April smiled and peeked back over at me. What was her thing with me? Had I given her a signal I was interested? “Thanks, Tanner. I’m going to sit in the front row so I can see everyone. This is such a surreal moment for me. Thanks again for agreeing to do this.”
“Yes, thank you,” Dr. Knight said to all of us. “While I have to admit I’m not usually a rock fan, April has converted me. You are quite a talented bunch.”
Bex grinned. “Thank you, Dr. Knight. All right boys, let’s get back to work. Beau, that was an extra amazing solo. Keep that shit up, okay?”
I smiled at her. “You got it.”
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, following the ink from my neck down my chest, arms, and torso. Following the colors back up, I lifted my hand and ran it along my short beard, then to my gauges. I tried to figure out what a woman might see in me. Yeah, I had the whole “bad boy” vibe going on. I was a drummer in a rock band, which did a little something to the female libido. I flexed, watching the muscles ripple across my arms, chest, and abs. Yeah, I guess I had those, too. Years of drumming and beating the shit out of a bag would do that. I didn’t ooze sex appeal like Johnny, or scream “drop your panties” like Tanner. Then again, all I’d ever wanted to do was fly under the radar. It was better that way.
April’s cat-like eyes flashed in front of my face, and I felt myself becoming aroused. She’d sung along to every single song we’d played at rehearsal, her eyes never leaving me. I knew she’d been watching me even while I had my eyes closed. Her gaze was that powerful. After rehearsal, I hadn’t seen her, but we’d been in a hurry to get back to the hotel and get ready for the concert. Which more than likely meant Bex and Johnny were banging each other’s brains out in every position possible. I sure as shit learned not to knock on their door before a concert. Or after a concert. Or ever. Kids or no kids, they didn’t act any different.
The image of April’s ample cleavage in her low cut shirt the first night I met her filtered through my thoughts. I reached down and stroked myself, watching in the mirror as I became fully erect. It would take the edge off, help me relax and play better tonight. It would get her out of my system. I hissed out a breath as I ran my hand over the ridge and down my shaft. I felt the release coming quickly, and I began moving faster.
You’re worthless. You’re just like him. You’re a fucking monster. I shook my head against the sudden onslaught of memories. You’re a piece of shit. I dropped my hand from my dick, my drive deflated. This was why I didn’t deserve to even jack off to her image. I was a worthless, piece of shit monster. I was put on this earth to play my drums, and that was it.
I gripped the counter, my eyes wide and wild. I forced air in and out of my lungs, closing my eyes so I didn’t see my reflection. When I inspected myself close enough in the mirror, no amount of tattoos could hide it. I was his son. His blood ran through me. I could never escape who I was.
I was a monster.
“Beau,” Natalie called. The roadies ran around us, making sure everything was set up and tuned correctly to start the concert. We were moments from performing, and I could hear the crowd screaming “Jaded Regret” over and over. My blood pumped through my veins in excitement. This was what I did this for, right here.
“Yeah.”
“I know you’re not okay today.” It was a simple statement. To someone walking by, it would be innocent. To us, it was laced with underlying meaning.
“I am. I’m ready to play.” It was a lie, but she didn’t need to know that.
“You’ve been off since you got up this morning. Do we need a visit?”
Her question meant do we need to go to the hospital and get a “boost,” a flooding of medication in my system to balance me out when my regular meds weren’t doing it. I shook my head. “No. I’m all right, Nat.”
You’re a worthless piece of shit. I gritted my teeth, my blood pressure pounding in my ears. I wasn’t far from needing that visit, but I was determined to fight through it.
She blew out a breath. “Beau. Don’t be afraid to admit you aren’t okay. It doesn’t make you weak.”
I hugged her, wanting to lash out at her but knowing it wasn’t her fault. “I know, Nat. I know. I’m pumped and ready to play. I’ll let you know if I’m not okay.”
