by Tasha Taylor
That feeling deepened later in the day after Leah and Pippa had spent several hours in his company. They had gone to the local zoo, and the little girl had dragged Nathan around to see all the animals. Leah had watched him closely, and not once had he stepped out of line. He had been affectionate with Pippa, but had avoided making any long-term plans with her. He had rarely looked at Leah, and she felt a sense of relief to be out of his sphere of attention, because she was still feeling tender from the experience of having Nathan kiss her, and did not trust her traitorous body near him.
She had spent many hours after Nathan left, torturing herself with memories of his touch that evening and of the thousands of times, he had touched her like that before, hoping that she could somehow desensitize herself, but all it had done was make her senses even more aware of him. He had reawakened her sexuality with a touch, and it frightened her. Leah had tried to convince herself that she had backed away from him because she could not stand to be near him, but deep down, in the place where desire and need lived, she knew that was not the truth. She had pushed him away because she was scared of what might have happened; scared of the power he had over her. Hence, she was aware of his every movement as she watched him with Pippa, and she acknowledged that she still found him attractive
Leah had told him what she expected of him and now she found room in her mind to view him as a man, not just a marauder in her life. As they sat down to lunch in the zoo’s empty cafeteria, Leah found Nathan’s eyes on her. He had not spoken to her for hours, but when Pippa went to the bathroom, he turned to face her.
“How am I doing?” he asked and Leah was surprised at the coolness in his voice. How fast he could switch! Just a few seconds before he had been laughing and joking with Pippa, and here he was now, looking at Leah as if he hated her. Her heart was beating fast as she stammered her words and she wondered where all this newfound control of hers had scarpered.
“I... I... I don’t know what you mean.” Leah poured herself a cup of tea, so that she did not have to look at him. Her hand was shaking so much that she spilt most of it on the table. Why was he having this effect on her?
“Still think I’m being self-centered and thoughtless?”
Leah felt like she was under interrogation. “I don’t want to discuss this now,” she mumbled. “I told you what I wanted from you, let’s just leave it, okay?”
“I don’t actually recall you telling me what you want, Leah. I heard a lot about what a terrible person I was, how I wasn’t to be trusted, how I wasn’t to do anything to hurt Pippa, but not a lot of what you wanted from me. Why don’t you try again?” Nathan leveled her a patient look, and Leah knew he was mocking her.
“What I want,” she leaned across the table towards him, her trembling voice hardly above a whisper, “what I really would like for you to do is to disappear from my life, to pretend that you never found me again, to forget that you are Pippa’s father. But that’s not a possibility, is it?”
“No!”
“Then, you can spend time with her, that’s all. I don’t want you around and I really wish that you had never found out about Pippa, but you have. I may not like the situation, but she comes first in all of this.”
Nathan leveled a long hard look at her, and then Pippa came back and the moment passed. Leah was secretly relieved that she had escaped any further conversation with him for she knew that there was a lot more that he wanted to say to her, probably more than she could imagine.
These thoughts of Nathan ranting and raving kept Leah’s mind occupied as they finished their drinks and left the restaurant, and as Pippa’s happy chatter filled the crisp air as they began to walk around the rest of the zoo. Leah was watching Nathan like a hawk, ready to come down on him like a ton of bricks if he stepped one foot out of line.
If Nathan thought that he was going to be the perfect father, without having had any experience of children in his life, then he was hugely mistaken. Leah had brought Pippa up to be polite and well-behaved, but, just like any child, she could play her mother up something chronic when she felt like it and have tantrums that could shock the hell out of someone who did not know her, and Nathan did not know her.
Pippa would probably enchant him with her happy smiles, and she would wind him around her little finger, because that is what little girls do with their fathers. He would buy her things, because she asked him to, and because money was no object to him. Would he ever learn that money does not always buy love, and that it certainly would never buy respect, from either Leah, and hopefully Pippa too. Did he know that sometimes he would have to say no to her, and suffer the consequences, just like Leah had done on their shopping trip in Newcastle at the weekend.
