by Jean M. Auel
The First had felt that she had to push them now, while the zelandonia were still overwhelmed, and at a disadvantage relative to herself, before they began to think about the possible consequences, and come up with some real objections that she couldn't confound with bluster. She had no doubt that this new Gift of the Knowledge of Life would have more profound repercussions than even she could imagine. It would change everything, and she wasn't entirely sure that she liked some of the very real possibilities that might develop.
The Zelandoni Who Was First was a keenly observant, intelligent woman. She had never had a child of her own, but in her case that was an advantage; she never had the distractions that children invariably entailed. But she had been midwife at more births than she cared to count, and had helped many women through miscarriages. As a result the First had more knowledge of the developmental stages of unborn foetuses than any mother.
The Doniers were also instrumental in helping some women end their pregnancies before full term. The most precarious time in the lives of infants was the first two years. Many children died then. Even with the help of mates, elder parents, or other extended family members, most mothers could not nurse and care for too many young children at one time if any were to survive.
Although nursing a baby, in itself, seemed to be a deterrent to starting another, it was sometimes necessary to terminate an unanticipated pregnancy if those who were already born were to live past infancy. Or if a woman was seriously ill, or had children who were nearly grown and was too old, or had had one or more harrowing deliveries in the past that had brought her close to death, and another pregnancy could deprive existing children of their mother. The mortality rate of children would have been appreciably higher if they did not practise such selective controls as were available to them. There might be other reasons, as well, for a woman to end her pregnancy.
And while the cause of pregnancy was not innately apparent, women did know that they were pregnant fairly soon. At some earlier time a woman, or women, had discovered how to know that a child was growing inside of her, before it was obvious. Perhaps she noticed that it had been some time since she had bled and she had learned that that could be a sign, or if she had been pregnant before, she might recognise certain symptoms. The knowledge had been passed down until all women learned it as part of their initiation into adulthood.
In the beginning, when a woman realised she was carrying a child, she might look back and try to think about what had caused it. Was it a certain food she ate? A special pool she had bathed in? A specific man she'd had relations with? A particular river she had crossed? A unique tree in whose shade she had slept?
If a woman wanted to have a baby, she might try repeating some or all of those activities, perhaps making it into a ritual. But she would learn that she could do any of those things any number of times and still not necessarily become pregnant. She then might wonder if it was a combination of actions, or the order in which they were done, or the time of day, or the cycle, or season, or year. Maybe just a strong desire to have a baby, or the concerted wishes of several people. Or perhaps it was unknown agents, emanations from rocks, or spirits from another world, or the Great Mother, the first Mother.
If she lived in a society that had developed a set of explanations that seemed reasonable, or even unreasonable, but that seemed to answer questions that were not accessible to her own observations, it would be easy to accept them if everyone else did.
But someone might be observant enough to begin to make connections and draw inferences that were close to the truth. Because of a unique set of circumstances, Ayla had come to such conclusions, though she'd had to overcome the strong urge to believe what others believed instead of her own observations and reasoning.
Even before talking to Ayla, the One Who Was First had also begun to suspect the true cause of conception. Ayla's belief, and explanation, was the final piece of information she needed to persuade herself, and she had felt for some time that people, women in particular, should know how new life was started.
Knowledge was power. If a woman knew what caused a baby to begin growing inside her, she could gain control over her own life. Instead of simply finding herself pregnant, whether she wanted a baby or not, whether the timing was right for her to have one, whether she was well enough, or had enough children already, she had a choice. If it was relations with a man that somehow caused the pregnancy, not something external and out of her hands, she could decide not to have a baby simply by choosing not to share Pleasures with a man. Of course, it wouldn't necessarily be easy for a woman to make that choice, and Zelandoni wasn't at all sure how the men would react.
Though there would likely be unknown repercussions, there was another reason that she wanted her people to know that children were the result of the union of women and men. The strongest reason of all: because it was true. And men needed to know it too. Men had been considered incidental to the process of procreation for too long. It was only right that men should know that they were essential to the creation of life.
