by Justin Dean
Dr. Crazybunny’s voice turned gruff. “Sorry, lass. That thar skull-and-crossbones label don’t mean poison! Ye just used one of me favorite potions—it’s called Pirate Punch! ARG! I’m going ta cut ye landlubbers ta ribbons!”
He wasn’t Dr. Crazybunny anymore. Now he was…
It was Ralph’s turn to attack. His potion was filled with a shiny, clear liquid. The label had a circle with exploding lines.
“Bombs away!” said Ralph, thinking it was an explosion potion. Ralph took a step to throw, but his foot slipped on an escaped banana beast. It caused him to drop the bottle, which broke across the floor.
“Watch yer step!” said Dr. Pirate-Crazybunny with a smile. “That wasn’t no bomb potion, matey! Ye just swabbed the deck with me Bubble-Trouble Potion.”
The spill began foaming into a massive blob of soap suds, and one tiny bubble emerged. At first, it was a normal-sized bubble like you’d see in the bathtub, but it kept growing and growing until it was the size of a car.
“Let’s set sail!” said the doctor. He waved his butt cheeks up and down, fanning the bubble toward Ralph. It engulfed his whole body and trapped him inside.
Ralph was helpless as the bubble carried him into the air.
Ralph calmly said, “Fun fact! Ebulliophobia is the fear of bubbles!” Then he realized he was ten feet off the ground and yelled out, “Bonus fun fact: I cannot spell ‘ebulliophobia,’ but I definitely have it!!!”
Dr. Pirate-Crazybunny jumped up. He popped the bubble with his hook and grabbed Ralph by his hoodie.
Marty had to act quickly to save Ralph. He would have to decide which of his potions to use next. His right hand held a bottle labeled with fingers shocked by lightning bolts. His other potion’s label showed a face with crossed-out eyes.
“Prepare to get zapped!” Marty said. He threw the potion with the lightning bolts.
The potion hit the pirate-bunny in the head, and he dropped Ralph. Ralph ran back to Marty. They watched as the doctor’s body twitched and glowed blue. It looked incredibly painful, but then a smile crept across Dr. Pirate-Crazybunny’s face. He said, “Ye ain’t too savvy at picking potions. The label don’t mean it’ll electrocute someone who touches it,” said the doctor. “It’s me Lightning-Hand Elixir! It makes ye shoot electricity from yer fingertips. I’m going ta fry ye to a crisp—THEN I’m going ta cut ye ta ribbons!”
Marty made the wrong choice, and now they faced a Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny.
The doctor aimed his glowing paw back at the kids. A giant lightning bolt shot out. They dove behind Awesome Dog as a white-hot blast of electricity missed them and hit Awesome Dog’s belly. They weren’t hurt, but the doctor was charging up his paw for another attack.
“What’d we do? Every time we try to stop the doctor, we just end up making him more dangerous,” said Ralph.
“Don’t worry, guys. I got this,” said Skyler. “My last potion has a fireball on the label. It has to work.” She threw it at Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny.
It struck him square in his pink nose and splashed across his face. The doctor’s eye welled up with tears. It looked like he was going to cry. He wailed, “Ugh. I can’t believe ye did that! ARRRRRRG! IT HURTS SO BAD!”
“Yes!” said Skyler. “You messed with the wrong fifth graders, and now my potion is going to make you burst into flames or melt or…something else bad involving fire!”
“What? No! That weren’t no potion, ya scallywag! It was just a bottle of hot sauce,” said Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny. “I put it on me tacos. I keep the bottle on me potion shelf when I have lunch in the lab.”
Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny was now furious. He was done messing around. He wiped the hot sauce from his eye and did a giant bunny hop. He landed right next to the kids. The doctor towered over them and raised his lightning paw. It glowed a bright neon blue, fully charged for a second blast. Marty, Skyler, and Ralph were about to be burnt toast.
“Any last words?” asked the doctor.
“BARK. BARK. BATTERIES RECHARGED!” a voice answered.
