by Penni Jones
“No!” she shouts.
A wounded animal scream erupts from Edgar. The Shadow squeezes him. His form twists and contorts and grows smaller. A human Shrinky Dink.
He screams again as the twisting puts parts of him where they shouldn’t be. His feet are parallel with his ankles. His head is upside down.
Edgar disappears with one last scream. So does the Shadow. It’s as if neither of them had been there at all.
Chapter 10
Luke
Naomi is stuck in the middle of the floor. She blinks rapidly but otherwise doesn’t move.
“Naomi,” I say as I move to face her. “Naomi.”
She looks at me but her eyes don’t focus right away. “You’re still here.”
“I’m still here,” I say and pull her into my arms. I’ve never wanted flesh against mine as much as I do right now.
“We need bodies,” I say.
“Yeah. We need bodies.”
“I promise I’ll try harder,” I whisper onto the top of her head. I hope she can feel my breath, or whatever it is.
Keys rattle in the front door and a woman walks in. She has short red hair and she’s wearing scrubs. It takes me a second to recognize her.
“Who’s that?” Naomi asks.
“That’s Alex. She must be the last one.”
Trevor’s sister. My cousin. But why is she here?
Bojangles runs out from behind the couch and greets Alex with jumping and kisses. Alex bends down to pull the dog into her arms. She releases the dog, but he stays by her side.
“Who is this woman to you?”
“She’s my cousin. I don’t know why she’s here.”
Daisy emerges from the back bedroom. I had forgotten she was here. Seeing Edgar get eaten by the Shadow made everything else in the trailer feel far away.
“Hey, baby.” She meets Alex in the living room and wraps her arms around her. Alex kisses Daisy on the mouth. Not like a friend.
“Oh,” Naomi says. She’s almost smiling from this revelation. The near-smile is an amazing sight after what we just witnessed.
Daisy was always adventurous, yet this relationship surprises me. Even though she smoked pot and let me do lots of things to her sexually, she considered herself a conservative Christian.
Maybe she just evolved. Nothing wrong with that. No telling what I would be if I had lived. Probably not gay, but maybe an accountant.
As for Alex, she was always pretty butch.
“How are you doing with this?” Naomi asks.
“Fine. Considering what just happened, this doesn’t seem like a big deal.”
“Perspective is a good thing.” Naomi puts her hand on my back. I close my eyes and relish the warmth for a second or maybe more.
“I need to get this taken care of. Surely Alex is the end of it.”
“Okay.” Naomi nods. “But how will we move on without Edgar?”
“Hopefully, we’ll get another mentor. They won’t just leave us to fend for ourselves, will they?”
“It would help if we knew who ‘they’ are,” she says.
There’s nothing we can do about that right now, but there’s no use mentioning it.
* * *
Naomi
Holy fucking shit! That was like a Giger-inspired nightmare. But it wasn’t a nightmare. It played out right in front of us.
Luke was wrong. Oblivion isn’t the absence of pain; it is the worst pain that was unimaginable until now. But at least Luke recognizes his folly. He’s on task.
“How can you make her cry?” I ask.
“I’m not sure. We were close when we were little kids, but not since then.” He’s staring at her like he’ll find an answer in her face.
I follow his gaze and realize that’s not why he’s staring. He’s watching Alex undress Daisy. And Daisy’s body is amazing.
How does she have a flat stomach after two kids? I didn’t have a flat stomach when I died even though I had zero pregnancies. Her breasts are firm and bouncy. There’s no way she breastfed those babies.
The last guy I had sex with was a smelly hipster with patchy facial hair, very little muscle tone, and a below average dick. Luke went out on a much higher note.
“I think we should leave the room before my cousin gets naked,” Luke says.
“It’s up to you. I don’t mind watching. This is the most action I’ve seen in a long time.”
I saw Eliza dry-hump a bartender, but that’s been it for the duration of my grief watch. Most people really are boring.
