She ran out across the fading lawn and past the hangar, but by that time, Brad had caught up with her, grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her to him in a giant embrace. CJ laughed as she hadn’t laughed since before the accident. She was happy and, for the first time in her life, she felt secure and free.
“I love your laugh. I love your hair when the sunlight hits it and makes it sparkle. I love the way your eyes light up when you’re happy and the way you blush when you’re embarrassed,” Brad said, pulling away from her to look intently into her eyes.
Some of CJ’s braid had pulled loose and several copper ringlets framed her face. A chill wind blew down from the Rockies, causing her to shiver.
“Come on,” Brad said, putting his arm around her shoulders and steering her toward his home. “I’ll make some more pilot coffee.”
CJ thought he sounded strangely disappointed. Perhaps he had hoped that she’d return his declaration of love. Gently, she reached out to halt him. “Brad,” she said softly, “thank you for taking me up and,” she lowered her head and blushed, “for loving me.”
Brad gave her shoulder a squeeze and walked on toward the house. “Getting you in the plane was real work, but loving you wasn’t hard at all,” he whispered and added a wink when CJ raised her face to his.
“Well, so much for just being friends,” CJ laughed.
“Roger will no doubt chastise me for my lack of discipline,” Brad replied, feigning sternness. “Good thing I didn’t become a psychologist, eh?”
“I think you would have been great at helping people,” CJ countered, enjoying the lazy walk back to the house.
“But then, I might have fallen in love with someone else,” Brad said flatly.
They stopped walking and CJ felt her heart skip a beat. She warmed under the look he gave her, and she felt her breath catch in her throat. “I don’t think I would have cared for that,” she managed to say.
“No?”
“No.” The firmness of her reply was all the hope she would give him.
Unable to resist the windblown woman with glacier blue eyes, Brad encircled her waist with his hands and kissed her briefly once again.
“Can we do this every weekend?” CJ murmured as he pulled away.
Brad’s laughter filled the air. “Kiss or fly?”
“Both,” CJ responded boldly. “I think I need to get used to both.”
It was late evening when CJ finally returned to her apartment. She’d enjoyed spending the entire day with Brad and felt only marginally guilty when she returned to find Cheryl somewhat concerned about her long absence.
“I had the most glorious day,” CJ told her friend. “I flew, Cheryl. I flew in the Travel Air, and it was wonderful.”
Tears filled Cheryl’s eyes. She knew what this had cost CJ and how hard the choice had been.
“Oh, CJ,” she said, embracing her friend, “I’m so happy. It’s like a totally new start for you.”
“The flight was only part of what made the day glorious,” CJ admitted.
Cheryl stepped back with a questioning look. “Well?”
CJ laughed and pushed past her friend and down the hall. She stood outside her bedroom door and looked back at the puzzled Cheryl.
“He told me he loves me, Cheryl.” Her giggles sounded like a child at play. “Brad loves me.”
thirteen
Brad turned out the lights and made his way upstairs. His mind was filled with the image of copper curls, blue eyes, and warm, responsive lips. CJ!
He turned down the covers of his bed, grabbed his briefcase, and settled down to read quarterly reports from his resorts. He scanned the papers, noting with interest that additional land adjoining his Jackson Hole, Wyoming, property had come up for sale. The manager had been good enough to let him know before the property had been placed on the open market. It would make a great piece for a golf course or recreation center. He’d fly up there tomorrow or the next day and check it out.
Brad put the papers down. Maybe he could interest CJ in going. No, he reasoned, it was still too early to expect that. He would ask, but if she turned him down, it would still be all right.
Brad’s concentration was completely broken. He tried three times to turn his attention back to the papers, but it was impossible. Getting up, he walked to the french doors that opened onto his balcony. The night air was cold and assaulted his skin through the silk pajamas he wore.
Staring out across the moonlit valley to the shadowed mountains in the distance, Brad prayed. “God,” he began, “I love her. I think I’ve loved her from the first minute I saw her. I tried to do as Roger suggested, I really did. I think we have a good friendship, but Father, I want much more. I want to love CJ in the way that she needs to be loved, but the past still stands between us. Help her, please, to deal with the pain and the things that haunt her mind. Heal her and make her whole, and God,” Brad paused, concentrating hard on the words he would pray, “if it’s Your will…let CJ be the one I’ll marry. Amen.”
The whispered prayer seemed to catch on the night winds, drifting out across the open land and ever upward to the starry heavens. Brad stood there for a long time, watching and wondering. How would he know? How would he know for sure if it was right to marry CJ?
Mondays were devoted to cleaning house, at least for CJ. Monday was the day she put everything in order—her house and her emotions. It was also the day she saw Roger Prescott and walked back through time to the moments that had held her prisoner for so many years.
CJ smiled to herself as she opened the glass doors of the administrative building where Roger’s office was. Today, she decided, would be her last visit. She’d come so far in the few months since she’d met Brad and Roger. It was hard to imagine the woman who’d existed back then, and CJ had no desire to dwell on her too much.
“You look as though you have the world by the tail,” Roger said when CJ entered the room.
CJ’s smile broadened. “I guess I feel that way, too.”
