by C. S. Dorsey
I couldn’t let my mother feel bad for the things that are going on with me, that even I couldn’t control. “It’s not your fault, Ma. I’m just a selfish brat.” We both laughed. The air was getting too thick with emotions and sadness; I had to lighten the mood.
I rose up out of my mother’s arms and straightened my back. “I like him, Ma, I think he is great for you. You two belong together. The way y’all start a flame that cannot be put out by water…” She giggled at my comment, and fireworks began to sparkle in her eye.
“Oh, look at the time. I need to go to the store and pick up a few things,” she said as she jumped up off the chair.
“Ma, it’s only 10:30.”
“I know, but I want to beat the crowd at the store. Come on, we’ll be done before you know it.”
I grabbed my plate and placed it in the sink. I was completely full and ready to go back to bed.
“You want to come with me?” she asked as she began washing the dishes.
“I am really tired, Ma. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” Then I thought, I’m only going to be here for the weekend, I can catch up on sleep when I go back to Seattle. “OK, I’ll go with you.”
I went into the room to find something quick and simple to put on; I would change into something more presentable later for the party. I sifted through my suitcase and found some gray sweats and a blue T-shirt. I threw those on and grabbed some socks and my blue tennis shoes. Good thing I packed extra comfy clothes, I thought.
I brushed my hair into a ponytail and put on a pair of earrings. Looking in the mirror, I noticed some deep, dark circles under my eyes. I didn’t wear makeup, so I had no clue how to hide circles. Maybe while we’re out I can run into a drugstore and get some concealer. I don’t want people to think I’m getting abuse from an invisible boyfriend. People have a way of speculating about things.
“You ready?” My mom yelled from the living room. Dang, she was fast. I grabbed my purse, and we headed out the door.
We drove to the store in silence. The weather was not as bad as it had been yesterday, but it was hot enough. I should have packed some shorts, I thought. What was I thinking?
We pulled into the grocery store parking lot, and of course my mother’s prediction was right: It was packed at eleven o’clock in the morning.
“See, I told you, Sissy,” she said, driving around trying to find a parking space.
Finally I spotted one and pointed it out. My mother pressed on the gas pedal, not wanting to miss the parking space. She positioned the car, ready to turn into the space, when a white Jetta swiftly came from the other side and took the space.
I was furious. I felt red flames develop in my eyes. I was mad at the fact that the Jetta could have hit us; at the speed that the car was going, my mother would have died on impact.
“I can’t believe they did that,” my mother said. I didn’t hear her, all I saw was red, and I got out of the car.
“Sissy, what are you doing?” she yelled. Her voice faded as I closed the door and walked over to the white Jetta. The music was so loud, Mexico could hear the noise the speakers were making.
I walked up to the driver side of the car. Nothing could have prepared me for who I saw in the car, rocking back and forth to the music, his head bobbing like it was broken.
“Excuse me, but you almost—”
“Sicily,” the guy looked at me and said my name as he turned down the music.
“Chris,” I said. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
He opened the car door and jumped out and gave me a hug that lifted me off the ground.
“Hey, girl—wow, how long has it been? What—about five years?”
“About that,” I said, forgetting my flaming outrage from just a moment before.
I’d had a crush on Chris when we were in high school together. We had most of our classes together. He was the jock and I was the nobody. We talked a lot in class, but outside he had his reputation to deal with. He couldn’t be seen with me at all. Of course he never said that, but it was obvious.
“How are you?” I asked,. He had the most hypnotic, golden-brown eyes.
“I’m doing really well, how about you?” He flashed a sincere smile my way, and I blushed uncontrollably.
“I’m great.”
“So, you live this way now?”
“Oh, no…well, my mom does. I live in Seattle. I go to The University of Washington, UW for short.” I giggled.
“Oh, cool, what’s your major?”
“Psychology.”
“Whoa! Working with crazy people, huh?” he laughed hysterically.
“Shut up,” I said, smiling and giving him a light punch on the shoulders. “So are you in school, out of school?”
“Yes to both. I just graduated this spring from Cal State East Bay, and now I’m going back to get my masters in Business Administration.”
“Wow,” I said, mesmerized by his smile. He touched me on my arm, and I started to panic.
“I think about you a lot,” he said, rubbing my arm. I looked around and blinked a few times just to make sure that I wasn’t having a vision.
“Sissy, you OK?” My mom walked past, giving me a weird look. I guessed she’d found another parking spot when I didn’t come back to the car.
“Uhmm!...yeah, I’m fine. I’ll see you in there in a minute.” She raised her eyebrows at me and headed into the store. “So…” I stumbled, scrambling for words. “So are you married now? Have any children?” I asked Chris, in a playful tone.
“No, not yet.”
“Not yet, children? Or not yet to both?”
He smiled in embarrassment. “Not yet, to both.” He looked down at his feet when he answered the question, but then looked at me sideways in a flirtatious way, his head still down. His skin was so smooth. He had a light brown complexion with spiky black hair, and two diamond stud earrings in one ear. “What about you?” he asked.
“No…no children, and no marriage. Nothing like that.” I looked at the ground nervously, avoiding eye contact.
