by Amy Adams
MY Seven Angels
By Amy Adams
Published by Amy Adams
Dedication:
I would like to dedicate this book to my Family,
Prologue
Last night I had the strangest dream…..Blackness engulfed me…I began to scream and scream, I thought that I surely must be dead? After what seemed like an eternity, I heard a woman’s voice, oh, Thank God, I am still alive, but I couldn’t see her, only hear her….
Hot sweat ran through my body from head to toe, as the Woman, who I then assumed must be a Nurse or a Doctor, explained to me, that I had suffered from some type of stroke and it had left me blind in both eyes.
CHAPTER ONE
“Gabriel : Angel Ruler of Monday, the Moon and the Cream- White Ray”
The card of hope, dreams and aspirations.......
I have always read angel and tarot cards. My Mum who was from Romany descent, taught me and always told me that I had the gift. Whilst I was studying Art at University, I used to sell my readings on Ebay and the like, to help pay for fees and bills. Angel cards are very special to me and more so since my Mum passed away 15 years ago, they reminded me of her and comforted me, whenever I read them for others and myself. They have pride of place in my home, they are displayed in a large wooden bowl, right next door to the front door. People believe that by displaying them in this way that they bring good luck to those who reside in the house. I used to love to come home from work and see all those beautiful angel cards, as soon as I walked through the door.
Monday: My Son, Max, collected me from hospital. He has always been a very patient, kind boy, nothing ever phased him out. I felt safe with him, as he drove me home and then linked and escorted me back to the sanctuary of home
As we walked through our front door, my eyes tried to find the Angel cards, I scanned from left to right to see if I could see, maybe a slither of light or my tiny inch of beloved cards, but I couldn't see anything, just a few shadows of light and dark.
I had walked in to my home, hundreds of times, this is a place I was very familiar with, but I froze two steps into the hall ,I felt my heart beating fast again, pounding in my chest and throat. My mouth felt dry, my palms were clammy. I felt like a couldn't breath, panic gripped hold of me and I started hyperventilating....
The enormity of what has happened to me was gradually starting to dawn on me. I stumbled, breathless into the lounge, I knew from memory, that the door was on the left, just after the radiator. I felt my way round to the sofa, Max was trying to help me, but I pushed him out of the way. I was angry and just wanted to sit on my own and cry. I sobbed for hours, at one point I think I started to rock from side to side. Max kept coming into the room, he was obviously worried sick...... I told him to go away and leave me alone, I wanted to be alone and I wanted to feel sorry for myself and I wanted to do it for a very long time.. My grief was all encompassing
That night I had a fretful nights sleep, I had vivid dreams, I dreamt of golden white beaches, the turquoise green aqua sea and lots of children making sandcastles on the shoreline.
I woke up on the sofa, I must of cried myself to sleep there, I had no clue of if it was day or night, I didn't know how long I had been asleep. The confusion and disorientation made me feel sick and panicky again. I was determined not to have another panic attack, my internal voice was telling me to get a hold of myself and be strong for Max. Surely, he must be worried, he had never seen me in hysterical before.
I heard the postman delivering letters and I realised that it was late morning, I heard Max stir upstairs and he came straight down to see if I was ok?? I was far from ok, but I didn't want to upset Max, any more than I already had. Max, was 22 years old and he started Med school, he was studying to become a Doctor. Max is my world, he is so compassionate and loving and I knew that he had all the makings of a good Doctor. Deep down, I knew I had to hold onto to good positive thoughts and remember everything that was good in my life. Max.
I don't know how I survived that first Monday, without my sight, but I somehow managed. I held onto the hope that everyday would not be as difficult as today. I tried desperately to hold onto my dreams and aspirations. I tried to visualise my Angels cards in my head, I had always read my cards, if I felt stressed or anxious and on this Monday, I really need comfort. I really needed help from Angel Gabriel, Angel of hope...............
Chapter 2.
Camael: Angel Ruler of Tuesday. Mars and Crimson Ray. The card of courage, empowerment and justice”
Three weeks had passed by, but it felt like time had stood still in my life. Max had gone back to University, he had too, he couldn't afford to fall behind with his studies. He had worked too hard for the place and the course was extremely demanding, he had to constantly study and complete assignments, as well as attend work placements at the hospital.
By this point, I was all cried out and felt depressed and unmotivated. I had only left the house once with Max, he took me to the hospital to see the Consultant. He basically informed that they was nothing more that he could do and that he would refer my the local Social Services department for an assessment, to see how they could help.
I knew that the Social Worker had arranged the appointment with me for a Tuesday morning. I had to ring Max and ask him, if it was today. He had programmed his mobile number, into our house phone, I knew by feeling for the top button, on the left side, that this would ring his phone. I made an effort to get ready for her visit, I had always taken care of my appearance, I normally washed and styled my hair everyday before work. Now I could not longer see to style my hair, to apply make-up. I felt un-kept and dishevelled I wasn't even sure whether my clothing was matched up colour wise or if the clothes were clean.
