“Are you going to marry Becca?”
Eva’s question came out of left field. Hunter raised his head to meet her eyes. He pursed his lips.
“One day, I hope. You think you don’t know me? Becca and I have known each other for twenty years and frankly, there’s a lot we don’t know about the other. You had a point earlier. I do keep people at arm’s length. Everyone. I gotta learn to not do that before I jump into a commitment like marriage again.” He wanted Becca as his bride, but sitting here talking with Eva like this made him realize he wasn’t ready for marriage yet. That was okay. The last thing he wanted was another broken set of vows, especially with a woman who did have all of his heart, no question about that.
“I guess we all make mistakes in life. I have to say, you were one fine mistake. I may not have been in love with you, but I did love you, Hunter. A lot. You left me lonely sometimes, especially when you took off on your plane for work.”
He had no response to that. She had another point. Damn, what a mess of things they made. And, really? One fine mistake? Okay, he got that she was attempting to lighten the mood, or at least he thought she was, but to say that? Well, Eva was Eva.
“I think I’m going to see if I cam move home for a while. I’m tired of living alone, and maybe if I’m here I won’t be so overwhelmed.”
“You know if you are overwhelmed when it comes to Sienna, I will always do what I can.”
“I know. I was just being stupid and keeping her away from you. As pissed as I’ve been at you, I realize it’s not fair to Sienna. You’re her daddy and it’s no secret she favors you, but that’s because I’ve never let myself fully bond with her as I should have. I guess it’s no wonder she attached herself to another woman so quickly. I think-I’m all talked out. I want to go inside, give Sienna a big hug and talk to my parents.” Eva shot to her feet.
Hunter rose slowly. “I’m glad we had this talk. It won’t fix everything at once, but we have an understanding at least.” It almost seemed too good to be true, but time would tell.
“Yeah. Me too. Can I-I need to spend some time with Sienna. I know you’ve had her the past few days. I have to apologize to Marilee, too. Damn.” Eva ran a hand through her hair and swallowed. “Is it okay if she stays here with Mom, Dad and I for a few days?”
That was a nice change. Eva was actually asking.
Hunter nodded. “Of course.” He’d miss Sienna, but she did need to see Eva and spend time with her. Also, it would give him a chance to really work on things with Becca. They’d been so strained the past few days because of his constant moodiness, especially now. He wanted to find out why she felt the need to tell Todd, too. His anger had subsided over that slightly, but it still bothered him.
Eva looked like she wanted to hug him. After a few moments of staring at each other, she pivoted and hurried inside. Hunter followed, not really sure what to make of the entire situation.
Inside, Todd, Beverly and Sienna were in the living room with a cartoon on. Sienna sat between them. When he and Eva approached, her parents peered at them with worry filled gazes.
“Mom, Dad. I-I’m sorry,” Eva started.
Where was Becca? He looked around, noticing she wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“She’s upstairs, Hunter,” Beverly informed him, obviously noticing him looking.
He nodded. “I’ll let you guys talk.” He bent to hug Sienna. “Sorry I scared you, Princess.” She looked up at him with a grin and gave him a comforting hug before returning to what she was doing. As fast as he could, he took the stairs two at a time. Becca’s voice drifted through the hall. He listened carefully. In the bathroom? Who was she talking to?
“I don’t know, Rissi. It’s all so complicated right now. It’s intense.”
Sure enough, she was in the bathroom on the phone. And she sounded upset.
He hesitated at first, then decided to just knock on the door and get it over with, let her know he was there. “Becca?” His heart pounded. Where did he even begin? He was still pretty upset over her ratting him out, but he also longed to hold her and make everything all right.
“I’ll call you back. Yeah, he just knocked. Thank you. I needed a voice of reason right now.”
*****
Becca dropped her phone in her purse and reached for another tissue to clean her face. She’d let out a few tears, even though she wasn’t sure why. With a pounding head and heart, she reached for the doorknob, unsure of what would happen with the man standing on the other side.