She nodded. “Okay. Bex wants everyone for a minute.” I followed her into a small space behind the stage. Johnny’s hand rested on Bex’s backside. Tanner smiled as I walked up, his perfect blond hair resembling a surfer, not a rock star.
Bex stared at me just a beat too long, and I wondered if Natalie had talked to her. I swore I didn’t get one second of peace with the two of them around. On one hand it was a good thing they could keep me stable, but annoying on the other, because I just couldn’t have a bad day with them around.
“Everyone ready?” Bex asked.
Choruses of “fuck yeah” resounded from all of us, including Natalie. We did our Jaded Regret fist-bump handshake combo and then ran for the stage, Natalie standing in the wings as always. I sat down, pulling my drumsticks out of my pocket. Several new sets sat on the floor by my pedals. It was my thing to throw my sticks into the crowd a few times during a concert. Every set had been signed by all four of us, and I’d seen them on Ebay for thousands of dollars. It was crazy, but it was the one way I could interact with my fans without talking to them.
Tanner started his riff, Johnny and Bex coming in as Bex began to sing, effectively silencing the crowd. In between her notes, I could hear shouts from exuberant fans. My head cleared, and it was just me on this stage with my fabulous band.
It was my turn to come in, and come in I did. I took it over, allowing the screams and shouts of my name to fuel me to drum harder, faster, longer. When my solo was over, and Bex began to sing again, the screams continued to reverberate in my head.
Before I knew it, April and her dad were walking onto the stage as we finished up our tenth song. Sweat dripped off my face and onto my shirt, which seemed like I’d taken a shower in it. Before I could stop myself, I stood up and met her halfway across the stage. I held up my drumsticks, which started a frenzy in the crowd. They knew what I was doing. They were seasoned groupies.
April’s eyes met mine as she realized I was walking toward her. That same charge traveled through my body. I handed her the drumsticks without saying a word. The crowd went insane. I could see many flashes as people took pictures, but it didn’t bother me. She beamed as she took the sticks from my hands, her fingers brushing mine. I almost jumped at her touch but forced myself to take one step back instead.
“Did you see this?” April boomed into the microphone. “Beau just gave me his drumsticks! Who is jealous right now?” The crowd screamed, jumping up and down. She glanced over her shoulder at me and grinned wickedly.
I froze in place behind her. Bex’s footsteps came up behind me, her hand lightly skimming my arm. I immediately relaxed.
“We wanted to take a moment to thank you for coming to this Jaded Regret concert to benefit Young Angels Children’s Hospital, which you can see behind us. Because of all your generosity, not only will we get to complete the next phase, but we will also get to help many foster kids who have aged out of the system but still need assistance. Thanks to Bexley Bryant-Gibbons, we’ll be assisting her in funding an assisted living facility here in Orlando for those kids. It will help them with finding jobs, giving them life skills, and assist them in finding a safe and low-cost place to live.”
Bex stepped up next to April. “Thank you, Orlando.” Her voice was gruff through her headset. “Most of you know I have a special place in my heart for kids in the foster care system, especially those who never got to have families and then found themselves all alone in the world just because they were considered adults. It’s my goal to help those who need it and get more kids families.” The crowd screamed and jumped up and down. Bex glanced back at me for just a second, but I knew what she meant. For kids like us who had no one.
“Now who’s r
eady to rock?”
Bex nodded at us, and we turned to go back to our respective places. April put her hand on my arm before I could get too far from her. “Thank you,” she whispered into my ear. “I’ll keep them forever.” I allowed a small smile to play on my lips before turning away from her. I grabbed a new pair of drumsticks and watched as she exited the stage. She turned back and stood, studying me the entire time again.
I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I could still feel where she’d touched me on my arm.
“I’m exhausted,” Bex said, tipping back a water bottle and draining it. She picked up her signature chicken tender—she always liked greasy fried food after a show. “We have to get out there soon.”
