by Tasha Taylor
Louise reached across the table and patted Leah’s hand. “Yes, you would. You’re a very strong young woman, Leah. It might have been difficult for a while, but you’d have sorted yourself out.”
Leah drained her cup and stood up, putting a kiss on the woman’s cheek, “I’m glad I didn’t have to.” She rinsed her cup and turned, leaning against the counter. “Am I doing the right thing? I mean, letting Pippa get used to Nathan being her father, letting her get close to him? Am I setting her, both of us, up for a big fall?”
“Is that what you think?”
“I don’t know to be honest.” Leah pulled her hair back from her face. “I’m confused. One minute, I think it’s all okay, I can handle it, it’s almost as if Nathan has been around since the beginning. He’s so natural with her and she adores him. But then…” Leah’s voice trailed off as she stared into space, lost in he own thoughts.
“What about how you feel about Nathan?” Louise asked.
“I just told you!” Leah looked at her.
“No, you told me how you felt about Nathan and Pippa. Not what’s been happening between you and Nathan. You’ve spent so much time worrying about how Pippa and how this is all going to affect her. What about how it’s affecting you? Have you thought about that?”
“Too much,” Leah gave a wry smile, “but I’ve come to the conclusion that if it all goes wrong, Pippa is young enough to get over it. It’ll hurt for a while, but she will always have this time with Nathan to remember. At least it’s not a secret anymore, that’s one less strain I have to cope with.”
“And what about when he goes back to his normal life, when he has to leave you?”
“I’ll manage. He didn’t really have a choice when I left him. He didn’t know about the baby. But, if he decides to leave, then it will be his choice. He knows her now, and he will have to choose.”
“So things haven’t…” Louise stopped, causing Leah to prompt her to go on. “What I mean is, has anything happened between you two?”
“Not really.” She blushed, then grinned. “Okay, okay! We’ve kissed.”
“And?”
“And, I can’t believe you’re asking me this” Leah laughed.
“It’s not every day a rock star turns up in your life!”
“He hasn’t always been a rock star. Remember I knew him before.”
“There’s Pippa to prove that! You can’t tell me he doesn’t stir anything up in you. He does me.”
“Mum.” Pippa ran to her mother. “Are you better?” Pippa turned her grey eyes, so much like her father’s, to look lovingly at Leah, who smiled and kissed her up- turned face.
“Yes, darling. I’m feeling a lot better, thank you. So, what have you and your dad been up to?” She looked over her daughter’s head at Nathan, who was laden down with two teddy bears and various knick-knacks they had won at the arcade. He smiled at her and shrugged as best he could with a large stuffed toy under each arm.
“We went to the arcade, and then we had hot dogs and chips, with red sauce,” Pippa explained and Leah could see remains of the meal on her white school shirt.
“Looks like you cleaned up,” Louise relieving Nathan of the booty. “Why don’t we go and get you a bath, Pip. I think your dad could do with a break.”
Pippa kissed her mum before grabbing a teddy bear and following Louise upstairs to the bathroom.
Nathan pulled out a chair and sat down with a sigh.
“She’s got a lot of energy!” he complained, as Leah laughed at him.
“She’s six, and you stuffed her with lots of calories and no doubt lots of sweets,” Leah looked at the empty sweet wrappers that Nathan pulled out of his pocket and deposited on the table.
“Is she not allowed them?” Nathan looked at her enquiringly.
Leah smiled, reaching for the wrappers. “Would you like a cup of tea? You look worn out.”
“How about a glass of wine?” Nathan asked hopefully.
“Sure!”
Nathan watched her as she moved around the kitchen.
“You look a lot better than you did last night.”
Leah turned to look at him as she put two wine glasses on the counter. “Last night?”
“You sort of fainted. Don’t you remember?”
“Not really. I remember talking about some stuff, Mum and Rebekah. Then I woke up this morning,” she looked him full in the eye, “in my underwear!”
