Not when she was so obviously being torn apart by guilt.
A guilt he would have said he wanted her to feel, only weeks ago. A guilt he would have sworn until he was blue in the face that she deserved. And now? He knew only that he couldn’t take her in his arms, make her desperate with her own desires, and offer her nothing other than pleasure in return.
They barely spoke the next day. She was quiet and insisted she had to get herself ready for the wedding.
He slept in the guestroom again that night. It was ridiculous, but he was holding onto the fact that they would deal with all of this after the wedding.
And in the meantime, he had Joshua. He took him to school, picked him up, and he was certain that they were doing the right thing. The current state of affairs wouldn’t continue. They’d find a better way to interact in time, he assured himself.
On the day of the wedding, his parents arrived, and he was glad to see them, despite his mother’s consternation.
“You’re getting married?” His mother demanded, as she swept into the house, her eyes looking for whoever his bride might be. Maria Salbatore was clearly unhappy with this development – doubtless because she expected to have been consulted prior to the day of the wedding. And given her closeness to Bella, he could understand how this situation would have blindsided Maria.
“She’s upstairs,” he answered her unspoken question, hugging his mother and then shaking his father’s hand.
“I’ll say. How could you not have mentioned her to me?”
“Mother, do we have to do this today?”
“It’s all a surprise,” Roberto interrupted. “That’s all.”
“I wanted to tell you about her in person,” Xavier said, gesturing for them to take a seat.
“You could have done that weeks ago. Spain is only a short flight away; you couldn’t have brought your bride home to meet us? Is your wedding day really when you’d choose for us to see her for the first time?”
“It’s better this way.” And at precisely that moment, before he could expand, the door to the lounge room flew open and Joshua tore into the room, a shoe in one hand and a giggle erupting from his mouth.
Janice followed. “Come here, you little Master Salbatore, and let me straighten that suit up.”
“No,” Joshua giggled and then, realizing that there were other people in the room, coming to an abrupt stop. With his innate sense of curiosity, he stared at the two newcomers, and they were staring back, utterly watchful and completely robbed of breath and words.
“Mother, father,” Xavier drawled, “I’d like you to meet Joshua.”
“But he’s…”
“Yes, I know.” Xavier forestalled any comment they might make. Though Joshua was only three, they still hadn’t explained to him exactly who Xavier was, having agreed to wait a little longer.
“Go into the hall and put your shoes on, please, Josh.”
Joshua began to giggle once more and ran for the door, pitching himself at it like a little cannon, but Janice was there and she scooped him up as he ran past. And then they were both laughing, having no idea of the little localized tsunami they’d left in their wake.
When they were alone, Maria said, “You … he looks exactly like you did as a boy.”
“There is some of his mother in him, too,” Xavier murmured meaningfully.
“I don’t understand.” Maria fanned her face and Roberto held her arm, supporting her.
“Four years ago I had a brief relationship with a woman. Joshua is the result.”
“Four years ago you were… engaged to Arabella,” his mother said, her eyes dragging to Roberto’s.
“Arabella and I had broken up.”
Shocked silence met his pronouncement. “But you were engaged. At the hospital. She was --,” Maria turned to Roberto. “They were engaged.”
“Arabella and I were waiting until we could tell you together,” Xavier said. Then added, “Apparently. I can’t actually recall any of this for myself.”
The door burst open once more and all three turned to look in that direction, only to see Elizabeth walk in, the phone tucked under one ear and Xavier’s body tightened. She’d withdrawn so hard and fast from him that he’d taken to picking up whatever crumbs he could – he watched her whenever he was able. At times like this, when she was distracted and relaxed, and he imagined how it would be if she were like this more often. All the time.
“I don’t know if he’s taking new patients but I’ll find his number,” she said, not looking up, her eyes scanning the room for something else entirely. She moved quicker once she located her iPad, lifted it and then turned.
When she saw Xavier’s parents, she dropped the phone to the floor. It clattered loudly, skittering across the room. Xavier scooped for it, his expression impossible to discern. He handed it to Elizabeth and came to stand beside her.
“Nell? I’ll have to call you back. No. Everything’s fine.” She disconnected the call and slipped her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, her air of relaxation completely evaporated.
Xavier was aware of the three of them staring at one another, silent, watchful, confused as all hell. And then Elizabeth lurched forward, an forced smile on her face – her expression so different to how he’d ever seen it. “You must be Xavier’s parents,” she said, softly, the words trembling. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
Maria’s face was pale – Xavier couldn’t blame her. He could have prepared her better for this but he hadn’t particularly wanted to risk anyone saying or doing anything to upset an already perilous situation.
“You’re…”
“My name is Elizabeth,” she said, and Xavier watched as Roberto moved forward and put his hand in Elizabeth’s.
No one spoke. They continued to stare at one another. It was all very sensible and yet didn’t seem to make any sense.
“You had a baby,” Maria murmured.
“Yes.”
Maria was becoming increasingly wan, and Elizabeth noticed. “Would you like to come to the kitchen and have some water? Perhaps sit down?”
Maria nodded, her lips compressed tightly.
