"Mummy doesn't love the girls more than you, and neither do I. But you're right about one thing. They do hog me a bit. I'll have to make sure they don't do that anymore. That's my fault, not theirs," he explained gently. He smoothed Ashley's hair back from his forehead. The innocence of his face, so young and untouched by the evil of this world. It took a lot to rile up this little boy; the pressure he must have been feeling to have cracked as he had.
"Can't we just get some boys instead?"
Toby chuckled. "It doesn't work that way mate, sorry. I did try, but I'm starting to think that it might just be you and me as a team. Would that be so bad? If it were just the two of us against all those girls?"
Ashley looked up at him, wide eyed and serious, his eyes still shining from all of his tears. "I don't mind that. If you stop the girls from hogging you."
Toby nodded. "I promise. And I promise I'll come home a bit earlier so you and I can do something together before you have to go to bed each night." Toby was careful about the promises he usually made to Charlotte and the children, mindful of not making any he could not possibly hope to keep. But this one he was sure of; he would keep this one. The cost to his career was so minimal when compared to the cost to his son. Toby loved all of his children; but the love he felt for this little boy was a shade richer, only a shade mind. There were reasons for this. Many of them. That he had tried to do away with him when he was still in the womb, something he had never forgiven himself for; that he was his first born; that he was a son, a representation of all he had never had himself as a child; that he was what had brought Charlotte back to him; the reasons were plenty and all of them weighty.
"Do you understand that what you did to that girl was wrong?"
Ashley nodded, his face still turned up towards Toby's. "Yes, Daddy."
"You have to control your temper. It's important to know when you need to have a cool off. I get angry. Uncle Jake, he gets angry too. But we know when to cool off. Uncle Jake and I see lots of people every day at work who don't know when to cool off."
"Do they go to jail?"
"Sometimes. You know, you can tell someone when you're angry. It's okay to say to an adult that you feel very angry and you need to have some time to cool off. They won't mind you doing that. But when you don't cool off and you go and cut someone's hair, or punch them, or kick them; then they do mind that and you get into trouble. So you need to make sure you stop before you get to the place where you're in trouble. I think it might be a good idea for you to practice this at home. Okay?" Toby watched Ashley's little face carefully, trying to gauge if he was taking this all in, or just humouring him and waiting for Toby to finish so he could ask him for an ice-cream.
Ashley nodded. "Okay. So I should tell Mummy when I feel like slamming Bree's hand in the door?"
Toby stared down at him gravely, swallowing back his fear. He had tried so hard over the years with himself; it had never occurred to him to consider it was genetic and not learned. It could not possibly be genetic, could it? People were conditioned to become violent; they were not born that way. No one was. Surely. Forcing a smile onto his face, Toby ran the back of his fingers down the side of Ashley's face. "Yes. You should tell Mummy or Granny. And you should never, ever hurt Bree or Courtney or Danielle, no matter how annoying they're being. It's very wrong to hurt girls. Do you understand me? You should never hurt a girl, Ash. Never."
"What if they're hurting me?"
His question was so innocent, and so valid. But Toby realised there was no grey here, he had to be firm all the way down the line. "Not even then. You tell an adult if they're hurting you but you do not hurt them back. I mean it, Ash, this is very important."
"Yes, Daddy."
Toby stared down at him for a while longer, eyes the same shade as his own staring right back. It was all so precarious; life. All balanced on a wire stretched taught beyond its capabilities. The balancing act; it all came down to that.
"Get the fuck out, they expelled him for that? It's hilarious! Little bitch probably had it coming." Jake took a long draw on his cigarette as he shook his head, laughter creasing his face. He glanced over at Ashley, sitting in the passenger seat of the police car, looking around the dash with wide eyes while he finished off a packet of cinnamon doughnuts Jake had bought on the way to meeting them.
"No, don't do that! I've just spent ages explaining how wrong it is. Just don't, alright?" Toby checked his watch, he needed to get back to his chambers for a meeting within the next forty five minutes. "Don't tell Charlotte. I'll talk to her tonight."
"Look, I know what's going on in your head right now as clear as if you were saying it out loud to me. Kids do shit like this. This is small stuff, Toby. Don't let this get into your head and make you question yourself as a father. I once super glued a girl's pencil to her hand when I was in primary school. She had to go to the hospital to get it removed. But I turned out okay." Jake grinned, taking one last drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out.
Toby looked at Jake with a narrowed gaze. "Yeah, well, that's debatable."
Jake shrugged. "He's a good kid. Shit, it's about time he played up a bit. You've had it way too easy with him. Seriously, my sister's boys, they're fucking nutcases. You need eyes in the back of your head around them. Bureaucratic bullshit, that's why they've expelled him. You should be so lucky if this is the worst you ever deal with. I picked up a ten year old yesterday for knocking out the windows on his neighbour's car. Little turd spat on me when I tried to contain him." Jake looked over at Ashley briefly before resettling his gaze back onto Toby. He smiled briefly. "Seriously. Go. I'll take him home."
"Thanks. I appreciate it. I didn't think this was going to take so long." Toby walked over to the passenger side so he could lean down and say goodbye to Ashley. He waved to Jake and then got into his own car so he could head back to work.
