I Never Expected You

by Stefanie Jenkins

“Hey, Emme. It’s Daddy.” I feel Haylee’s grip tighten on my shoulders as if I were holding her up. “I just want to tell you I love you very much. Your mom and I both do. Just a few more months, and then we get to meet you.”

  The sound of sniffling brings my attention back to Haylee. I look up to see her wiping away fresh tears. I turn back to the bump to place a sweet kiss on her stomach before rising.

  “You like the name?” she finally asks.

  “It’s perfect. I have an idea, and if you hate it, then we move on from it.”

  “Okay.” She draws it out, unsure as to what I am about to suggest.

  I smile at her and tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “What if we name her Emme Danielle?” She doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “I know it’s stupid to think about, but I’d like to believe that they brought us together. The beauty of us came from the ashes of our loss.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know it was a crazy suggestion.”

  “No, it’s just that that was beautiful and so deep.”

  “So what do you think?” I am more than happy to go with whatever name she wants, but silently I hope she likes this one.

  Rising to her toes, she whispers against my lips, “I love it. Emme Danielle Jacobs.”

  I close the space between us, pressing my lips against hers, having her as close as she can be with her stomach.

  I break the kiss and lean my forehead against hers. “Now how about we go share the news? I don’t know about you, but it was killing me not to spill the beans that we know it’s a girl.”

  She nods and takes my hand. We start to make our way back to the car—of course, not without stopping for two funnel cakes. Yep, Haylee ate her entire cake and even some of mine. I’m sure everyone is beginning to wonder where we are and if we will be back. I think we’ll end up just staying over.

  When I slowly open my eyes, my heart skips a beat as I take in the view in front of me. Zach is sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the hospital room, rocking our baby girl back and forth.

  Stubborn like her father and two days after my due date, our precious Emme Danielle Jacobs arrived at 7:43 a.m. this morning after twenty-two hours of labor.

  “You did this to me. You’re never coming near me with that thing again.” I rested my head against the pillow after another contraction passed.

  I could finally breathe. They were getting stronger and closer together.

  “Sweetheart, you’re doing so great. You look beautiful,” my fiancé spoke sweetly, brushing the sweaty hair out of my face.

  I turned and narrowed my eyes at him.

  “Shut the fuck up, Zach, or I’ll chop that thing off and feed it to you for dinner,” I said through gritted teeth. I was exhausted and ready for this to be over.

  “You can’t cook, Hails.”

  Another contraction hit, and I reached for Zach’s hand, nearly crushing it.

  “It’ll be a burnt penis then!” I roared.

  I threw my head back, looking over at Zach after releasing his hand. I stuck my bottom lip out at him. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean it.”

  Zach’s eyes were focused on his hand that just felt the wrath of a woman in labor. “You’re a monster, Hails.”

  I ignored his comment. “Can you hand me some ice chips?”

  Zach cautiously walked over to me with a cup of ice in one hand and his other covering his dick.

  I almost laughed, but another contraction hit the same time he handed me the cup, causing ice chips to fly everywhere…

  Throughout the day there has been a constant flow of visitors in our room from our parents, Dani and Ky, Cami, and even Ky’s sisters. Zach won fiancé of the year when he somehow convinced everyone that mom and baby needed some rest time. Okay, so maybe our family won family of the year too by actually agreeing. Although I thought we would have to pry that sweet baby out of her aunt and uncle’s hands. I can already tell that Emme has her aunt Dani and especially her uncle Kyler wrapped around her finger, even at only a few hours old.

  I don’t even remember falling asleep, but I needed it. Sleep the last few days of pregnancy has been basically nonexistent, and don’t even think about resting during labor.

  I try to push myself up and wince at the sharp pain in my abdomen. I have to suck in a breath as I take it at a slower pace. Now sitting up, I have a full visual of Emme sleeping in her father’s arms. I already know she will be a daddy’s girl; there is no doubt about that.

