Kyler steps beside me and pulls me into a hug, slapping my back. “Holy shit, you’re gonna be a dad!”
When we pull apart, I see Dani and Haylee jumping up and down in excitement. The Lawsons, Hanks, and my parents all hug everyone. I’m sure anyone that just happened to be in here tonight is probably like what the fuck is going on.
While the moms, Kate, Lauren, and Haylee inspect the shiny new ring on my sister’s finger, the men all pull extra tables over to join ours.
I take a seat next to my fiancée, who is glowing even more now that the news is finally out in the open. A weight lifts from my shoulders as well.
I sit back and look around at where our lives have ended up. My sister is happy in love and engaged to my best friend, and I couldn’t be happier for the two of them. They deserve all the love and happiness in the world.
Haylee and I will one day tie the knot, and the craziest of all is that there is a little Jacobs baby growing in her belly. I did that. I’m going to be a dad. Something that should be terrifying isn’t because I know that I have the love of the most amazing woman next to me. At that moment, she glances over at me and smiles that perfect smile, and I know that life is good.
“Hails!” I call out, emptying my pockets onto the dresser. She isn’t in the kitchen or living room, but her car is in the driveway.
“In here.” I follow her voice to the bedroom that used to be Kyler and Dani’s. We haven’t figured out what to do with it just yet, so it sits completely empty still.
“What are you doing in here?”
I find her sitting in the middle of the floor, legs extended in front of her and crossed at the ankle, her hand rubbing over her still-tiny belly. She says that she sees it growing already, but she still looks small to me.
“Just thinking.”
I prop myself against the door, trying to keep the gift bag hidden from her view.
“Care to share with the class there, future Mrs. Jacobs?” My smile widens at her with the knowledge that she will one day be my wife.
Wife—nothing makes me happier than calling her future Mrs. Jacobs. Wait, nope, I will be happier when I can drop the “future” and she is just Mrs. Haylee Jacobs, my wife and the mother of my child. Wow, when did I, the manwhore, as my fiancée called me many times, become romantic and whipped? Probably about the same time I fell in love with this girl in front of me.
“About the nursery. I want to turn this room into it.” The corners of her mouth turn up.
Anytime the baby is mentioned, the sweetest smile takes over her face. It’s a nice change from the look of shock and panic that was on her face when we first found out. I don’t blame her, though; it came as quite a surprise.
I look around the room and laugh to myself. When we first looked at this house when we were just about to graduate college, I never pictured this room one day as a nursey.
“I think the crib should go there…” She points to the far wall. “…and a dresser and changing table there, and a rocking chair right there in the corner.”
“Wow. How long have you been sitting there, babe?” I joke, earning a judgmental look from my girl.
I laugh and shift against the doorframe, and the pink gift bag in my hand catches Haylee’s attention because her eyes grow wide with excitement. Not long after we had found out about the baby, I had gone online and ordered these.
“What’s in your hands?”
“What?” I say, playing innocent.
“Zach.” She goes to stand, but I quickly stop her, bringing the bag into her full view. “Oh this bag, you mean?”
I ended up having the package delivered to the office because I knew that if it arrived here, she would have snooped. I’m proud of myself for keeping this from her. And I’m even more proud of myself for wrapping this myself. Okay, so shoving items in a bag with just tissue paper isn’t rocket science.
I settle next to Haylee on the floor and set the bag next to me on the opposite side of her. She goes to reach for the bag, and I pull her into my arms.
“First thing’s first.” I lean in and press my lips against hers. When I pull back, her eyes are still closed.
“Hi.”
As if my voice finally brings her back to reality, her eyes pop open. “Hi—now give me my present. That is for me, right?”
“Well, it’s for that one in there.” I point to her belly. “And since they’re in you, I guess you get to open it.”
She reaches over me and grabs the bag. “I don’t care even if I win by default.”
I laugh and settle back on my hands while watching her tear through the tissue paper.
“Oh my God, Zach… These are…these are…” She pulls out the onesies I had ordered and sighs in awe as she reads each one.
There are a total of four, each with a different phrase: “Daddy’s Drinking Buddy,” “My Daddy had fun making me,” “Sorry, ladies, my daddy’s taken,” and “My Daddy is Jealous I had Boobs for Breakfast.” The last one earns a loud laugh from Haylee.
She places them all on her knee and turns back to me. Her eyes are brimming with tears. I cup her cheek with my palm and swipe my thumb over the tear that falls. Her voice is barely a whisper.
“I love it—it’s the baby’s first present.” Her smile widens. “She’s going to love them.”
My back quickly straightens. “Wait, what? You already know it’s a girl?”
Haylee places her hand on my chest to calm me down. She rises to her knees in front of me and places both hands on her belly. “No, I just feel like maybe it is. We won’t know for a little while.”
I place my forehead against hers. “You wanna know something?” I pull her into my lap, and she rests her head against my chest. I put my hand over her belly. “I feel like it might be a girl too. And I hope she looks just like you. Absolutely beautiful just like her mama.” I kiss her forehead. “Now how ’bout you tell me what else you were thinking in this pretty little head of yours about this room. I want to hear it all.”