“I take it the weekends are working out well and that flying hasn’t caused you any problems,” he said, casually opening their session.
CJ smoothed the skirt of her navy jumper and took a seat. “I feel wonderful, and I can’t thank you and Brad enough. I guess I never realized what I was missing in life until Brad forced me to face it head-on.”
“And you feel now that you’ve put it all behind you?”
CJ toyed with the burgundy bow that trimmed her print blouse. “I know things aren’t completely perfect, but I’m working on it.”
“It’s good that you still see room for improvement. God doesn’t want us to stagnate.” Roger paused, then changed the subject. “What about you and Brad? He tells me that he stepped outside the boundaries of friendship and lost his heart to you.” Roger’s face showed the delight he held for his friend. “How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure,” CJ responded. “No, that’s not true. It thrills me to pieces and scares me to death.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” CJ said, shaking her head. “I don’t think so. It’s too new and I’m not sure what I feel or what to do with it.”
“All right.” Roger smiled and leaned back in his chair. “I know you’ve been coming regularly to the Bible study. Have you found it helpful?”
CJ nodded. “I know it’s helped tremendously. I lost a good portion of guilt the day I realized I could never be good enough or do enough to earn my salvation.”
“Guilt has played a heavy role in your life, hasn’t it?”
Roger’s words impacted CJ in a strange way. She really hadn’t considered the guilt aspect for a very long time. “There was a time,” she said in a faraway voice, “when I felt guilty for being alive. No matter what I did or how I looked at life, I was alive and they weren’t, and for that I felt somehow to blame.”
“Why?” Roger asked softly.
“You tell me.” CJ laughed nervously. “You’re the shrink.�
��
Roger smiled. “You know it doesn’t work that way.”
“I guess I do.” She paused and shifted in the seat to cross her legs. “Life is difficult to understand. I guess no one would dispute that.” She didn’t wait for Roger to comment before moving on. “Still, it seems odd that a sixteen-year-old girl could take so much on her shoulders. I hated being left behind. I hated feeling the loss and knowing that everyone looked at me as the survivor of the crash that took Douglas O’Sullivan from the world. I wasn’t a survivor.” CJ slowly added, “In many ways, I was just as much a fatality of the crash as they were.”
“And now?” Roger questioned.
“Now?” CJ shrugged. “Now, I’m not sure. I don’t feel the same guilt, and the loss is easier to deal with. I’m more mature in my thinking and realize that of course the world would mourn my father while paying little attention to me.”
“But?” Roger pressed.
“But?” CJ repeated the question.
“But there’s something more. At least, that’s how it sounded to me,” Roger replied.
CJ swallowed hard. “I guess there is. I guess somewhere out there, there’s a little girl still wandering around, trying to piece her life back together.”
“Do you ever try to picture her?” Roger asked.
“What?” CJ asked, sounding surprised.
“Picture her. See yourself at sixteen again. What do you see?”
CJ closed her eyes. She focused on the girl she saw herself as before the crash. “I’m naïve. I believe the world is a good place and that nothing can hurt me. I’m happy because I don’t know that there is anything more than what I’m experiencing, and what I’m living is wonderful in my mind.” CJ fell silent and felt tears come to her eyes.
“Go on, CJ. Tell me what else you see.”
“I can’t,” she whispered.
“Is that where you want to leave her…naïve, happy, living a wonderful life? Is she safe there?” Roger questioned.
“No,” CJ answered and opened her eyes. “She’s not safe.
She’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“What do you mean?”
“She…” CJ shook her head. “I loved them so much. My folks were everything to me. My brother, too. Then one day, they just got into an airplane and flew out of my life. Even Curt flew away.”
“And now you’re afraid to give your heart to Brad because he just might do the same thing?”
CJ’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “The other shoe,” she whispered. “I never saw it that way before.”
“Now that you do, what do you want to do about it?”
“I don’t know,” CJ said and shifted again in the seat. “I thought I was coming here today to tell you I was finished with these sessions. Now I don’t think I will.”
“It’s up to you, CJ. You alone know when they stop being helpful. Some people rely on counseling for years and eventually it becomes as much a crutch as other things do. If you want to keep coming, I’m here. If you’re ready to move on, that’s fine, too.”
CJ shook her head. “I thought the physical aspect of flying was my biggest problem to overcome. That and my anger at God. Now I see a whole new slate of problems, and I guess I’m confused. I can’t stop now and leave in the middle.” With a weak smile, she looked up at Roger. “It’d be too much like putting down a good book before reading the last chapter.”
Roger laughed. “You’re just beginning to write that book, CJ. You won’t reach the last earthly chapter until God calls you home.”
When the session ended, Roger walked with CJ out to her car. The air was colder than it had been the day before, and CJ wished she’d thought to bring her jacket.
“CJ,” Roger said as she unlocked her door. “I’d like to say something, but not as a counselor…just as a friend.”
“Go ahead,” CJ replied, a look of curiosity punctuating her words.