As part of the fundraiser, we had sold tickets to a meet and greet. We would sign items purchased at the event, take pictures for a donation to the hospital, and mingle with a few hundred of our best fans. It was enough to make me nervous as hell, but I’d do it.
“All I want to do is crash with my babies.” It shouldn’t shock me at this point to hear her talk about her kids like that, but it did. The softer side of Bex was still taking some getting used to.
“Hell yeah. Maybe I can get April and Camryn to come back with me to my room tonight,” Tanner said, ignoring Bex’s comment about her kids. “Camryn was—”
“Do you always think with your dick?” I interjected. “Who says April would fall at your feet? She doesn’t seem the type to suck your dick while you lick someone else.”
Four sets of eyes swung to me in shock. I never spoke up to Tanner about his shenanigans, but why did he need to try to get April, too? She was too classy for a slut like him.
“Most guys do,” Tanner said. “Just because you are a self-imposed prude doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be. And thanks for the visual, now all I can think of is April sucking my cock while I’ve got Camryn spread eagle.”
“Tanner,” Natalie said, her voice tight. I clenched my fists at the image of April bent down in front of him.
“You got a problem, Beau?” Tanner crossed his arms in front of his chest.
I shook my head, forcing myself to breathe out and slow my heart rate before I responded. “No. I guess I just don’t understand why you need to try to fuck your way through every town we go to. You are a womanizer, and it’s just old. The whole world knows you’re a whore, and you just keep going like you’re proud of it.”
Bex’s mouth dropped open. I usually only called her or Natalie on their shit.
Tanner grinned. “Ahhh, now I get it.”
“Get what?”
Tanner looked over at Bex. “Do you hear what I hear?”
She shrugged, evidently trying to downplay whatever was happening with me right now.
He was fucking pissing me off. My head started to spin, my thoughts rapidly taking over. Natalie appeared next to me. “Beau,” she whispered. “Let it the hell go. Why do you care what he does?” Lines formed in her forehead as she watched me with pain etched in her expression. Like it or not, Natalie had a thing for Tanner, and his escapades hurt her. Me bringing it up didn’t help her at all.
“You want her, don’t you?” Tanner continued. “I’ll be damned. I’ve never seen you want a girl, despite how much some of them have thrown themselves at you.”
“Shut up, Tanner,” Natalie spat.
“You do, don’t you? Do you want that sweet piece of ass? Her friend was a freak, man. I usually have a rule against going back for more, but I’d do that hottie again in a nanosecond.”
He was pushing my buttons, and he knew it. The problem was, he didn’t understand the repercussions to the buttons he pushed. I stood, and the chair I’d been sitting sitting in fell back and hit the ground. The second Bex saw me, she also stood and got in my face.
“Sit the hell down,” she said, her voice soft so only I could hear. Natalie appeared on the other side of her. “Do not let him do this to you. Why is what he’s saying getting to you now?”
Bex’s eyes left mine for just long enough to read something in Natalie’s face. When she turned her eyes back to me, softness covered her features. “I love you, Beau. Breathe.”
Silence overtook the room as Johnny and Tanner watched the two girls try to talk me down.
“Let’s get out of here and get this the fuck over with.” I ignored the entire situation and they followed behind me, all of us silent until we reached our destination.
April
I WATCHED BEAU from across the room. He was . . . smiling. His straight white teeth gleamed against the dark stubble of his beard. I’d only seen small glimpses of his smile over the past two days. He stood between his sister and Bex, and whatever they said to him made him appear euphoric.
I wanted to make him smile like that. The hundreds of people who’d come to the meet and greet were in different stages of stalking Jaded Regret. Some of them had been loud and wild, screaming and exuberant to meet the famous rockers. The band had handled it in stride, their security only having to be somewhat forceful with one girl who’d hung all over Johnny, despite his wife standing right next to him. Bex had been unusually calm. I’d expected her to punch the woman, but she’d only smirked as the woman screamed about wanting his babies. I guess she had nothing to worry about since Johnny hardly stopped touching her every time they were next to each other.