Luke grins. “It’s too creepy for me.”
I follow him to Eben’s room. We watch him sleep and listen to his breathing. Before the Shadow made its dramatic appearance this would have been boring. But now I find it soothing and peaceful. Funny how some good things can come out of watching your mentor get twisted and sucked away by a terrifying force.
Chapter 11
Luke
Life went on after I died. That’s no surprise. But my girlfriend and my cousin becoming lesbian lovers in my absence. Yeah, that’s a surprise.
I wonder if they bonded over suicide. Alex lost Trevor, then Daisy lost me. I suppose Alex lost me, too.
Where is the baby from? Did they go to a sperm bank, or was Daisy with a man before she was with Alex?
But these mysteries can wait. I need to get the fuck out of here before the Shadow comes back.
While we’re waiting for Daisy and Alex to finish being naked in the living room, I search my memory for anything special Alex and I shared.
Most of our time together was spent outside at our granny’s house. We played hide-and-seek in the woods, we played chase. We caught fireflies in jars, and we cried every time that we forgot to release them and they died by morning.
Naomi erupts with laughter so quickly that the noise startles me.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“Your baby-mama is a lesbian now. Do you think you turned her?” She laughs again to punctuate her question.
“I don’t think it’s that simple. Do you?” A smile forms on my face, a direct result of Naomi’s laughter.
We’re standing against the wall in Eben’s room. I can hear the occasional moan or gasp or “Oh my God” but they’re being quiet for the kids. I’m thankful for that.
“Probably not.” The laughter has subsided in favor of a sudden frown. “Edgar’s really gone. Right?”
“I guess so. That was the craziest shit I’ve ever seen.” I hope that it will always be the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.
I follow Naomi to the hall. Heavy breathing from the living room. I remember what that was like. Fucking to exhaustion. Endorphins and adrenaline making you feel numb and tingly at the same time. Daisy was always enthusiastic. Eager to please.
“Any ideas on how to crack your cousin’s nut?” Naomi asks, and for a second I think she’s talking about sex with my cousin and I’m really grossed out.
“Not yet. We played outside a lot. That makes it tough to figure out.”
“What about when it rained?” she asks.
“I’m having a hard time remembering. It seems like everything we did was outside, but that can’t be possible.”
“Did either of you have an Atari?”
“No way. Our folks were way too cheap for that.” Ataris were for kids whose dads didn’t come home smelling like motor oil and Old Milwaukee.
“Mine thought video games were somehow linked to Satan. Just like rock music, MTV, and the Smurfs,” Naomi says.
“We couldn’t even get MTV in Brownsville when I was a kid.”
“You know what me and my cousin used to do?” Naomi asks in a way that lets me know the idea just occurred to her.
“Make out?” I ask.
“No. Well, maybe once. We are from Arkansas, after all. But that’s not helpful right now.” She stands and spreads her arms as if something wonderful is right behind her. “We would play ‘Price Is Right.’ We would use shit from the pantry that still had
price stickers on it. It was really fun.” It really was fun. I can tell by her sudden enthusiasm.
And there it is. The idea that had been waiting for me to find it. “We didn’t play that. But she did have a ‘Wheel of Fortune’ board game that we played sometimes.”
“Okay, okay. That’s a place to start. We just have to wait for them to turn on the TV.” Naomi forced a smile as if to say, “Maybe we won’t run out of time before that happens.”
We join the girls in the living room. They’re both wearing underwear and T-shirts. I’m both relieved and disappointed.
Daisy is making a sandwich for Alex.
That could have been my after-sex sandwich.
My main goal for the next go-around: contentment. Be happy with fucking and sandwiches and don’t feed the dissatisfaction.
“Put out your scent. Maybe that will do it,” Naomi says.
Bojangles is staring at her. She reaches out to pet him but doesn’t make contact. He responds with another low growl.
“Bojangles! What is wrong with you?” Daisy snaps at him.