And Zelandoni believed the people were ready for it, more than ready. Ayla had already told Jondalar what she believed, and he was nearly convinced. More, he wanted to believe. This was the right time. If Zelandoni herself had guessed it and if Ayla could work it out, so could others. The First hoped that the consequences of telling everyone would not be too devastating, but if the zelandonia didn't tell them now, it was bound to come from someone else before long.
As soon as she heard Ayla recite the new final verse to the Mother's Song, Zelandoni knew the truth had to be revealed now. But to be accepted, it could not be divulged casually or piecemeal. It needed dramatic impact. The One Who Was First was clever enough to understand that most of what happened to Acolytes in the course of being 'called' to serve the Mother were the products of their own minds. A few of the older zelandonia had become entirely cynical about the whole process, but there were always inexplicable events that were caused by unknown or unseen forces.
It was those events that revealed a true calling, and when Ayla talked about her experience in the cave, the First had never heard a truer calling. In particular, that final verse of the Mother's Song. Though Ayla's instinct for language and ability to memorise was phenomenal, and she had become a skilful and compelling teller of stories and speaker of legends, she had never before displayed an ability to create verse, and she had said it filled her head, that she heard it complete. If she could explain it to the people with the same conviction, she would be very persuasive.
When it seemed to the First that everything was in motion and could not be stopped, she finally announced, 'It's getting late. This has been a long meeting. I think we should go now and meet again tomorrow morning.'
'I promised Jonayla I would go riding with her today,' Ayla was explaining, 'but the meeting took so long.'
No wonder, Proleva thought to herself, eyeing the black marks on Ayla's forehead, but she refrained from saying anything. 'Jondalar heard her talking to me about going out on the horses with you, wondering where you were and what was taking so long. Dalanar tried to explain to her that you were at a very important meeting, and no one knew how long you would be; then Jondalar offered to take her out.'
'I'm glad he did,' Ayla said. 'I hated to disappoint her. Have they been gone long?'
'Most of the afternoon. I imagine they will be back soon.' Proleva said. 'Dalanar did ask me to remind you that the Lanzadonii are expecting you this evening.'
'That's right! He did ask when I was on my way to the meeting. I think I'll change clothes, and rest for a while. It's hard to believe that just sitting around at a meeting can make you so tired. Will you send Jonayla in to get me when she gets here?'
'Of course I will,' Proleva said. It was a lot more than just a meeting, I'm sure, she thought. 'Would you like something to eat? Maybe a little tea?'
'Yes, I think I would, Proleva, but I'd like to clean up a little first. I'd love to go for a swim … but I guess I
should wait until later. I think I'll go check on Whinney first.'
'They took her with them. Jondalar said she'd want to go with the other horses, and the run wouldn't hurt her.'
'He's right. Whinney probably missed her children, too.'
Proleva watched Ayla walk toward the sleeping lodge. She does look tired, the woman thought. Not surprising. Look what she's been through. Having a miscarriage, and now becoming our newest Zelandoni … and getting her call, whatever that really means.
The woman had seen the effects of getting too close to the spirit world. Everyone had. Anytime someone was seriously hurt, for example, or even more frightening, had an inexplicable critical illness, she knew they were near the next world. The idea that a person would purposely put themselves in contact with that world so that they could Serve The Mother was almost beyond her comprehension. Proleva felt a slight shudder. She was grateful that she would never have to go through such a harrowing experience. While she knew that someday everyone would have to move on to that fearful place, she had no desire whatever to join the ranks of the zelandonia.
She and Jondalar are having problems, too, Proleva thought. He's been avoiding her. I've watched him go the other way as soon as he sees her. I'm sure I know what his problem is. He's feeling ashamed. She caught him with Marona, and now he doesn't want to face her. This is not a good time for him to be avoiding Ayla. She needs everyone's help now, especially his.
If he didn't want Ayla to know about Marona, he shouldn't have started up with her again, even if she was encouraging him every way she could. He knew how Ayla would feel about her. He could have found some other woman, if he had to have one. It's not like he still couldn't have his pick of just about any woman in the whole camp. And it would have served that Marona woman right. She's so obvious, you'd think even he would see it.