Some fans seemed too intimidated to go right up to them, content with just watching them from afar and taking in the greatness of their presence. I pretended to be one of them, but it was only so I could study Beau. I had no idea what made the man tick. He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met before. I noticed he hadn’t strayed far from his sister and Bex during the entire time. When Bex and Johnny had gotten up and made a short speech to the crowd, he’d stayed next to them without saying a word. I’d watched several girls approach him, their clothing minimal and their bravery at an all time high. He’d shaken hands with a few of them, signed posters, shirts, and CD covers, but nothing more. Even the ones who’d draped themselves on him to take selfies or pictures taken by friends didn’t change his demeanor. If anything, he appeared to be uncomfortable with all the attention.
Camryn stayed close to Tanner, nursing a drink as she batted her eyelashes at him. Bella and her husband, Jeremy, were whispering next to me. Bella thought I was certifiable at this point. Maybe I was. I watched Beau’s fingers tap out an invisible beat on the cup he held. I wondered if he always had a song playing in his head.
“Talk to him,” Bella said in my ear. “What’s the worst that can happen? He’s leaving tomorrow.”
She was right. What was the worst that could happen? I straightened my back and walked across the room to the band. When Natalie saw me, a smile instantly lit her face. We’d hit it off quite well, and I liked her. The roadies had finished with the set in the corner of the room. I knew Jaded Regret was about to play a brand new song they’d never played before for our meet and greet fans. I couldn’t wait to hear it.
“Great turn out,” Natalie said. “They’ll get ready to play soon.”
I nodded. “Sounds good. The fans have been rather tame compared to what I thought they would be.”
“I’m used to way crazier. Sometimes these women can be . . . interesting.” Her gaze met Beau’s, and that’s when I noticed his attention move past her, straight to me. Natalie saw it, too, because she turned back to me with a smile on her face.
“He’s had a rough day.” I wanted to figure out what she meant by that, but I couldn’t tear my eyes from Beau’s. The dark pools of brown lost me in their depths, even from a few feet away. He was so serious, but I had a feeling Beau Anderson had many layers protecting him, making him who he was today. And I wanted nothing more than to peel them back one by one.
“He seems sad,” I said, shocking myself that I said it out loud. I felt like I could trust Natalie, like we’d known each other longer than two days.
Natalie sighed next to me. “He’s . . . complicated.” One of the roadies called
her name. “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.” She walked away, leaving me standing alone, still staring straight at Beau. My feet began to move before I could stop them, and in seconds, I found myself standing right in front of him.
“That was a great show.” I thought I needed to say something. He gave me that little smirk, the almost smile I’d come to like—a lot—in the last two days. “Thanks again for the drumsticks. You didn’t have to do that.”
He shrugged, and my stomach dropped in disappointment. He wasn’t going to talk to me. “It was no biggie.” He spoke so quiet I almost missed it. His gravelly voice sent tingles up and down my spine, making goose bumps break out on my arms and legs. I rubbed my arms absently, hoping and praying he’d continue to talk.
“This is totally not your scene, is it?” I indicated the loud fans around us.
He smirked again. “You could say that.” His fingers tapped on his cup again, and I wanted to ask him what song he heard in his head and if he could play it for me.
“Have you always been a drummer?”
He glanced away for just a second, but before I could be disappointed, his eyes met mine again. “Yes. Always.”
“Beau, time to play.” Bex appeared next to us. I almost groaned in frustration. “Ready to hear our new song, April?”
Ready? Yes. In about two hours after I finally get through to this man, absolutely. “Always ready for a new Jaded Regret song.”
“Beau and I wrote this one,” Bex said, bumping Beau playfully. He grabbed her and wrapped his arm around her neck, using his fist to give her a noogie . When she punched him in the gut, he let her go, feigning pain. She smoothed out her hair and narrowed her eyes at him. I grinned, loving the visual of them this way.
Snared (Jaded Regret #1) Page 5