CJ froze. Her face contorted into several expressions before her protective mask went back into place.
“CJ, no one is trying to hurt you or use you. We only want to help. I’m offering to set aside counseling time for you, if you want that help. And I’ve a feeling Brad is offering much more than that. Are you so confident that you can make it through this without help? Is there never a time when the demons haunt you so severely that you just want out?”
CJ’s eyes registered acknowledgment. “How could you know?”
Roger got up and walked to where CJ stood. “It’s my job to know, for one thing. For another, we all have our demons to contend with. Christ told us it wouldn’t be easy here on earth. But, CJ, Christ overcame the world and He’s already dealt with this problem, as well. He’s given you a path to find the way home. It’s up to you to set your feet on the trail.”
CJ nodded slowly. “It’s so hard,” she whispered faintly.
“I know. But you have people who care, and you don’t have to walk that path alone. You have a Savior Who loves you and Who will always be with you. Even when times get rough and things are as bad as they can be, you won’t be alone.”
Roger’s words permeated the hard façade CJ had lived behind for five years. By listening to the things he had said, CJ recognized the truth and realized that God had brought her to a very important crossroad.
“I’ll think about it, okay?” CJ said with tears in her eyes.
Roger handed her his card. “Call me anytime. Oh, and on the back is Brad’s number. I think he’d like to know that you aren’t angry with him.”
CJ took the card and nodded. She had a great deal to consider.
Sitting in his Jeep, Brad waited impatiently for Roger. He’d wanted to be there. No, the truth was Brad wanted to be the one to whom CJ talked. He gripped the steering wheel, then released it, wishing he could feel at peace with what he’d done. In his mind he kept seeing CJ’s frightened expression.
“Why can’t this be easy?” he questioned with an impatient fist to the steering wheel.
After nearly an hour, Roger reappeared in the parking lot and made his way to Brad’s Jeep. When he got inside, he smiled.
“I think we made a bit of progress,” he said confidently.
“You honestly think so?”
“I can’t be certain, but I believe CJ is ready to deal with this thing. She needs some time to think, but I left her my card and told her to call me anytime and that I’d set up appointments to counsel her. I also left her your phone number. I knew you wouldn’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind. I want to help her,” Brad said sharply.
“I know. So do I. But we see only a little bit of the picture that makes up CJ O’Sullivan. God has the blueprints, and He’s the One in charge. We must take our direction from Him or we’ll only be interfering with His plan.”
Brad slumped back in the seat in complete dejection. “I’ve never been one to just sit back and do nothing.”
“I don’t expect for you to do nothing. You have access to information about CJ and her family. Do a little research and learn what you can. Pull out books, newspaper articles, whatever it takes, and learn about her. The more you know about CJ as a child before the accident, the better you can help. The accident forever changed her life. She not only lost her parents, she also lost a part of herself when that plane went down. If she lets you into her life, you might be the one to help her recover that.”
“I’ll get right on it,” Brad said with renewed hope.
“Oh, and Brad,” Roger said as he fastened his seat belt, “spend a good amount of time in prayer, as well.”
Brad smiled. “Of course.”
Almost a week later, the telephone on Brad’s desk in the penthouse began to ring. Brad picked it up absentmindedly, his eyes still focused on the column of figures before him.
“This is Brad Aldersson.”
“Brad, it’s CJ.”
The feminine voice brought Brad’s full attention to the call. “CJ? How are you?”
“Better, I think.”
“Good,” he replied. “I’ve been worried about you.”
“Why?” CJ asked without thinking.
“Because I care.”
“Why?”
“Do I have to have a reason?”
“I guess not.” CJ paused. “Look, this isn’t why I called.”
“Why did you call?” Brad questioned, almost afraid of the answer.
“Actually, I wondered if you could come over and talk. I’m not good at explaining myself under any circumstances, but on the phone, I’m even worse.”
Brad could hardly contain his excitement. He fought to speak evenly. “Of course. When?”