As much as Proleva cared about him, there were times when her mate's younger brother exasperated her.
'Mother! Mother! Are you finally back? Proleva said you were here. You said we would go for a ride today, and I was waiting and waiting,' Jonayla said. The wolf, who bounded in after her, was just as excited, trying to get Ayla's attention.
She gave the girl a big hug, then grabbed the head of the big carnivore and started to rub his face with hers, but her marks were feeling sore, so she just hugged him. He started to sniff her wound, but she pushed him away. He looked into his food dish instead, found a bone Proleva had left there earlier, and took it to his resting place.
'I'm sorry, Jonayla,' Ayla said. 'I didn't know the meeting with the zelandonia would take so long. I promise we'll do it another day, but it may not be tomorrow.'
'It's all right, mother. The zelandonia do take a long time. They spent a whole day teaching us songs and dances and stuff, showing us where to stand and what steps to make. I did get to go riding anyway. Jondy took me.'
'Proleva told me. I'm glad he did. I know how much you wanted to go,' Ayla said.
'Does that hurt, mother?' Jonayla asked, pointing to Ayla's forehead.
Ayla was slightly taken aback that her daughter had noticed. 'No, not now. It did a little at first, but not bad. That mark has a special meaning …'
'I know what it means,' the girl said. 'It means you're Zelandoni now.'
'That's right, Jonayla.'
'Jondy told me you won't have to be gone so much after you get a zelandoni mark. Is that true, mother?'
Ayla hadn't realised how much her daughter had missed her, and she felt a rush of gratitude that Jondalar had been there to take care of her, and explain things to her. She reached out to hug the child. 'Yes, it's true. I will still have to be gone sometimes, but not as much.'
Maybe Jondalar missed her, too, but why did he have to turn to Marona? He said he loved her, even after she found them like that, but if he did, why was he staying away from her now?
'Why are you crying, mother?' the girl said. 'Are you sure that mark doesn't hurt? It looks sore.'
'I'm just so glad to see you, Jonayla.' She let go of the child, but smiled at her through wet eyes. 'I almost forgot to tell you. We are going to visit the Lanzadonii camp and have a meal with them tonight.'
'With Dalanar and Bokovan?'
'That's right, and Echozar and Joplaya, and Jerika, and everybody.'
'Is Jondy coming?'
'I don't know, but I don't think so. He had to go someplace else.' Suddenly Ayla turned aside and seeing Jonayla's clothing basket, started going through it. She didn't want her daughter to see her in tears again. 'It will get cold after it gets dark; would you like to change into something warmer?'
'Can I wear the new tunic that Folara made for me?'
'That would be a good idea, Jonayla.'
Chapter 35
At first glance, in the distance, Ayla thought it was Jondalar carrying something, coming toward her along the well-worn main path between the camps of several friendly Caves. She felt her stomach tightening to a knot. The height, the shape of the body, the walk were so familiar, but as the man approached, she saw it was Dalanar, carrying Bokovan.
As soon as they neared, Dalanar saw the obvious black marks on her forehead. Ayla noted Dalanar's look of surprise when he first saw her, then his effort to avoid looking at her forehead, and remembered her marks. She didn't see them, and tended to forget them.
Is that why Jondalar is behaving so strangely, Dalanar wondered? When he had invited Jondalar to join the Lanzadonii for a meal, along with Ayla and Jonayla, Dalanar had been surprised by Jondalar's hesitation, and then refusal. He claimed he had already promised to be some other place, but he looked upset and embarrassed. It was as though he were looking for excuses not to join them this evening. He recalled his own reasons for leaving a woman he loved. But I didn't think Jondalar was bothered by her becoming Zelandoni, the older man thought. He always seems to be proud of her skill as a healer, and content to be working the flint and training his apprentices.