He responds by cowering with his paws over his eyes.
“Is it just me or is this dog an asshole?” Daisy asks. “He’s been a growling weirdo all evening.”
“He’s very sensitive. Maybe you hurt his feelings somehow.” Alex grins and pecks Daisy on the forehead. I wish they weren’t such a cute couple.
I put out the patchouli and Pantene again. Daisy stops moving likes she’s trying to hear something very quiet.
“Do you smell that?” she asks Alex.
“Is it patchouli? You’re not wearing that shit, are you?”
“No way.” Daisy smiles and ruffles Alex’s hair.
Alex giggles and wraps her arms around Daisy’s waist.
“Do it again. The afterglow has them desensitized,” Naomi says.
Eben opens his door and creeps out into the hallway. He moves tentatively, as if he knew what his mom had just been up to. I don’t think I was aware of such things at nine. But my parents probably weren’t having sex by then. My dad was probably too drunk to have erections.
“Alex!” he says as he enters the kitchen and sees that his mom and Alex are dressed enough. He wraps his arms around her, and she kisses the top of his head.
“Hey, baby. What are you doing up?” she smiles at him warmly. The way a loving parent looks at their child.
“I had a dream about my dad.” One tear escapes before he chokes the rest down.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Daisy squats and pulls Eben toward her. She embraces him tightly.
I wish I could cry. I would if I could. Even with Naomi and her tits sitting next to me.
“Was it a sad dream?” Daisy asks.
“No. It was just so real.” He leans his head on his mother’s shoulder. “I don’t want to go back to sleep yet. Can I watch Spongebob for a few minutes?”
Daisy looks up to Alex, and Alex nods.
“Just one episode—twenty minutes. You have school tomorrow.” Daisy grabs his hand and leads him four paces to the living room. Eben sits down and Daisy sits next to him. Alex grabs my sandwich and joins them. She sits on the other side of my son.
“At least you don’t have to worry about whether or not her dick is bigger than yours,” Naomi says.
Our hands hover about the television as soon as Daisy turns it on. She quickly finds Eben’s cartoon.
“TV got much better after you died. Remember recording stuff on a VHS so you could watch it later?” Naomi asks.
“Yeah, sure.” We had HBO for a few months one time because they ran a free promotion. I recorded every movie that came on, filling tape after tape. I eventually stored all of them under my bed.
“Now we can tape it directly on TV and pull it up later. It’s called TiVo and it’s awesome.”
“Is Vanna White still on Wheel of Fortune?” I ask. My friends and I pooled our money together to buy her issue of Playboy. We passed it around with each of us getting one day with Vanna. I didn’t get the magazine until day three. It was almost too sticky to open by then. But I persevered.
“Let’s put it on so you can see for yourself.”
Trying to visualize the Wheel of Fortune set is more difficult than I anticipated. Instead I conjure the memory of the puzzle board. The colorful wheel follows.
Naomi must have the entire set in her mind because the show pops onto the screen as if someone changed the channel.
“Hey!” Eben says. “What the hell’s wrong with the TV?”
“Don’t say ‘hell,’ Eben,” Alex says like she doesn’t really mean it.
Daisy pounds at the remote but nothing changes. But we have to stay focused. I put out my scent for extra measure.
Alex stands up and says, “Luke is here.”
* * *
Naomi
Luke and I freeze in place, as if that will take back Alex’s revelation. He’s been made. But not in the way we need him to be.
“Do you feel him here, too?” Alex asks Daisy.
Daisy nods and says, “Earlier tonight, too. I swear I could smell him. And then a commercial came on for Rocko’s Modern Life.” Her lips turn up in a sad smile. “He made me watch that show all the time.”
“I don’t understand,” Eben says.
They both turn to him like they had forgotten his presence.
Daisy wraps her arm around his shoulder and says, “When our loved ones are in heaven, sometimes it feels like they visit us. It’s probably just wishful thinking.”