It was Awesome Dog. His eyes were lit up bright yellow. The doctor’s previous lightning attack had missed the kids, but it had jolted Awesome Dog’s batteries back to life.
And the electro-pirate-bunny-doctor was shaking in his evil fur.
AWESOME DOG WAS RECHARGED, and his eyes were locked onto his target, Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny.
The doctor put his hands up in the air and pleaded, “Uh, nice doggy?”
“Hey, Dr. Crazybrains. Check this out.” Marty tossed over his remaining potion. It was an easy catch for the bunny.
“You wanna know what this p-p-potion does?” stuttered the terrified doctor.
“Oh, I don’t really care what special power the potion has,” said Marty. He smiled. “Awesome Dog just likes to play fetch. Get that potion, boy.”
Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny looked to the bottle in his paw. He gasped. He knew exactly what was about to happen.
“BARK. BARK. ACTIVATE MEGA-CANNON!” said Awesome Dog.
Awesome Dog’s giant bazooka extended out of his back. He targeted the potion bottle and fired.
Dr. Electro-Pirate-Crazybunny was blasted through the wall and sent screaming into the clouds. After a few seconds, he was the size of a little dot, then a speck, and then he was gone completely.
“BARK. BARK. TARGET HAS BEEN SENT TO JUPITER!” said Awesome Dog.
The next day, Awesome Dog earned a medal for bravery from the president. Marty became the most popular kid in school. Skyler set a world record in skateboarding. And Ralph won a million dollars on the Fun Fact Trivia Show. They all lived happily ever after. What a nice, sweet ending—
Oh, wait a second. That’s not how this story ends at all. This is what really happened:
Right after Dr. Crazybrains was sent to Jupiter, Mr. Poopsie entered the lab. “Pardon the interruption, children. I was instructed by Master Crazybrains that in the event of his defeat, I’m to destroy his mansion and escape with all his potions.”
The butler scooped up all the doctor’s potions into a Santa-sized bag. From his butler jacket, he pulled out a remote and clicked its big red button.
“Toodles,” said Mr. Poopsie. He poured a warp potion on himself and disappeared.
A loud alarm sounded: “WARNING! WARNING! SELF-DESTRUCT COUNTDOWN STARTING! THE MANSION WILL EXPLODE IN TEN SECONDS!”
THE MANSION’S SELF-DESTRUCT program started. The lab walls rumbled. The floor and walls cracked. The kids had to escape the underground laboratory before it was too late. A speaker counted down until total destruction.
“I think it’s time we take Awesome Dog on that walk now!” said Skyler.
Marty, Ralph, and Skyler grabbed the dog’s leash. His rocket paws fired up, and they all jetted into the air.
The ceiling split in half, and the mansion above collapsed into the lab. Dr. Crazybrains’s house and everything in it rained down.
Awesome Dog zigzagged through wave after wave of falling bricks, couches, toilets, refrigerators, and a beanbag chair collection.
Awesome Dog shielded the kids from the falling debris, taking the full force of the damage. His metal body was dented, scraped, and pummeled from all angles.
In the distance, Marty spotted a ray of sunlight shining through the dust. It was a small opening to the outside. “There! That’s our exit!” he yelled.
“BARK. BARK. GOING UP,” said Awesome Dog. He ramped his boosters to max power and rocketed even faster, plowing through the mansion wreckage.
Awesome Dog’s damaged body rattled. Nuts and bolts fell out. One of his ears blew away. His eye lights flickered. Sections of his metal plating ripped free. Between the severe hits and the stress of the speed, Awesome Dog was being torn apart.
But he refused to slow down.<
br />
He held his rocket paws steady and pushed his rockets to the limit, and just as Awesome Dog shot out of the lab—
The mansion erupted in a gigantic explosion. It was like a grenade thrown into a pile of dynamite stacked in a bomb factory built inside a missile.
So, uh, yeah. It was a pretty big explosion.