Nathan’s grin matched hers as she sat down. “I didn’t think you’d be comfortable fully dressed!”
“Hm.” Leah smiled at him as she handed him a glass of wine,
“Are you feeling better then? You had me quite worried for a while.”
“Why?” Leah was curious.
Nathan contemplated his drink for a while, giving Leah a chance to watch him. He was undeniably good looking there was no escaping that. But, knowing him the way she had once done, gave Leah an insight that not many people would have. She knew a side to him that the cameras and the television could not show. She knew that he could love, he could laugh and he could feel, things that never showed up on film or in print.
“When you fainted, I put you on the sofa. You looked so much like you did when…” Nathan picked up his glass and took a swig, “when you were in hospital. You lay in that bed and you looked so fragile. It was the same last night, except you didn’t leave. I was there to put you to bed, I was there when you woke up last night, and I was there for you this morning, except you didn’t know it.”
Leah could not meet his gaze, so intense was the expression on his face. She knew that he was heading towards something big and she wasn’t sure that she was ready. So far, in their short re-acquaintance, all they had really talked about was Pippa, touching occasionally on their past life together, but from the look in Nathan’s eyes, she knew that they were getting down to the grass roots of their history together.
“Nathan, I…”
“No, let me say this. If we never talk about this again, at least it will be out in the open.”
“I don’t think this is the right time.”
He reached across for her hand and a stab of longing ran through her instantly. “Leah!”
She looked him in the eye then and saw pain. “No,” she whispered, and tried to pull her hand from his, tried to back away but the counter was at her back. The feelings his touch was creating within her were almost more than she could bear. “If you do this, you’ve got to think of what it means for Pippa. She’s the only one who matters.”
“It’s not just about Pippa, though, is it?” Nathan pulled her to him. “She’s not the only one who matters. You matter. We matter. There are things that we need to talk about. You’ve carried it all by yourself. I’m here now.”
Leah braced her hands on his shoulders, desperate to keep some distance between them. If he pulled her closer, if she felt his body against hers, there would be no hope for her heart.
“It’s in the past. We were young. It didn’t work out. It happens, Nathan. We’re just one of millions of couples who had a child and split up.”
“Slightly different for us. You left me and you had our child. I don’t believe I was involved in any of that,” Nathan’s voice sounded tight and she felt his hold tighten on her hips.
“Can’t we just forget about it, move on?” Leah forced herself to speak in a bright tone, but it obviously didn’t come out right. She could literally see his face darken, his eyebrows pulled down in a frown, his eyes narrowed and his lips thinned as he pressed them together.
“That’s just it, I can’t forget about it. I can’t move on. I’ve not had a single committed relationship since you, Leah, not one.”
“Maybe you haven’t met the right woman, yet?”
“But I did, and you buggered off. For Christ sake, just take some responsibility for it, will you? Stop dodging the facts. You. Left. Me. Not the other way around. You. You walked out on our life together. You left me with no clue where you were. You gave up on us.
Our future.”
Nathan stood up and pressed himself against her.
“I had my reasons.”
“Then tell me, Leah, please, just tell me. I have spent seven years trying to figure it out. Didn’t you love me?” He caught Leah’s face between his hands, to make her look at him. “What did I do wrong?”
“You chose your career over our future!” Leah exclaimed.
“How? You were a part of everything I did. It was all for you, for us.”
“Justin told you not to marry me.”
Nathan frowned. “It was a discussion we had, yes.”
“You had it in my hospital room. In front of me.”
“You were unconscious.”
“I had come round by then, but when he turned up, I closed my eyes and waited for him to go. That’s not the point. Justin said it would ruin your career if we got married. And you agreed with him, no hesitation. No wedding, you said.” Leah’s throat tightened.
“We discussed it. I wasn’t about to call off our engagement on Justin’s say-so.”
“I think you did whatever Justin asked you to, you still do.”