Would Nathan be able to cope with the rebellion and antagonism that was bound to come with a daughter, because Leah could already see it in Pippa sometimes, and it reminded her of herself when she had been younger. Leah smiled gently at the memory of her father being firm but kind with her, and she had respected him for that.
Tearing herself away from her thoughts, Leah could see that Pippa was getting tired, and she was dragging her feet, her bottom lip beginning to pout, as Nathan tried to get her interested in the meercats. Pippa could be a real little cow when she was tired, and Leah grinned to herself - Nathan would be stressed when Pippa started to act up. Leah would have almost enjoyed seeing Nathan being hassled, but she was still a mother, and once again, concern for her daughter’s welfare and maintaining harmony in her life overrode anything else, and she went to speak to her daughter.
Nathan got there first and made a game of chasing Pippa, who, by the time he caught her, and put her on his back, was laughing wildly, causing her Leah to join in, despite herself. She stopped almost instantly, but she could not take the smile from her face to see her daughter happy. She walked a little behind the two of them, as she began to alter her opinion of Nathan’s parenting skills. He was good with the child, and seemed to be enjoying their time together. Leah was in absolutely no doubt about Pippa’s feelings for him, because she had adored him for so long.
Shortly, they came to the zoo’s gift shop, and after Pippa’s zeal for clothes shopping at the weekend, Leah preferred to stay in the background and let Nathan deal with this one. Leah was not sure if Pippa knew that Nathan was wildly wealthy, but the little girl knew from all her friends who had divorced parents that when fathers came to visit, her friends all got lots of presents. Leah wondered if this was how she saw Nathan.
Pippa loved cuddly toys, and this being a zoo, the shop had plenty to choose from. The little girl was in raptures over monkeys, giraffes, tigers and all sorts of exotic creatures. Leah was admiring some jewelry and smiling to see Nathan being dragged all over the shop to look at one thing or another. She overheard him telling Pippa that she would have to choose one thing.
Leah raised an eyebrow at the stunned look on Pippa’s face, waiting to see if she was going to go into a tantrum, but Nathan’s soft voice had an authority to it that Pippa seemed to recognize, and after one or two little muttered requests for maybe two or three toys, she nodded and set about choosing her single toy.
Nathan joined Leah and let out a breath.
“You had a lucky escape there. She usually puts up more of a fight than that!” Leah couldn’t help but laugh aloud.
Nathan shrugged and grinned. “I had visions of her having a paddy and chucking toys everywhere, trashing the shop, breaking all the glass!”
“What’s the matter; scared you’d have to pay for it all?”
Nathan was not sure what she meant by that comment, but she smiled. “Just teasing! You did all right!”
“Yeah?”
Leah found herself looking into Nathan’s eyes, glancing at his mouth, and thinking that the thing she wanted most in this world at that moment in time, was to have Nathan press his body tightly against hers and kiss her deeply, so that she could taste him, and feel his warmth and...
Leah gasped as his fingertips lightly brushed t
he curve of her hip, sending a roar of scorching flame between her thighs, making her face flush and her breathing ragged.
“I want this one, Dad!” Pippa announced, as she dragged a four-foot high polar bear towards them, narrowly missing a display of crystal ornaments.
“Please!” Leah muttered as she rescued the bear, thankful of the distraction, ashamed of the way her body had just behaved, hoping that Nathan had not noticed. But as she reached the counter, and he helped her haul the monstrous bear up for the cashier to see the price, his hand touched hers, and the way he looked at her told her that he had indeed seen her reaction. Flustered, she made Pippa thank her father for the present, and was relieved that Pippa’s hugs and kisses on Nathan’s face hid her from his eyes, albeit momentarily.