Xavier moved closer, his expression serious. “We’re getting married in three hours,” he said, a warning note for his mother contained in the simple statement.
But it was Elizabeth who flinched, and his chest rolled with the certainty that this wedding was the last thing she wanted. Now who was being selfish?
*
“You’re … you were pregnant,” Maria murmured, shaking from the shock of the last few minutes.
“Yes.” Ellie was awash with emotion. Anger, grief, guilt, pain, and resentment. They all bubbled through her, tearing her apart and somehow making her defiant too.
“His engagement was over. That weekend with you; it wasn’t an affair.”
“I know that now,” Ellie agreed, moving to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water. She handed it to Maria, the older woman’s fingers shaking.
“I thought he’d just… I thought you were just some woman. I needed to save his engagement. He was in a coma and couldn’t speak for himself so I thought… I truly believed…”
“You thought I was just some random hook up,” Ellie supplied.
Maria’s eyes flashed.
“I wasn’t. He loved me, and I loved him.”
Maria’s expression showed shock and pain. “I had no idea…”
“No.” Ellie stood, the pointlessness of it all hurting her now.
“I saw you there and presumed the worst. I… there was a time, some years ago, when Roberto… when I had to go through that. My husband had an affair and it almost destroyed me. I wanted to spare Arabella from the same pain. I didn’t think…”
“You thought I meant nothing to him, and you wanted to get rid of me, no matter what.”
“Si,” Maria agreed, her eyes rounded with surprise as the realisations began to explode.
“You have to believe me, I had no idea about th
eir broken engagement.”
“I do believe you,” Ellie said with a crisp nod.
“They got married.”
“I know. It seems everyone was trying to do what was right for Xavier.”
Maria lifted a hand to her head, pressing her palm to her brow. Sympathy flooded Ellie, but she wished, in that moment, that she could be colder.
“You phoned to tell me about the baby?” Maria asked, and then she took a step forward, curving her fingers around Ellie’s wrist with urgency. “That’s why you called me?”
“Yes,” Ellie agreed, her gaze level despite the rapid beating of her heart.
Maria’s eyes blinkered shut. “And I told you how happy he was with Bella.”
“How they were planning a family of their own,” Ellie reminded the older woman.
Maria winced. “I needed you to disappear. Life is so precarious, happiness even more so, and you were a threat to all that.”
“I was a woman he’d fallen in love with,” she corrected, her voice shaking with indignation. “Who loved him very much. I was his happiness.”
Maria’s expression was heavy with grief. “You must understand, Elizabeth, that I had no idea about your pregnancy or that my son was unattached when you met one another. I would never have interfered if I’d been in possession of the facts.”
And then, something inside of Ellie snapped. It was all so reasonable; so logical, but the pain was as real and as strong as it had been back then. “I do believe that.” She clipped the words out tersely. “That doesn’t make any of this right! I lost years of my life - a life I could have spent with Xavier. He lost a chance to raise his son from birth. And yes, that was my decision, and if I could do it all again, I would have told him, regardless of what you said to me. But I was a young woman, terrified and alone, ostracized by my parents, pregnant, worried about the future and how I’d manage, and you treated me like dirt on the floor.”
Remorse flashed on Maria’s face. “For his sake! For Arabella…”
Ellie ground her teeth together. “Yes. For them! You said whatever you needed to get rid of me – and you did a great job.”
Maria’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry that I hurt you –,”
“You did hurt me,” Ellie agreed angrily, before sucking in a steadying breath. “You told me I meant nothing to him, when he was my whole world. I was pregnant with his child and I couldn’t believe that the man I loved had used me like that. But I did believe it, because you’re his mother and you told me you’d talked to him about me! You told me he regretted what had happened between us! Do you have any idea what that felt like?”
Maria didn’t respond.
“I was pregnant, and I called to tell him – to find out how to contact him. And in the face of what you told me, I knew I could never interfere with his life. He wished he’d never even met me, according to you. Why would he want to know about my baby?”
“Because it was his baby, too,” Maria whispered, strangled, pained words.
“And I have raised Josh on my own, every day missing Xavier, wishing he was a part of our life, wishing my son had a father, and believing that Xavier was happily married with a family of his own. Because of you.”
Maria’s face had drained of all colour and there was a very small part of Ellie that took satisfaction from that. “I only wanted to protect my son’s marriage.”
Ellie sucked in a breath, trying to calm the raging fever in her blood. “You were wrong to lie to me. You were wrong to treat me like that when you knew nothing about what Xavier and I had shared.”
A single tear escaped from the corner of Maria’s eye, but Ellie ignored it, refusing to soften. “But I was wrong, too. I believed the worst in Xavier so easily. I’d loved him with all that I was and yet, at the first sign of difficulties, I gave up. I should have fought for him, and what we were, but I didn’t. And that’s not your fault – it’s mine.”
Maria shook her head grimly. “I made it easy for you to believe my son capable of those deeds.”
“Yes.” Ellie’s expression shifted. “But you know Xavier, as I do. Do either of us really think he would sleep around behind his fiancé’s back?”
