Fuck, that made him an ass.
He was just too freaking scared to look up things like treatments, prognoses, and other medical terms that left him in a cold sweat at just the thought. He was the oldest brother, the oldest Montgomery kid, yet he was failing.
Austin rubbed the area over his heart with his fist then went to his porch to watch the sun finish rising. He loved his house and his views. He had a wraparound porch so he could see the sun rise or set depending on where he sat. Here, he could ignore what went on around him and focus on absolutely nothing, a fucking ridiculous way to live.
He needed to get his head out of his ass and think about what was actually going on in his family. He needed to stop dreaming about a woman who looked so scared at having anyone touch her skin she practically bolted like a frightened rabbit at his gaze alone.
Austin sat there for another hour, finishing his coffee and feeling the cool mountain air slowly warm as the sun rose higher.
His phone buzzed on the corner table on his deck, and he picked it up, his heart racing. What if it was his parents telling him something worse? Shit. Thinking about what was coming rather than actually putting together a plan was making him crazy. First thing after Decker left, or maybe even when the man was there, he’d do his research. It wasn’t like him to be so out of it when things mattered. He hated himself for putting himself into this situation in the first place. There was no point in worrying himself sick over nightmares with no evidence. He had a feeling that once he really went into it he might have even more nightmares.
His father deserved every ounce of Austin’s strength and determination, however. And hiding in his house wasn’t what Austin had been raised to do.
Without looking at the screen, he answered the phone and immediately regretted it.
“Austin, baby.”
He was so over this. So fucking over. “Shannon. Stop calling. I tried to be nice, but we broke up months ago. A mutual decision I might add. I’m not normally such an asshole, but if you don’t stop clinging and practically stalking me, I’m going to have to take action.” Calling the cops for a stalker? Not what he wanted to do, but Shannon wouldn’t leave him the hell alone no matter what he’d done to stop her. He’d never fight with a woman physically, so he’d have to give up and have someone else deal with it for him.
“We had something, baby. Please. Please don’t leave me, sugar.”
Austin closed his eyes and pinched his nose. “No, we didn’t, and we both know it. You loved me even less than I loved you. Which was next to nothing.” Harsh, but the truth. “Find yourself someone you can actually love and care for, and find that future you want, Shannon. It’s not me.” At her silence, Austin sighed. “Goodbye, Shannon.”
He pressed End on his phone, but he had a feeling he wasn’t through with whatever she wanted. He just hoped she didn’t take it any further than she already had.
His morning even more tainted now, he got up off his chair on the deck and made his way inside. His house was situated on the edge of a small ravine; even though he couldn’t really see his neighbors, they were there. He actually lived in a cul-de-sac with a dirt road at the end that led to his two-story house. Well, two stories and a full basement that could be seen on the back end since his house was on a slope. The entire two top floors on the back end that faced the ravine were all glass so he could see a closer foothill, some of the Rockies, and any wildlife that found themselves walking about.
He loved it. He got city and country all in one with just his house. Plus, he could blare his music up as high as he wanted and not have a problem.
After he ate breakfast, he went through his normal day off routine of cleaning and puttering around. He might live alone, but he didn’t want to deal with the mess of it all. He wasn’t as much of a clean freak as some of his family members, but he liked to be somewhat clutter-free.
As he checked his mail, he put the bills aside for later then went through the rest of it, throwing out the junk mail that seemed to accumulate faster than even the bills. On top was a thick envelope from a company he didn’t recognize, and he frowned. A lawyer? Maybe it was for the shop or even Montgomery Inc. Given all the Montgomerys, sometimes people sent things to the wrong addresses. Luckily his immediate family lived close enough that it wasn’t a problem to hand the mail to whomever it belonged.
“Austin, you around?”
Decker walked in without knocking, and Austin set the mail aside. He’d deal with whatever it was later.
“I’m in the kitchen. You want coffee?”
Decker strolled in, wearing his worn jeans low on his hips and a black cotton T-shirt that looked like it’d seen better days. Austin looked down at his own clothes and snorted.
Apparently they’d be twins that day.
Black T-shirts and worn jeans were their uniforms—days off or no.
“Coffee. Please. I only had enough for one cup at home and wasn’t about to spend five dollars on bitter coffee on the way here.”
Austin rolled his eyes. “You drink Starbucks and Hailey’s coffee all the time. Don’t know why you’re complaining.”
Decker’s brows rose. “I did not just hear you call Hailey’s coffee bitter.”
Austin winced as he poured a cup for Decker. “No, that’s not what I meant. I meant Starbucks. Crap. Don’t tell her I said that.”
Decker grinned, taking the cup then blowing over it. “What’ll you give me for my silence?”
Austin flipped him off. “I won’t kick your ass.”
“You can try, old man.”
“You’re getting closer to the big number, too.”
Decker grinned. “I’m twenty-nine. You’re thirty-eight. Those are two different big numbers, bro. Just saying.”
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks. I prefer my bedmates with a little less chest hair.”
Austin grinned. “Only a little less? Is there something you should tell me? You know we’d all love you no matter your preference.”
Decker groaned. “Shut up.”
