“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks me quietly.
“No,” I say. “I just want to sleep.”
“Ok baby,” she says. She lets me go up to my room I just lay down and start sobbing. I hear the door open slowly, but don’t say anything. I don’t have the energy to talk to momma right now, but it’s not momma. I feel a set of arms wrap around me and the smell of leather. It’s Loki. I let him hold me for a few minutes before he opens his mouth.
“Steve called me,” he says softly. Ok, so he knows exactly what happened then. I turn around and face him. “It’s not what you think, Valkyrie. I was there when he found out and -- .”
I tilt my head to the side and whatever expression on my face has Loki looking terrified.
“Get out!” I bellow.
“Valkyrie…” he starts pleading.
“You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me...get the fuck out!” I scream.
His eyes start tearing up and he gets out of the bed and leaves. All he did was make me angrier at him. If anybody would know, Loki knows what Steve’s lies and bullshit have done to us. I’m not sure if that’s actually his child, but the fact that both of them knew about it and didn’t tell me is the worst part. It’s like everybody was laughing behind my fucking back. Momma comes in the room and just hugs me and I fall asleep like that. This has been a long day.
I wake up the next morning looking like crap. My eyes are puffy and it’s obvious that I’ve been crying all night. I don’t even bother to change out of my pajamas, and I head down to the kitchen. Momma is sitting there with Steve, and as soon as I see him, I turn around and walk back upstairs and lay back down. I’m not in the mood to deal with him right now.
I hear a knock on my door, and I know it’s him. What is he doing here? Doesn’t he have to work? I already took a leave of absence from my job and called the shelter. The director apologized profusely when she realized what happened. Apparently, Crystal bragged about what she did and the shelter director kicked her out. She also offered me a job as their Director of Education. Apparently, all the moms and kids love me and she wants me to be in charge of the education program. I wouldn’t have to directly teach anymore and I only have to physically be at the shelter once a week to make sure all the skill and education programs run smoothly. I could move back to Winslow and lick my wounds while still making money. I always knew I wanted to move back, but I thought it would be with Steve. I guess I’ll be on my own now, but at least I’ll have the club at my back.
I hear a knock at my door and I know exactly who it is so I don’t respond. I’m not speaking to that lying ass motherfucker ever again.
“Harley?” he questions quietly. “Answer the door, please.”
“No,” I respond.
“That child probably isn’t mine,” he tells me. I lose it at this point and almost pull the door off the hinges so I can yell in his face. Once a dumbass...always a dumbass.
“Probably?” I yell. “Probably? So you’ve known about this for a while now and didn’t bother to mention that you could possibly have a child out there with a girl that absolutely hates me? Did you know before we got married?”
I hear silence on the other side of the door. That’s exactly what I thought.
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
“No Steve,” I say. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for believing that you would be honest with me, but that’s your problem...you never are. You had a possible child that you knew about BEFORE we were married and never bothered to mention it. Hell, you could’ve taken a DNA test to make sure but you didn’t. You decided to just ignore it and never bring it up, and it bit you in the ass like it always does. When the fuck are you going to learn? I’m done. Get the fuck outta my mom’s house.”
He sits there speechless and then leaves. Momma comes upstairs after he leaves and lays down on the bed next to me.
“I heard what you said, baby girl,” she says softly. Her statement makes the floodgates open and I just start crying hysterically.
“I’m not sure what to do, momma, but I can’t keep doing this with him,” I whisper.
“Doing what?” she asks. “I don’t understand.”
So I tell her everything. I tell her about what happened with Steve in high school, I tell her about Crystal approaching me at the shelter, and I tell her about my miscarriages. I’m hurt that Steve lied to me, but I’m also hurt that he robbed me of the opportunity to raise a child. I wouldn’t have cared if Crystal was her mother, and I would’ve loved her like she was my own if she was my husband’s child.
“Wow,” she breathes out. “That’s a lot. Your reaction makes a lot of sense now. Baby girl, take it from someone who has been through a rocky marriage...you’ll know when you’re done. That’s an internal decision that has to do with you and not the other person, but you’ll know whether to stay or go. If or when you do, just know that you’ll always have a home here.”
She kisses my forehead and walks out of the room, and I just lay there and think for a while. I hear another knock at the door, and I’m not sure that I’m ready to talk to any more people right now. Someone walks in and lays down next to me so we’re face to face, and I realize that it’s Loki again. I’m really not in the mood for a conversation with Loki right now.
“Hey Valkyrie,” he says softly. “After you yelled at me, I went home and did some thinking and I realized a lot of things. I haven’t been as good of a friend to you as I should’ve been these past few years. I’ve been pushing you away and prioritizing Steve, haven’t I?”