  Watching them together, I am reminded of the moment we first heard her cry once she was born, and tears had run down both of our cheeks. It was seriously the happiest moment of my life when the doctor laid Emme on my bare chest. I never knew instant love at first sight until I looked into my daughter’s eyes for the first time, eyes that mirrored my own. Her crying calmed as I introduced myself as her mommy and Zach as her daddy.

  Zach’s voice is soft, just barely above a whisper as he talks to her. I think I just fell further in love with this man. I relax back into the bed and close my eyes in an attempt to rest again, but my eyes shoot open as his voice grows a smidge louder and I hear what he is talking to her about.

  “And your mom showed up with this douchebag Chad, so I had something to prove she was mine and that I had fallen in love with her.”

  “What the heck are you telling our daughter over there?”

  Zach’s eyes shoot up as if he was just caught red-handed in the cookie jar, but as his eyes meet mine, his features soften before he returns his attention back to our baby girl.

  “I’m telling her the story of us, how her awesome parents came to be.”

  While that is adorable, the story is far from appropriate. I hold back my laughter to keep from feeling the pain.

  “Zach, you can’t tell her that story.”

  “Why not? She should know how romantic her daddy is and how her mommy almost made a big mistake where this little one’s dad could have had a microdick instead of this.” He points to his pants, and I groan.

  “Okay, for starters, babe, can we not mention microdicks around our daughter? Or really any dicks for that matter. I just popped a 7 lb 12 oz baby out of my hoo-ha.” Zach’s ears perk up at the mention of my ladybits. I hold up my finger in protest. “Oh no, don’t even think about it. The candy shop is closed for six weeks—you heard the doctor.”

  I choose now to change the subject. Sleep deprivation and cohesive conversations do not mix.

  I straighten up. “Now bring that baby over here before everyone gets back and I have to fight off baby snuggles with our moms and your sister.”

  He chuckles. “I think you’d have to fight off Ky more. Who knew he was so good with kids? He’s a natural. They’ll start popping out kids soon, I bet.”

  “Why don’t we let them get married first?”

  “Where’s the fun in that?”

  Zach gets up slowly, still with a tight hold on Emme, making sure not to drop her. I’ve never seen him walk so slowly or carefully in his life. He finally makes it to the side of the bed and gently places Emme in my arms before taking a seat in front of me on the bed. We sit there, a family of three, soaking in the moment. I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head, and she squirms but doesn’t wake up.

  “She’s perfect,” I whisper and fight back the tears.

  “Just like her mama.” I lean forward, and Zach meets me halfway till our lips are touching.

  This kiss is sweet and simple yet still full of so much love. Our kiss ends when there is a knock on the door. Yep, I knew that wouldn’t last long.

  Zach announces, “Come in.”

  The door opens, and in strides our family for the second time today. A familiar scent fills the air, and my smile widens and my stomach growls. I realize I haven’t eaten in hours.

  “Okay, whoever has that bag of french fries, I’ll trade you this precious baby for them.”

  Dani grabs the bag from her fiancé’s hand and rushes to the side of the bed, reaching fo
r her goddaughter. A few weeks back, Zach and I asked Dani and Kyler to be godparents, and of course, they accepted.

  My dad sets a chocolate shake on the table next to the bed, and I am seriously in heaven.

  Zach gets up from his seat and presses a kiss to the top of my head before joining the rest of our family over on the other side of the room. Our moms have settled in on the couch by the window that Zach had slept on last night.

  I slide over on the bed, allowing room for Dani next to me, and I pass this little bundle of joy over to her aunt. Dani is a natural holding her, not that I would expect anything less. One day, my best friend will make a great mom.

  “You know, you look pretty good holding one of those.”

  Never taking her eyes off of Emme, fully captivated by her, she responds, “Yeah, Kyler said the same thing when we left here earlier. I think if he had his way, he’d be putting one of these in me tonight.” She pauses and looks up, locking eyes with me and smiles. “You’re a mom.”

  I laugh, shoving the salty-sweet goodness of french fries dipped in a chocolate shake in my mouth—the ultimate comfort food when funnel cakes aren’t available. They also make me think of mine and Zach’s first date.

