by C. S. Dorsey
Heaven and Halo were sitting on the bench next the exit. Of course, they looked supermodel-perfect with their black stilettos. Heaven had on a black lace top and a leather jacket with fur coming out of the collar and cuffs, and a black shirt that flared out at the bottom. Her hair was straight and she had on a gray hat, tilted to one side. Halo had on a short black skirt with ruffles on the bottom, and a gray button-down shirt. She also wore a black leather jacket (with no fur), and a black hat that was tilted forward. It seemed like she was crying, but trying to hide it.
Maybe it was just me, but I thought Heaven and Halo were drifting apart. Halo seemed to be going her own way, trying to find herself. If that was the case, I thought it was a good idea that she get away from her sister. Maybe if they went their separate ways, they wouldn’t act so mean and bitter all the time.
Heaven looked up when she saw Chris and me. She looked at me, then at him, and then at me again and smiled. I waited for the devilish smile to turn up, but this time it was a…sincere smile. I raised one eyebrow at her and she chuckled to herself, shaking her head. She got up and walked over to us.
“Hello, I’m Heaven.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake it.
“I’m Chris.” He was hesitant at first, but shook her hand. I think he hesitated because of the stories I told him about them. He didn’t believe me, but I had my mom to back me up. When it came to those two, there was no exaggeration needed.
“Thank you for being so supportive toward my cousin in this time of need. I’m sure she appreciates it.” She was up to something. I watched her facial expressions closely. I didn’t trust her.
“Thank you. She does.” He wrapped his arms around me. I kept my eyes on Heaven. She smiled at me and Chris, and turned back to her seat. “Chris, give me a sec, will you?”
“Sure,” he said, kissing me on the forehead and letting me loose.
I walked over to Heaven and asked, “Can I speak to you in the bathroom?” She looked at me with curiosity. I needed to clear things up right now before this day continued, if she and her sister were going to be around. I didn’t want another blow up to happen, like at Granny’s birthday party. Today was the wrong day for that to happen. I walked into the bathroom, which smelled like Pine-Sol. It was empty.
“What, Sissy?”
“What is your problem with me, Heaven?” I intended to lay everything out. I was tired of her vindictive ways. It was just her—Halo had no issues with me.
“Sissy…I don’t have an issue with you. I look up to you a lot.”
“What? Why don’t you act like it?”
“It’s only because, I don’t know how. I mean, I know my sister and I did some bad things to make our family not to like us, but it’s hard when you have…” She looked at me before finishing her sentence. “Never mind.”
“No, what is it?”
“I just wish we were normal. I mean, we look like it on the outside, but on the inside Halo and I are two screwed-up twins.”
“Is it because of the whispers you hear?” She looked at me like she had seen a ghost. Then she shook her head fast, like she was trying to shake something out of her head.
“No, it’s nothing. Sissy, you’re going places and doing things that we could only dream of. I don’t think we are going anywhere with our bad records.” She chuckled to herself, like she was looking over her life in her head, thinking about what she had done.
“I’m sorry for everything.” Her eyes looked sorry, but was she sorry in her heart?
“Apology accepted. But before this day is out, there is one person I would like for you apologize to.”
“Who?” she asked innocently.
“You need to apologize to your mother for everything.”
“I know. I will. I just need to find the right time.”
“Today is the right time. She is hurting really bad now that her mother is gone. How would you feel if she was gone? Don’t let it be said too late.”
Heaven looked down at the floor, then turned her head away from me. For a moment, I thought she was getting ready to sneeze, but then I saw something I have never seen her do.
“Heaven, are you OK?”
“I know I need to…she is all I have. All we have.” Tears came down her face so fast I was scared. I wasn’t sure what to do. I had never seen her cry before. Should I get her a tissue or pat her on the shoulder? I wondered. But instead I did something that I think no one had ever done.
I gave her a hug and let her cry on my shoulder.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“My Granny touched so many lives.”
Heaven and I went back into the lobby with the rest of the family. I was happy she’d opened up to me about how she felt. It kind of bothered me that she would be jealous of me…why? If she knew about my haunting dreams and my gruesome visions, she’d change her mind. In a way, I felt scared for her, because she didn’t understand the road she was going down if she continued her evil deeds. She and Halo had no guidance—no one wanted to guide them. Everyone just wanted them to go away. After my mom told me that their father heard whispers, it gave me a little more insight into why Heaven and Halo are mean-spirited. Maybe they were fighting the same battle I was fighting—a gift with no receipt. If this was the case, who was I to point the finger at them, when I was in the same category.
When I got to the lobby, Chris was standing there waiting for me, with such patience. I never wanted him to go away. He knew my secret and he didn’t freak out, so I knew he was a keeper. He held out his hand to me and said, “Shall we?”
I reach for his hand and he took mine and rolled it under his arm. I held on so tight, like we were watching a scary movie. It felt like we were in a movie, but I was not ready for the credits to roll at the end.
I took a deep breath and exhaled the remaining air from my lungs.