It was getting dark outside, and they made their way back to the Land Rover, carrying the huge toy between the three of them, although Pippa was more of a hindrance than a help as she alternated between Nathan and Leah, holding their free hands whilst trying to hold the bear too. Pippa insisted the bear sit beside her, and Leah grinned at Nathan across the back seat. Pippa clicked herself quickly into her booster seat but Nathan was struggling getting the seatbelt around the toy.
Once again, the heat inside the vehicle, once they were on their way, sent Pippa nodding off, and was having a very relaxing effect on Leah. Apart from when she had shared journeys with Joe and Louise, it had been a long time since she had been driven around by anyone, and it took her back to the time when she lived in London. She’d been very unsure about driving, given the fact that she hadn’t long passed her test when she met Nathan, and was not confident enough to negotiate the traffic. She had also had a mild fear that she too would perish in an accident like the one that had taken her father from her, but she had felt safe being driven by Nathan.
She felt safe enough now, but she felt strange as if she was giving up a tiny piece of her independence. Leah glanced quickly at Nathan’s profile whilst he was negotiating a tight bend, and the earlier heat returned. She turned her head quickly to gaze out the window, but her thoughts stayed with him. How was it that he could have such an effect on her? One minute she was boiling over with venom towards him, and the next she was practically offering herself on a plate to him. What was going on?
Before Nathan had turned up, Leah’s life was very consistent. There were no major events or upheavals, not peaks and troughs of emotion, just a calm and peaceful way of life, just her and Pippa, with Joe and Louise. Leah herself had been comfortable with where she was in her life, she hadn’t needed anyone else in her life and yet here she was alternately repulsed by and wildly attracted to this man.
Over the last seven years, she had dealt with the fact she was alone, and that she was over Nathan, but when he turned up last week all that had changed. He had thrown her world into turmoil and she was having difficulties adjusting to it.
How was it possible that she could still be attracted to him after all this time, and after she had seen him with that woman? Was she not sound of mind? Obviously not, the way her imagination had her limbs entwining with his.
“Stop it!” Leah whispered aloud, causing Nathan to look at her in question.
“Stop what?” he asked as they came to a halt at the traffic lights, in the village where Leah lived.
“I was just thinking aloud.” They passed the fish and chip shop, and she sniffed appreciatively.
“How about we have chips tonight, instead of you cooking? That’s all you seem to have done, since I got here.” Nathan suggested.
Apart from fight you every step of the way, Leah thought to herself. “That’s my lot in life, I’m afraid.”
“There’s much more, Lee,” he said quietly, as they pulled up outside the house, and got out the car abruptly, leaving Leah wondering whether she had heard him right.
Leah took the bear, Nathan carried Pippa, and they entered the house. Pippa was sleepy for a short while, but was soon on the phone to her Gramps to tell him that she hadn’t been to school today, and that they’d been to the zoo and she’d brought home a big polar bear.
After having a quick word with Leah, who promised that she would be back to work tomorrow, the conversation ended and Nathan and Pippa went down to the fish and chip shop for their dinner, leaving Leah alone with Icicle as Pippa had named the stuffed toy.
Leah was just straightening up the lounge, when she heard a phone ring. Rushing to the kitchen, she realized that it wasn’t her phone. Her own mobile was switched off in the car, and she couldn’t remember seeing Nathan’s, but then she spotted it on the table in the hall.
She stood by it, listening to it ring, not sure whether or not she should answer it, and after having a furtive look around the hallway to make sure that there were no witnesses, she picked up the instrument and pressed the talk button.
“Hello?” she said quietly.
“Nathan? Who’s this?” an imperious high-pitched female voice came down the phone.
“Who is this?” Leah asked, not liking the woman’s tone.
“I’m trying to reach Nathan. I think I may have dialed the wrong number.”
“No, you haven’t. This is his phone, but I’m afraid he can’t come to the phone at the moment, he’s otherwise engaged!” Leah had a feeling she recognized the woman’s voice, and felt a great urge to upset her.
“What’s he doing, who are you?” There was what sounded like hysteria in her voice.
“He’s getting dinner. I’m just a friend. Can I take a message for you?” Leah asked politely.