The social worker very helpful, she was softly spoken. Just by her voice, I pictured her to be in her 40's, she smelt of hippy perfume, I imagined that be wearing shabby chic, hippy type clothing. She asked me lots of questions about my sight loss. She spoke to me of strategies to help and I felt slightly more confident. Following the assessment, she went back to her car and brought me in a talking wristwatch and a talking cube. I was so grateful, that I would be able to know what time and day it was. The social worker, also spoke to me about attending a local charity centre every week, to network with other people who have sight issues. After 3 weeks being up at home alone, I jumped to the chance and saw this as my first challenge. I had been going stir crazy at home and felt like I was going insane. All the structure had disappeared out of my life, I had no routine and no meaningful day time activity and I was starting to loose grip on reality.
I attended the Charity Centre every Tuesday. A mini bus would come and collect me and the lady escorted me into the centre. Initially, I dreaded walking from my home, onto the bus and then into the Centre. I was petrified that I would bump into someone or something and fall. I walked slowly and apprehensively, but the more I went there, the more confident of the route I became. This was a big step for me, I felt empowered and courage and knew from that point on, things would slowly become more positive. I remembered Angel of Tuesday, Cameal and felt that that he had come to my aid he had brought me empowerment and helped me move forward.
Chapter 3.
Michael, Angel Ruler of Wednesday. Mercury and Cobalt and Topaz Rays.
Card of protection, strength and truth “
Michael was his official name, but everyone called him Mickey. He was the most gorgeous, sweet soul that I have ever met. It felt like I had to wait months and months for him to arrive.
Sally, the Rehabilitation Officer had to complete mobility training with me first. Sally was very patient with
me.
Max had told me that she had ash blonde hair, hazel eyes and was 'hot'
She visited me at home every week and we went out for short walks at first. I always felt safe with Sally. She used her hand on my elbow to guide me, she talked as we walked along, about what she saw ahead and where we were going to be walking that day. Sally had been a Rehabilitation Officer for people who have sight loss for years. She was confident that I could learn how to use a sweeping cane and would eventually be able to go out alone.
Once Sally saw my confidence grow, she introduced me to the Guide Dog lady, Mel. They both visited weekly and after a lot of assessments and millions of questions, they finally informed me last Wednesday, that they had found a suitable match for me, Mickey, the Black Labrador would become my dog.
Mickey became my world, although Max was my number one, Mickey was a very close second. He was my constant companion, friend and confidant. We spent every waking moment together and from the day he came to live with me, he provided protection and gave me a tremendous amount of strength.
Initially, we only went out with Mel and Sally for short walks on planned routes, but as our relationship and trust grew, we eventually were able to go out alone. I never dreamt that a dog could be so precious and make such a difference. Mickey became my best friend.
Whenever I went out, Mickey came. Everywhere we went people spoke about him and how obedient he was. He had a very passive nature and was quite a chilled out dog, but if anyone came to the door, who he didn't know, boy, he would bark loudly and sound like he was a huge fierce guard dog. Whenever Max came to stay, on his break from Med school, Mickey would wag his tail in joy to see him.
I had to pay 50p, a one off payment for Mickey. His food is delivered monthly and all his vets fees are paid by the Charity for Guide Dogs. Its costs the Charity approximatively ’5,000 to train each dog and a lot of their centres are staffed by volunteers. This charity has made such a difference to my life, I now feel more independent and I am able to go out alone and live my life to the full once more.
Chapter 4.
Zadiel: Angel Ruler of Thursday. Jupiter and Lapis Blue and Turquoise rays. The card of abundance, wisdom and kindness.
Abundance arrives in many forms, including, health, wealth and happiness.
Max always brought me happiness and Mickey made me laugh and smile.
On the days that I felt sorry my myself, which still happen, I think of Max and Mickey and my whole heart feels warm and is filled with rays of love.
Max was in his 4th year at Med School now and I only saw him during holidays. He was enjoying his course and was doing well, I never worried about that boy, I always knew he would do well in life. He was very compassionate, loving and really good with people, he was calm and quiet and would always listen to what you had to say.
It was the start of the Christmas holidays and I was expecting Max home any time. Mickey sprawled out laid by the front door, as if he knew Max was on his way home. Sometimes, I felt like that dog was physic or something!
I had listened to the Radio 2 all morning, they said more snow was forecast for this afternoon, I hoped that it wouldn't prevent Max from travelling home for the holidays. About a foot of snow had already fallen heavily over the past two days. This had led to me and Mickey being cabined up, I was confident going out with Mickey, but not in heavy snow. The risk of falling made it too dangerous.
I pottered around in the kitchen, whilst I waited for Max to arrive home. I made a batch of his favourite cup cakes. I used my talking scales and talking microwave to bake, they were a great and always produced fabulous cakes.