“That’s a lot of wishful thinking, Daisy. We couldn’t all three have been wishful thinking about him at the same time.”
Daisy cuts her eyes at Alex. It’s that “not in front of the kid” look. But Alex doesn’t seem to give a shit.
“Eben talked to Luke in a dream. It’s not like he’s oblivious.”
“If he’s here, does that mean he’ll stay?” Eben asks.
Daisy flashes Alex the standard “I told you so” look that couples share. How long have they been together?
“No, baby. He’s just visiting.” Alex jumps from the couch and goes to the bedroom.
Daisy pulls Eben closer and runs her fingers over his hair.
Luke is frozen in place in another one of his staring poses.
“Luke! Snap out of it.”
He turns to face me.
“We’re not finished here,” I say.
Luke nods. “But what are we supposed to do now? Alex knows I’m here and she’s not crying.”
Alex is back in the living room with a Ouija board in tow. I’ve never been on this side of a Ouija board.
“We’re not doing this in front of Eben,” Daisy says.
“Why not, Mom?” Eben sticks out his chin.
“It’s late. You need to go to bed and this is creepy.” Daisy stands up and motions for him to do the same.
Eben roots further into the couch cushion and crosses his arms over his chest.
“Like I’ll be able to sleep when I know you two are out here talking to my dad.”
“He has a point,” Alex says.
“Is she the kind of dad you would have been?” I ask Luke.
“What do you mean?”
“You know. The ‘fun one.’ Always leaving Daisy to do the heavy lifting.”
“I don’t think we’ve seen enough of their daily lives to establish that she always does anything.”
I don’t know if he’s more uncomfortable thinking about his cousin raising his child, or with the fact that the Shadow might show up at any second to suck us away.
“Fine. You can stay. But you’re not putting your hands on this thing,” Daisy says. She turns to Alex. “You know this makes me uncomfortable. Ouija boards are evil.”
Bojangles whines at the sight of the Ouija board and exits the room. Daisy notices and her body responds with a shiver.
“They’re only evil if you’re Baptist.” Alex smiles slyly, and I can see why Daisy went gay for her.
Al
ex and Daisy sit crossed-legged on the carpet in front of the coffee table where the Ouija board sits. They perch their fingers on the triangle thingie, a plank, a pirouette, what the fuck ever.
“My friends and I tried to make one of these when we were in junior high so we could contact Michael Landon,” I say.
“Michael Landon seems like an odd choice.”
“My friend Becky had daddy issues.” She married the high school basketball coach two years after we graduated. He was attractive, but at least thirty-five by then. I want to tell Luke that part of the story, but he’s no longer interested. He’s staring at the women again.
“Luke, are you with us?” Alex asks.
“You’re up, Cobain,” I say, just in case he’s gone into another fugue state.
“What should I do?”
“I don’t know. Talk to them? Maybe that will make your cousin all nostalgic and weepy.”
“Okay.” He walks toward the table like it will make a difference. Maybe it will. It’s not like I know.
Luke puts his hands over theirs. If they feel a shift in temperature, they don’t let on. He moves the planchette—that’s it! A planchette. He moves it to “yes.”
Both women gasp and Eben leans forward to get closer to the action. His hair is sleep-messy and his eyes are wide.
“Why are you here?” Alex asks.
Luke looks at me, and I shrug.
“You can’t really explain that in a one-word answer,” I say. “Try to pull at their heart strings. Tell them you miss them.” I’m proud of myself for coming up with that, but Luke only nods solemnly like I asked him if he cried when Shannon Hoon died.
He puts his hands over theirs again and starts moving the planchette.
“I,” Alex reads. “M-I-S-S Y-O-U. I miss you.”
Tears pour from Daisy’s eyes so quickly it seems they are on an urgent mission to escape from her head. She lets go of the planchette to wipe her eyes with her hands. She wipes her wet hands on her tatty T-shirt before putting her fingers back.
“Are you okay?” Alex asks.