Charlotte watched as Toby paced back and forth across their bedroom floor, listening patiently as he outlined what went on down at the school today with Ashley.
"We have to go down there again tomorrow and demand they take him back. He's only six! It's ridiculous! We'll just go straight in, no appointment, and no chance for them to prepare; take them by surprise." She shifted Danielle from her breast where she had fallen asleep to the middle of their bed, propping her up on a pillow so she was secure.
Toby stopped pacing, his head shaking with determination. "No. He's not going back there. I want him to go the all boy's school. He needs a break from girls. I rang them this afternoon and they made an appointment for us to go in tomorrow."
Charlotte looked up sharply at that. "You already made an appointment?"
"Yes. It's a good school."
"Keeping him away from girls is not a solution here. He needs to learn how to interact properly with them; not avoid them altogether," Charlotte countered, frowning at him. He was only supposed to pick Ashley up, not reorganise his education.
"He has three sisters! He is not in need of anymore girl time! He needs a break from them. Look, I've pretty much gone along with everything you've wanted for the last six years. I'm telling you now, I am taking him down to that school tomorrow and enrolling him. We have an appointment at one thirty and I would really like it if you would come with me, but I'm still going even if you don't."
Charlotte stared at Toby through narrowed eyes. "You really think this is the best thing for him?" She sighed then, no real reason to fight him within her. And he was right; he had been compliant with her for the last six years, right down the line.
"Yes. I do." Toby's reply was firm.
"Do you want to meet there or will you pick us up?"
"I'll pick you up. I have another appointment to go to after that but I can call past home here to drop you both back. You need to leave the girls at home; all of them."
"Why?"
"Because this is about Ashley and it should only involve Ashley." Toby paused, his hands coming to rest on his hips, a look of agitation crossing his face.
Charlotte waited him out, expecting he had something else on his mind. He had that look about him, like he was trying to word it all out properly while at the same time bracing himself for her reaction.
"I want to get a vasectomy," he eventually announced.
Charlotte's eyes widened. He could not have surprised her more. She looked at him, not quite sure where that bombshell had come from. The connection between Toby getting a vasectomy and Ashley changing schools was not apparent to her. "Why?"
"Because I think we have enough kids." He moved to the bed so he could sit down beside her.
"We might want more."
Toby shook his head. "No. We don't need more. We have enough. We have more than we can handle."
"What?" Charlotte shook her head at him, and then it was her turn to rise and pace the floor with agitation. "Why would you say that? I thought you wanted another boy!"
"Charlotte, I want to do the right thing by the kids we already have! I am stretched thin enough as it is! It's because I don't spend enough time with Ashley that he did this! We can't have anymore, it's too much already to balance out. I can't do it. Once they all go to school, they'll start doing sports and all that other stuff kids do which will result in an even busier lifestyle. It's enough already." He looked up at her, exasperation deeply set into his face.
Charlotte pointed at him angrily. "You didn't feel this way yesterday! This is completely out of the blue and makes me think it's just a reaction to whatever they said to you down at that school today."
"Yesterday I didn't have my eyes open! Charlotte, Ashley cried at me that he hates the way the girls hog me. You have no idea what hearing that makes me feel like. We need to just enter the next stage now and focus on the kids we have and helping them be the best people they can grow up to be." Toby's face pleaded with her; he held out his hand to beckon her back over to sit beside him. "Please," he added. It was a plea for many things; acquiesce, compliance, comfort.
Charlotte went to him, curling up on his lap in favour of just sitting beside him. Toby buried his face against her chest, his hands spanning her back.
"He talked of hurting Bree. I'm frightened for him; he worries me." Toby's voice was muffled by her shirt, but Charlotte could still make out the note of fear evident within it.
She threaded her fingers into his hair. "Bree annoys him incessantly."
"Then you need to make her stop!"
"She's hard to manage!"
"She's spoilt! Which is exactly why we need to stop now. We're barely hanging in there, being pulled in too many directions. I love them all; I really do. But I don't want anymore." Toby looked up and placed both of his hands either side of Charlotte's face.
Charlotte looked down at him, curling her hands around his wrists. Everything he said made sense. She looked over at Danielle, still sleeping on the pillow, her tiny body relaxed and at ease. How much time would Charlotte have for her as she grew older and was no longer small enough to carry everywhere? Would she trail after Charlotte grizzling all the while as Courtney seemed to do so often now? Would she screech and tear around commanding everyone's attention like Bree did each afternoon when she got home from kindy? Or would she fade into the background like Ashley, eager to please and easy to overlook? Charlotte never said anything to Toby, but there were days when she kissed them all goodnight and silently offered up a prayer of thanks she had not throttled one of them throughout the day, the instinct most often directed toward the tumultuous Bree. He was right. He was completely right.
"You're willing to get a vasectomy?" she asked him, still not quite convinced he was that committed to the idea of having no more children.
He nodded. "You carried and gave birth to our four children. It's the least I can do."
Charlotte considered this response. "I hear it's uncomfortable after."
"I'm sure I'll cope."
"You probably can't have sex for a certain period of time after either."