“I’ve had the biggest crush on you for so long.” I lifted up my head as he said this, then my eyes locked with his. I was as stiff as a tree. No one could have moved me from where I was standing. I was in complete shock.
“Wh—hat, you…had a crush on me?” I asked, because I wasn’t sure I heard him right.
“Yeah, I had the biggest crush on you. I never said anything because…well, you know. When you’re in school and you hang around with the popular crowd, people expect you to go with the cheerleader. I never wanted to be with the cheerleader, it was you I always wanted to be with.”
“Still, you should have said something.” I felt frustrated suddenly, that all of this time, all of these years someone actually had a “thing” for me.
“I tried to in Biology class, but you shot me down without even realizing it.” Yeah, that sounds like me, I said in my head, knowing his words were true.
“I’m sorry, I never knew. I wish I had known.” I paused for a second and shook my head. “Maybe things…you know…would have been different.” I knew that things would have been the same, but the thought of being normal was nice.
“Well, it’s never too late.” He looked at me intensely, like he was a lion and I was a zebra he was hunting. It freaked me out a little, because no one had stared at me with such intensity before. And he was so good-looking. It was scary yet appealing to know that someone actually desired me, the weirdo that was a nobody in high school.
“Are you OK?” he asked. The desirous look faded away and a look of concern appeared.
“Yes, I’m fine. I should probably go on in and help my mom. She is probably wondering about me,” I said, cutting the conversation off.
“When do you leave town?”
“Monday, actually.”
“Would you like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow night before you leave? I would love to catch up with you.”
I wanted to say “Yes, I would love to go
to the end of the world with you!” But instead I said, “Uhmm, you know, maybe next time I’m home. I haven’t been down here in four years, and I would like to spend some time with my family. You know, catch up before I leave.”
“Oh…yeah…right, I understand,” he said. From the sound of his voice, his heart had just shattered into a million pieces.
“Hey, let me give you my number and email,” I said, pulling out a slip of paper I had in my pocket. “Do you have a pen?” He grabbed one from inside his car. “Maybe we can stay in touch and then I will let you know when I will be back in town,” I said, hoping that giving him my information would put a Band-Aid on his broken heart.
“I understand that you want to be with your family. No problem. Here, here is my phone number and email,” he said, tearing the piece of paper in half and writing his info on the other piece. “I would love to say in contact with you.” He had a big smile on his face, like he’d finally got the gift that he had been asking for on Christmas morning.
“Don’t be a stranger,” he said, winking at me with those beautiful eyes of his.
“I won’t.” I smiled.
“OK, Sissy, you take care.”
“You, too,” I said.
As we stood there hugging in front of his white Jetta, I thought about my mom and Mr. Mark, and their affection for each other. I didn’t want to let go. But a part of me was saying that this would never work out, that if I ever had a vision of the death of someone I truly loved, how would I be able to handle that? I broke free from his hug, said goodbye, and walked away.
I walked toward the entrance of the store, not looking back at him. And I couldn’t help thinking, I’ll never be normal. I’ll never have a normal life. I’ll never be free from this torment as long as I live.
Chapter Eight
“This was Granny’s day, and I didn’t want ruin it with my overreacting.”
After my mom got what she needed from the store, we went home to get ready. My family was coming in four hours. This was going to be interesting. The Monroe family all together under one roof… This should be exciting, I thought somewhat sarcastically, but I missed my family. I couldn’t wait to see Granny. I missed the way she smelled—like homemade sweet bread. Her skin was soft like marshmallows, and her complexion reminded me of fine silk.
For the Monroe women, aging was an ancient secret that none of us knew, though it was in our blood and genes. My grandmother was in her seventies, but looked like she was in her early fifties. She was youthful and vibrant, like a child that wanted to get into everything. That was why I couldn’t understand what my mother had been talking about in the car the other day. Granny going crazy was impossible. That was not like her. I couldn’t fathom the idea of my Granny getting old and losing her mind.
It was up to me to get to the bottom of this. Maybe I could get Granny to talk and find out what was going on in her head, using the techniques I’d learned in Psychology class. But my Granny was not a guinea pig, and besides, my mother was better than I was when it came to making people talk. The way she drilled inside of my head this morning, it was obvious she was a natural.
After helping my mother get the food ready, I went and took a long, cool shower. I needed to wash away yesterday and start fresh today. The water felt so good hitting my skin. Each bead of water from the shower head massaged all of the lumps in my back. I stayed in there long enough to get every single lump smoothed out.
My body was stressed out, from lack of sleep, nightmares, and visions. How long could I keep going like this, keeping everything inside and not saying anything? But there was no one that could help me, no one that could save me from this unsacred gift.
I turned off the water and got out of the shower. I felt a lump in my throat, and tears began to well up in my eyes. Grabbing the towel to dry myself off, I fought back my tears. I was tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I just needed to come to grips with this gift, and move on. I couldn’t let it get in the way of my happiness, the happiness that I would one day feel. The idea of getting married and having children made me feel joy in my heart.