“Whenever is convenient for you.”
“I’m free right now. Is that too soon?”
“No. Now would be fine. Do you remember the address?”
“I certainly do. Would you like me to bring anything? Mrs. Davis has been working up a feast in the kitchen. I could pack some of it up and bring it along.”
CJ laughed, and the sound was like music to Brad’s ears. “You know me and food,” she answered. “Bring whatever you like, and I’ll scout around in the refrigerator and see if I have anything appropriate to add.”
“Don’t you dare,” Brad replied. “I owe you this meal. I’ll bring everything we need. You just sit tight.”
CJ hadn’t long to wait. When she opened the door, she burst out laughing. Two large grocery sacks with legs sticking out from beneath stood at attention. “Is that you, Brad?”
The deep chuckle from behind the food told CJ it was. “Mrs. Davis got a bit carried away, but I think you’ll be pleased.”
“Well, come on in. You can put the stuff in the kitchen or on the dining room table, whichever you prefer.”
“Do you want to eat while we talk?” Brad questioned.
“That’d be good. At least if things get bad, I won’t miss out on dinner again.”
“Then lead me to the dining room table and we’ll just lay all this food out,” Brad directed. “Then, if you’ll get some plates and silverware, we should be ready to eat.”
“Okay, right this way,” CJ replied and led Brad to her small but neatly ordered dining room.
Placing the sacks on the table, Brad looked at CJ for a moment. Self-conscious of the attention, CJ glanced down. “I’ll get the dishes,” she finally said. “Is tea all right to drink?”
“Tea sounds good to me,” Brad answered.
CJ quickly retrieved the pitcher and brought out a woven bamboo tray from under the sink to put it on. She pulled down her everyday dishes and pale blue glasses and went to the silverware drawer to finish out the setting.
Taking a deep breath, CJ walked back into the dining room, carrying the tray. Brad looked up and smiled.
“Everything’s ready here.”
CJ noted the table and gasped in surprise. “There’s enough food here for an entire dinner party.”
“I wanted to make sure you had a choice. I still know so very little about you. I wasn’t sure what you liked,” Brad offered.
CJ looked the food over and laughed. “I don’t see a single thing here that I don’t like,” she said good-naturedly and took the seat that Brad offered her. They were rapidly running out of idle chatter.
Taking the place across from her, Brad stared deeply into her blue eyes. “Thank you for asking me over,” he said in a tone that left no doubt as to his pleasure in the matter.
CJ nodded and dropped her head in embarrassment. But the thought of praying came to mind, and she quickly covered her discomfort by suggesting they offer thanks.
“Would you say the blessing?” she whispered in request.
“Of course,” Brad replied and bowed his head. “Father, I thank You for this day and the meal we are about to share. I ask Your blessing on the food and those who partake of it. Amen.”
CJ filled her plate in silence, knowing that Brad wa
s waiting for her to say something to start them off. Finally, she choked back her discomfort and spoke.
“I guess I owe you a bit of an explanation, if not an apology.”
Brad shook his head. “No apologies are necessary.”
CJ folded her hands in her lap and looked at the food on her plate. “I know Cheryl told you about the accident. I’m certain that beyond that, given your love of my father, you must have read about it, as well.”
Brad nodded, and CJ continued. “I don’t remember a lot about the actual crash. I do remember being pinned in the wreckage and feeling so helpless. There was fuel everywhere,” she said, remembering the smell. “I just knew that at any minute the whole plane would burst into flames. I don’t remember seeing my parents, but somehow I knew that they were dead. Don’t ask me how. I just sensed it, I guess.” CJ fell silent, wondering if it had been such a good idea to have this talk, after all.
“You don’t have to push yourself, CJ. It’s good that you’re willing to deal with it at all.”
“I know,” she answered softly. “I know that you and Roger want to help me, and I do appreciate that.”
“But…,” Brad interjected.