Austin rolled his eyes then went to his living room, knowing Decker would follow when he wanted. There would be a game on so they’d relax and do nothing. Maybe research if he got up the nerve, but nothing too taxing.
In reality, Decker was Griffin’s best friend, but Austin got along with the younger man just as well. Decker had been living with his family off and on for most of his teens so he’d become close to every Montgomery. As evidenced from that conversation that had changed their lives, he was included in family meetings as well without a second thought.
“So I hear Shep and Shea are on their way to Denver?” Decker asked after a few moments of peaceful silence.
“Yeah. I called him up and asked for them to come.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but it clearly did to all of them more than they wanted to admit. “Dad hasn’t met Shea yet, and though Shep’s parents are in Oregon now and he’s been in New Orleans for going on ten years, Denver is home.”
“I get it, man. He’s needed here, even if it’s just for a smile and a hug. Besides, I can’t wait to meet the woman who tied Shep down.”
Austin ran his tongue over his teeth. “I would’ve thought Shep would be doing the tying.”
“Ha ha,” Decker said dryly. “You know he isn’t into kink as much as we are. But I meant with the marriage thing.”
Decker wasn’t wrong when it came to kink, but the idea of marriage being a burden? Austin wasn’t sure about that anymore. Not that he’d recently had a good experience with women, considering Shannon was his latest girlfriend.
Sierra came to mind, and he frowned. He hardly knew the woman, and yet her face came to mind when he thought of forever. Not something he wanted to think too hard about. Or did he?
“What’s that frown for?”
“Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Marriage, I guess.”
Decker whistled softly. “Thinking about giving up the single life th
en?”
Austin slid Decker a look. “You’re complaining a bit much about marriage if you ask me. Don’t tell me you’re planning on living the single life forever?”
Decker shrugged then looked away uncomfortably. “You know where I came from, Austin. You think I really want to force that on a woman I love?”
Austin cursed under his breath. “You won’t become your father if you marry someone, Deck. Your dad’s a drunk, abusive asshole, but you aren’t. You’ve never raised your hand to a woman, and you never would.”
Decker shook his head. “And that’s the crowning example of what a man I am? Or why I should be married? Mom always said Dad never hit her when they were dating. It came afterward.”
Austin stood up, towering over Decker. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Your dad was always a mean son of a bitch, and you know it.”
“You weren’t there.”
“No I wasn’t, but you don’t just grow into that kind of mean overnight.” Austin sighed then gentled his voice. “You’re not your father, Deck.”
Decker met his gaze. “And you’re more yours than you know. Have you talked to Harry since he told us he was sick?”
Austin looked away, the twisted ball of guilt in his stomach rolling at the change of subject. “No,” he muttered.
“Fuck, Austin. Talk to him. He’s going to be okay, damn it. We aren’t going to lose him to this. He’s starting treatment in two weeks since they had to wait until the next cycle started and had to get him ready for it. He’s not alone, not with all of us around him, but you can’t hide from him. Got me?”
Austin nodded then went to the couch, resting his head in his hands. “What if he doesn’t make it, Deck? What if he’s not strong enough?”
“He’s the strongest man we know.”
“Yeah? Did you see him in that living room? I’ve never seen him look like that. He looked so…small.”
Decker let out a breath as they sat there in silence. Austin hadn’t voiced his fears to anyone yet, though he’d almost done so to Sierra in the shop when she’d begun to voice her own. Decker would listen to him and not rail on him too hard. Or maybe just hard enough for what he needed. If Austin spoke to any of his siblings about his thoughts, well, he wasn’t sure what would happen. He needed to be the strong one like he’d always been, and right then, he wasn’t acting like it.
And he hated it.
“Don’t kill your father, Austin. He’s not dead. He’s not going to fucking die. We’re going to beat this, and then we’re going to kick your ass for putting him in the grave before you even talked to him.”
“Fuck you, Decker. I’m not killing him. How could you even say that?”
Decker met his gaze, a fire in his eyes Austin didn’t quite understand. “You’re thinking about the worst before letting what’s in front of you happen. That’s a kind of killing in my book.”
Austin ran his hand over his face. “I’m an idiot.”
“Yes. Yes, you are. But you’re also a scared idiot. What do you say for dinner we head to your folk’s? You know they won’t care if we just show up. We can talk to them about plans and things. You know they’ll want to see you, and I’ll be there if you need to run.”
Austin raised a brow. “I’ll call Mom just in case. They might not care if we just show up, but she’ll like us better if we give her notice.”
“Sounds good to me. So, you want to tell me what else is going on? You’re wound tight like a spring right now.”
Austin shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. What’s up? Is it that Shannon woman? She still giving you shit?”
He groaned, thinking of her phone call that morning. “That’s part of it. She won’t take a hint. Hell, that’s not right. I’ve given her more than a hint. I don’t know what her problem is. She didn’t like me this much when we were dating, and the fact that I have to keep telling her no is making me feel like an ass.”
“You are an ass.”
He flipped his friend off. “Shut up. She’ll find someone else she actually likes and get off my case soon. I just don’t like feeling like I did something to hurt her when we were dating when we all know that wasn’t the case.”