The woman on the other end of the phone faltered for a while. When she spoke again, her tone was more pleasant. “I wonder if you could. It’s quite important that I speak to Nathan. I’ve been trying to get hold of him for days, but this is the first time his phone has been switched on.”
“No, you’re quite right. He’s been a bit busy, and he is supposed to be on holiday, so he left it off. Who shall I say called?”
“My name is Jennifer.”
“And your surname?” Leah knew damn well, what it was.
“He’ll know who I am, we’re close friends.” A hint of smugness entered Jennifer’s voice. Oh yeah, Leah thought, how close?
“Really?” She pretended to sound surprised. “He’s never mentioned you before. How long have you known him?” It wasn’t a complete and utter lie, Leah thought, Nathan hadn’t mentioned her once.
“About six months.” It sounded like all the air had gone out of Jennifer’s sails, and Leah felt just a slight pang of guilt, remembering that Jennifer was only in her early twenties and probably very insecure, just like Leah’s own sister had been at the beginning of her modeling career. But she spoke the words anyway.
“Oh right! Nathan and I go back a long way. I met him in London over ten years ago. That’s probably why he hasn’t mentioned you. When you’ve been close to someone for that long, you don’t always need words to communicate.” Leah paused, satisfied to hear a slight noise from the other end of the line. “Well, I’d better go now, dinner’s almost ready. Nice talking to you, Jennifer, I’ll mention to Nate that you called. Bye!”
With a malicious little grin, she pressed the off button, just as she heard Jennifer say questioningly, “Nate?”
Leah did not know why she had used her pet name for him like that. She had not called him that once since he had appeared back in her life, but it seemed fitting at that moment in time to needle the woman.
With a nod to herself, she set about getting the plates and cutlery ready for the imminent arrival of the fish and chips. The doorbell rang then, and Leah let Pippa and Nathan in, both of them red faced from the cold.
“I’m starving,” Pippa announced dramatically as she literally dragged herself out of her coat, letting her mother hang it on a peg, as she ran into the kitchen where Nathan was already starting to dole out the food onto the plates.
Looking at her, he said, “I realized when we got there that I didn’t ask you what you wanted, so I
got you a pasty. You always used to like them!”
Leah nodded happily, having enjoyed her conversation with Jennifer. She was not normally one to be difficult on purpose, but it had made her feel good. “That’s fine, a pasty is great.”
After dinner, Leah took Pip upstairs for a bath while Nathan was left to do the washing up, because ‘he needed the practice’, and they were enjoying a bubble blowing competition when Nathan joined them, perching on the toilet.
“Do you always make this much mess?” He laughed. Water dripped down the side of the bath, and Leah was soaked.
“Why do you think I’ve not put a carpet down?” Leah indicated to the varnished floorboards. “She used to be a lot worse than this.”
“Mum used to have a bath with me, and she made more mess than me,” Pippa giggled, blowing bubbles into Leah’s hair.
“You little monster.”
“I’ll let you get on with it; I still have some drying up practice to finish.”
***
Nathan left them to get on with it, listening to the noise as he walked down the stairs. As he reached the bottom, he recognized the ring of his mobile, and realized that Pippa must have left it switched on when she was playing with it earlier. With a fond smile, he picked up the thing he really disliked and pressed talk.
“Hello?”
“Nathan? At last. It’s Justin. Where the hell have you been? I’ve been ringing you for days.”
With a frown, Nathan answered. “I haven’t had the phone switched on.”
“Don’t you pick up your messages ever? Where are you anyway? The line is really faint.”
“I’m in Edinburgh. Where else would I be?”
“Cut the crap, Nathan! Your hotel in Edinburgh was the first place I tried. They said you haven’t been near the place.”
“I’m staying with a friend, if that’s okay with you, Justin. Now, did you have something important to say, because I’m kind of busy right now.”
Nathan glanced at Leah as she came into the living room, and took a seat on the sofa.