'Would you let me carry you for a while, Bokovan? And give Dalanar a rest?' Ayla said, holding out her arms to him, and smiling. The youngster hesitated, then held out his arms to her. She remembered how much he weighed when she picked him up. Ayla, carrying Bokovan, walked alongside Dalanar, who was holding Jonayla's hand as they headed toward his camp. Wolf followed along behind.
The animal seemed to be perfectly comfortable wandering through the large camp of people now, and none of the people appeared particularly concerned about him. Ayla had noticed, however, that the Zelandonii took a special delight in the reactions of visitors or strangers who were not accustomed to seeing a wolf mingle so freely with people.
When they arrived, Joplaya and Jerika came to greet her, and Ayla noticed their look of surprise, and not-quite-successful attempt to ignore her new forehead marks. Although there was still an air of sadness about the beautiful dark-haired young woman, who Jondalar called cousin, Ayla noticed a smile of warm love light up her vivid green eyes as she took her son. Joplaya seemed more relaxed, more accepting of her life, and genuinely pleased to see Ayla.
Jerika also greeted her warmly. 'Let me take Bokovan,' she said, taking the child from his mother's arms. 'I have some food ready for him. You and Ayla can visit.'
Ayla spoke directly to the boy. 'I am glad I met you, Bokovan. Will you come to visit me? I'm from the Ninth Cave. Do you know where it is?'
He stared at her for a while, then with great seriousness, he said, 'Yeth.'
Ayla could not help but notice both the similarities and the differences between Jerika, Joplaya, and Bokovan before his grandmother took him away. The older woman was short and sturdy, her movements quick and energetic. Her hair, once as dark as the night sky, was now showing sunset streaks of grey. Her face, round and flat with high cheekbones, was more wrinkled, but her black slanted eyes still sparkled with charm and wit.
Ayla remembered Hochaman, the man who had been mated to Jerika's mother. He had been the traveller, and his mate had chosen to go along with him. Jerika was born along the way.
Ayla recalled Dalanar telling the S'Armunai visitor about Hochaman's long Journey, from the Endless Seas of the East all the way to the Great Waters of the West, with pride. It occurred to her that even though the truth was exceptional in itself, it was the kind of story that would be told and retold, probably growing with each telling until it became a legend or myth, with little resemblance to the original story.
Dalanar had met Jerika some time after he found his flint mine and had been at first intrigued and then captivated by the exotic woman. Several people had already gathered around Dalanar and his flint mine — beginning the nucleus of the Cave that would later be called the Lanzadonii — when Hochaman and Jerika arrived at his camp. Jerika's mother had died several years before. They looked so unusual, it was obvious they had come from a great distance. Dalanar had never seen anyone like Jerika. She was tiny in comparison with most women, but intelligent and strong minded, and he was captivated by the exotic young woman. It had taken someone that unusual to finally vanquish his great love for Marthona.
Joplaya was born to Dalanar's hearth. Ayla now knew that what she had long believed was true; Joplaya was as much Dalanar's child as she was Jerika's. But Jondalar had not gone to live with the Lanzadonii until he and Joplaya were both adolescents. They had not been raised together as sister and brother and Joplaya had fallen hopelessly in love with Jondalar, even though he was a 'close cousin', an unmatable man.
Joplaya is as much his sister as Folara, Ayla thought, trying to sort out what the new relationships would mean. Jondalar and Folara are both children of Marthona, and Jondalar and Joplaya are both Dalanar's children. You can see him in both of them.
Jondalar was a younger replica of Dalanar, while Joplaya showed more of her mother's influence, but she was tall like Dalanar, and a more subtle contribution showed in other ways. Her hair was dark, but had light highlights. It was not the pure glossy sheen her mother's had been. Her face had the contours of Dalanar's people, with her mother's high cheekbones. But her most stunning feature was her eyes. Neither black like her mother's, nor vivid blue like Dalanar's — and Jondalar's — Joplaya's eyes were a vivid green with accents of hazel, with a shape and epicanthic fold like her mother, but less pronounced. Jerika was obviously a foreigner, but in many ways Joplaya seemed more exotic than her mother because of her similarities.