I sit there quietly because he’s right. He’s been prioritizing his friendship with Steve over his friendship with me for a while now, but I haven’t really said anything. On top of that, Livy and Brandon have been getting super close ever since he moved into our apartment after I married Steve so I’ve been the odd man out of the group for a while now. I just haven’t said anything to anyone about it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Crystal’s baby. I can honestly say that I didn’t think it would be anything serious because we thought it was just another one of her schemes. Steve called me after you kicked him out and told me that he found out his dad was paying Crystal off during that Thanksgiving before he proposed to you. I didn’t know about that until now. I didn’t tell you about the pregnancy accusation because Steve called Crystal out when she tried to accuse him of being the father of her child, and I don’t think he really thought about it again until he spoke to his father. He embarrassed the shit outta Crystal,” he says with a chuckle.
“I would’ve loved to see that,” I murmur. He laughs again and whips out his phone and starts playing the video. By the time I finish, I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying, and then I start sobbing. Loki wraps his arm around me and lets me cry.
“Why are you crying, Valkyrie?” he asks. “This video shows that the chances of that being his kid are slim to none.”
I sniffle. “That’s not the point Loki. The point is that he knew the lengths that Crystal has gone to in order to break us up, so he should’ve taken her seriously and acted accordingly. He should’ve gotten a DNA test to prove her wrong so it wouldn’t be an issue again. He had another opportunity to get a DNA test when his dad told him that he was paying her off to keep her mouth shut. This girl has shown over and over again that she’ll go to great lengths to break us up and he doesn’t take her seriously when she’s clearly unhinged. What if she escalates things? Part of me thinks it’s better to end things with Steve just to stay safe.”
“I never considered that,” admits Loki.
“There’s more,” I confess. “Steve and I were trying to start a family, and I had a few miscarriages. We didn’t tell anybody for obvious reasons.”
“Oh Valkyrie,” he says.
“Wait,” I interrupt. “Let me finish before I lose my nerve, and you better not tell Steve I said this. The real reason I’m upset with Steve is that he had a possible child out there that I could’ve helped him rais
e, and with these miscarriages, it’s looking like I may never have the opportunity to be a mom. Deep down I feel like he robbed me of an opportunity to be that sweet child’s mommy, and I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive him for that.”
When I look in Loki’s eyes, all I can see is sadness and empathy. He doesn’t say a word because he doesn’t need to...his level of understanding is surprising.
“Well, if you can’t get over it then cut your losses and give yourselves the opportunity to move on. If you stay, you’ll eventually grow resentful and y’all will end up divorced anyway,” he advises.
Damn, he’s right. He holds me in his arms while I lay there and think about what he said on top of everything else. I really need to think about whether or not I can move on from this. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but it’s just really great to know that I have support from the people closest to me.
Chapter 32 - Steve, 25 years old
One year later...
It’s official. My divorce with Harley is official, and I’m broken. When she left me, I started drinking heavily and basically fucked up my job. It got so bad that the chief had to call Doug, who is now retired, to intervene. Doug and Ghost came to my apartment and basically kidnapped me and held me hostage at the club until I was sober, and I hated them for it. After that, I decided to move back home since Harley decided to stay in Winslow after leaving me.
I have enough money saved that I don’t need a job for a while, and I definitely don’t want to work for my dickhead father. I was able to get a cheap apartment in Winslow that I rent from Ace and the club, which I’m pretty sure Harley knows nothing about. I’ve been sitting in the apartment getting drunk every day wondering what the fuck went wrong and wondering why she left me. I try to ask Loki all the time, but he always changes the subject. I think he knows why she left me, but refuses to tell me.
There’s a knock on my apartment door and I ignore it. I really don’t want to deal with anyone right now. I just want to drink my sorrows away. Someone opens my door and Ace barges in with his uncle, Judge Joe Reynolds. At first, he looks angry when he barges in until he sees how I’ve been living. After he looks around the room for a bit, he just looks sorry for me.
“Dude, Ghost told me shit was bad but this is beyond ridiculous,” Ace says.
“I know I’ve hit rock bottom,” I tell him. “I basically ruined my career as a cop after your sister left me and I haven’t been able to bounce back. I’ll be damned if I work for my dad.”
“Well, then how about you join the sheriff’s department in a different capacity?” Judge Reynolds asks. “I’ll hire you as my bailiff, son. You need to get back on your feet.”
“Why are you even helping me, I’m not married to your niece anymore,” I ask him.
“You’re a solid young man,” he admits. “I know your father and the type of people he gets in bed with so I was a little wary when you proposed to Harley. However, you have tried to live a life outside your father’s dirty legacy. You have a pure heart, and I see why our Harley loves you. I would be honored if you would be my bailiff. Part of it is to give you a second chance, but the other reason is that I trust your character judgment. You have the ability to look beyond the mask that people show.”
Nobody has ever said anything so eloquent and complimentary about me, and I have no choice but to accept the job. My dad hates Judge Reynolds and he’ll be even madder once he finds out that I’ll be working for him. Since I’ve been back to Winslow, I’ve finally realized what Loki had been trying to tell me years ago...my dad and the rest of the police department are crooked as fuck. Ironically, a crooked as fuck police force has one of the fairest judges in the state of Georgia and Judge Reynolds is the fairest and the sheriff’s office hates him for that.