Lately, our weekend brunches have turned into wedding- and baby-planning central, and the Jacobses’ house is home base. Today is no different. Mom, Kelly, Dani, and I are sitting at the dining table surrounded by color swatches, guest lists, and catering menus. I swear, between our wedding, the baby shower, and Dani and Kyler’s wedding, our moms are in planning heaven. Dani and I already set our dates, just six months apart. Zach and I decided to wait until after this little peanut is born to get married. We’ve waited this long; what’s a few more months? He already knows I’m his and he is mine forever—this is just a formality making it legal.
I sit back in my chair and rest my hands on my growing stomach. The first trimester was rough with morning sickness, but so far, I feel great during my second trimester. Things are totally normal—just add a growing stomach, huge boobs (which Zach loves), and a sex drive that is out of control (also something Zach loves). Don’t even get me started on the cravings. I crave carbs constantly. We buy macaroni and cheese like it’s going out of style. We also buy Yoo-Hoos in bulk—I drink chocolate milk with just about every meal.
“Anything for my girls,” he always says.
Yep, that’s right—our intuition was right, and we are having a girl. We just found out a few days ago. It’s been hard to keep it a secret from everyone.
I’m off daydreaming of pink dresses and tutus when my mom touches my hand, pulling me back to reality. “What do you think of this?”
I snap my head to her. “Huh?”
I realize I must look like a deer in headlights. Oops, I’m caught not paying attention because I have no idea what she asked me. A giggle escapes Dani as I shrug.
“My bad.”
My mom rolls her eyes. “I was saying, during the ceremony, your dad will be on the end and then me, followed by your grandparents.”
“No, that doesn’t work for me.”
Mom looks back and forth between Kelly and Dani before turning her attention back to me.
“W
ell, I mean it all works, but I want an empty chair on the end, and then Dad can sit next to that.”
A gasp escapes Dani, and she quickly covers her mouth as she understands what I want the empty chair for.
“An empty chair?” Kelly asks.
I nod and cross my arms; this is one thing I am not willing to compromise on. “Yes, I want to leave a chair for Em.” The emotion threatens to come up just like many of my meals did during the first trimester. “It’s important to me. All I want is for my brother to be there, and since he…”
I try to fight the tears, but it’s a never-ending battle these days with my pregnancy hormones so crazy. I back up from my chair and begin to pace the kitchen, and the room starts to shrink in size.
“You know what? No, that color doesn’t work for me either.” I point to the color swatch we had just decided on. “And why the hell can’t we have macaroni and cheese at the reception? It’s my wedding, and I can do whatever I want.” I don’t mean to raise my voice, but I can’t help it. At this moment, I am thankful our dads, Kyler, and Zach are downtown at the boat show and not here to see my outburst. “And if I want to have an empty chair for my brother? Then I’m going to have an empty chair.” I stop in my tracks, and my breath quickens.
It all begins to hit me at once. I need air. I turn on my heels and quickly run out the front door, leaving my mom, future mother-in-law, and best friend in my wake. Once on the front porch, I attempt to catch my breath. I feel a hand grip my shoulder.
I look over my shoulder to see eyes so much like the ones of the man I love.
“Hails, are you all right?”
I turn away. “I’m sorry, I just needed some air. Can you tell my mom and Kelly I’m sorry—I just need some time to myself.”
She gives me a brief smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes like it usually does these days. Before I know it, I hear the door click, and I am alone on the front porch to drown in my own thoughts. I look up to the sky. Damn it, Emmett, why did you have to leave?
I sit on the front porch swing, with my hands on my belly and eyes closed as I rock back and forth. I’ve since managed to get my breathing under control, but I wish Zach were back from the boat show already.
As if he had appeared out of nowhere, I hear, “Hey baby, what’s going on?”
I open my eyes and meet his, instantly feeling better. I hop off the swing—or, well, as quickly as I can, and rush to his arms. His arms are around me, and my lips are on his as soon as we are close enough. A moment later, I pull back, confused.
“Why aren’t you at the boat show? Where’s everyone else?”
“My sister called me. She’s worried about you—they all are. She said you had an anxiety attack. I left and came straight home. Talk to me, Hails. What’s going on?”
He leads me back to the swing, and I settle next to him. The emotions threaten to come back up, and I swallow them down.
“It’s just too much. All this planning. I was just overwhelmed by it all.” I look away toward the driveway.
Zach furrows his brows and draws my attention back to him. “Did something happen?”
I exhale and blink, letting the unshed tears spill. “We were talking about food and colors and seating arrangements and it just really hit me that Em won’t be there. I know we talk about it all the time, but it’s just so real.”
Zach cradles my head to his chest, running his hands down my back.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Just breathe.”
He lets me break down and cry in his arms. This man is everything I never knew I wanted, never knew I needed, yet he was always standing right in front of me. When the pain of losing my brother gets to be too much, Zach is there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and mend them back together.
With his head against the top of mine, he presses a kiss to my hair. “I wanna take you somewhere.”