When the smoke cleared, Marty was covered in ash. Ralph and Skyler were next to him, laid out on the mansion’s front yard.
“Whew! That was close. I can’t believe we all made it out safely!” said Marty.
“Not all of us,” said Skyler. She was staring at something in the grass. Marty turned to see—
Awesome Dog was destroyed.
His parts were scattered across the lawn. His eye lights were dark.
Their friend was gone. He had sacrificed himself to save their lives.
“Maybe we can put him back together,” Ralph suggested.
Marty shook his head. “The box didn’t have any instructions.”
The kids were heartbroken. There was no way they could rebuild Awesome Dog. Ralph and Skyler stood up and gave Marty a hug. That’s when something fell out of Ralph’s hoodie pocket.
It was Ralph’s second Dr. Crazybrains’s potion!
Marty swiped up the bottle and looked at the label. “Ralph, why did you choose this potion to fight Dr. Crazybrains?”
Ralph shrugged and said, “I thought it would help. It had a picture of a sword and shield.”
A bright smile broke across Marty’s face. Ralph didn’t choose a sword-and-shield potion. The symbols were a screwdriver and gear. Dr. Crazybrains had shown Marty this exact bottle earlier in the lab.
“This is a repair-anything potion!” said Marty.
THE KIDS GATHERED up all of Awesome Dog’s parts into a pile. Marty uncorked the repair-anything Fixer Elixir. He looked down the bottle’s neck, closed his eyes, and whispered to himself, “Please work.” This potion was the kids’ last and only hope of saving their friend.
Marty tipped the bottle. The thick, gooey elixir slowly poured out like cough syrup. It drizzled over Awesome Dog’s broken pieces. The potion seeped into the metal shards and circuitry. Then all the pieces began to glow a bright neon green.
Instantly, the potion took effect. The pile of Awesome Dog’s parts hovered over the grass. They floated into the air and swirled around the mansion yard. The parts picked up speed, circling faster and faster until they whirled into a storm.
Lightning flashed. Thunder boomed. The wind grew even stronger as it formed a powerful tornado of springs, gears, and wires.
Marty, Ralph, and Skyler grabbed on to a nearby tree to keep from being sucked into the storm. Their feet were lifted off the ground as they gripped the bark.
And then…
The storm faded.
Marty, Ralph, and Skyler flopped back down to the grass. The howling wind fell to a whisper. The clouds parted, and standing in front of the kids was Awesome Dog, completely reassembled.
“Holy moon cheese! I can’t believe what I’m looking at,” said Marty in awe.
Ralph squinted. “What are we looking at?” he asked. He couldn’t see anything. The storm had blown his glasses to the back of his head.
“Your potion worked, Ralph. Awesome Dog is completely repaired,” said Skyler, happily shocked.
Marty ran to Awesome Dog and gave him a big hug around his neck. “I thought we’d lost you, boy.”
“I gotta say, Awesome Dog, those were some sick flying skills back there. Very impressive,” said Skyler.
She kissed him on his nose and rubbed the back of his neck. Awesome Dog’s eyes lit up with hearts, and his antenna tail wagged.
“BARK. BARK. WOWZA. WOWZA,” said Awesome Dog.
Ralph adjusted his glasses over his eyes and closely examined Awesome Dog’s condition. He didn’t see a hint of damage. There wasn’t a speck of dirt on Awesome Dog. The repair potion had even given him a fresh paint job. “This is amazing! He’s as good as new!”
Actually, Awesome Dog was better than new.
“BARK. BARK. UPGRADE COMPLETE!” Awesome Dog said. He lowered his head and showed the kids his new collar. It was made of shiny black panels. The battery slot on his belly had been replaced. “SOLAR POWER INSTALLED.”
Awesome Dog could now use the sun for electricity. He’d never run out of power again, and it would save a ton of money on batteries.
“BARK. BARK. SHOULD WE GO FOR A WALK?” asked Awesome Dog.