The Davenport family is the most prominent family in this town and their matriarch, Loretta, is a force to be reckoned with. They earned their money and respect in this town by doing some of the shadiest shit ever. Rumor has it, she was a prostitute and her husband was her John and he left his fiance and married her when he discovered she was pregnant with their son, Dwayne Jr. That woman was raised in the streets and climbed her way up from the bottom by any means necessary, and I hear she’s ruthless. I remember meeting her at the Thanksgiving gala my parents threw years ago and she’s a little scary.
Loki warned me that I would need to choose and I almost destroyed our friendship because I refused to see what was right in front of my face. Maybe working for Judge Reynolds can give me the redemption that I need as an officer and public servant. I became an officer to protect people and do good and I know that if I work for Judge Reynolds, I’ll actually get to do that. This could be a great opportunity to get my life back on track and I would be stupid not to take that chance.
* * *
I’ve been working for Judge Reynolds for about a month now and I love it. This job is exactly what I needed to get out of my funk, and he even pushed me to take the legal route in determining whether Crystal’s daughter is mine. I filed in court for a paternity test, but we haven’t been able to find Crystal since she got kicked out of the shelter.
Today should be interesting because Harley’s brother, Ace, is on the docket today. Judge Reynolds hates when he’s on the docket because the police never have any proof and it’s a waste of his time. My dad has been trying to pin down Ace for Loretta Davenport for a few years now, and he’s never been able to prove a thing. I may be an officer of the law, but Ace has done a great job at keeping his little weed operation underground. The only reason the police know about it is because it cuts into their Loretta Davenport’s profits. She’s probably been bitching to my father about it so Ace is basically their ‘Most Wanted” right now.
The ironic part about the docket is that the Davenports youngest child, Michelle, or Mickie like she asked to be called, was on the docket as well. She’s pregnant with her second child, and it’s no secret that her mom basically used the system to steal her first child from her. Judge Reynolds had to take a recess and compose himself after hearing the shit that her mom did to her. She’s hit rock bottom out of pure survival, and I can’t help but feel awful for her.
There’s one case in between them and she’s sitting in the women’s holding cell when I bring Ace into the men’s holding cell. I see his eyes go straight to her and mouth if she’s ok and she nods. The judge was super lenient with her so I’m taking her through processing so she can get out of here, but based on what I heard in the courtroom, I’m not sure she has a place to go.
After I lead Mickie through processing, I head back to the holding cells to take Ace to the courtroom, and it’s obvious that he’s interested in her. I’m actually happy for him since he hasn’t been interested in anyone since he discovered his fiance was cheating on him.
“So what’s with the girl, Steve?” he asks me. “She doesn’t seem like the regular type of girl that comes through this place.”
“Just a Davenport woman who’s gone through some bad shit in her life recently and ended up here. She’s the youngest of the Davenport family,” I respond.
“The Davenport family? I didn’t even know that stuck up bitch had another adult kid,” he says with disgust. “I heard they just got a new baby, though.”
“Yea, that’s her kid,” I tell him. “The mom paid off some social workers and a CPS attorney to get custody of her daughter. She was just talking about it in the courtroom, and the story almost had me crying. Judge Reynolds felt bad and gave her PTI so she could get her life back on track. You know how he feels about that family, and it helps that she wants to be a lawyer.”
He takes in my words and nods before I escort him into the courtroom. Ace’s trial goes exactly how I thought it would, and the case doesn’t stick. I’m just glad Judge Reynolds made those dickheads Drew and Mike look like idiots. I’m taking Ace through processing, and use the opportunity to chat with him. Since he’s the brother of my ex-wife, we don’t really get to hang out the way we used to. Th
is town is way too small and it would get back to Harley.
“How’s your sister?” I try to ask nonchalantly, but his smirk tells me that he knows how much I care.
“She’s doing good man,” he tells me. “A little lonely...but good.”
She’s lonely? I would hope that she would at least find someone by now because it’s been over a year. Even if I can’t have her, I want her to be happy and it breaks my heart to know that she’s lonely. I escort Steve through processing and I can see Mickie Davenport sitting outside and how Steve’s gaze gets protective as soon as he sees her. My relationship may be shit, but I think these two may need each other so I decide to play cupid.
“She has nowhere to go, man. If you offered her a place to stay, you may be able to get to know her,” I tell him knowing that he spends most of his nights at the Burnt Kings clubhouse. “No pregnant woman should be out in the world without support, and she can at least stay in that house you never live in.”
My words must’ve hit a nerve because he makes a beeline straight towards her as soon as he walks out of the building. I’m glad that I can at least point someone I love in the direction of happiness, even if I can’t find it myself.
Chapter 33 - Harley, 24 years old
It’s been a little over a year since I left Steve and my heart still hurts a little bit. Sometimes I feel like I made the right decision, and other times I feel like I fucked up our relationship. I’m still working for the shelter and I’m really enjoying it. I love helping all these women, and I feel like they’ve all become part of my family. I never thought a mathematics degree would evolve into a job that’s so fulfilling. I’ve even convinced the club to donate to the shelter. Ace and some of the guys have even helped us rescue some of the women that live in the shelter now.
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