Okay. Deep breaths. One, two, three. She yanked the door open, ready for anything.
A million thoughts ran through her mind, making it a jumbled mess. She opened her mouth, hoping to find the right words to say. Apologize? Beg for forgiveness? Tell him it needed to be said even though she hadn’t meant to spill? Then, it wasn’t even just about that anymore. The whole thing with Eva, the way he blew up and said some of the most painful things possible. Even though they were true, the sting of the words had shot straight through her body.
Hunter stood there, staring at her with such an intensity, she thought something would catch fire from the blazing heat radiating between them.
The guilt tore her up from the inside out. Maybe Todd did need to know, but dang it, she wished she hadn’t been the one to tell him. Hunter didn’t want to talk to someone about his nightmares and while she didn’t agree with his decision, it was his choice and she had no right to intervene.
Hunter’s lower lip disappeared underneath the top one, then he heaved a sigh. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I-” she squeaked. The rest of her words died in her throat. Becca took a step back.
“Why, Becca? Why did you tell him?”
“I had no idea you didn’t!” She folded her arms across her chest, tired of being stared at as if she were the enemy. She made a mistake, and yes, maybe Hunter had a right to be pissed, but was this even the problem anymore? “Todd teased me, asking if I was the distraction causing you to not want to go back to work. I said something seriously and he had no idea what I was talking about. He’s worried about you. We all are.”
“It was a small, stupid incident. Now, unless I go talk to someone, I don’t get to go back to flying.” His tone went neutral, dull. “Was that your way of pushing me to do it, since you couldn’t convince me the other night?”
Becca shook her head, unsure of what to make of his accusations. How could he think that? “I wouldn’t ‘rat you out’ like that.” She made air quotes. “Yeah, I do think you should talk to someone, but that’s your choice to make, not mine. I simply replied to a comment, not thinking. He asked what I meant and I wasn’t about to lie after that. I’m sorry if that makes you mad. I’m sorry if that makes you think I betrayed you. Look around you, Hunter. Everyone in your life is concerned. You don’t sleep. You have nightmares, even during the day. You pull away from everyone. You don’t want to fly, you said so to me the other night. You yell and get so mad at everyone around you. It’s getting out of hand and damn it, you scare me!” This time, she didn’t even bat an eye at the fact that she’d cursed. “You come in here and I was all about to apologize and beg for forgiveness, but I’m not going to do that. Maybe what I did wasn’t the right thing, but what’s done is done. Something is off with you and I wish you’d consider the possibility that it’s so far out of your control that maybe dealing with it would be better.”
“Dealing with it? You think I haven’t been?” Hunter narrowed his eyes.
She had to be honest. She loved him enough to be.
“No.” The word seemed to ricochet off the bathroom walls, coming out loud and clear.
“I see.”
“Hunter-” Becca reached for him. His hands were sweaty, and he jerked away from her. “You’re under a lot of stress. I’ve never seen you like this. One minute you’re happy and smiling, the next you’re quiet, reserved and it makes me nervous. I know there’s so much going on. The past few nights, we go from tension to comfor
ting each other. It’s a rollercoaster.”
“You knew there was a lot when you agreed to come down here.”
She nodded. “Yes, I did. I also never realized until the past few days how little I know about you.”
A pained expression crossed his face. He shot forward and grabbed her hands, pulling her into his arms a little roughly. “I know, angel. I know. I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t.” He held her tight, running his hands through her hair. “I don’t want to hide from you, either. Every time I think I’m doing well, I realize how wrong I am.”
And there he went. Proving her point. One minute he was pissed at her for talking to Todd, and now he held her like nothing had happened and wanted everything to be okay. She stiffened. He sensed it and pulled away, a frown on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“This is what I mean.” If only she could let it be. If only she could stay in his arms, act like things were fine, but they weren’t. She couldn’t do that. “You refuse to see something is wrong. You go from being so angry just a second ago to hugging me. And another thing. Why would you threaten to quit something you love so much, just to avoid talking to someone?”