His leash unspooled from his collar. His rocket paws lit up, ready for flight. But the kids hesitated to pick up the leash.
After what they had just gone through, Marty, Skyler, and Ralph decided to take the long way home—on their own two feet, with Awesome Dog running alongside them.
THE NEXT DAY, Awesome Dog didn’t get a medal, Skyler didn’t set any world records, and Ralph didn’t win a million dollars, but Marty did have a shot at being friends with the cool kids.
Marty was in the cafeteria with his tray of “food” when Shades yelled out, “Yo! New kid! Just where do you think you’re going?”
Marty stopped in his tracks. He was terrified the cool kids were about to tease him again about his lunch. Marty didn’t want any trouble, so he said, “Uh, I’m just going to sit far away from you and your friends and eat my puke food.”
“I saw you trip the principal yesterday. It started that food fight,” said Shades.
“Oh, no. That was a mistake,” said Marty. He tried to apologize, but Shades didn’t want to hear it.
“And it was legendary! Plus, there’s a rumor going around that you’ve got your very own supervillain. You’re pretty cool, new kid. You belong at table number one.”
Marty was thrilled to get an invitation to the cafeteria’s top-ranked table, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to accept it. Ralph and Skyler were waiting for him at table 0.
“What about my friends Ralph Rogers and Skyler Kwon? Can they sit with us?” Marty asked.
“What?! No way!” said Shades. “Ralph is weird. He’s always yammering on about those stupid fun facts. And Skyler is an ultra-freako. Have you seen the way she dresses or listened to any of her strange music? You’re one of the cool kids now, Marty. You shouldn’t hang out with losers. It’s called table zero because they’re nobodies.”
Marty thought about what it might be like to be cool. He’d never have to worry about being called a dork again, and the entire school would like him. It was an easy decision. Being a cool kid was everything Marty wanted—or was it?
The choice reminded him of Dr. Crazybrains and his epic backstory. The doctor was also given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be popular. All he had to do was accept Mr. Claw Hand’s offer and turn his back on the things he cared about.
But Marty was nothing like Dr. Crazybrains. He would never give up on his friends.
“Thanks,” Marty said to Shades, “but I’ll pass.”
Marty turned and walked away.
Shades was so shocked, his sunglasses popped off his face. No one in school history had ever said no to the cool kids’ table. But Marty didn’t care. He wasn’t going to ditch his friends because some lame kid in sunglasses told him to. He didn’t need Shades, or a cool kids’ table, or anybody who would tell him how to act or who he could hang out with. Marty’s mom was right (as moms usually are)—he just needed to be himself.
Marty pulled his not-to-do list from his pocket. He took one last look at it, then crumpled it into a ball. He did a jump shot and threw it into the trash.
He joined Ralph and Skyler at the wobbly three-legged table in the corner of the cafeteria. Marty smiled as he realized that maybe the 0 on their table wasn’t just a number. It represented a circle: a circle of friends.
And that truly was everything he’d always wanted.
> He announced to the table, “Today’s official meeting of the Zeroes Club is now in session!”
AFTER SCHOOL, the Zeroes Club went to Marty’s house to play with Awesome Dog. They found him in the backyard. His head was just inside a red doghouse. His back end was hanging out with his antenna tail wagging. He was barking at something inside the doghouse, but they couldn’t see what it was.
“Maybe he caught a robot squirrel,” joked Skyler.
The kids crawled into the doghouse to see what had Awesome Dog’s attention.
But the doghouse was empty. There were just a few old newspapers covering the floor. Marty picked one up and read the front-page story.
Marty instantly recognized the man in the picture. “This is the toothbrush-inventor guy who used to own my house. He’s the guy who made Awesome Dog,” said Marty. He read the first lines of the newspaper story. “It says here he disappeared ten years ago under mysterious circumstances and was never seen again.”
“Check it out,” said Ralph. Under the newspaper, there was a numbered keypad with a little red dot light. “It’s some kind of lock. It requires a four-digit code.”