“Where?” I sit up, brushing the tears away.
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.” Why would he ever think otherwise?
Zach stands and reaches for my hand, pulling me to my feet. As we make our ways down the steps and toward the Jeep, I look back at the house.
“Should we let them know where we’re going?”
Zach opens the passenger door for me. “Nah, they’ll be okay.”
Once I’m seated, he closes the door before running around to the driver’s side. Where are we going? I know better than to ask him again. I know he won’t tell me. Zach reaches for my hand and presses his lips against my knuckles, sending sparks up my spine.
“Ready to go?”
I nod.
On the way down to my parents’, I was excited to see the sign that the carnival, the same one we always went to as kids, was in town. This was what we needed—an escape. It has been so stressful for both of us, preparing for the wedding and the baby. It has brought up plenty of emotions for both of us with the realization that one significant person will not be present for both big events in our lives. I miss Em every day, but it hurts more around the big moments. My daughter will never get to know what it’s like to be spoiled by her uncle Em, Haylee will never get to dance with her brother at her wedding, and I will never get to hear what his best man speech would have been—I know it would have kicked ass. I know both of those weigh heavy on my fiancée’s heart, as it does mine.
“What are we doing here?” Haylee asks as I escort her out of the Jeep.
“You’ll see, baby girl.” I lace my fingers with hers, and we make our way toward the entrance.
I watch the color flow back in her cheeks, and I know I made the right decision bringing her here. As we pass the funnel cake stand, her eyes widen.
I lean down and whisper in her ear, “Don’t worry, there is plenty of time for that, but first thing’s first.”
I stand behind her in line at the Ferris wheel and place my hands on her hips, pulling her slightly back toward me. “I wanted to remind you of where it all began.”
When the cart stops and the attendant waves us over, I let her take a seat first before sitting next to her. I wrap my arm around her and transport back to the first time we were on a Ferris wheel when we both trying to figure out what was happening between us. She snuggles into my chest.
“I promise to protect you.” My words to her from that night replay in my head. I will always protect her. There are moments, like the one today, that I know we cannot avoid. I hate that it feels like I can’t do anything to help her. This was the best I could come up with—an escape from the overwhelming feeling of everything going on in our lives.
We are silent on the ride up, and of course, we stop at the very top again. This time, Haylee relaxes more into my arms.
“Thank you. I needed this.” She peers up at me with her blue eyes.
I brush a stray piece of her hair behind her ear before my thumb strokes the soft skin of her cheek. “Sometimes, we need to take a moment and escape the chaos to remember that it’s just you and me. Never forget that.”
Haylee rests a hand on her belly, and my heart warms.
“Well, I guess it’s not just us anymore,” I add, realizing that in just a few short months we will become a family of three officially with the arrival of our little girl. A smile spreads across my face at that thought—our little girl.
“Nope. You ready for a family?” She looks back up at me.
“More than ever.” I press a kiss to her forehead.
We sit in silence and look at our surroundings, but the peacefulness is over when Haylee clutches her stomach, a look of panic across her face.
“Oh my God! Hails, are you okay?”
The look of panic fades, and the brightest smile appears. “I’m more than okay. I think she just kicked.”
My eyes grow wide. “Really?”
She nods, her eyes filled with tears, this time of joy, not sadness. She reaches for my hand and places it over her belly. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to feel for. Does it—
“Woah! Was
that it?”
“Uh-huh.” I stare at Haylee in amazement.
Could my girl be any more beautiful, the way the sun reflects off her? She is a vision, an angel. My angel.
Wow, now my eyes are filling up. That’s my baby girl in there. I feel the warmth of Haylee’s palm cupping my cheek, her fingers spread while her thumb brushes away a fallen tear. Shit, look at me being the one all emotional.
“Baby, are you okay?” she asks, and I place my hands over hers.
I can’t hide back my smile. “More than okay. I mean…” I choke on my words. Get yourself together, man. “I know that’s my baby in there, and I know we’ve seen pictures of our peanut, but actually to feel her. It just…it just feels so real.” I press my lips to hers as the Ferris wheel begins to move.
I place my hand back on her belly as the ride makes its way around to the start, but instead of stopping, it continues for another loop.
With my forehead against hers, I tell her, “I love you, Haylee. You too, baby girl.”
“Emme,” Haylee says just above a whisper.
Who? Did she say the name Emme?
I pull back with my brows pinched together.
She places both her hands over her growing bump and continues. “Emme. I want to name her Emme after my brother. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and then when we found out it was a girl…I just thought it was meant to be.”
I crash my lips to hers and kiss her just as the cart comes to a stop. I extend my hand, and when she links her fingers with mine, I feel the same spark I felt all those years ago. Once out of the way of the people boarding the ride, I lead Haylee through a clearing in the crowd. I turn to face her once we find an empty spot. I crouch down to my knees. Haylee grabs my shoulders in an attempt to pull me up, but I don’t budge.
“Zach, what are you doing? People are staring.”
“Let them,” I respond before closing the distance between me and her baby bump. I don’t even care if people stop and listen.
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