CJ looked up and met his dark green eyes. “But I’m not sure I’m up to the task. I’ve thought a lot about what Roger said, but I don’t feel comfortable going to a stranger and baring my life.”
“What about me?” Brad questioned.
“You’re nearly as much a stranger as he is,” CJ responded.
“And do you want to keep it that way?” he asked.
CJ found his eyes fixed on hers. They held her captive in a way that was not at all unpleasant. “I’m not saying that,” she finally answered. “I’m just saying that I don’t know what I want. I’ve been chained to these emotions and problems for so long, I’m not sure I can break away from them. Or,” she added in a barely audible voice, “that I even want to. Does that sound horrible?”
“Sometimes the things that bind us feel almost comforting,” Brad said in a knowing way. “Kind of like the evil we know is better than the evil we don’t.”
“I suppose that’s what I mean,” CJ said, lowering her eyes once again. She toyed with her fork for a minute before adding, “I guess it just comes down to the fact that I’m afraid.”
Brad reached out and stilled her restless hand. “We’re all afraid at one time or another. But, if you’ll let me, I ’d like to be there for you. I want to help.”
“Why? I don’t understand how you can just walk into my life from nowhere and want to help me. I’m nothing to you.”
Brad tightened his hold on her hand. “I can’t explain it all. I don’t know for sure why you’ve come to be so important to me. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like to see anyone hurting as much as you are. Maybe it’s because you seem so lost and scared. I don’t know. All I know is that I want to help. I want to get to know you better. Will you give us a chance to be friends?”
CJ swallowed the lump in her throat and fought back the tears that threatened to spill. It was the moment she knew would come. Could she make the right decision? Could she put aside her fears and break the chains?
“I’d like very much to keep seeing you,” she finally managed to whisper. “Is that enough to start with?”
Brad smiled. “You bet it is.”
seven
Brad fairly soared on wings of his own. He went straight to Roger’s house after leaving CJ and explained her acceptance of his help.
“What do I do now?” Brad questioned, as Roger set a cup of coffee in front of him.
“You must earn her trust,” Roger answered, taking a seat. “She doesn’t know you, and you really don’t know her. Establish a friendship, first and foremost. And,” he added in a stern tone, “I mean friendship. Don’t try to fall in love with her or make her fall in love with you. That would be disastrous. You need to be friends first. I can’t stress that enough.”
Brad took a long drink of the steaming black liquid. “I’m already drawn to her physically as well as emotionally,” Brad admitted. “I may have already lost my heart to her.”
“No,” Roger stated firmly, “you feel sorry for her. You have sympathy for her plight and you care about her recovery. You aren’t in love with her; you’re merely a concerned observer at this point.”
Brad grinned and put the cup on the table. “Keep talking. Maybe you’ll convince me.”
Roger shook his head. “Brad, this is most serious. I know it’s hard, but you need to find a common ground with CJ that doesn’t revolve around a physical attraction. Bring her to church. Take her to the Bible study. Offer her friendship, but don’t get physical. You’ll never be able to help her objectively if you do.”
“I don’t think I follow you,” Brad confessed.
Roger leaned forward. “If you fall in love with her, you won’t allow yourself to cause her pain and, unfortunately, most healing starts with that very thing. If you fall in love with her, you will only build her a bigger wall. You will convince yourself that you can keep her from the pain of the past and then she’ll never deal with it. Do you understand?”
Brad frowned. He did, indeed, see the logic in Roger’s words. Not that he wanted to. Much to his disappointment, Roger’s advice held that solid foundation of truth that Brad couldn’t ignore.
CJ wasn’t at all sure what to expect when Brad suggested she come to his penthouse at the hotel. She weighed her options carefully and finally accepted, realizing that she had agreed to take on his help.