“Becca.” He shook his head. “I-”
“Hunter? Sienna’s ready for a nap and wants you both for hugs and kisses.” Beverly’s voice drifted from the hallway behind them. Soft footsteps grew louder as she tentatively made her way to them.
His eyes stayed on Becca for a moment before he turned away. “I’m on my way.” He darted away from her without another word. Becca clutched her purse in her hands, knowing she needed to move but couldn’t force her legs to cooperate.
“Are you all right? I know this is all a lot for you to take in,” Beverly said with a sympathetic smile.
Tears threatened to fall, and her lower lip quivered. “No. Yes. Oh, I don’t know.”
Eva’s mother rushed forward to hug her. “Don’t give up on him. He needs you more than ever.”
Becca returned the hug, feeling a little awkward. “I’m not going to give up on him, I just-While he knows something is off, he doesn’t want to do anything about it. I think it’s more than he can handle and it’s affecting him too much. I’m scared for him.”
Beverly let her go and looked Becca in the eye. Her gaze was warm and understanding. “We all worry. Hunter will get over the fact that you told Todd what he should have told him a long time ago.”
“I don’t get it. If he doesn’t want to fly right now anyway, why does it bother him that he’s told he can’t?”
“He wants to make those decisions on his own terms, not be forced into them. But if he went and took a flight distracted and something happened, he’d be even more devastated than he is now over things. He just needs to let it sink in instead of being upset that someone made the choice for him. Hunter will come around.”
“I really hope so.” Becca wasn’t so sure. For the first time, she wondered what they would do if Hunter continued down that path.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Saying goodbye to Sienna wasn’t easy. Even though she’d be there with Todd and Beverly, it didn’t sit well with him the way Eva waltzed back in and wanted everything to be all right. It wouldn’t be. He still felt terrible about how he lost control and yelled, scaring his baby girl. He thought about everyone’s warnings about talking to someone. They all seemed set on the idea that it would help.
He kissed his daughter’s smooth cheek as her eyes closed. The swimming definitely tired her out. Hunter stared down at Sienna, wishing he knew what to do to make everything all right.
At the sound of quiet voices by the door, Hunter stood. Becca and Beverly entered the room, both looking somber and upset. He watched them both kiss Sienna gently.
This wasn’t the summer he’d hoped for when he brought Becca home. That deeper bond they formed seemed to be crumbling away at his feet and he didn’t know what to do about it. He loved her, more than life itself. He was pushing away and he knew it, but what could he do to stop it?
They all had a good question. Why didn’t he want to face this? It was more than he could handle, and he knew it. He’d done the whole counseling thing before, right after the crash. They asked him the same questions, over and over. They made him relive painful memories that he couldn’t forget as it was. After that was when the nightmares started.
So what made anyone think they would go away now?
Beverly touched his shoulder, and he jumped. “You do know we love you, right?” she asked softly. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Becca slip out of the room.
He did know that. Todd and Beverly were the closest he ever had to a family after many years. Boy, he’d said a mouthful and made a mess.
“I do,” he mumbled, finally meeting her eyes.
“Then please don’t get so upset when Todd is looking out for you and your clients. Especially, don’t be so mad at Becca. She’s head over heels for you and would do anything to make you happy. I’m not sure what’s going on in that deep dark mind of yours, but fix it, Hunter. We all need you.”
With nothing more to say, he nodded.
“Take Becca home and make it right. Sienna will be fine here, and we’ll talk to Eva.”
He thought back to what he’d yelled earlier in front of everyone. “Beverly, about what I said-”
She waved him off. “Don’t. You stunned every one of us with that outburst, but it shows that you need to let it out. You and Eva are both angry, but you laid all that ugliness out on the floor today. It’s a start. If Eva is serious about sorting out her life and feelings, then we’ll do what we can. I promise you, Sienna will not be a pawn anymore.” Her stern, low voice gave him the chills.