“OK—I’m ready.”
My Granny touched so many lives. I had no idea that Granny had so many friends. A lot of people talked about how Granny gave them food when they had nothing to eat, or gave them a place to stay until they got back on their feet. There was one young girl that got up to the podium and cried so much I thought she must be related to us. Her mocha skin was flushed, and her red nails shook like she had Parkinson’s disease.
“I—I—I—she—she—saved mmm—mmee.” The young girl could barely get her words out. Then she started again. “Mrs. Monroe—saved my life. She said, ‘In the dark hour when the moon is high, leave quietly and never look back.’ She said, ‘If you look back, you will always be caught in the spider’s web.’ I didn’t know what Mrs. Monroe was talking about. I met her at the grocery store. At the time, I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend. I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me, but there was something about her. That evening, I went home and thought about what she said, and she was right. I looked at the sky and the moon was high. It was about midnight, and my boyfriend was dead asleep. I grabbed my coat and purse and left. I never looked back. I didn’t know how she knew about my relationship, but she knew.”
The young girl shook her head and left the podium. I felt a little shaken by her remarks. Chris felt it, so he held me closer.
Our family was the last to speak. Auntie Tiy, my mom, and Uncle Tyler went up to the podium. My mom held it together when she spoke.
“I just want to thank everyone for sharing your stories about my wonderful mother. She truly was a great woman, a loving mother and grandmother. Now she is in a better place…” and that did it. I was wondering when her breakdown was going to come. She was unable to finish her words as she began to cry. Mark ran up there to get my mother and bring her back to her seat.
“Um, thank you all,” my Uncle Tyler said, and left. Aunt Tiy followed right behind them. I turned my head and placed it in Chris’s neck. Tears came down without warning. How were we going to get through the rest of this day? I wished I had the answer, but I didn’t.
After it was over, everyone drove to the burial site. My Gr
anny’s plot was in a group of tombs off to the side on its own. The minister continued his sermon and prayed. After he finished, everyone placed flowers on her coffin as it was being lowered. I looked over at the twins, and they looked at me. Both of their faces were flushed, and tears streamed down their face. The wind blew on them, causing their hair to fly up. I looked at both of them, and in a split second it was like I could see something being released from them. Their hair fell back to their shoulders, and their faces looked more peaceful.
Once Granny was in the ground, everyone started heading for their cars. We had one last thing to do: eat. I never could understand why people would want to eat after a funeral. It made me sick to my stomach. Food was the last thing on my mind after seeing a dead body. I should know, I see them all the time.
Back at the funeral home, everything was set up in the banquet hall. It helped a lot to have the people that worked here help us—especially for my mom. She was the one that held all of the events at her house, but all she wanted to do now was go home and rest.
It was so quiet in the big hall. Everyone moved in slow motion. My uncle sat in the corner with Mark, but they weren’t saying much to each other. My mom talked to a few people that were touched by Granny’s life, but I don’t think she knew any of them. My auntie Tiy was with her twins, sitting at a table by themselves. Heaven and Halo had their heads resting on their mother’s shoulders, like little girls. I assumed Heaven had apologized to her mother. She better have, I thought.
“Did you want me to get you anything?” a soft voice whispered in my ear.
“No, honey—I’m OK,” I said with a weak smile. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. Chris put his arms around me and held me. I closed my eyes, breathing in his intoxicating scent, which sent my mind wandering in another direction. Being in his arms assured me that everything was OK.
So this is what happiness feels like, I said to myself, even if the timing was weird. Oh, well—either I chose to accept it, or I went back to the way things were a week ago. I thought about it for a minute, and then I looked in Chris’ gorgeous eyes and knew I never wanted to go back.
I was so tired, I almost feel asleep on Chris’ shoulders. “Honey, let me get you home,” he said. I slowly got up, dragging; luckily Chris was there to make sure I didn’t fall on the floor. That would’ve been a sight to see.
My mom and Aunt Tiy stayed behind to wrap things up with the funeral home director. I, on the other hand, drifted off to sleep on the way home. Chris just let me sleep. In the short ride, I had a dream that I was in a box and couldn’t get out. I kicked and kicked, but it felt like something was on the lid of the box, pressing down. I screamed, but no one heard me.
Finally, I woke up.Chris’s hand was on my shoulder. He had a look in his eyes like he’d seen a ghost. I was hyperventilating and couldn’t stop.
“Are you OK? You started screaming in your sleep and I was frightened.”
I inhaled deeply and exhaled. One more dream like this was going to give me a heart attack.“Yes, I’m OK now.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? It might make you feel better to get it out.”
“No.” It was bad enough that Chris knew about my visions and dreams. I didn’t want to let him in on the details of what took place in these dreams. He had enough on his plate with being my boyfriend. Boyfriend…that was a word I never used. This was going to take some getting used to, but I had plenty of time.
“I’m OK.” I reached over to rub Chris’s face, to assure him not to worry about me, but when I opened my hand, there was a gravelly brown substance in it. It started to pour out as I opened my hand.
