considering that her insides were so jittery.
“That’s a great idea.” Jeff pulled his wallet from a pocket and withdrew money. “I’ve got lunch.”
“I’ll get mine.” If he had known what was about to happen, he probably wouldn’t have offered. Actually, he would have, because despite his few flaws—mainly his addiction to work—he was a complete gentleman.
“Make them meals, please,” he told the girl running the register and handed her two ten dollar bills, ignoring Dani’s offer.
Dani took the plastic bag holding the sandwiches and pulled two bags of chips off a shelf. “What drink do you want?”
“Water is fine.” Jeff put the change into his wallet then returned it to his pocket.
The bottles of water were cold against her hands, but they felt good after being in the deli. Since they baked their bread fresh every day, the building was always hot inside, no matter what the outside temperature was.
“How is Gram?” Jeff walked in step beside her on the path to the park.
“Really good for what she’s going through.” The bag was heavy around her wrist and she slid it down to grip it with her fingers.
“You’re looking better.” He winked at her, alluding to the mess she was the last time he’d seen her, which has been the day after Gramps’ death.
“I had to pull myself together—wouldn’t want to scare the world off with my monster impersonation.” Self-conscious and still embarrassed she’d been seen in such a pitiful state, she smoothed her hair. Rob hadn’t seemed to mind though.