“She’s just bored, and we all know it,” Decker added. “You said she was only part of it. So what else is there? Oh wait, is it that honey-brown-haired woman who opened… What’s the name of that shop? Eden?” At Austin’s arch look, Decker grinned. “Maya was telling me about her. She said while you started off as your normal, overbearing self, the second time this woman came in, you were all soft growls and soothing words.”
“Your words or Maya’s?” He didn’t like the idea of Maya talking about him and Sierra as if there was a him and Sierra. Thankfully, his sister didn’t know about the date or ride or whatever they had called it coming up. For some reason, he wasn’t ready to share Sierra.
That made him a bit uneasy, but he’d live through it.
“Maya’s of course, and from the look on your face, you’re not ready to talk about her. Well, shit, I had planned on coming over here to talk to you about the scene, and now you’re in knots over a woman. Very cool.”
“I’m not in knots over her.” Lies, but he wasn’t about to tell Decker that. “And what about the scene? I haven’t been to a club in ages, Decker. and I know you haven’t either. That’s not really me.”
Decker leaned forward. “I thought you just needed to get laid or at least use that pent-up energy to help a sub in need. But maybe I was wrong.”
Austin ran a hand over his face. He and Decker, as did other Montgomerys and their friends, had a kink of their own. When he was younger, he used to take to the scene and help subs who wanted subspace for the night or to feel his floggers. It was a connection that worked inside the club alone, and he’d never had a sub outside the place. That wasn’t for him.
Austin sighed. "I’m not the club guy. I'm not a Dominant in my every day life. I'm my own type of man. I like sex how I like it. If that happens to be with me telling her what I want, sure. If that means I want to flog her because that's what she wants, perfect. That’s who I am. I like what I like.”
“I know, man. But it’s something to think about.”
Austin let out a breath. Yeah, it was. But he couldn’t get Sierra out of his mind, and she couldn’t even show him the skin she wanted inked. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, and he damn sure didn’t know what she wanted.
What he was sure of was he needed to get off his ass and start being the Montgomery he was meant to be. That meant taking care of his family and, if things worked out, Sierra as well. He had a feeling she wasn’t going anywhere, and for some reason, Austin perked up at that thought.
Only time would tell, but Austin couldn’t wait.
Chapter Seven
The dream started out like it always did. In each instance, Sierra knew when she was dreaming, just like she always knew she’d never be able to pull herself out of it. She lived through each agonizing cry, each burn, each break over and over again then woke up screaming.
Her dream-self wrapped her arms around Jason’s waist, her head resting on his back. Her helmet blocked the feel of him from her cheek, but that was okay. She could still feel his warmth through their leather jackets. That alone calmed her.
It shouldn’t have.
Sierra knew that.
The dream never ended well.
He reached down with his free hand and squeezed her hands clasped on his belly. She sighed happily, even as, in the back of her mind, she knew this was it. This was how it all ended.
The screech of tires came first then the pounding along her head, the searing pain on her side. Screams came from deep within and around her. She didn’t know which was which anymore. Fire licked across her skin, and even though this was a dream, the memory of each nerve ending bursting in pain came back, and she felt it all again.
She sucked in a breath, reaching out to Jason’s limp form, praying this time it wo
uld be different. Praying this time he’d wake up.
Only it wouldn’t happen.
It never did.
Two figures stood above her, their faces in shadow. They hadn’t been there the night she died inside and didn’t play a part in every dream she faced.
They poured gasoline over her body, the smaller shadow lighting a match. In that instant of light, she saw the narrowed eyes, the rage and pain held within that gaze manifesting into a nightmare she’d never shake.
As the match dropped and her body caught fire, she woke up, her chest pounding, her sweat-slick body shaking so much she thought she’d fall out of bed.
On unsteady legs, she made her way to the bathroom. She barely had time to flip open the toilet lid before she emptied her stomach, the acid burning up her throat. By the time her nerves settled, she was sure she’d lost any food she’d had the day before and the only thing she’d do next was dry heave. God, how she hated that.
She flushed the toilet, wiped the lid with a bleach wipe she had on hand, then stood on somewhat steadier legs. After she brushed her teeth and washed her face with cool water, she was finally ready to wake up fully.
The nightmares had plagued her for years with the latter part of the dream showing up more often than not recently. Those shadows had been the reason she’d left for Edgewater and Denver to begin with. Not that she’d voice that aloud. She didn’t want to say she’d run from her problems, but staying there and taking them with no ability to defeat them hadn’t helped her. It had only made things so unbearable she’d been unable to heal fully.
Not that she was sure she’d ever be able to heal.
Her fingers skimmed the puckered skin and pale white lines along her side, but now that she was free of the chains that had bound her for so long, she might be able to find a way to live with the scars that marred her body as well as her soul.
She met her gaze in the mirror and cursed herself for trying to push herself too hard too fast. Wasn’t it enough that she’d moved to a new place? She’d opened a business, one she loved that would hopefully succeed. She even went to her consult with Austin for a tattoo to help ink around the scar that had marked her for so long.
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