“Thank you for everything.” He wrapped her up in a hug, then bolted from the room to find Becca. He found her downstairs, talking to Todd. Eva was nowhere in sight. Both froze when he entered the room, looking up nervously. “Ready to go, Becca?”
“Whenever you are,” she replied in a shaky voice.
“Hunter.” Todd’s voice was rough. “You’re not really walking away from flying, are you?”
“I think this is a conversation we should have when we’ve had a chance to calm down and think.” Hunter reached for his car keys from Becca’s extended hand.
The man he’d come to see as a fatherly figure set his lips in a thin line, acting like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. Instead, his shoulders rose and fell in a helpless shrug. “Okay.”
There wasn’t much else to say to anyone. Hunter hated the silence between him and Becca all the way home. As much as he missed Sienna and would have loved to bring her back home, tonight was probably a good night to have her stay with her grandparents and mother.
In the driveway at home, Hunter stared up at the house with dread. There were so many things to say, so many that needed to be said. All he felt was dread and emptiness, like he’d lost everything. Where did that come from, and how did he get rid of it? If he didn’t fix things, he would lose everything. He still had a chance, if he would just open his mouth and make the right moves.
Why couldn’t he say anything? He sat there, staring at everything, but nothing at the same time. He nearly forgot he wasn’t alone in the car until Becca reached out and touched his leg. He flicked his gaze to her.
“Why would you threaten to quit something that makes you feel free?”
Free. That was the way flying made him feel. Or at least, up until a few months ago when all he felt was dread, fear and unnerved. All because of one bumpy landing. It didn’t make sense. If he could push himself to get over how he’d felt about planes, then what stopped him now? Hell, what caused that fear to come back now?
“Didn’t I tell you I was losing my mind?” Hunter shoved the car door open and headed toward the house. His mind spun in about a million different directions. He stabbed the key in the hole and pushed the door open, wanting to get inside. Becca ran in behind him, calling his name.
“Stop, Hunt
er. Just stop! Talk to me!” she pleaded.
He stared at her, taking in her tear-stained cheeks and the bloodshot eyes as she tried to reach for him. He did that to her. He made her cry and hurt her. Why couldn’t he reach for her and make it better? Why did he want to turn away from everyone, including the one woman he’d always loved and needed? It was like he wasn’t in his own body anymore. He kept thinking about things he should do, but his hands didn’t reach to touch her. His head pounded and his heart ached.
“I can’t do this right now, Becca,” he said through a deep, anguished tone.
He wanted, no needed to go. Run. Get away. Ignoring her pleas, he hurdled up the stairs and into his office, slamming the door. He sank against the door to the floor, trying to calm the raging monsters in his head.
*****
Darkness surrounded him, the air so thick with moisture it sucked the life right out of him. His body weighed down with terror, he crawled across the sand, moaning. The nearby sound of a scream startled him, jerking him to a new state of awareness. Why couldn’t he see anything?
“Becca?” he attempted to call out. His voice, along with the rest of his body, was weak. What happened? Why was there screaming? He thought she’d stopped talking and hadn’t heard a sound from her in a day. He couldn’t remember why he’d taken off away from her in the dark. Hunter stumbled to climb to his feet. Something snapped nearby.
“I told you I’d find you. Your mind is mine. I fill your dreams and your nightmares.”
He recognized the voice. It was the girl from the plane, except she sounded a lot older. She was nearby. His heart raced as he reached out to grasp onto something-anything. Nothing. He couldn’t see. Hunter coughed and sputtered.
“Who are you?”
“You know who I am. I’m on the long list of those you didn’t save. I came back for you.”
Something landed on his foot, something heavy and hard.
“Ow! What are you doing? Where’s Becca?”
“I took care of her. Those screams you heard? Yeah, she put up a fight. Better than I thought.”
Passionate Kisses 2 Boxed Set: Love in Bloom Page 105