‘I’ll leave it to you,’ she told him. ‘The nurses are taking the diabetic clinic this afternoon and it will be the first time for the new practice nurse so I thought I’d be around to assist.’
She was chickening out and knew it, but Ben had been the one who’d said he wanted to meet James and it hadn’t been her idea that he help out in the surgery, so she left them to it with a murmured ‘I’ll see you this evening, maybe’ in Ben’s direction.
‘Sure,’ he replied easily, but there was a look in his eyes that said he got her drift.
She came out of the nurses’ room when he was on the point of leaving and he said, ‘Nice place you and James have got here, Georgina. The practice manager seems extremely capable.’ Remembering Elaine’s comments when she’d seen him walking past the window, she almost laughed.
Bringing her back to the present, he said, ‘James said you mentioned my working here to him, and we’ve come to an arrangement. I was surprised when he told me, as I thought you weren’t keen on the idea.’
‘Shall we just say that I could see the advantages of it after I’d given it some thought? It will take some of the strain off me.’
‘Why do you think I suggested it?’ he said evenly. ‘I’m going to drive into town for the rest of the afternoon and will probably eat out, so I’ll see you tomorrow, Georgina.’
‘Yes, whatever,’ she replied, and went back to her patients.
James was on top form as they were leaving at the end of the day. ‘Ben is coming into the practice full-time,’ he said jubilantly. ‘He’s starting on Monday. Aren’t we the lucky ones to have someone of his calibre on the staff for a short period?’
‘Yes, I suppose we are,’ she said, and wondered if Ben really was coming to work there for her sake.
As she went for her usual short walk that evening, the fact that it would be Easter at the end of the following week came to mind. She had thought of going away for the weekend while the surgery was closed, but it was a lovely time in the village and an ideal opportunity to drive to London to put fresh flowers on the grave where so much of her heart lay.
The main thought in her mind was that she’d hurt Ben a lot by being so slow in telling him about the baby. Did she want to hurt him further by going to London without his knowledge? It would be as if she was putting him in his place again, the place where he had been for three long years.
The situation he’d created by coming to live in the village had a strong feeling of getting to know each other all over again, and it gave her a mixture of pain and pleasure. There was comfort in knowing he was near, knowing that she could see him, touch him, and that she wasn’t going to give birth to their baby without him.
But his presence was threatening the life she’d built for herself in Willowmere. Her hard-won contentment was disappearing in her awareness of all the things she’d tried to forget about him. His smile, the mouth that had kissed her, the surgeon’s hands, long-fingered and supple, that had caressed her, and the trim, hard strength of him that she’d always thought would be there to protect, as well as arouse her—these were all things that could weaken her resolve to stay alone if she wasn’t careful.
In her most upbeat moments she felt as if what had happened between them on the afternoon when he’d finally caught up with her at the cemetery had been meant. That the fates had decided to give them a push in the right direction, but those kind of thoughts were always followed by memories of the months before she’d said goodbye to a wonderful marriage.
As she walked homeward through woods carpeted with bluebells, she decided that she would tell Ben that she was driving to London on Good Friday. If he wanted to do the same, he could make his own arrangements.
The thought of being closeted together in the car for hours on end would be too much for their frail reunion to cope with, as would being together as she arranged the white roses of innocence on the grave.
But there was the coming weekend to get through first. Saturday and Sunday would be days when both she and Ben would have time on their hands, which could prove awkward.
She went up to bed at her usual time and steeled herself not to listen for him returning. It paid off and she went to sleep not knowing whether he was back or not.
When she opened the curtains the next morning, his car was in his drive. She wondered how she would have felt if it hadn’t been. If he’d given up on her and gone back to London, discouraged by her lack of warmth. But as she looked down at the part of her anatomy where their child was curled up safely she knew that the die was cast. Ben would never let this one out of his sight.
When he’d first appeared, she’d made it clear that he had no part in her life any more. She’d said it because she’d been afraid that he might try to take over when he found out about the baby. But now that he was settled in the cottage next door it seemed as if, having made his presence felt, he was easing off and she wasn’t sure what to make of it….
She was planning to go into the town herself over the weekend to get some ideas on the requirements of a new baby as it had been nine years since she’d last been pregnant.
But first there was Friday ahead of her and when she arrived at the surgery, she saw Edwina Crabtree in the waiting room, looking more dour than usual.
‘I’m afraid that we’ve had a positive result on the stomach infection, Miss Crabtree,’ she told her when it was her turn to be seen. ‘How is the neck pain?’
‘Just the same.’
‘And the indigestion?’
‘No different.’
‘Now that I know what I’m treating, I’m going to prescribe medication to treat the stomach problem which should soon give you some relief from the indigestion and the neck discomfort.’
‘I hope so,’ was the flat reply. ‘Spring is one of the busiest times for we bellringers. Lots of brides want the bells to be pealing as they come out of our church, and because it is in such a charming setting it is one wedding after another from Easter onwards.’
Was that a nudge for her? Georgina thought wryly when she’d gone, that the baby she was carrying would benefit from the blessing of the church. It would seem that so far Edwina, like most of the inhabitants of Willowmere, was not aware that the child’s father was now there.