Roger shoved his hands into his pants pockets and smiled in a sheepish way. “I’ve known Brad a while now, and I don’t mind saying he’s a good guy. He’s participated in the church with more enthusiasm than most, and anytime there’s a special project, he’s more than willing to do his part. And,” Roger added with a wink, “the single gals have been mighty disappointed to see him devote so much time to you.”
CJ laughed but wondered what Roger was getting at. Roger grew quiet for a moment, then looked past CJ to the mountains. “I guess what I want to tell you is that he’s worthy of your trust. I know I warned him not to fall in love with you, but you have to understand, that was purely on a professional level. Frankly, I knew he was already headed there when we talked, but I didn’t want him to concentrate on the love interest so much that he protected you from dealing with the real issue of your fear. If I wronged you in that, I hope you’ll forgive me.”
CJ reached out and put her hand on Roger’s arm. “I don’t believe you wronged me at all. I wasn’t ready to fall in love then. I’m not even sure about now, but I do know that I cherish the friendship I have with Brad, and I think it makes a good foundation for whatever else might come.”
Roger nodded. “You’re pretty smart, CJ O’Sullivan.”
The phone was ringing as CJ opened the door to her apartment. Jug-gling groceries, she answered breathlessly.
“Hi, thought I’d check in with you.”
“Brad! Where are you? Did you have to fly back from Jackson Hole in the storm?” CJ sounded panicked.
“What storm?” Brad asked. Thunder crashed loudly, and before CJ could reply, Brad’s voice answered nonchalantly, “Oh, that storm.”
“Where are you?” CJ asked again.
“Wyoming. By the time my meeting ended, it was too late to fly back, so I decided to give my own hotel a try.”
CJ sighed and sounded much relieved when she spoke. “I was worried. I kept watching that storm move in from the north, and I just knew you’d be foolish enough to try and beat it in.”
“Never worry about things like that CJ,” Brad assured. “I take my flight safety very seriously. I’ve seen too many things go wrong to chance it. In fact, I’m probably overcautious.”
“Good. Keep it that way.”
“You growing fond of me or something?”
CJ laughed. “Or something,” she replied. Another loud crash of thunder rocked the panes in her windows. “It sure is a nasty storm for this time of year. I was totally surprised. One minute the weather was perfect; the next thing I knew I was nearly drenched. I was outside, bringing in groceries, when you called.”
“Where’s Cheryl?”
“She was supposed to meet Stratton. I hope he kept the date. He’s sure treated her strangely lately. I think Cheryl’s honestly questioning whether she’ll marry him at all.”
“Marriage is an important commitment,” Brad remarked.
CJ found the opportunity to discuss the subject too tempting to ignore. “That’s what I told Cheryl,” she began, using Cheryl to distance herself from harm. “I told her she needed to be able to trust Stratton with her life, as well as her emotions. If he doesn’t look out for her overall well-being, then he just doesn’t care the way he should.”
“I think that’s a very important point. You should probably tell Cheryl, as well, that most men find women somewhat of a mystery. She should be straightforward with him and let him know exactly what she expects out of marriage.”
“True,” CJ said, knowing that Brad realized her game. “A man should be no different. Say for instance, he expects a wife to give up all her other interests in life for his, he should tell her before they walk down the aisle together.”
“Or if he’d just like to see her get some interests in life,” Brad retorted.
“Well, maybe if she had problems that kept her from seeking outside influences, then she’d be justified in having very few interests. But I think she’s working all that out.” CJ realized how stupid she sounded and laughed. “After all, Cheryl went to the art gallery wit
h me just yesterday, and she told me that she thought my art history degree would be best put to use in owning my own gallery.”
“An art gallery, huh?” Brad questioned. “I didn’t know you even had an interest in such a thing.”
“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” CJ quipped. A quick glance out the kitchen window showed that the storm was abating.
“Guess I’d better be straightforward then.”
“I guess you’d better.” CJ liked their coded banter. “Now tell me, how did your meeting go?”
“Pretty well,” Brad admitted. They talked on for several minutes about his plans, when suddenly CJ realized he’d not had supper.
“You’d better go get something to eat,” she stated firmly.
“Yes, dear,” he replied in a teasing voice.
“And if you’re flying back at the crack of dawn, you’ll want to get to bed early.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Just being straightforward,” CJ replied with a laugh.
“Yes, dear.” Brad’s voice betrayed his amusement. “Good night, dear.”
“Good night,” CJ said, then quickly added, “Brad?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for letting me know you were all right. Be careful tomorrow.” There was no teasing in her voice.
“I will be. Don’t worry, just pray.”
With a smile, Brad hung up the phone. “She loves me,” he whispered to the room. “She doesn’t realize it yet, but she loves me.” He patted his chest in a self-satisfied way and whistled while he browsed through the room service menu. Things were definitely looking up.
fourteen
Brad’s trip home was delayed when a heavy rain and overcast skies developed in the night and continued through the next day. Clear skies finally came late the next morning, and Brad flew out for Denver shortly before noon. He questioned the sensibility of leaving that late. Turbulence over the mountains would be greater as the day wore on and the temperatures warmed the air. But he wanted to be home more than anything else in the world.
A Wing And A Prayer: Truly Yours Digital Edition (Truly Yours Digital Editions) Page 10