It was like perforating a dark storm cloud. Everything shifted into blinding clarity for both women.
“No,” Maria frowned, and she said the word over and over, and then sank into a chair. “Of course he didn’t cheat on Arabella. Xavier once walked out of a shop holding a pen because he’d been distracted – he was only six or seven years old – and he didn’t realise until he’d made it home. He walked the three miles back, in the middle of the day’s heat, because he couldn’t bear the thought of having stolen.” Her eyes lifted to Ellie’s face. “He didn’t cheat. He would never do that.”
Ellie nodded, breathing easier. “I know that, now. And I should have known it then.” She moved towards the kettle, lifted a hand to flick it and then changed her mind. She turned back to face her future mother-in-law. “My point is that you were only a part of the problem. I didn’t have faith in Xavier, nor my feelings for him. He needed me and I wasn’t there, and that was my choice. I chose to walk away.”
“You were a child,” Maria soothed.
“In any event, it’s my wedding day,” Ellie said quietly. “Soon we’ll be family, and I believe it’s better if we never speak of this again.”
“You are really prepared to do that? To put the past in the past?”
Ellie grimaced. “The past is in our past – I just intend to leave it there.”
Maria swallowed softly. “Xavier must be furious with me for meddling –,”
Ellie’s eyes jerked to the older woman’s. “He has no idea we met before today,” Ellie said urgently. “And I don’t intend him to.”
“What?” Maria stood then, moving closer to Ellie. “You mean you haven’t told him what I said to you?”
“God, no,” Ellie grimaced. “Are you kidding? He’d be furious with you.”
“Deservedly so,” Maria winced.
“Perhaps. But I can see that you were only trying to protect him – I can see that you were acting like a fierce mother bear and I understand that, because I would do the same for my son.”
“So he thinks you simply walked away?”
“I did walk away,” Ellie shrugged.
“But I –,”
“Maria?” Ellie interrupted, her eyes lifting to the clock. “I’m not interested in passing around the blame for what happened. No one besides Xavier and me is responsible for what happens between us. I thought I loved him, but love should weather all storms. It didn’t. Involving yourself will only spread his anger, not alleviate it. You acted in what you presumed to be his best interests then? I’m asking you to do the same now. Just let it go. Start fresh from today.”
Maria opened her mouth to object, or perhaps to agree, but then she simply swept her eyes shut and nodded. A moment later, she reached for Ellie’s hand. “I truly wish we’d never interfered…”
Ellie sighed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last month, it’s that you can’t change the past.” She cleared her throat, unable to say anything more to absolve the older woman’s guilt. “Excuse me.”
*
Ellie was a bride. The woman staring back at her from the mirror was, anyway, which surely meant that Ellie was too. Bridal gown, albeit simple, bridal hair and makeup, flowers in one hand, ring on the other.
She looked like a woman who was ready to enjoy the happiest day of her life, but her chest felt like it had been splintered in two. She wanted to scream. To break something. To throw something. She wanted to stomp her feet and cry every obscenity she knew into this beautiful, ancient church.
She wanted to stare down every single one of their guests and tell them what a mess this all was.
And then she closed her eyes and she saw Xavier and Joshua together and her heart gave a lurch and she knew this was still the right decision.
The worst of this day was ov
er. Coming face to face with his parents had been something she’d been dreading for a long time. But it was over, now.
Ellie had meant what she’d said to Maria. She didn’t want Xavier to know the truth about his parents’ role in their relationship – or lack thereof. She alone had made the decision to keep Joshua secret – to raise him on her own.
He hadn’t lied to her.
He hadn’t cheated on anyone.
He’d fallen in love with her, and she’d let him go. She’d let what they were go, because she hadn’t really believed in what they’d shared.
All of this was on her head.
“You ready?” Nell stood at the door, her eyes quietly watchful.
Ellie nodded, forcing a smile to her face.
But Nell wasn’t convinced by it. She stepped into the small room and clicked the door softly closed. “Ellie? You don’t have to do this, you know.”
Apollo had said the same thing, but it hadn’t been true then, and it wasn’t true now. There were dozens of reasons to go through with this, or maybe there was just one – Joshua. She didn’t know anymore.
“Don’t I?” It was just a whisper.
“No. Of course you don’t.” Nell closed the distance between them and put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to be miserable when you get married.”
“Maybe I deserve to be miserable,” Elizabeth said with a soft shake of her head, then lifted her gaze to pin her sister’s. “Maybe I deserve everything I’m getting.”
“How can you speak like that?”
“I should have told him.” She straightened her shoulders. “I made a mistake.”
“Oh, Ellie--,”
“No.” Ellie’s interruption was soft, but laced with intent. “You’re pregnant. You’ve seen what that means to Apollo. Now imagine any circumstances that would justify you keeping that from him.”
Nell opened her mouth to speak and then slammed it shut. “It’s different.”
“Fundamentally, it isn’t,” Ellie contradicted. “A child’s a child. I should never have hidden from this. Xavier is Joshua’s father and he deserves to be a part of his life.”
Claiming his Secret Baby_One night and a lifetime of consequences... Page 17