When she arrived home that evening, Ben appeared the moment she got out of the car and said, ‘I’ve seen a café sort of place near the post office. Do you fancy eating there tonight?’
‘I suppose it’s not a bad idea,’ she agreed. ‘It will be the Hollyhocks Tea Rooms that you’ve seen. We get lots of walkers stopping off in the village on the lookout for some good food as Easter approaches, and the Hollyhocks is the answer. The people who own it are friends of mine.’
‘Does that make any difference? Are you sure that you’ll be happy for us to be dining there if that’s the case? Only I feel that we have things to discuss and in a place like that we’re on neutral ground.’
‘You make us sound like enemies.’
‘I didn’t mean to, but we’re not exactly on the same wavelength, are we?’ he commented dryly.
She didn’t reply to that. What did he expect? They’d been living separate lives for the last three years. A week back in each other’s company wasn’t going to cancel that out.
‘Give me a few moments to get changed and while I’m gone perhaps you could phone and make sure they have a table free.’
* * *
‘So what is it that you want to discuss?’ she asked when they were seated at a table by the window in the village’s most popular place for dining without frills.
‘I was looking at baby things when I was in the town yesterday—prams, cots and lots of other items our new arrival will need and…’
He’d seen her expression and didn’t finish the sentence.
‘You took it on yourself to do that without consulting me,’ she said. ‘I’ve thought a few times that since you found me pregnant, you see me as just a means to an end.’
The c
olour drained from his face but his voice was level enough as he said, ‘If you’d let me finish, I was intending to suggest that we go shopping this weekend. No point being on the last minute with everything. But as you seem to think I’ve stepped out of line, maybe it isn’t a good idea.’
Georgina felt the wetness of tears. He hadn’t taken her up on her last comment but had taken it on board. She could tell by the set of his jaw and she wished she hadn’t been so hasty. But it was all part of her uncertainty, the feeling of not being in control. Since coming to Willowmere she’d managed to achieve it to a degree, until the moment she’d seen him walking towards her in the lane.
Ben was reading the menu as if the subject was closed, but she couldn’t leave it at that and told him, ‘I was thinking of going shopping, too.’
‘And were not intending consulting me from the sound of it.’
‘I hadn’t got any further than considering it. You’ve not been here long, don’t forget, and I’m used to doing things on my own, making my own decisions. I’m not going to get out of the habit in five minutes. I’m sorry if I upset you, but please don’t rush me, Ben. By all means, let’s go shopping together. We can order what we need on the arrangement that it is to be delivered once the baby has arrived safely.’
There was a question in the dark hazel eyes looking into hers. ‘Why? Is there any reason why it might not, a problem that you’ve not told me about?’
‘Not at present, but as we are both aware, sometimes things can go wrong.’
‘What is it that you’re not telling me, Georgina?’ he persisted in a low voice.
‘It’s just that the gynaecologist is keeping a close watch on my blood pressure. It’s all right at the moment. I check it all the time, but as we both know in pregnancies it can soon go sky high.’
‘Who is this fellow?’ he questioned. ‘Does he know you had a difficult time with Jamie? I’ll have a word with him to make sure he’s knows what he’s doing.’
She had to smile. ‘You won’t do any such thing. What about professional ethics?’
‘Nothing is going to happen to this child if I can help it,’ he said with a grim sort of calm that tore at her heart, ‘and if it means checking up on the gynaecologist, I’ll do it.’
‘You’re taking over again,’ she reminded him. ‘Ian Sefton is the best. I’ve made sure about that, Ben. Now, shall we decide what we want to eat? I’m starving.’
She’d introduced him to Emma and Simon, the husband-and-wife team who owned the place, and now Emma was poised ready to take their order. Once that was done, they chatted about less personal things until the food arrived.
It was as they were strolling back home that Ben said, ‘When is your next appointment to see this guy?’
‘The week after Easter. You’re not going to suggest that you go with me, are you? I’m quite capable of dealing with that part of the pregnancy myself.’
He sighed. ‘Yes, I do know that. You don’t really need me back on the scene, do you? You’re extremely capable, but I’m afraid you are going to be lumbered with me. I feel we’ve been blessed with this little one that you are carrying and I’m sure you must feel the same.’
Tears were threatening again and she told him, ‘Of course I do. How could I feel otherwise? But just give me time, Ben. It’s been so long since anyone cared if I lived or died.’
‘Silence doesn’t have to mean not caring,’ he replied. ‘It’s just that sometimes shame gets in the way.’
‘We both did the best we could,’ she said flatly.
‘Yes, but mine wasn’t good enough, was it?’
‘We’ve done enough heart searching for tonight, Ben,’ she protested.
‘Yes, we have,’ he agreed. ‘Let’s get you home and tucked up in bed with Baby Allardyce.’
Georgina had come to a standstill and he said, ‘What’s wrong? Are you all right?’
She was unbuttoning her jacket. Reaching out to take his hand, she placed it on to her expanding front and said in a low voice, ‘Can you feel your child moving, Ben?’
‘Oh, yes!’ He looked at her, his dark eyes full of wonder. ‘I can indeed. It’s fantastic, Georgina.’