She lingered in the corridor outside the penthouse, studying the brass and glass fixtures and objets d’art. Plush, mauve carpeting seemed the perfect balance to the entryway. It was refined, but not overdone. CJ ran her hand lightly across the frame of a Renoir replica. It was a painting she’d always enjoyed. DÉJEUNER DES CANOTIERS—THE LUNCHEON OF THE BOATING PARTY was printed in bold letters on the plaque at the bottom. She stared for a moment at the painted figures. There were men in straw hats and a red-haired woman, cooing at a fluffy dog. The table was set for the luncheon, the wine goblets just catching the light. CJ’s eyes were drawn to the woman in the background. She leaned casually against the railing, listening or pretending to listen to the gentleman in front of her. CJ thought perhaps she was daydreaming. Of all the characters there, the leaning woman was the one most distant. She was a part of the boating party, yet she was alone. It was almost as if the woman observed what was going on around her without truly being a part of it. It reminded CJ hauntingly of herself. Shaking off the sorrow, CJ knocked on the door.
Brad opened it and smiled broadly. “Come in. Come in.” CJ re-turned his smile with timid warmth. “Have you eaten yet?”
“Yes,” CJ replied and nervously plunged her hands into her skirt pockets. Would there ever come a time when she could face Brad with an emotion other than dread?
“There are some things I wanted to say,” Brad began, “and I thought perhaps it would be best to say them here.”
“I see.”
“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable?” He motioned to a chair. “I want to say up front that I want to help you just because I care about you. It doesn’t have anything to do with your father, and I don’t expect anything out of it.”
CJ’s brow furrowed. “Be real, Brad. Everyone expects something. No one does anything without anticipating an end result.”
Brad nodded. “Maybe I should reword that to say your welfare is my uppermost goal. If you are better able to deal with life and can put the pain of your past behind you, then I will have accomplished what is most important to me at this point.”
“I see. A real humanitarian, eh?”
“CJ, I can’t honestly say why it’s so important to me,” Brad admitted. “But from the moment I found you cowering there in Cheryl’s bathroom, it seemed overwhelmingly necessary to be a part of your life. I propose friendship. Nothing more. Nothing less. I won’t overstep those bounds, at least not until you progress to the place
where you feel comfortable considering such a thing.”
“Is this Roger’s idea or yours?” CJ questioned.
Brad smiled. “I have to admit it was Roger’s at first. But I quickly saw the logic and reasoning in what he suggested. I can’t be objective if I fall in love with you.” His green eyes were intense.
“Go on,” she whispered.
“It’s just that I want everything to be on the level with you. Roger says trust is the most important element in our beginning a friendship. I figure, first of all, that you have to feel confident that I’m not after your money or your body. I’ve made arrangements for my business office to open its books to your scrutiny.”
“Brad, that’s hardly necessary,” CJ protested. She was touched that he would do such a thing, but it embarrassed her greatly for him to think her so insecure about her money.
“I insist. This is one matter in which I won’t take no for an answer,” Brad stated firmly. “Another area I insist be clear between us is that any time you feel I’m moving too fast or expecting too much, I want you to tell me so. I’m not porcelain, and I won’t be hurt. I promise.”
CJ smiled at his insistence. “All right,” she agreed. “But I have some demands of my own.” The words surprised CJ. In all honesty, she hadn’t considered such things until just then.
“When you check in with Roger for advice on how to help me, I want to know what he says. Just because I don’t feel comfortable enough to see him on my own doesn’t mean I want you two discussing me behind my back. I’m willing to try and deal with this thing, but I’ve never held much store in shrinks. That goes for Christian ones, as well. Fact is, I’ve always thought the two things kind of conflicted with each other. But that’s another issue. Do you agree?” CJ asked.
“Agreed. It’s only fair that you know what advice Roger offers. In fact, we can discuss that right now, if you like.”
“All right, what does the good doctor say?”
Brad grew serious. “He says that this won’t be easy. It will be painful and slow, and if you aren’t a willing participant, all of my caring in the world won’t matter.
A Wing And A Prayer: Truly Yours Digital Edition (Truly Yours Digital Editions) Page 5