  “I know, right? It’s crazy.”

  Dani shakes her head. “Nah, it’s not crazy. It’s amazing. You and Zach made this perfect little angel.” She leans down, inhaling the sweet baby scent. “Oh, the stories I’m going to tell you one day, sweetheart, of the trouble your mom and dad used to get into all the time.”

  Zach perks up from his current conversation with his dad and Ky. “Hey, don’t act like you were all innocent. We’ve got plenty of stories.”

  Dani rolls her eyes, but a few stories come to mind.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s hope this little one isn’t like her parents and can refuse a dare.”

  “Ha, like the time Zach ate a five-gallon bucket of Cheese Balls at seven in the morning.” Kyler laughs, and I cringe at the thought.

  “Or the time you tried to explain to me as to why you had to drive with a leopard-print bra hanging from the rearview mirror in your car.” My mom raises her eyebrow at me.

  Zach and Kyler high-five. “That was a good one. Totally forgot about that one.”

  “There’s always my personal favorite,” Dani begins, but I hold my hand up, knowing exactly what she is about to share.

  “Oh no you don’t. We get it. Ha. Ha. We’ve done some crazy things.” I change the subject by directing my attention back to the precious little angel in my best friend’s arms.

  Ky steps up the bed. “So are you going to give that baby up or what?” Dani turns away from him, cradling the baby closer to her, but eventually allows him to take her from her arms. I look around at the smiling, happy faces around the entire room and feel overwhelmed with joy and love. All of the people we love are here right now celebrating at this moment. It’s in that moment a heavy cloud fills my mind that this is yet another moment my brother is missing.

  Zach’s eyes focus on me when he steals a french fry from the tray and mouths, “You okay?”

  I nod, afraid that if I speak, I might get too emotional.

  It’s been a week since we brought Emme home from the hospital. A week of little sleep, nonstop feeding, diaper changes, and visitors. If I had my way, I would have done this sooner, but Zach had a point that it wasn’t worth arguing and I shouldn’t push myself.

  “Hey, big bro, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

  Zach bends down, unbuckles the straps of Emme’s car seat, and reaches in to pull her out. She’s dressed in one of the onesies Zach had bought her—“Sorry, ladies, my daddy’s taken.” I take a seat in front of the headstone with my legs crossed as Zach hands her to me before sitting next to me. I press a kiss to the top of my daughter’s head.

  “Emmett, I want you to meet your niece, Emme Danielle Jacobs. Emme, I want you to meet your uncle Emmett.”

  A stray tear runs down my cheek, and Zach reaches up and brushes it away with his thumb. I give him a brief smile.

  We sit and chat until Emme releases a loud cry, and it may have only been a week, but I already know that this is a hunger cry. Call it mother’s intuition.

  “What do you say we get this little one back to my parents’ house? I think she’s getting hungry, and I don’t really wanna whip out a boob here.”

  Zach’s eyes go wide as he takes Emme from my arms to settle her back in her seat.

  With one last kiss on the top of the stone, Zach and I walk back to the car, his arm around my shoulders and the other looped through the carrier handle.

  When we get to the car, Zach places Emme’s seat in the backseat and closes the door. I settle in the passenger seat as Zach rounds the car to the driver’s side. Zach starts the vehicle but doesn’t move. The familiar sounds of “Golden Slumbers” by the Beatles begins to play on the radio. I stare out the window at the hill where my brother’s final resting place lies. Zach reaches for my hand and squeezes.

  “You doing okay?” he asks as he links our fingers.

  I turn to face him. “Yeah. I wish he was here, but a part of me knows he’s always with me…us…her.”

  We both look back at Emme in the back seat, who has since calmed down. My heart warms, wondering if this is Em’s way of comforting her.

  “I love you, Haylee.” He reaches down to my hand and brushes his lips against my knuckles, mainly the engagement ring on my left hand.

  “I love you too.”

  I open the front door to my parents’ house, and the delicious smells of my mother’s chicken parmesan hit my nostrils, causing my mouth to water and stomach to growl.