‘Yes, it is,’ she said softly. ‘It keeps me awake sometimes, and when it does, I always wish I could share the moment with someone else.’
So he was just ‘someone else’, Ben thought sombrely. Not the beloved husband or the expectant father, but he wasn’t going to be dismayed. In just a week they’d come a long way and every day was going to bring them closer together if it had anything to do with him.
Like tomorrow, which would be a big step forward when they went shopping together. It was all going to come right, he told himself. He just needed to be patient and maybe one day they might be a happy family once again. Nothing would ever replace Jamie, but there would be acceptance of it at last if he and Georgina could start fresh.
With regard to her antenatal appointment, Georgina would have to accept his anxieties. She’d had a difficult pregnancy when she’d been carrying Jamie. There had been problems with her blood pressure for most of the time, and she would not have forgotten that. He certainly hadn’t. So far all seemed to be well, or she would have said, but he would be keeping a close watch.
They were happy and relaxed as they chose a pram, baby bath and a pretty white crib, along with a host of other things, and when they were paid for on the understanding that delivery would be made once the baby was born, there was only one moment of seriousness when Ben asked, ‘How’s the blood pressure?’
‘Fine,’ she said. ‘You will be the first to know if ever it isn’t.’
Once they’d finished shopping for the baby they strolled around the stores and dawdled until it was time for lunch. As they went to find somewhere to eat, Ben said, ‘The other day I heard the farmer who brings the milk ask if you’d decided on any names for the baby. Have you?’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing definite. Have you any ideas?’
‘I might have. If it’s a girl, how about Aimee? The French spelling of it?’
‘We thought of that last time, didn’t we?’ she reminded him, and saw that he was smiling.
‘Yes. We wanted Jamie for a boy, and chose Aimee for a girl because it sounded like Jamie without the J. What name would you choose for another boy?’
‘Arran, maybe?’
‘I like that. Arran Allardyce sounds good.’
They were waiting for a table to be free in a bistro in one of the stores, and after the brief discussion about names, silence fell on them.
Georgina was thinking that twice in the last few days Ben had been able to talk about Jamie as if he’d found some acceptance at last, and it warmed her heart.
Shopping together for the baby had been delightful. Having Ben beside her had felt so right. It had been like taking a step back in time to when all had been perfect between them, and now they were discussing names like any excited parents.
But they weren’t like other parents, and they were going too fast. She needed some calm in her life while she adjusted to how it was going to be, instead of how it had been.
He was pushing it, Ben was thinking as he observed her closed expression. Why couldn’t he have been satisfied with what they’d done together so far, without pinning Georgina down about names for the baby?
When they arrived back in Willowmere in the quiet Saturday afternoon, Ben noticed that cricket was being played on a field behind the vicarage. Observing the flashes of white against the fresh green of the pitch, he said, ‘I might have guessed there would be cricket here. Does the village have a team of its own?’
‘Yes, but today it will be just a friendly match as the season doesn’t actually start until Easter, does it?’ she replied.
‘I might go to watch when I’ve dropped you off,’ he said, ‘or do you want to come?’
‘No, thanks,’ she told him with the feeling that she needed some time alone.
As if he’d picked up on something in
her tone, Ben looked at her sharply. ‘You’ve had enough of me for one day? Is that it?’
She shook her head. ‘No. If you want to know, it’s me that I’ve had enough of.’
He was stopping the car in front of their two cottages and he turned to where she was sitting unmoving in the passenger seat and said, ‘I’m not sure what you mean by that and am not going to ask. I’ll see you later, Georgina. Why not have a rest while you have the chance?’
‘I’ll think about it,’ she promised, knowing that she needed ease of mind as much as she needed ease of body.
The first person Ben saw when he arrived at the cricket match was James Bartlett with his two children, and the other man flashed him a welcoming smile. He was dressed in whites so was either a player or a stand-in, Ben decided, but as it was the interval at that moment and tea and cakes were being passed around, he couldn’t tell which.
James had taken to this estranged husband of Georgina’s, much to his surprise, as he’d been prepared to dislike the man who had obviously caused Georgina anguish in the past, but on meeting Ben he’d found him to be pleasant, intelligent, and a man he could communicate with.
What had gone wrong between them he didn’t know, but he sensed an awareness of each other that told him feelings of some kind still ran strongly in them both.
‘Do you play?’ he asked the newcomer as he and the children took Ben to the pavilion for some refreshments.
He smiled. ‘No. Not really. I used to play on the fathers’ team when it was sports day at my son’s school, and he and I used to play cricket in the back garden sometimes, but that’s about it.’
James frowned in surprise. ‘I didn’t know that you and Georgina have a child. She’s never said. Does he live with you?’
‘No,’ he said levelly. ‘We lost Jamie in an accident when he was six years old. He was drowned.’
‘Oh! I’m so sorry!’ James exclaimed as Georgina’s reserve and reticence were explained. He knew from bitter experience that some things just couldn’t be talked about because they hurt too much, and it seemed that where he had lost a wife, Ben and Georgina had lost a child.
A Baby for the Village Doctor Page 6