Toby smirked at her. "But once that time has passed, I'll be able to get right back into it, no holding back."
She smirked back at him. "You've never held back."
"I hold back all the time, you just don't notice because you're too busy trying to get into my pants first."
She smiled wider, putting her hands onto his shoulders. "That's true enough. Alright then. Do it."
"So you're okay, with this being it? No more kids, ever again. "
Charlotte nodded, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. "You're right. We are already busy enough. If you're willing to do it, then you should go ahead with it. Probably fairly soon, so it's all in order by the time I start to wean Danielle. It takes a few months for it to be all clear, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. About three." Toby pressed his lips against hers, working at them gently, his hands running down to the hem line of her shirt so he could lift it up, only breaking their kiss long enough to pull it over her head. "Of course, we're pretty safe right now."
"Maybe we should just hold back from now on so we don't upset our new plans." She tried unsuccessfully to affect a serious expression.
Toby pushed her down, pinning her beneath him. "No. I'm positive we're safe. Trust me, I've had that much practice now, I reckon I could pinpoint the day you become fertile. We're good." He moved over her, running his hands down the length of her body.
Danielle began to stir beside them on the pillow.
Charlotte smirked at him, putting her finger against his lips and holding still. They stared at each other in amusement as they waited for the baby to resettle herself.
"Having sex when there are kids in the house is worse than back when we were trying to have sex when your parents were in the house," Toby complained
Charlotte giggled and pulled him down closer once Danielle was quiet again. Toby pulled his own shirt off before leaning into Charlotte, his lips returning to hers. They rolled over and Danielle began to whimper again. Toby groaned, dropping his head to rest on Charlotte's shoulder. She laughed quietly into his ear.
"We may need to give this up. At least in this location."
"You're right. Let's move to the floor."
"No!" Charlotte protested, laughing all the more. "I am not having sex with you on the floor!"
Toby rolled off of Charlotte to lie flush beside her, his hand threaded through hers. He pulled it up to his lips, kissing her fingers idly. "Let's get married."
Charlotte rolled her eyes at him. "Right now, instead of having sex?"
"Stop doing that every time I ask you." He looked over at her earnestly.
Charlotte stared back at him, taking in the seriousness of his expression. He asked her to marry him often, and she usually rebuffed him with a joke. It was not that she didn't want to marry him, it just seemed a bit like the horse already having bolted from the cart, so why bother this late in the game? "Why do want to get married?"
"Because I think this house is a highly valuable piece of property and if I marry you I own it by default." He grinned at her, giving her fingers a squeeze.
Charlotte pulled a face at him. "Who's making jokes now?"
"Why do you think? Seriously, mother to my four children, only woman I have ever loved and ever will." Tugging on her hand, he pulled her back on top of him, cupping her face once she was in place. "I love you. I want to finish this chapter. Even if it is running back to front." Kissing her then, she melted down into him, returning his longing with increasing ardour.
"Well," she began as they broke apart, "I suppose you are having a vasectomy for me. It's a grand gesture. Perhaps it's not too out of the way for me to make a grand gesture as well."
Toby's eyes lit up with hope, a smile dancing around his lips. Charlotte smiled back at him, resting her forehead against his. "But it will be grand, make no mistake. I'm probably going to go overboard. You may regret even bringing it up."
"No, I will never regret that. Go your hardest."
"You know I will," she teased.
"I w
ouldn't expect anything less."
"This is a very big night for decisions, isn't it? What else can we sort out?" Charlotte pretended to consider, as Toby caught her earlobe between his teeth.
"You can sort out a new place for Danielle to sleep," he growled into her ear.
Charlotte laughed, deep and throaty this time as he dipped his hand underneath the waistband of her shorts.
"I'll have to buy you a ring now."
"Like you haven't already got one," Charlotte scoffed at him.
Toby looked down at her with surprise. "I actually don't."
"What?"
"I don't have a ring for you. Why would I have a ring? You keep saying no; you've been saying no for years."
"Why haven't you got one from the first time you asked me? Are you telling me you've never been prepared for me to say yes?" Charlotte narrowed her eyes, wriggling her body out from under him.
"I took the original one back. You said no. I didn't need it."
Charlotte sat then, sliding fully away from him so she could stand up. Hands on her hips, she frowned. "That is such a rip off! I can't believe you haven't got a ring!"
"You seem to care a lot about this for someone who has said no for years."
"Well, this time I said yes!"
"Because you thought you were going to get a ring?"
"Yes! A huge one! I have everything else." She turned on her heel, heading to the bathroom. "You are officially in the dog house," she called over her shoulder, ignoring the sound of his laughter coming from behind her. She turned the shower on and stripped the rest of her clothes off, stepping in under the hot water gratefully. Pouring shampoo out onto her hand, she lathered up her hair, closing her eyes as she rinsed it off, the soap running down the length of her body. Her eyes were still closed when she heard the shower door open, felt the cool air wash over her before Toby stepped in and closed it again.
"This is not the doghouse." She ran her hand over her face to clear it of water. He lined his body up against the back of hers, his hand coming around the front before her face, a ring pinched between his thumb and forefinger.
Selling the Drama Page 23