  “Mmmm, it smells like heaven in here,” Zach says, setting Emme’s car seat down.

  The house seems rather quiet. Where is everyone?

  “Mom? Dad? We’re here.”

  My mom strolls out of the kitchen. “Hi, sweetheart.”

  She kisses my cheek and Zach’s before focusing her attention on her new granddaughter. Her face lights up when she sees Emme in her seat. This version of my mother is nothing like the version of her just after Emmett died. My daughter helped mend the pieces of her broken heart.

  She reaches in to unbuckle Emme and cradles her in her arms, slowly rocking her back and forth. Emme begins to fuss, indicating that she is hungry.

  “Someone’s hungry. I’m just going to go take her up to my old room and feed her.”

  I reach for her, but my mom doesn’t give her up. “Actually, why don’t you follow me for a second? I want to show you something.”

  “Can it wait?” I look over at Zach, and he shrugs before I focus back on my mother, who has already begun heading up the stairs.

  Zach leads his arm for me to follow, so I do.

  “Do you have any idea what’s going on?” I ask Zach as we make our way up the stairs.

  “Nope, not a clue.”

  Once Zach and I are at the top of the stairs, I watch as my mother passes my old room and stops in front of the bedroom that used to be Emmett’s.

  My dad is standing outside the door. He gives us a brief smile before pressing a sweet kiss on my daughter’s head.

  “What’s going on?” I ask nervously as Zach steps up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders.

  With tearful eyes, my mom looks at my dad before returning her gaze to us. “Your father and I wanted to do something special for you guys so that when you are here visiting, Emme has a place of her own.”

  My breath hitches as my father opens the door, and they step aside, revealing what’s inside. I fall back in shock, thankful that Zach is there behind me to keep me upright. His grip on my shoulders tightens as we make our way into the room.

  My hands cover my mouth as I look around the room that was once decorated with lacrosse trophies, car posters, and pictures of my best friend. The walls are now covered in a pale pink. There is a rocking chair in the corner with a small bookshelf. I run my fingers along the worn wood. I can r
emember this same chair in my parents’ room growing up.

  “That over there is the same rocking chair I had from when you and your brother were babies.”

  Tears flow freely down my face as I notice the crib and beautiful bedding, but it is the lyrics on the wall that brings on the waterworks. Above the crib are lyrics to “Golden Slumbers” by the Beatles, the same song we heard at the cemetery.

  My dad steps beside me, placing his arm around my shoulders. “I used to sing that song to you both. It’s one of my favorite Beatles songs.”

  I don’t even know what to say. I wrap my arms around my dad. “Thank you so much. This is perfect. I am at a loss for words that you guys did this.”

  “Well, it wasn’t all us. Kelly and Adam helped too.”

  I look over my shoulder at Zach, who is staring at the photo of him and my brother on the wall.

  “Brian and I will leave you three in here, and you can feed Grandma’s little angel. But once you are back downstairs, I hope you know that I don’t plan to give her up at all.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, I know. I’m chopped liver when you and Kelly or Dani are around.”

  My mom hands Emme off to Zach, and I pull her into an embrace. “Thank you so much for this. You really have no idea how much this means to me.”

  “I’m so happy you love it. We’ll see you downstairs. Dinner will be ready soon.”

  My parents exit the room, closing the door gently. I sit in the rocking chair and rest my head against the back, closing my eyes. When they open, Zach is in front of me, a smile from ear to ear.

  I set Emme into an easy position for feeding before I adjust my shirt, revealing my nursing bra.

  “Did you have any idea they were doing this?” I ask once Emme has latched onto my breast.

  Zach puts his hands in his pocket and shakes his head. “Not a clue. This is seriously amazing, what they did. Who knew this room could look so good?”

  I don’t either. I love that my parents turned his room into a nursery. I know it took a lot of strength to do this, and I love them even more for that. I gaze down at my daughter. Be brave and fearless, Emme. Your Uncle Emmett is always with you.