I smiled at the idea of Chris and I getting married and having children. They would have his beautiful eyes and smile, and my long hair and ageless skin. Not to brag or anything, but I have inherited the most beautiful skin from the Monroe family.
I giggled to myself at the happy thoughts I was having, but they soon faded away when I looked in the mirror at the dark circles under my eyes. I ran into the room and looked into my purse to find the concealer I’d bought at the grocery store. It didn’t cost much, which was fine, just as long as it did the job. I was surprised that my mom didn’t say anything about my dark circles. She was more concerned with my eating habits than my lack of sleep at night. Knowing her, she probably linked the lack of food intake to the dark circles. She was like that. Always linking one thing to another.
“Here it is,” I said, finding the small package. I opened the product, and tore off the seal. “Ahh…much better,” I said, applying the makeup under my eyes. It was a light tan shade that blended well with my skin tone. I had enough issues with my mom saying I was too skinny, I didn’t want my family thinking I was sick, or in an abusive relationship.
I put on some jeans and a white button-down linen shirt with flared sleeves. It was still hot, so wearing tennis shoes was out. I looked inside the shoe bag I’d packed and found my favorite pair of black flip-flops.
When I finished dressing I went into the kitchen, where my mom was almost done with the cooking.
“Ma, are you the only one cooking, or are the rest of them bringing a dish?” I asked, picking up a grape from the fruit tray she’d had me put together before I took a shower.
“Yes, your uncle Tyler is bringing the cake and beverages, and Tiy is bringing an assortment of different meats.”
“An assortment of different meats. What type of meats?” I asked, in an irritated tone. I was upset that here my mother was cooking all of this food and they were only bringing these few small things.
“Oh, I just told her to bring different kinds. It’s really no big deal anyway. I told them I would take care of the rest.”
“Why didn’t uncle Tyler just have the party catered and then everyone could take a break?” My mom didn’t answer. I decided to just go with the flow and accept what my mother was doing for her family. She seemed not to have a problem with cooking for everyone, so why should I?
After all of the food was prepared and the house decorated, the doorbell rang.
“There’s our first guest, Sissy, can you get the door?”
“Sure,” I said, eating a piece of celery stuffed with cream cheese. It was so good. Being at home brought out my appetite. Usually my stomach was uneasy for days after one of my visions, from the fresh smell of red blood gushing out of an open wound. The thought started to make me sick again, but I just shook it out of my head.
I walked to the front door to open it, and Angel was right behind me, waiting to get out. He and I were on speaking terms now, after our bathroom disagreement.
“Hey, auntie,” I said as I opened the door and greeted my auntie Tiyanne. She looked so much more vibrant than the last time I had seen her. Letting those twins go on their merry way had taken ten years off her life. Her hair was brown with blond highlights, and she had it up in a bun with two strains hanging down her face on each side. She and my mother looked similar. Short, with almond-shaped eyes, tan skin that looked like she had was permanent just returning from Hawaii. My auntie didn’t look a day over twenty-five, but she was pushing forty-three.
“Hey, girlie, what’s up?” my auntie said as she lifted up on her toes to hug me. “Look at you. You’re not as thin as your mother said you were.” Oh, great, now my mother was spreading rumors. I just looked up and rolled my eyes.
“Here, let me help you,” I said as I grabbed the heavy bags she was carrying. As I closed the front door, my auntie walked in and observed the pink and white decorat
ions. “Wow, very festive. Let me guess, your mother picked the colors…and added the sunflowers to the theme?” I nodded my head in agreement, and she laughed. “Your mother is going to turn into a sunflower. I can only imagine how the wedding is going to be.” She laughed again, shaking her head.
I paused.
“Wait…how did you find out about the engagement so fast? They just told me last me last night. I though he just asked mom to marry him. “Sissy, what are you talking about, they’ve been engaged since last year. Wait…didn’t you know?” Suddenly I felt like a fish out of water. Everyone had known about Mark for years, and I was the last to know. I stood there, trying to calm down and smile.
“No, I didn’t know about it until yesterday,” I said.
“Oh…maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget I even said anything,” she said, as she patted me on the hand and then grabbed my face. “Oh, you look so beautiful,” she said, and gave me two pecks on both cheeks.
I felt like I was on The Truman Show. You know, the one where Jim Carrey was on this TV show and whole world was watching, and he had no clue. I will deal with this later, I thought. This weekend was full of surprises.
“Where’s your mom?” auntie Tiy asked as she laid her pink and purple Coach bag on the couch. That purse was worth more than my whole apartment. My auntie Tiy always had the real handbags—she flies to Los Angeles to shop at a Coach boutique where the purses cost more than $1,500, the ones the celebrities carry that cost more than my car. Yeah, my auntie had expensive taste. She liked to shop in other cities and states just so she could fly home and wear things that no one else was wearing.
She lifted up her head and nose to the air and smelled. “Ahh! Never mind, I know just where to find her.” She headed toward the kitchen.
As I followed my auntie to the kitchen with her bags I debated whether I should say something about my mother’s one-year engagement with Mr. Fourth of July, but I decided against it. Instead, I just gave her a look of disappointment.
“What is up with you, Sissy?” my mom asked, as she took the bags from my hand.