Max finally arrived, Mickey tail wagged and wagged. Max hugged me and said he had got me a special Christmas Present this year. I was so excited, he said I could open on Christmas Eve. I could hardly sleep that night and my tossing and turning had made Mickey restless as well, he got up and went downstairs, something he hardly ever did.
The next day was Thursday, Christmas Eve afternoon was perfect, Max told me that the snow had fallen heavily overnight, Mickey had been a little hyperactive when he went out into the garden. He laid in the snow and rolled in it for what seemed like a eternity. In the end I shouted that he must come in now. Silly dog! I smiled to myself and realised sometimes he needed to have fun, just like other dogs.
Max went up into the loft and he brought the Christmas tree down. We always dressed the tree together, since he was 2 or 3 years old. We both loved this tradition. I made us both a mug of hot chocolate and Max lit the log fire. Mickey came and sat by our feet, we both patted and cuddled him, even though he was still a bit soggy from the wet snow on his black coat.
Max played our Tree dressing Christmas CD, we sang holidays are coming, holidays are coming. All three of us had a great afternoon. I loved having Max home. Once we listened to Kings Carols at Queens on the radio, Max gave me my present, it felt heavy and was in a oblong box. It took me ages to unwrap it and Mickey just sat in front of me, with his tail wagging, I am sure he thought it was something for him. Max's gift was a laptop computer that had special software downloaded onto it, so that it spoke to me. At first I wasn't convinced that I would be able to use it, but Max was very patient with me and he taught me which keys to press and explained all the different functions. I had trained 30 years ago at the local college as a touch typist, so I had always been able to use a qwerty keyboard to type without looking. So I was able to type using the laptop. Max set up the email and the facebook apps, we tested it and it was marvellous. I was able to re log onto facebook account that I had used for years, it was a breath of fresh air, it felt like I was re logging back into society and could communicate with my friends. Some of my close friends had kept in touch by telephone, but I had many facebook friends and I had lost touch with them. It was the best gift.
The happiness that I felt that Christmas was all encompassing. I felt empowered and loved and I knew that I would be OK. I might have gone blind, but with help and kindness from others I would cope and carry on living my life to the full.
Chapter 5.
Haniel: Angel Ruler of Friday, Venus, Emerald and Magenta Rays love compassion and beauty.
It was Friday 4th August. Max had collected me in his new car. Mickey sat in the back. We travelled up to Gretna Green in Scotland. The wedding was my cousin Megan, she was marrying Ross. They were due to be married at 6pm, Friday Evening Weddings in Scotland were traditional. I had already checked with the Marriage Rooms at Gretna and it was ok to take Mickey with us, the lady said she would make sure that there was a bowl of water available for Mickey. We arrived early and stood outside the old fashioned marriage rooms, it had a been a venue where couples often ran off to, eloped and got married there without their families consent. I whole place felt very romantic and cosy. When Ross arrived, we all followed him into the small room. Max showed me the Blacksmiths anvil and we passed by, it felt ice cold and shiny.
We stood at the back, all packed in like sardines, Mickey started panting, as she was so hot in the small room. I heard the bagpipes sound out and I knew Megan was following the piper into the room. The ceremony was short but very romantic, everyone clapped and cheered as Megan and Ross kissed.
In all the fuss and confetti throwing, I heard a man's voice, he asked me what Mickey's name was and asked if he could stroke him. I smiled and said, yes,of course he could and that his name was Mickey. From that moment Ben never left my side. He travelled with us into Gretna village, where the wedding reception was. We had so much in common, we both loved soul and jazz funk music and we both loved dogs. We had checked into the hotel, where the reception was held for the night, so we didn't have to travel back at midnight. The night flew by and we continued chattering together. Max was sat with his cousins, who he hadn’t seen for ages, but he kept checking back with me that this was ok, which of course it was. At the end of the night, me, Ben and Mickey wandered out onto the patio area outside, it
was still warm and it was good to feel the cooler air on my face. Ben looked up into the sky and told me that he see millions of stars, as it was such a clear night. He described them and Orion's belt. The whole night felt magical, like a dream.
Chapter 6.
Cassiel: Angel ruler of Saturday. Saturn, Silver and white and Bronze Rays.
The card of Harmony, balance and serenity.
Since Megan's and Ross' Scottish wedding, the three of us have been inseparable. Months passed by and we fell more and more in love with each other. I felt balance in my life and was very happy. I continued to attend the local day centre and ensured that I did not relay on Ben to heavily.
One Saturday night Ben came round with a bottle of rose wine and a new cd. We enjoyed a cosy night in, Mickey laid in between me and Ben on sofa, I think he may just be a tiny bit jealous. We had lived on our own for many years and Mickey was used to having me to himself. Any time we kissed, Mickey would come up to and lick us and sit as near to us, as he could possibly get..
After a perfect night, Ben asked me to move into his house with him, I thought about this carefully, as my sight loss would make it difficult for me to adjust to living in another house. In the end we decided that the Ben should move in with me and Mickey, although we didn't know how much peace we would get on our own, with Mickey insisting on laying with us!!!