Nathan gave her a quick shake. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
They could both hear the thump of Pippa coming down the stairs.
“He can still pull your strings, he got you to attend opening night at Stars, didn’t he?” Leah lowered her voice.
“That was as a favor to Joe.”
“You didn’t know Joe, then,” Leah hissed, her mouth close to his ear, they could hear Pippa and Lou talking on the other side of the door,
“You don’t know me anymore, you can’t make that judgment,” Nathan whispered fiercely, his breath warm against her skin, lips brushing her ear, hands squeezing her hips, pulling her firmly against him.
“I didn’t know you then, either,” she retaliated, turning her head to look at him, the close contact starting a throb between her legs, the faint stubble on his cheek scratching, teasing against her jaw. Her lips parted, her breath coming quickly.
“You know this!” Nathan moved his hands to her face, sliding his fingers into her hair to bring his lips against hers with some force, pressure that was returned when she pulled his hips against hers, pushing back onto him. “You know I want you!”
Leah felt the solid shaft and imagined what it would feel like to have him inside her once more. Her hips twitched as she couldn’t help but slide her tongue the inside of his lower lip, making him moan.
The door handle rattled and Leah muttered “Stop,” but couldn’t seem to take her lips from his. Nathan reacted more quickly.
“I’ll go!” He removed his body from hers, leaving her hanging. He went out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. Leah kept her eyes fixed on the door, waiting for him to come back.
She heard Pippa run up the stairs and slam her bedroom door and then she heard Lou call out a goodbye and then the front door closed. Leah waited for Nathan, but he didn’t come. I’ll go, he’d said. Had he gone? Leah felt panic welling up from the pit of her stomach. Had he really gone?
Leah dithered for a few more minutes, moving aimlessly around, tidying things, before she plucked up the courage to open the door. Her common sense told her it didn’t matter if he’d left. It was what he would do eventually, when his holiday was over and he had to return to his normal life. Better to get it over with than prolong the inevitable.
He wasn’t in the lounge or the study or in the cupboard under the stairs. Leah headed up the stairs and stuck her head around Pippa’s door. The little girl was buried under the covers and the covers were quivering. He had gone and Pippa was crying.
“Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay,” Leah crooned and knelt by the side of the bed, stroking the trembling body under the duvet.
The trembles strengthened to a definite shake. Leah frowned, why wasn’t Pippa making a sound? Her child never cried quietly, she made sure everybody knew about it. Something else was going on.
A snigger escaped from under the bedding and Leah pulled back the quilt. Her daughter lay on her side, her small body convulsing with laughter, a teddy bear pressed against her mouth.
“What the…?”
Pippa laughed out loud at the look of confusion on her mother’s face. “I told Daddy you were rubbish at hide and seek!”
“We’re playing hide and seek?”
“Daddy’s hiding too. You’ve got to find him next.” Leah had to smile at Pippa’s giggles. “And Daddy says I have to go to sleep now. Night, Mum.”
***
Leah searched the bathroom and the spare bedroom and couldn’t find him. That only left her bedroom. She paused in the doorway and then shut the door behind her. She couldn’t see him but then it was dark. Leah reached for the light switch.
“Don’t.” Nathan’s voice sounded so close to her in the dark room but when she reached out she found only empty space. “You’re cold.”
Hot and cold? Leah wondered what he was playing at. Kids' games. But you would prefer to be hot than cold, especially if it means contact with Nathan.
She took a step forward.
“Still cold.”
Another step, then another. Her legs touched the edge of her bed.
“Tepid.”
There weren’t that many places to hide in the room. Maybe he was on the bed? Leah launched herself onto the bed and came up with an armful of pillows.
“Lukewarm!” Leah could hear the smile in his voice and got a better idea of where he was. He sounded muffled. He must be under the bed.
With a little giggle, she wiggled to the edge of the bed, put both her hands on the floor and looked under the bed. It was even darker under there, but the light from the doorway came under the door and gave her a little light. She couldn’t see anything Nathan-shaped. “Humph!”