“Where did the dirt come from?” Chris asked, looking around his car.
“Oh…I had some dirt in my shoes and I forgot to dump it on the ground after I poured it into my hands.” I knew where it came from, but I lied to Chris so he wouldn’t worry.
“When did you get dirty? I was with you the whole time.”
“Don’t worry about it, OK?” I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He wasn’t buying it—I could tell by the dubious look on his face.
“Don’t lie to me, Sissy. You have told me things, and you know I can handle it. Just tell me the truth.” I closed my eyes, and turned my head toward the window. I didn’t want to get into it, but I knew he was not going to let it go.
I took a deep breath. “It came from my dream,” I said, my eyes still closed. I was sure that after I told him this, he would tell me to get out of the car, and drive off real fast. I opened my eyes to see his reaction. He was looking off into the sunset with a blank expression on his face. He didn’t say anything for a while, so I grabbed my purse to get out of the car. We were at my mom’s.
“How did it come from your dream?”
“I don’t know. This has happened before. The first time, I had a leaf in my hair. The second time, my hair was soaked with salty lake water, and the third time my body temperature dropped and my fingers were blue and purple. I don’t know what this means, but it’s leading up to something.” He looked at me like I was crazy, but said nothing.
I opened the door. I knew he wouldn’t understand—there was no point telling him. This was something that I needed to deal with on my own. I was a fool to even let someone in my world; I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. I swung the door open, but Chris grabbed me and pulled me back in.
“Wait,” he said, “don’t go.” I began to cry like a baby.
“I DON’T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW, CHRIS! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” I yelled. I didn’t have to explain to anyone what was going on. It was my issue that I needed to deal with alone. Having to explain it to someone else only made it harder.
He wrapped his arms around me. I felt like there was a brick wall beginning to build at that moment, and I was the one building it.
“Honey, I am just trying to understand, that’s all. I just need you to let me in.” I shut the door on the conversation and locked it. I was not letting anyone into my secret life. I didn’t see how this could ever work out between us.
“Chris, I can’t let you in.”
“What do you mean?” he said in a weary voice. I think he knew what I was about to say next.
“I think it’s best if we say goodbye.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I was in the Twilight Zone.”
I got out of the car without saying a word. I did it again, I said to myself, but it was for the best. He will never understand me—no one will. But I felt bad that I didn’t give him a chance to. He had been there for me so far, but I knew, we both did, that eventually he would turn his back and walk away. Or maybe he would put me in the asylum before he left me to be with a sane person. I had other things on my mind that were more important. I had to figure out what was going on with me that was making my dreams so real, like they were coming to life.
I quickly ran in the house and closed the door. I wondered if Chris would follow me, but he didn’t. I heard a screeching sound like a car peeling away—I looked out the window to see if it was him, and it was. As I stared out the window, I felt my heart break into pieces, leaving no evidence that it was there. A sharp pain struck me in my stomach, like a knife had gone through it.
I fell to the floor.
My body shook like an earthquake. Tears came again. I screamed, like someone was torturing me, like they were cutting my insides out piece by piece. I could not hold in the sounds of my pain anymore. Laying there like a newborn baby curled up on the floor, I screamed. The pain got worse and worse. Was this what a broken heart felt like? I never knew it could hurt so badly. My body throbbed like a big heartbeat. What have I done? I said to myself. I hurt the only person that loved me for myself. It was for the best. Or was it? I didn’t even know what is best for me.
I gathered enough strength to crawl to the phone. I tried to dial his number, but everything was a blur. My eyes became heavy and I fell into a deep sleep.
“Sissy? Honey, get up!” I heard the excitement in my mother’s voice, but it sounded like it was far away. I could barely move. She managed to help me up and walk me to the bedroom. I still had on my funeral clothes. She helped me take them off and put on some night clothes. I was in a daze. All I could think about was Chris, and the look on his face when I left him.
When my mom was finished helping me, she pulled the covers over me, left the room, and turned off the lights. I fell right back to sleep.
I slept through the night and the next morning. I dreamt of nothing. It was such a relief to be able to just sleep, without being haunted by my sister. I knew it was her that was haunting me, making me feel bad about not saving her. I was six, what was I supposed to do? For years, I had beat myself up over Misty’s disappearance. No one talked about it, not even my mother. I always hoped that Granny would at least someday acknowledge that she had a total of four granddaughters instead of three, but she never did. I was tired of pretending like Misty never existed. The dreams were ruining my life and my relationship with Chris. I was going to talk to her about it today once and for all.
I got out of bed and looked out the window. The sun was high in the sky, which meant I’d slept way too long. As I stood there, I thought about when I would go back to Washington. My mother had taken Granny’s passing harder than I’d thought. Maybe I would take a semester off to move back home. I could do my last semester at a university nearby. I had to be close to my mother; I didn’t think I could leave her again. The thought of moving was overwhelming, but I told myself I would think about that later. Right now, I needed to ask my mother something that had been on my mind for the past fifteen years.