“Warm!” From her upside down position, his voice came from above her, still muffled. There was only the window on this side of the room, with the floor length curtains. Leah inched her hands across the floor, her fingertips meeting toes, which wiggled when touched.
“Warmer,” Nathan said.
Leah smiled and swung herself from her front to sitting on the edge of the bed. Her toes touched his but her fingers moved to his ankles, to his knees, her hands flexing against the taut muscles of his thighs, moving higher still.
“Hot?” Leah asked as Nathan parted the curtains, the moon shining through the window behind him. Her touch fluttered across the strength gathering in his jeans, stroking the growing warmth.
Nathan held her head gently in his hands, stroking the pad of his thumb across her parted lips. He followed with his lips, his tongue, and his teeth nipping her full lower lip.
“Hot. Sexy. Gorgeous.” He punctuated each word with a kiss, each slower, deeper than the one before.
Leah gave her mouth up to his, matching his passion, her own desire growing from deep inside. As Nathan’s lips trailed along the edge of her jaw, to her neck, Leah could feel the warmth of his breath. His fingers drew her hair back over her shoulder, stroking the sensitive skin, blazing a path of pleasure, the kisses that followed stoking the heat within her core. She felt her insides were beginning to melt under his touch, liquid passion starting to move through her body.
“Nate!” She whispered his pet name as he dipped his tongue into the valley between her breasts. His fingers moved across her skin, drawing barely there circles, the friction causing her to shiver in delight. Nathan splayed his palms flat against her breastbone, alternating gentle pressure.
Leah tilted her head back, pushing her shoulders back, lifting her breasts. Nathan pressed kisses to the curve of each breast and cupped his hands, thumbs softly rubbing to and fro across her already tightened nipples. She wanted to be closer to him, to touch him. Leah snaked one hand under his t-shirt, his stomach muscles clenching at her touch, and hooked the other hand into the pocket of his jeans, the heat of his erection burning through the thin cotton.
A surge of pure lust rac
ed between Leah’s thighs as Nathan’s shaft stirred against her hand. She squeezed him firmly and smiled with satisfaction as she felt his low groan of satisfaction against her chest.
Nathan reached behind Leah, settling his hands at the top of her thighs and lifted her, holding her pulsing center against his heat.
For a long moment, they looked carefully at the other, waiting, holding themselves, the desire building. Just close was never going to be enough, for Leah, for Nathan.
“I want you, I need to be with you,” Leah’s soft words were sealed with a kiss, her voice unsteady with longing.
“You’re so beautiful. I’ve wanted to hold you like this for so long. Let me show you.”
Nathan lowered her onto the bed and lay beside her, taking her in his arms, loving her in all the ways she missed, every night since she’d run away.
***
Leah curled her lips in a smile. Despite a distinct lack of actual sleeping, thanks to Nathan, she’d had the best night’s sleep in years. Without opening her eyes, she knew he was there, that he was looking at her and that deepened her smile.
“What are you grinning at?” That sexy voice was so close.
“What are you looking at?” Leah opened her eyes and rolled onto her side. Nathan was sitting on the edge of the bed and she curled her legs against his solid back under the duvet. It was out of long forgotten habit and a desire to be connected to him.
Throughout the years, this was often what she had missed most, just being near him, being able to reach out, touch him, be held by him. The physical reassurance that she was not alone filled an ache in her heart and Nathan seemed to sense it.
He stood and Leah instantly felt bereft, but he quickly pulled back the duvet. “Move over, baby,” and she soon had the entire length of his body against hers, wrapping her in his arms, entangling his legs with hers.
“I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”
Leah smiled against his lips, pressing mouth to his, urging him to hold her tighter, squeezing him to tell him she’d missed this too. Nathan obviously understood as he rolled her on top of him. Leah felt his warmth growing as she wriggled further up his body, cupping his face as she kissed him deeply.